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IronMagLabs "January" Contest

The Neck

The Neck

Well-known member
IronMagLabs Inc. - Bodybuilding Prohormones, Bodybuilding Supplements, 1-Andro, Superdrol, Dimethazine, Decadrol

Winner Will Recieve;


1x E-Control Rx - Anti-Estrogen
1,4,6-Androstatriene-3,17-dione
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1x Advanced Cycle support Rx
Liver/Organ/Lipid Support Formula
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Lets continue to keep it simple, pick a number between 1-500... One guess per person. Winner will be selected by a random number generator. Winner will be announced 1/31/11. To keep things interesting post your favorite joke along with your number. Good Luck!!!


IronMagLabs Inc. - Bodybuilding Prohormones, Bodybuilding Supplements, 1-Andro, Superdrol, Dimethazine, Decadrol
 
I'll go with 46 :)
 
264

Did you hear the one about the cannibal walking through the jungle when he "passes" his cousin...
 
227
 
My number is 127

A seventy-five-year old year old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the seventy-five-year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as he had received it on the previous day.

"Where's the sample?" said the Doctor.
"Well, doctor, it's like this," the man explained. "First I tried with my right hand, but that didn't work. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still no joy. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing."

"I see.." said the Doctor dubiously. "Then what did you do?"
"Well, I asked my sixteen year old neice to lend a hand, but she failed too, even when she took it between her legs and squeezed it really hard."
"Her legs!" exclaimed the doctor, appalled.

"So I went next door to Eileen, and she tried too, first with both hands, then both armpits in turn and she even tried rolling it between her knees, but still nothing.
"You asked your neighbour?" cried the shocked doctor.

"The old man replied, "Yes, but no matter what we tried we still couldn't get the ****ing jar open!"
 
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497

I've been using this one line to pick up all the hot chicks lately.
"Excuse me Miss could I ask your opinion on something?"
"Sure what is it?"
"Does this damp cloth smell like Chloroform to you?"
 
houstontexas said:
497

I've been using this one line to pick up all the hot chicks lately.
"Excuse me Miss could I ask your opinion on something?"
"Sure what is it?"
"Does this damp cloth smell like Chloroform to you?"
Click to expand...

do they give you an answer when they resuscitate
 
how do you drown a blonde?

put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
____________________________________________________

#29 black
 
rochabp said:
My number is 127

A seventy-five-year old year old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the seventy-five-year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as he had received it on the previous day.

"Where's the sample?" said the Doctor.
"Well, doctor, it's like this," the man explained. "First I tried with my right hand, but that didn't work. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still no joy. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing."

"I see.." said the Doctor dubiously. "Then what did you do?"
"Well, I asked my sixteen year old neice to lend a hand, but she failed too, even when she took it between her legs and squeezed it really hard."
"Her legs!" exclaimed the doctor, appalled.

"So I went next door to Eileen, and she tried too, first with both hands, then both armpits in turn and she even tried rolling it between her knees, but still nothing.
"You asked your neighbour?" cried the shocked doctor.

"The old man replied, "Yes, but no matter what we tried we still couldn't get the ****ing jar open!"
Click to expand...



LMFAO!!
 
Number: 411 <-- birthday, btw.

2 cannibals are eating dinner around a campfire...one stops and contemplates...the other one says 'hey, what's wrong?', the first replies, 'I hate my mother in law'...second one says 'so have some chicken!!!'


* note: I do not partake nor condone the eating of people. jus sayin.
 
1

A penguin takes his car to the shop to get some work done to it. He asks the mechanic if their is a bar nearby that he can go to while his car is being fixed. Mechanic tells him about a bar just down the street. A few hours later the penguin comes back and his beak is covered with white foam. The mechanic looks at him as says, "You blew a seal."

The penguin replied, "No, I'm just a messy drinker."
 
15

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh'. The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you ****ING BITCH'
 
162<<<< Bday in three days!!!
 
urbanski said:
15

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh'. The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you ****ING BITCH'
Click to expand...

LMAO
 
toughchick401 said:
23, no joke sorry :)
Click to expand...

In honor of your location...you may borrow one of these 3...if you want...no pressure ;)


1. When we were looking to buy property I had this overzealous realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn-out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing.

The smiling super salesman said, “Now really, all this land needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good people.”

I replied, “Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be said of Hell?”


2. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.


3.A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
 
408

The jokes i know would just get deleted/edited if i posted one
 
313

Little boy catches his mom as she's getting out of the shower. He's staring at her crotch, and he points and says "mom...What's that?"
The mother is tongue tied at first and eventually thinks of something.
"Well son, when I was little, my dad was chopping wood, and the axe slipped out of his hands when I was helping him and it cut me. It's my axe wound."
The little boy then says "hmm, caught ya right in the pu$$y huh?"
 
234

A trucker stops for a red light, a Blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, & knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, & she says "Hi, my name is Heather & you are losing some of your load. "The trucker ignores her & proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs u & knocks on the door Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, & you are losing some ofyour load!" Shaking hishead, the trucker ignores her again & continues down the street. At the third redlight, the same thing happens again. When the light turns green the trucker revs up & races to the next light.When he stops this time, he hurriedly get out of the truck, & runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, & after she lowers it, hesays..."Hi, my name is Don, it's winter in Ohio & I'm driving the ****ING SALT TRUCK!
 
diamondpi said:
234

A trucker stops for a red light, a Blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, & knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, & she says "Hi, my name is Heather & you are losing some of your load. "The trucker ignores her & proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs u & knocks on the door Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, & you are losing some ofyour load!" Shaking hishead, the trucker ignores her again & continues down the street. At the third redlight, the same thing happens again. When the light turns green the trucker revs up & races to the next light.When he stops this time, he hurriedly get out of the truck, & runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, & after she lowers it, hesays..."Hi, my name is Don, it's winter in Ohio & I'm driving the ****ING SALT TRUCK!
Click to expand...


Literally LOL'd
 
1337

A lady walks into the bar and plops down a frog. She says bartender, a gin and tonic and a martini for the frog. The bartender says what's so special about the frog. She leans over into the bartenders ear and says "This frog gives the best blowjob you've ever had."

The bartender picks the frog up and carries it back to the bathroom. Ten minutes later he emerges with a big smile on his face. "How much for the frog?" he asks. She says, "I hadn't really thought about selling him, ... but I guess five hundred dollars would be enough.

Bartender takes the frog home. Later that night, his wife walks in the kitchen. There is flour strewed from the refirgerator to the top of the sinks. She says what the hell is going on in here? !!!! He replies "I'm teaching this frog how to make biscuits, and as soon as he learns... your ass is outta here!"
 
HereToStudy said:
1337

A lady walks into the bar and plops down a frog. She says bartender, a gin and tonic and a martini for the frog. The bartender says what's so special about the frog. She leans over into the bartenders ear and says "This frog gives the best blowjob you've ever had."

The bartender picks the frog up and carries it back to the bathroom. Ten minutes later he emerges with a big smile on his face. "How much for the frog?" he asks. She says, "I hadn't really thought about selling him, ... but I guess five hundred dollars would be enough.

Bartender takes the frog home. Later that night, his wife walks in the kitchen. There is flour strewed from the refirgerator to the top of the sinks. She says what the hell is going on in here? !!!! He replies "I'm teaching this frog how to make biscuits, and as soon as he learns... your ass is outta here!"
Click to expand...

lol
 
Tricking a Nun

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
 
317

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
 
457

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'

Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
...
'What does that tell you?'

Watson ponders for a minute.' Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. 'Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.
 
g0hardorgohom said:
457

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'

Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
...
'What does that tell you?'

Watson ponders for a minute.' Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. 'Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.
Click to expand...



Funny chit there!!
 
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