Also, 1000th post -- just wanted it to be in a thread I really like!
Congrats on the 1000 posts, and I love this thread too!
Thanks, my problem is the wife she sees the huge dinner and is like how is this better, this is going to be expensive and so on.
I just let my 1900 cal dinner drown her out as she eats her little salad and slim-fast.
Buy the way Better bars are part of my meal plan for pre-workout food.
Yeah they are awesome for this when you first get started. I remember actually having an issue getting down the calories in an 8 hour window at first. HAHAHAHA As if! I can eat in one sitting what was filling me up for the day before. A 1500 calorie fast breaker is nothing.
My wife won't follow a diet persay she just kind of keeps an eye on what I am eating and eats similarly. Now she started eating a lot more at dinner because that is what I do now. So I had to tell her either stop consuming calories until Noon or don't eat what I am eating at night. You will gain weight quickly that way My Love.
My wife loves it when I sit down to a huge meal, it impresses her for some reason.
My wife likes to see me tear down some food. Makes her proud almost.
Funny that you say that, every woman I think I have ever dated including my ex-wife and present wife, all just absolutely love to see me eat a huge meal!
Things that make you go Hmmm???
I honestly think there is a hormonal response going on here. If ever there were a time to exude Alpha Male phermones this would be the time. Just think of a Pride of lions. Who eats the biggest meal and eats first? The alpha male. Who needs to know the alpha male is eating first? Any breathing thing around him. I bet there is still some of the primal instinct in us that releases phermones when feeding. Let others know there place in the feeding chain... AFTER ME!!!!! I know when I am hunkering down over my prize I will definitely get aggressive. Hands have been stabbed with forks, knuckles have bee wrapped with metal spoons and more than once an ass whoopin has resulted from someone messing with my food after I warned them not too.
Tell your wife she's only harming herself eating like that, and more than likely, NOT ever going to get the results she wants, because she's essentially starving herself to do it, which means that her body will fight her for everything and hold onto it and even add to it, rebounding any weight lost as soon as she starts eating properly. Not to mention that scale weight is not that big of a deal - she should learn that too, especially since being "fat skinny" is not ideal. Losing Scale weight is easy, but all she's losing is water and food weight and very likely any small amount of muscle mass that she may have, NOT fat. If her goal is fat loss, then educate her on the importance of nutrition; let her know that eating is ok - hell, use me as an example re eating if you have to; I eat ~4,300 calories a day and can get and stay lean (not typical for a female of my size, I know, but it is a living proof example of a woman who EATS - highly likely more than you, Al, LOL).
~Rosie~
All good advice and you are right even on a bulking day 4300 is more calories than I consume. If I had your metabolism at my body weight I could probably down 7000 a day without any issue. AMAZING!
Rosie... I could not agree with you more, which is why I :frustrate when trying to explain it to her, it just doesn't sink in. Believe me I don't always do everything exactly right either, but when I am dieting down seriously, I eat 6 meals a day with high protein, low carbs and moderate fat, that is not the best for everyone, but is what works for me, and I know for a fact that it is way better than what she does! I mean at least I have proven I can totally re-composition my body without dropping precious muscle!
If she will invest anough time to read 13 pages the Primal Blue Print will explain everything very simply and is very easy to read. It is from Mark at the Daily apple.
My problem is my wife has tried some of my suggestions, then she sees me breaking them and is like WTF?
For example, I've told her eating breakfast is important, yada yada yada, so she starts eating more for breakfast to help with satiety. Well, now I'm on Intermittent Fasting, and she's wondering why I told her to eat breakfast when she was basically doing IF before!
I tell her I'm constantly trying things out and tyring to learn, but it really makes her question what I tell her, LOL!
My wife is the same way. She has never been a breakfast eater. I kept at her to start eating breakfast so her muclse would recover better from our lifts. She finally started forcing herself to eat in the mornings and I tell her that IF is the way to go and that I WAS WRONG ABOUT BREAKFAST. She mentioned she was already kind of doing things this way then. I told her yes and no because you did not limit yourself in the morning to basically have nothing. YOu would have a snack or a glass of milk or a tablespoon of peanutbutter, and would have tiny things like this all day. Never really experiencing the benefit of the fast. It was a fun discussion to say the least.
She does get tired of the changing diets but she also loves that I can eat more things with her. Before when we wanted to do anything that was not planned she always had to ask what can you eat??? Can you have carbs today? Can you only have nuts, meat and grapefruit? What are we not allowed to have? So she likes it now that I tell her we can go anywhere you want. I can eat whatever I choose to and adjust my cals for the rest of the day. She loves that. She also loves that I have been sticking with this for 4 months now and have not gotten moody or frustrated. I adjust my intake quickly when things aren't happening the way I want them to. I have gotten to abs now just by keeping track of what I am eating but not having a meal plan or set calories for each meal or day. Just an estimate and a range.
See I feel your pain Bro, I understand the difference between both and the science, not sure if your wife is the same way or not, but my wife does not care about the science, she only cares about what to do and when I tell her what to do, it seems to go against all that she has been taught (totally wrong way) and she reverts back to her way! Another common thing she just LOVES to say is, I'm not a guy, so I shouldn't eat like a guy, or I'm not a fitness freak like you or the girls you think I should look like, just accept me for who I am! I'll say back, I do accept you for who you are, you are the one wanting to get tone, lose weight, etc. I mean I could care less if she does or doesn't, not like she is huge or really out of shape, just lucky with genetics and now that we are getting older, she wants to just starve her way back to the body she used to have when she was in college and I keep telling her that is going to happen! So it appears to be a Lose vs. Lose battle for me... if I help her, I'm wrong and "I'm calling her FAT" if I don't help her, then "I don't CARE!" LoL... Now I just tell her why in the world do you wanna lose weight, you look fantastic!
Oh... here is another awesome example: She came to me the other day with this picture of Ava Cowan and said I want to look like this...
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and so I'm thinking... "Yeah, what girl wouldn't want to look like that!" and I went on to explain that she is a personal trainer and a professional athlete that has put countless hours in the gym and perfected her nutrition and also explained to her that it is just the angle of the picture etc. So I further showed her another picture of Ava Cowan to prove my point... Picture I showed her.....
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And she just replied, well I don't want to look like that, I just want to look like the other girl, she's too muscular! I was like, "It's the same damn girl, that's my point!" And she just shook her head and looked at me like I was crazy because she wanted to look like one picture vs. another when it is the same damn girl and just a different angle or maybe she is leaner in one photo vs. the other, but she still has the same amount of muscle! Also this was a good excuse to post some pictures of Ava Cowan, LoL!
The bottom line is... she wants her cake, the icing, some milk and yet she isn't willing to do anything for it, she just wants it magically!!! :ugh2:
I am just sharing my experience here not suggesting this course of action by the way. Although it did work for me, it was rough going for a bit.
I forgot when it was but my wife used to complain about the way she looked. Like daily it was i hate this or I can't stand the way that looks. You know all the things I am talking about. Typical insecurities that any of us who really care about our appearance tend to hone in on. Well I thin about the 2-3 year point of our relationship I just got REALLY TIRED OF HEARING IT! I got upset and pulled her to the side and had a tough love conversation with her. I basically told her from this point on she was no longer allowed to bitch or complain about things she was unhappy with if she was not doing anything to change them. I of course let her know that I was completely enamored with her and that she was my heart and was absolutely beautiful to me but if she didn't feel that way she needed to do something to change it or accept it because empty complaints were making me unhappy and I wasn't going to listen to them any longer.
Well I have to be honest here and tell you that the next few months were a little rough. I held fast to my assertion that she was not going to be "allowed" to sit and vent about anything that had to do with her physique if she was not actively trying to change it. Obviously by "allowed" I don't mean I could punish her or put her under my thumb, just that I was going to call her out abruptly EVERY TIME she tried to complain about how she looked. So for a couple months conversations may go like this.
Her... Yada Yada yada, I look fat. Yada, yada, yada.
Me - You aren't doing anything to change it so get used to it...
Her, Do you think these pants make my butt look big?
Me - No I think you doing nothing makes you look the way you do.
Her - I really need to start exercising.
Me - Yes you do, now stop complaining and just do it.
Her - I feel gross...
Me - You feel wonderful to me but if you don't like the way you feel then change it.
Her - I am so fat
Me - SHUT UP! YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT YOU DON'T GET TO BITCH ABOUT IT!!!!
Her - I am going to kill you, you bald bastard! Don't you dare go to sleep tonight or I will sew you up in the sheet and beat you with a 9 iron.
Me - Well at least that will be a workout...
OKAY So the last one never happened. LOL
Point in case being that I got tired of the complaints and basically being a sounding board for her to vent frustrations about herself off of instead of trying to improve. I made it a lot more uncomfortable for her to vent to me than it was for her to either be quiet or to work to improve on her situation.
Now those things said up there look rough especially on paper but trust me I let my lovely wife know way before I started with the tough love that it was coming. I basically told her she was making me miserable with her complaints all the time when obviously I was happy with her. I can't keep my hands off of her all the while she is complaining that she looked bad and never felt good.
Alternatively I told her that if she actually went to the gym and worked towards improving her body that she could bitch and vent all she wanted because she was actually taking action to change it. Not only would I not chastize her for it but would even take the bait and give her the compliment she was probably seeking out in the first place when she made the complaint. Hey I go fishing for compliments on occasion too. Self Pity is like an awesome lure, it just reels in the compliments from others. Now if they are genuine I don't know but they are compliments none the less.
So now we are here several years later and she works out as intensely as any man I know. She has more fortitude than a lot of the guys at the gym and trains through things I have seen other supposedly "tough guys" cower down too.
She is also of the same mindset as your wife Al, one of those I don't want to know why, just tell me how, and when to do it. Of course now she is gradually wanting to learn more and more. What she really loves to do is break a PR.
We did have the conversation once about her getting abs. She wants them but not willing to do the full blown diet to get them. We had the I wanna look like that picture discussion too. I told her about the same thing as well. YOu can not get that lean without following a strict diet. Of course now I am not so sure about that. So long as the structure of the diet is sound it doesn't have to be squeaky clean. She is following a little bit more along the lines of IF now too. Not so hard and fast about the set fasting times I would say a little more like the Primal or Warrior diet, where you can have a few small snacks throughout the day and then a bigger meal later. It works for her really well as long as she doesn't get too wrapped up in what I am eating.
Anyway the point of this post wasn't to make me look like an arrogant azzhole, although it may have succeeded at that. I hope to show that sometimes just stopping enabling a person can be enough. I stopped enabling my wife to get out her frustration just by voicing displeasure and moving on without change. Once it was more of a pain in the ass to have that conversation, she made the choice to change what was making her unhappy rather than deal with it QUIETLY on her own.
