Mulletsoldier
Binging on Pure ****ing Rage
That accurately, and unfortunately, portrayed the film. I love the franchise, but this movie was phenomenally terrible. Going in, I assumed several things: a) Bay would make the action scenes more ostentatious; b) more Autobots and Decepticons would be integrated into the film, and; c) the plot would be somewhat disheveled. However, I still went into this film with some naive sense of hope, if only due to my previously mentioned love of the series. Unfortunately, the massive cluster-fuck which was to follow is beyond explanation, and any reasonable expectation of shittiness that even the most vivid and brilliant of imaginations can conjure.
T1 was effective for several reasons: there was some emotional attachment to both the humans and robots; the action scenes were truncated and relevant; and, most importantly, the plot was at least marginally coherent. In his characteristic style, though, Michael Bay removed any endearing traits from the first [successful] film in a series, and replaced all those compelling features with mindless, and phantom-caused, explosions; idiotic, lowest-common-denominator-pandering and brain-cell numbing humor; and more mindless, and phantom-caused, explosions.
You see, Michael Bay is like a small-child who farts in front of a crowd, and is rewarded for this behavior through laughter: in his following performances, he will up the ante by shitting his pants all over the carpet, as he thinks the act itself was the entertaining portion that garnered him laughs. Therefore, the Bay-child thinks, following the act to its logical conclusion - in this case, going from blowing air over poop, to shitting his pants - should cause a proportionate increase in the excitement - more laughter, yay!
Despite this reasoning, both Bay and the child - his intellectual equal in all respects - misunderstand something integral: it is not the act itself, but rather the context of the act that makes it endearing. Farting is a disgusting act, because it smells foul and pervades your nostrils; however, in the context of a little kid performing the act, it can be rather cute. In the context of the Transformers series, it is the pointless action that is foul, but in the proper context - in this case, a plot - it can be endearing. And, as I said, this was the effective movie that was T1.
To sum it up: Michael Bay is like the small boy who farted, and was rewarded with laughter. However, as opposed to a small room of people, Bay was given a global audience and throngs of devoted Transformers fans to **** all over. I hate you Michael Bay; I hate you.
