TrIpDoG's MeGa-SuPeR GiVeAwAy

Trip,
This story is real. Takes place in a Super Wal-Mart in Knoxville, TN in late 2002 (during homecoming week - Miami at UT).

I was at the store to get some stuff for a tailgate some buddies in my dorm were putting on. Friend of mine had come down to watch the game.

We are in the ketchup aisle.
I'm looking on a shelf for something - I feel someone walking my direction down the aisle.
I hear the following (said in an extremely country accent):


"We need us a new shower curtain" - redneck woman
"Why do we need us a shower curtain?" - redneck man
"Cuz Harvey wiped his ass on it." - woman.
 
SamBoz19 said:
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Quick short story behind this picture...My one of my close buddies sent this to me in an e-mail as a joke obviously, but he really set me up for it bad too...lets just say this wasn't what I was expecting and I should have known better. Needless to say I opened the email read what he had to say and then as I scrolled to the end...BAM that hit! I shouldn't have been drinking a soda (good old diet sierra mist) at the time...I seriously spilled all over myself and luckily I missed spitting out everything all over my computer, instead I just got myself drenched...yeah really it was great. So in other words....first it was a WTF? and then shortly thereafter it was F*ck, you A$$hole, and numerous other expletives to my buddy (who obviously couldn't hear what I was saying...well until I called him...lmao) as I am laughing at how ridiculous the moment was. Needless to say...enjoy Tripstud! LOL. :toofunny:

Cheers!:cheers:
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WTF!!!!!!!!! :jaw:
 
jmh80 said:
Trip,
This story is real. Takes place in a Super Wal-Mart in Knoxville, TN in late 2002 (during homecoming week - Miami at UT).

I was at the store to get some stuff for a tailgate some buddies in my dorm were putting on. Friend of mine had come down to watch the game.

We are in the ketchup aisle.
I'm looking on a shelf for something - I feel someone walking my direction down the aisle.
I hear the following (said in an extremely country accent):


"We need us a new shower curtain" - redneck woman
"Why do we need us a shower curtain?" - redneck man
"Cuz Harvey wiped his ass on it." - woman.
Click to expand...

Ahahahaha thats just a priceless moment in life.
 
jmh80 said:
Trip,
This story is real. Takes place in a Super Wal-Mart in Knoxville, TN in late 2002 (during homecoming week - Miami at UT).

I was at the store to get some stuff for a tailgate some buddies in my dorm were putting on. Friend of mine had come down to watch the game.

We are in the ketchup aisle.
I'm looking on a shelf for something - I feel someone walking my direction down the aisle.
I hear the following (said in an extremely country accent):


"We need us a new shower curtain" - redneck woman
"Why do we need us a shower curtain?" - redneck man
"Cuz Harvey wiped his ass on it." - woman.
Click to expand...

Lol - I have a really funny gator tee-shirt that rips tennessee fans in a similar fashion. PRICELESS!
 
mattikus said:
Except all this anti-Yankee sentiment..
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I only posted those because I know Trip is a Sox fan. Some were actually funny though.

My stripes are Yankee blue through and through...Go Bombers!!!

EDIT: I really don't want the supplements nor was I submitting an entry to win. I just wanted to get a good laugh even if it is at the expense of the:

26 times WSC New York Yankees!
 
B5150 said:
I only posted those because I know Trip is a Sox fan. Some were actually funny though.

My stripes are Yankee blue through and through...Go Bombers!!!

EDIT: I really don't want the supplements nor was I submitting an entry to win. I just wanted to get a good laugh even if it is at the expense of the:

26 times WSC New York Yankees!
Click to expand...
:rasp:

GO SOX!!!!!!!!!!!
 
I'm not entering, but i have some good contributions: :)

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This is all in good fun yankee fans, so don't go all postal now. ;)

BTW - How about the celtics taking game 1! :D
 
HA HA HA look what happened to Jared.
 

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Trauma1 said:
I'm not entering, but i have some good contributions: :)

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This is all in good fun yankee fans, so don't go all postal now. ;)

BTW - How about the celtics taking game 1! :D
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Well because I've met the guy in person and I'm a big fan of his...I want to see the Celtics win for Kevin Garnett's sake. Seriously...Kevin Garnett is one of the coolest guys you'll ever meet and beyond that...when he stands up you really feel like a runt standing by him...lol.:)

The Mr. April, Miss October A-Rod bashing is classic and certainly true. Even better though...I love the tide advertisement...dirty=Yankees uniform, Clean= Red Sox uniform...funny stuff T1....love it! :D

Cheers!:cheers:
 
This is probably my favorite joke of all time.

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an
after-work cocktail when an exceptionally
gorgeous young woman entered. She was so
striking that the man could not take his
eyes away from her. The young woman noticed
his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for
being so rude, the young woman said
to him, 'I'll do anything, absolutely
anything, that you want me to do, no
matter what it is, for $100 on one
condition.'

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the
condition was.

The young woman replied, 'You have to tell
me what you want me to do in just three
words.'

The man considered her proposition for a
moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket &
slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he
pressed into the young woman's hand.

He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly,
meaningfully said, 'Paint my house.'
 
YouTube video's aren't allowed so I guess I'm disqualified. But I couldn't hold back, lol. WATCH !

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OCCFan023 said:
This is probably my favorite joke of all time.

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an
after-work cocktail when an exceptionally
gorgeous young woman entered. She was so
striking that the man could not take his
eyes away from her. The young woman noticed
his overly-attentive stare & walked directly
toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for
being so rude, the young woman said
to him, 'I'll do anything, absolutely
anything, that you want me to do, no
matter what it is, for $100 on one
condition.'

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the
condition was.

The young woman replied, 'You have to tell
me what you want me to do in just three
words.'

The man considered her proposition for a
moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket &
slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he
pressed into the young woman's hand.

He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly,
meaningfully said, 'Paint my house.'
Click to expand...


Ahh crap, I was just about to post the shorter version (this doesn't count):
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
 
Mine for Today

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
 
I thought this would be appropriate for this type of forum. :hot:
 

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Here's a joke about my home state of WEST VIRGINIA and the difference between your friends and my FRIENDS. FRIENDS: Will wait patiently with you in the long line to the bathroom and hold the stall door shut. WV FRIENDS: Will shine a spotlight on you while your drunk a$$ is taking a piss in the bushes. ---------------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs ----MY WV FRIENDS: Call your parents drunk as hell and tell them about the fugly chick you tried to pick up ----------------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home. WV FRIENDS: Know some wild **** will happen, and set up rally points. -----------------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. WV FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that **** was fun " -------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Cry with you. WV FRIENDS: laugh at you -----------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. WV FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place. --------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone. WV FRIENDS: Will crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team. -----------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. WV FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. -----------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. WV FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. -------------------------------------------------- YOUR FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. WV FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" -----------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar. WV FRIENDS: Will buck up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out. --------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come. WV FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night. --------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. WV FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "You better drink the rest of that ****, you know we don't waste. That's alcohol abuse!!!" ------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week. WV Friends: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long. (*No ****!*) ---------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore". WV FRIENDS: Will say "okay, just one more..." and then 2 minutes later "okay, just one more!". ------------------------------------------------- YOUR FRIENDS: Will talk **** to the person who talks **** about you. WV FRIENDS: Will knock them the **** out!! ----------------------------------------------------YOUR FRIENDS: Will ignore this WV FRIENDS: Will re-post this to ALL of their KICKASS friends!! Hero
 
AaronTech said:
Ahh crap, I was just about to post the shorter version (this doesn't count):
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
Click to expand...

I use the shorter version in person when a random opportunity to bust out a general joke. Good stuff.
 
B5150 said:
That looks like Joey Buttaffuco(sp) up to the right of Posada :)
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Lol - It sure does. :lol:

"How you doin?" :D

How about the rays and sox brawl. I'm sure yankee fans hate the rays in the same fashion. At least we can agree on that. :)
 
Day two of poo...for you? (I rhyme all the time)
------------------------

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie
The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

Turtle Poopie
The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out

Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.

Gas-sy Poopie
The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!

Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Corn Poopie
(Self explanatory)

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie
That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water.

Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots you of your butt and spashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie
The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.

Upper Class Poopie
The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.

The Suprise Poopie
You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!

The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

Fisherman's Bobber Poopie
You are in a public restroom with two people waiting on your stall, you poopie and flush two times, but several golfball pieces are still floating above the water line.

ha-cha-cha...
 
Tripp I'm not if for the contest but check this **** out this should make you laugh, not the story, but weight till you get to the pictures! Poor guy.

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Just for you SilentBob!

SilentBob187 said:
Day two of poo...for you? (I rhyme all the time)
------------------------

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie
The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

Turtle Poopie
The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out

Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.

Gas-sy Poopie
The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!

Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Corn Poopie
(Self explanatory)

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie
That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water.

Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots you of your butt and spashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie
The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.

Upper Class Poopie
The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.

The Suprise Poopie
You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!

The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

Fisherman's Bobber Poopie
You are in a public restroom with two people waiting on your stall, you poopie and flush two times, but several golfball pieces are still floating above the water line.

ha-cha-cha...
Click to expand...

Goes along perfectly with the Dump Jokes.

Enjoy...

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A woman takes her young daughter to the zoo. They walk up to the monkeys and the little girl notices two of them mating. The little girl curiously asks her mom what they're doing. The mom hesitantly says, "um, well, they're baking cake."
"Oh, ok." the little girl says.

They later walk over to where the lions are. The little girl notices one of the lions on top of another, and again she asks her mom what they're doing. The mom says more confidently this time, "well, they're baking a cake too sweety."

The next morning the little girl wakes up and walks out to the kitchen where her mom is cooking breakfast. The little girl asks, "Mommy, were you and daddy baking a cake on the couch last night?"

Extremely embarrassed and nervous, the mom replies, "uh, yeah sweety. we were."

The little girls says, "I know, cause I licked up some of the left over frosting."
 
AHHAHAHAHAHA!

propho, nicely played sir.
 
thanks, i love these kind of threads =) Can't remember anything else that really stuck out in my mind..
 
NEWS FLASH:

THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR A SUSPECT, HE'S DESCRIBED AS SEXY,FUNNY AND GREAT IN BED!!

YOUR UGLY ASS IS SAFE,BUT WHERE THE HELL SHOULD I HIDE?
 
JOHNJESSICA20 said:
NEWS FLASH:

THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR A SUSPECT, HE'S DESCRIBED AS SEXY,FUNNY AND GREAT IN BED!!

YOUR UGLY ASS IS SAFE,BUT WHERE THE HELL SHOULD I HIDE?
Click to expand...
:rofl: good one
 
Dan these are for just the sake of being freaking hillarious.






AHAHAHAHAHAHA


 
Last one there's a penis pump...:toofunny::toofunny:

PORKCHOP sandwitches....aaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha
 
TripDog said:
Last one there's a penis pump...:toofunny::toofunny:

PORKCHOP sandwitches....aaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha
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The first one almost made me piss myself the first time i heard it. The third one is great too......sounds like he's having a stroke ahahahahaha.

"Sh*t, we're all dead, get the fukc out of here!" AHAHAHAHAHA
 
NickD - you should be banned for that.

How man times do I have to say no homo on this forum. I'm starting to wonder about this place....
 
I have selected a few that made it to the semi finals....keep em' comin guys!! I thought there were funny people on this board??? :run: ;)
 
I'm surprised dsade hasn't posted in here just for the sheer humor of things.
 
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