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Death of a child

rsnake21

rsnake21

Active member
Well my a.m. brethren I dont know what else to do. Me and my wife recently lost a child and I dont know what to do anymore. I'm trying to hold our family together the best I can being we have two other children. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and Im just at a loss. I want to go to the gym but I can't allow myself to leave my wife, even for an hour. I'm a firefighter and I work 24 hour shifts and I dont know if I can ever leave my wifes side for that amount of time again. I'm not looking for sympathy just trying to vent a little.
 
Alot of people have told me maybe it's for the best, or everything happens for a reason, but I can not believe my son has died for the best or for any reason.
 
rsnake21 said:
Alot of people have told me maybe it's for the best, or everything happens for a reason, but I can not believe my son has died for the best or for any reason.
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My sister in law lost 2 childs, now she been blessed with 6 kids, everything happens for a reason just remember Gods in control. Hopes this helps.
 
Hey mate look i have alot of respect for what you are doing it is very easy to run away it take's a real man to do what you are doing.

My older brother with who im very close with had the same thing happen 5 years ago it was hard for me just standing by his side through out it all. Something he later told me was inprited on my brain "I can't understand why i would'nt wish this on my satin himself" i could understand what he said as i lost my two best friend in the space of a month, I was so close to the point of no return but my brother come and saw me and we talked for about 6 hours and luckly i turned it all around.

Im not going to sit here and tell you it will be fine but the path you are going down is the right one.

I hope this help mate in anyway. i know you dont no me from a bar of sop but if you ever need an ear mate im more then happy to have a chat as i found it helps.

My thorghts are with you and your family and go
 
rsnake21 said:
Alot of people have told me maybe it's for the best, or everything happens for a reason, but I can not believe my son has died for the best or for any reason.
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Sometimes theres no explanation. There's is nothing worse then a parent losing a child. I feel for you brother. Be strong
 
Nothing worse. Youll get through it. If you cant manage to shoot out to the gym try and hit 1000 pushups a day or some variation. Just to have a form of release. Or chain up a heavy bag. Best of luck to you both
 
That's rough man I have a 2 year old and it makes me sick thinking of losing her...I lost my faith a long time ago so I feel you on that...just stay strong and remember your other kids need you more then ever now
 
howwedo107 said:
That's rough man I have a 2 year old and it makes me sick thinking of losing her...I lost my faith a long time ago so I feel you on that...just stay strong and remember your other kids need you more then ever now
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This is to you and OP. Don't give up on God. I promise you he hasn't given up on you. OP I would encourage you to find a good pastor in your area and seek some good Godly counseling for you and your wife. I'm 23 so I can't imagine the pain you're going through. But I know I wouldn't be where I am today without Jesus. Which isn't to say I don't have my faults or my life is perfect. But my relationship with Him gives me hope. Jeremiah 29:11,12 "says I know the plans I have for you. Plans of peace and not for evil, to give you hope and a future....when you pray I will listen." stay strong bro.
 
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your loved ones. We as humans always have to find meaning in things. Sometimes life can't be explained with words or meanings. It just has to be lived and it will go on. Cherish the life your son had and celebrate the life your family will have together from here on. Live your life to the fullest as praise to your son!! All the best...
 
My heart goes out to you, I lost my wife and unborn child 20 years ago, it's something I never got over, however I learned to live with it.
I encourage you to seek out a good therapist for your family, you still all have each other, and thats reason enough to persevere.
Good luck
 
As a father of 6 (yes, 6), I can't even begin to imagine. I'm not a man of faith, but your family is in my thoughts.

Sorry, man. It's not much, it may not help, but it's all I've got. :(
 
rsnake21 said:
Well my a.m. brethren I dont know what else to do. Me and my wife recently lost a child and I dont know what to do anymore. I'm trying to hold our family together the best I can being we have two other children. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and Im just at a loss. I want to go to the gym but I can't allow myself to leave my wife, even for an hour. I'm a firefighter and I work 24 hour shifts and I dont know if I can ever leave my wifes side for that amount of time again. I'm not looking for sympathy just trying to vent a little.
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I shook my head when I read this... Life doesn't make sense sometimes brother. I have never lost a child but have lost a little brother so while I can't say I know how you're feeling I can say that i've seen the aftermath it brings. I'm so sorry for your loss; words can't explain, nor do they help.

You're a firefighter as am I so you already know this but be ready for the 5 stages of grief. Sometimes as men we have to hold onto our grief and be strong for those around us and that sounds like you are being just that. Hold onto that strength when they are around brother that will comfort them and let them know you are there. Keep being there for your family brother they need you to be strong right now which I know isn't fair but they need you either way.

As far as you go if you ever need someone to talk to cry to whatever I, among many others are here for you. Firefighting is a family as you well know; talk to your brothers at the station about it.

"Everything happens" for a reason while it may be true, is the last thing I wanted to hear especially during my anger outbursts. So for now one day at a time. Definitely see a therapist when the time is right and I also recommend getting your wife in immediately to see one they can also help with some rx to help her through. The women (at least my mom) they take it differently than men. I'm not discrediting any mans love for his child but mothers have a different bond with their children.

Time doesn't heal all wounds but time can help you learn to live with those wounds. The loss of a child is lifes greatest misfortune. It won't go away but with support, love and the family you still have here you guys can and will live happily again, it just takes time. If you need anything... I'm here brother.

- Valdez
 
rsnake21 said:
Alot of people have told me maybe it's for the best, or everything happens for a reason, but I can not believe my son has died for the best or for any reason.
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F@ck that. Its not for the best, nor is it for a "reason". But it is what happened, and finding a way to continue on is all that counts. You can't "lose" the other two children because of having lost this one. I've got 3 kids and although I can't imagine this, we did have a miscarriage at 19 weeks on a pregnancy (between having #2 + #3) and that was heartbreaking enough. But you have to trooper on, the other 2 kids deserve no less of your love and concern.
 
I'm not a father, so I can't even imagine to understand what you're going through. That said, a friend of mine (and someone I used to date), just died this weekend and I know how that's made me feel. Like others have already said, you're doing more than most would do in staying with your wife and family. It takes a real man to be able to do that, so I have the utmost respect for you. I don't think there's a real set list of things to do, so just follow your heart in the amount of time you need from work, the time you need with your family, etc. I don't know how you feel with your emotions, but if you're comfortable crying with your wife, then let it out, but if not, make sure you give yourself some time, even if it's just in the shower, to let that out. I can't say I like crying, but in certain situations, that release is the only thing that relieves so much of the pressure inside. I don't know what type of faith you have, and I wouldn't begin to preach anything, right now, but just know that you are in my prayers. If you ever need an ear, feel free to PM me.
 
Wow... As a fellow Dad, this would be my worst nightmare as well. We have one, and will only have one, kiddo. She is 3, will be 4 in a few weeks, and is our entire world. Losing a child is every parent's fear, and to go through it.... My heart goes out to you and your family. Challenging times will always be ahead, and this will never leave your mind. I'll echo what others have said - be strong for your family, remember the loss and live better for it, and don't forget the other 2 children. Instead of asking questions like "why" and trying to accept it, push on to find new meaning and be thankful for what you have. There may be no worse heartbreak than the loss of your own child, but it is a testament to your character, your love of family, and honor to the lost one to press on and survive.
 
I lost my sister many years ago, I dont know what it's like to loss a child but the pain I felt I am sure can't compare, some things that helped my mom and dad cope was emtions, what you feel is what you feel, nothing is right or wrong, I hated when people would say,,your mom is always sad, or you dont celebrate holidays why? it was to much for my mom at first,,,,, I always do something special on my sisters birthday, on my own, to remember her and i guess its my way of coping.........

I am so sorry for your loss and one day it wont hurt as badly as it does today, you dont forget you just go on for the remaining children...:(.
 
all I can say brother, try to be strong for your other two kids and wife...There are no words of comfort, that could help you...Just know that your baby is in a better place. I do have kids and can only imagine what you have to go through...My sincere condolences, I will keep you and your family in our prayers...
 
Sorry for your loss. I can and don't want to image the pain your going through. Be strong. Yes everything has a reason. Even if it seems senseless. Appreciate your family and everything you have and had. Nothing and no one lasts for ever.
I'm so sorry to hear that bro. Be strong.
 
I don't have kids, so i couldn't imagine what it would feel like to lose one, but i do know that i went through a period in my life where my faith was tested strongly, and i found the easiest way for me to get through it was not to try to find faith in a higher power but faith within myself. I believe in God, but i don't live life like God is in control of everything, of course there's a possibility that maybe he is, i don't know for certain and neither does anyone else. I believe that this is life, it's not easy and tragedy strikes with no signs alot of the time and that's just life, i wouldn't necessarily look at as everything happens for a reason, but that anything CAN happen. Stay strong brother, you have alot of people on this very site that care for you, and each and everyone of us feel for you in this situation.

You will definitely be in my prayers and best of wishes to the rest of your family also. Stay strong. If anything look at it as the person you lost in a better place smiling down, because that person is.
 
My condolences. Can't relate to what it must be like to have lost a child, I have a 2 year old atm and I know it would be crushing. I was a fire fighter and know our line of work is not conducive to a normal family, add to that your situation and a break/change may be in order. I got out a year ago, when I fell from the first floor to the basement of a house fire and dislocated my knee and had to be pulled out. It was too stressful on the wife and having a new daughter I made the decision to leave. Best decision I could have made even though it was tough at first, but family has too be number one IMO. Hope everything works out for you and your family. Our prayers are with you.
 
Just like the gym , never give up always , keep pushing , and get back up when your down . Good luck buddy stay positive
 
cannot possibly express to you how sincerely sorry I am. I have 4 kids of my own and can't fathom how I would find the strength to continue. As others have said-you must hold on for your family and stay strong. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers
 
I hope all is well brother, we're all pulling for you and your fam! Ok so not well, its obviously not well, but I hope you guys are managing.
 
I wish I knew what to tell you. My wife lost her son almost 2 years ago. Although he was not mine I Knew him his whole life and was very close to her too. She was my fiance at time. I know what its like to look at someone and see them lost and not whole anymore. My heart goes out to you and your family. And yes I feel that as a man we are sometimes not giving time to grieve . We have to be that support others need, and that is just fine. Those weights are not going anywhere take your time and heal. Pain will subside. It may take a day, a week a year but it will subside. As for this kind of loss I dont think you are ever able to cope. Good luck
 
Im very sorry to hear about you and your families loss. I have a child and have a child on the way and cant fathom the thought.

Like others have said it will never be easy to move on and you will never forget this point in your life, but be that rock that your family needs and time will help. Keep busy and keep your head up.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
man thats a big,big hit bro. we love our kids more than words can tell, so thers no words that can really help.ive had a few big hits myself bro and no one wants to this, time is the only thing that less'ns the pain. i don't think we get over **** like that, it just makes us who we are. good or bad. it can be a "make it or break it" with family. use your head and your hart bro. best to you and your loved ones bro.
 
My condolences brother, I don't have kids of my own yet, but watching my grandparents bury my father years ago taught me enough about how much it hurts a parent to lose a child. You and your family will be in my thoughts. I second the recommendation for a good counselor/therapist to help work through this.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss man. I honestly hope the best for you and family. Stay strong man.
 
rsnake21 said:
Thank yall very much, we're hanging in there. Just staying strong as best I can.
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Just wanted to follow up, and see how you and your family are doing.
I hope things are getting better.
Best of luck.
Peace
 
We're hanging in there. Although I pretty much quit going to the gym and dieting for the last month. I'm gonna start back up tomorrow and try to get back on track. Between the baby, the f*cking hurricane, and getting sick it's been ridiculous. Almost comical. But we're hanging in there
 
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