Prayer Request Thread
- Thread starter B5150
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madds87
Well-known member
Pray that your knee gets better and that it will be stronger than ever!
Make sure to nurse it, take some joint supplements, drink plenty of water, stretch your legs daily.
Leg extensions are very bad on your knees i would recommend not doing them as vigorously if possible... I know i love them too, and they work my quads very well, but just be carefull.
Make sure to nurse it, take some joint supplements, drink plenty of water, stretch your legs daily.
Leg extensions are very bad on your knees i would recommend not doing them as vigorously if possible... I know i love them too, and they work my quads very well, but just be carefull.
delsolrob
Board Sponsor
great prayer bud...inspirational!
jeffh3c
Member
Appreciate the prayer. Going to lay off the legs for like 2 weeks. The PT said when I do start them back to only go up about 3/4 of thew way.
madds87
Well-known member
Dear Lord,
I come to you today, to thank you for the inspirational leaders in this world. For the people who are not selfish, and that they try to be an example for others. For this is a burden for any person. Since we are not perfect. There are not many leaders in this world, and what would we do without them? Give them streangth, to keep their head up, since they will struggle just like any human. That you will Bless them FOR their struggle and FOR taking on the task. I also pray that whoever is given that gift of leadership that they will prosper and do great things for this world, in your name. That they will realize they were given the gift of leadership and use it in your name. That they will not become selfish, and will be humble and wise, and will continuously grow through you in every aspect. That they will always remember that they are being watched and are looked up to. So they will be carefull in what they say or do. That they will not give up through hard times. That they will always remember that you are behind them 100% of the way, even if through our eyes it does not seem like it. I also pray for the leaders that have fallen. That you will forgive them and help them find their path to rightousness.
You are amazing Lord. Thank you for your ways. Amen.
I posted this so that we may all pray, for all the leaders in the world, of coarse.
But I know of a friend that is given many gifts from God, one is leadership. He is an example to many people, friends and family.
Well he does not exactly have a path full of roses and butterflies if you know what i mean. Its a path and has been a path thats of physical and emotional pain. If you would fellow brothers and sisters, pray along with this prayer, or your own version, about my friend.
If in Gods will, be given healing, and rest. That he will fight the good fight, and never give up. That God will provide him all that he will need to overcome these obstacles or to make it through. That he will continue to shine his light, and never let it grow dim. That he will continue to smile and stay positive, for this is a negative world. That he will continue to stay strong in you, and that he will continue to believe in you. That he knows that you Lord have a reason for everything. That he will not begin to question his faith.
Also, for his family and friends and that they will have peace and understanding.
I really appreciate it and so does my friend. Yall are Awsome, Love yall, and God Bless!
I come to you today, to thank you for the inspirational leaders in this world. For the people who are not selfish, and that they try to be an example for others. For this is a burden for any person. Since we are not perfect. There are not many leaders in this world, and what would we do without them? Give them streangth, to keep their head up, since they will struggle just like any human. That you will Bless them FOR their struggle and FOR taking on the task. I also pray that whoever is given that gift of leadership that they will prosper and do great things for this world, in your name. That they will realize they were given the gift of leadership and use it in your name. That they will not become selfish, and will be humble and wise, and will continuously grow through you in every aspect. That they will always remember that they are being watched and are looked up to. So they will be carefull in what they say or do. That they will not give up through hard times. That they will always remember that you are behind them 100% of the way, even if through our eyes it does not seem like it. I also pray for the leaders that have fallen. That you will forgive them and help them find their path to rightousness.
You are amazing Lord. Thank you for your ways. Amen.
I posted this so that we may all pray, for all the leaders in the world, of coarse.
But I know of a friend that is given many gifts from God, one is leadership. He is an example to many people, friends and family.
Well he does not exactly have a path full of roses and butterflies if you know what i mean. Its a path and has been a path thats of physical and emotional pain. If you would fellow brothers and sisters, pray along with this prayer, or your own version, about my friend.
If in Gods will, be given healing, and rest. That he will fight the good fight, and never give up. That God will provide him all that he will need to overcome these obstacles or to make it through. That he will continue to shine his light, and never let it grow dim. That he will continue to smile and stay positive, for this is a negative world. That he will continue to stay strong in you, and that he will continue to believe in you. That he knows that you Lord have a reason for everything. That he will not begin to question his faith.
Also, for his family and friends and that they will have peace and understanding.
I really appreciate it and so does my friend. Yall are Awsome, Love yall, and God Bless!
BUCKNUTS
Board Supporter
Done madds, God has already blessed him with a good friend like yourself. Have a great day everyone.
MK9
Member
Brothers & Sisters,
My situation had reached its peak, or apex if you will yesterday morning at 8am. A brief summary:
My son's mother is an alcoholic & addict (its not a phase she was going through), she went to rehab, got kicked out October 20th, and relapsed that weekend and its gotten worse.
These past few weeks she was behaving just weird, she was distant, hiding out in the room and the big red flag.. I barely saw this woman eat and she was getting thinner PLUS she had a "sinus" problem during this time...
Fast forward through nightmare scenes to yesterday Remembrance day 8am.. I was in the bathroom and decided to poke around, and I found a baggie with some powder substance in it.
I confronted her and she denied it, and then she admitted that "it was just some coke"... I told her to pack up her things and leave.
Her support person from a family center came over and we were talking and if my sons mother was to go to a shelter she would have to say I was abusing her?! Basically lie so she wont be on the street but screw my life up royally.. I obviously said she better find some friends real quick cause its gonna get real ugly for her very fast.
Her support person said if I would be willing to accommodate a supervised access for my sons mother, and I said yes and stated the stipulations etc...
This morning I go to drop off my son, and told her I will pick him up at 12:30 and she looked at me and said "Why are you changing things", AND then she pulls this one "THeres no court order saying when I can and cant see my son".. I told her I'm not the one with a coke habit, I'll be here at 12:30pm to pick him up.
I have called my lawyer, and have a meeting with him Monday, and I am going for full custody with supervised access to the mom.
I am in the perfect position for this and am in the right on so many levels. I need lots of prayer to stomach this and to finally have the peace my son and I really need and to begin our healing, he is only 17 months and I can see her not being there has affected him.
Keep our situation in your prayers, that God may shine his Countenance upon us and navigate us through these murky and stormy waters.
God Bless,
MK9
My situation had reached its peak, or apex if you will yesterday morning at 8am. A brief summary:
My son's mother is an alcoholic & addict (its not a phase she was going through), she went to rehab, got kicked out October 20th, and relapsed that weekend and its gotten worse.
These past few weeks she was behaving just weird, she was distant, hiding out in the room and the big red flag.. I barely saw this woman eat and she was getting thinner PLUS she had a "sinus" problem during this time...
Fast forward through nightmare scenes to yesterday Remembrance day 8am.. I was in the bathroom and decided to poke around, and I found a baggie with some powder substance in it.
I confronted her and she denied it, and then she admitted that "it was just some coke"... I told her to pack up her things and leave.
Her support person from a family center came over and we were talking and if my sons mother was to go to a shelter she would have to say I was abusing her?! Basically lie so she wont be on the street but screw my life up royally.. I obviously said she better find some friends real quick cause its gonna get real ugly for her very fast.
Her support person said if I would be willing to accommodate a supervised access for my sons mother, and I said yes and stated the stipulations etc...
This morning I go to drop off my son, and told her I will pick him up at 12:30 and she looked at me and said "Why are you changing things", AND then she pulls this one "THeres no court order saying when I can and cant see my son".. I told her I'm not the one with a coke habit, I'll be here at 12:30pm to pick him up.
I have called my lawyer, and have a meeting with him Monday, and I am going for full custody with supervised access to the mom.
I am in the perfect position for this and am in the right on so many levels. I need lots of prayer to stomach this and to finally have the peace my son and I really need and to begin our healing, he is only 17 months and I can see her not being there has affected him.
Keep our situation in your prayers, that God may shine his Countenance upon us and navigate us through these murky and stormy waters.
God Bless,
MK9
bluehealer
Active member
MK... I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I pray for the Lord's hand on you so that you may remain strong through this difficult time in your life. By no means should you sacrifice yourself for her wrong doings, if she winds up in the street... so be it. You must not enable her any longer.God bless you and your son.
I will also pray for your sons mother, that He might guide her back to the right path in life.
Jim
I will also pray for your sons mother, that He might guide her back to the right path in life.
Jim
MK9
Member
Thanks Jim. I cant even focus today, and I am definitely not sacrificing myself for her ills. Its a non-stop gong show with her, she can run around doing whatever with no accountability (and believe me if you can think it she has done it, how humiliating!), and our lives are messed up, and then if she is to get better I have to pay for it?! She's 33 years old and behaves as if her daddy told her not to smoke in the house anymore.
What is interesting is that I was told by the support person for my sons mother "A lot of women have to do that so they arent on the streets, the city doesnt have any other programs". I was shocked and felt like I was nearly set up, but God intervened!
I cannot help but think of the men who have had their lives messed up cause their loadie partner/spouse/mother of their child is no longer welcome in the home cause of their addiction and lie to cover their behinds to get into a shelter!
Thanks for your prayers and words of encouragement. I am going to talk to my landlord and ask him if we can taker her off the lease, and if so change the locks.
I have photographs of her coke baggie which I think is cause to have someone in breach of a housing contract e.g. no drugs, no smoking no pets etc..
It's a shame I have to be devious now cause I can feel the heat coming down the side of my face.
God Bless you Jim, and everyone here,
MK9
bluehealer
Active member
I'm sure you are making some tough choices right now, it has too be difficult, but you are doing the right thing brother. You do NOT need your son exposed to these types of things. The longer it lingers... the more he will remember. Cut her off NOW.
I had a friend call me a few months ago. Her daughter told her that my son was taking xanex. I tried to test him and he refused. I kicked him out of my house, he's 19 BTW, because I have a 10 year old. Fast forward 3 months, he's back home, will pee in a cup at a whim, is doing better in school, and is working part time here with me.
God's will, is His way!
Edit: I just looked at the calender, my how time flies. It's been 6 months since all this went down.
MK9
Member
These are some of the hardest, and stickiest (legally) decisions I am making, and it's decisions like these I hope and pray my son will one day look back and say that I stood up for him when he had no voice, and taught him what it is and means to be a man.
The crazy thing is, that my sons bio-mom has a friend who was in treatment, and thats where my sons bio-mom was getting her hookup from, and this girls kids got taken away!
That is an amazing testimony at how tough love works. You must be relieved that your son is on the up and up! Was your 10 year old exposed to his bad behavior, and did you talk to him or her about it? I'm pretty sure he or she may have been wondering where the older brother was at.
How is your trust level with your son today?
God Bless,
MK9
bluehealer
Active member
MK9
Member
That's awesome your daughter has the wisdom to understand between right and wrong, and your son.. Well I know I was the same growing up, smoked my first joint after I graduated high school on my way to the beach on a surf trip, and it just increased with different experimentation.
I can empathize with how trust has to be earned, it takes seconds to destroy and a very long time to build up, and your son sounds like he is doing the right thing.
As long as he is on the right path
Does he believe in Jesus Christ?MK9
MK9
Member
Thanks Jeff. Today was an amazingly peaceful day, lonely you know a bit sad, but it was not overshadowing the joy I had felt in knowing there are no more fights, no more lies, and its just my son and I enjoying our quiet time in the morning and having a conversation about absolutely nothing
I praise God for that wonderful gift of peace, and for an amazing son, and for such a good group of brothers and sisters on this forum.
MK9
I praise God for that wonderful gift of peace, and for an amazing son, and for such a good group of brothers and sisters on this forum.
MK9
madds87
Well-known member
Awsome dude!!!
madds87
Well-known member
MK! My heart goes out to you brother! Im sorry to hear about this troubled path ahead of you and your son. I cant imagine how heart breaking it is to find your sons mother acting the way she is..... Im sorry..... Wow what to pray for, its so much! Lets see bro, Prayer for you and your son of coarse, not only that but for the broken life your sons mother has taken.... That also breaks my heart to hear how messed up her life is...... I know it cannot be her intentions deep down inside..... Im sorry that now its basically going to be just you raising your son, it can be done, its just tough. Help show your son how to respect women, and that his mother is an exception. That even though its hard to do but to forgive her. I will pray for your sons life style and that he will turn into a great christian man. I will pray that the Father will have the encouragement to help support, to be an example, and to be a great christian man. Ill pray for your sons mom, that she can one day hopefully be the mom she needs to be..... That she can find God, and follow that light of wisdom..... Im sorry to hear about all of this. And I ope and pray that God can bless this situation! Lord please place your hand over this family...... Ill be praying for yah Dog. Dont hate anything thats happening, just show love bro.
bluehealer
Active member
Thanks Jeff. Today was an amazingly peaceful day, lonely you know a bit sad, but it was not overshadowing the joy I had felt in knowing there are no more fights, no more lies, and its just my son and I enjoying our quiet time in the morning and having a conversation about absolutely nothing
MK9
Sounds like an awesome day my brother!
MK9
Member
Thanks Madds, there are gonna be some chop on this ride. I spoke to my lawyer today and we are going to go to court for I believe full custody, definitely primary residence will be with me, and the mom gets supervised access 3 days a week for half a day each time.
I am not including my sons upcoming swimming lessons where I invited his mom to participate, and she was happy about that and said yes.
In fact this weekend I invited his mother to come to church with me our son, and she said yes as well.
I know God can make a way out of no way.
Thank you for your prayers. I know God will receive them, and since we have faith that they will be heard and His will be done.
God Bless,
MK9
MK9
Member
OldGator
Active member
Samantha Grosse 1987-2009
Hi Guys,
I just came across this thread after being on AM for a few years. What a great thing!
Please say a prayer for my daughter, Samantha, who I lost one year ago at age 22 from the lung disease cystic fibrosis.
Sam was a senior at the University of Florida and was determined to graduate though her health was quickly declining. She came home for Thanksgiving holiday last year and I had to take her to the hospital Thanksgiving morning. She passed away at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital 5 days later (approx one year ago 11/29/09). She lived her life to the fullest, always smiled, always laughed, never complained, and had soooo many friends (and boyfriends!). She was so special I can't even begin....
Thanks,
Jeff Grosse (OldGator)
Heartbroken in PA
To see her life story please visit FaceBook: Samantha Grosse or Sam's Story
Help Us Cure CF
(Samantha is on the right with her roommate at a Gators football game, 2008).
Invalid Link Removed
Hi Guys,
I just came across this thread after being on AM for a few years. What a great thing!
Please say a prayer for my daughter, Samantha, who I lost one year ago at age 22 from the lung disease cystic fibrosis.
Sam was a senior at the University of Florida and was determined to graduate though her health was quickly declining. She came home for Thanksgiving holiday last year and I had to take her to the hospital Thanksgiving morning. She passed away at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital 5 days later (approx one year ago 11/29/09). She lived her life to the fullest, always smiled, always laughed, never complained, and had soooo many friends (and boyfriends!). She was so special I can't even begin....
Thanks,
Jeff Grosse (OldGator)
Heartbroken in PA
To see her life story please visit FaceBook: Samantha Grosse or Sam's Story
Help Us Cure CF
(Samantha is on the right with her roommate at a Gators football game, 2008).
Invalid Link Removed
JudgementDay
Legend
I'm sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my wife and I prayers. Amazing how much you guys raised for Cystic Fibrosis research, Godbless you and your family.
OldGator
Active member
Thanks so much JD.
BUCKNUTS
Board Supporter
I have definitely said many prayers for you and your family OG. Sam was a beautiful young lady. I have 19 and 16 year old daughters and cannot imagine the pain of losing one of them so young. You will continue to be in my prayers bro.
MikeB78
New member
Need quite a few prayers, first and foremost in my life I lost my Job about a month ago and I was the only one working. I am a married father of 3 kids and things are really tight. Next I was in the ER on Thursday night because of a herniated disc in my back that caused me to barely be able to stand (or sit, or lie down) Also just starting back to the gym after a while off, day one back is actually when I re-injured my disc I have about 70 lbs. to lose and I really want to improve my health so I can be around longer for my family. Thanks in advance for the prayers. God Bless.
-Mike_
-Mike_
OldGator
Active member
DR.D
Well-known member
Yes, exactly right my friend. I heard a preacher explain it one time, like taking a trip. They aren't really gone, anymore than a friend or relative who lives out of town is gone. They just aren't immediately available or accessible, but they are not truly "gone". We will be reunited with them once the Lord decides that our task here is finished, and in the scheme of eternity that's not a long wait.
DR.D
Well-known member
Sounds like you have a lot in front of you, but don't be discouraged. I'll be praying that you get healthy and find work, that your wife supports you strongly through this, and that the kids behave themselves appropriately while money's tight. May God richly bless you and your family.
DR.D
Well-known member
Thanks Jeff. Today was an amazingly peaceful day, lonely you know a bit sad, but it was not overshadowing the joy I had felt in knowing there are no more fights, no more lies, and its just my son and I enjoying our quiet time in the morning and having a conversation about absolutely nothing
I praise God for that wonderful gift of peace, and for an amazing son, and for such a good group of brothers and sisters on this forum.
MK9
I think you're doing what's best for your son, and that means doing what's best for YOU too since your son depends on you. What else can you do at this point? You can try to "play nice" with her a little longer, but she'll flip the game on you hard the first chance she gets bro.
So be firm and rapid in your legal moves, do what you must for your son's safety, and move ahead with your life too. She must live her own life and choose her own destiny.
bluehealer
Active member
A very beautiful young lady, OG. Though she is gone, she is still very much alive and at peace. No more illness and suffering. She is with you in your heart, mind, and soul. Thank God for the time you had with her, though it was short, I'm sure it was wonderful. May the Lord bless you and your family, bring peace to your hearts, and one day reunite you and Sam in his Kingdom.
God Bless,
Jim
bluehealer
Active member
"The Quilt Holes"
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life.. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth.. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.
Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.'
When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.
Father, bless all my family and friends in whatever it is that you know they may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life.. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth.. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.
Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.'
When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.
Father, bless all my family and friends in whatever it is that you know they may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.
bluehealer
Active member
" The Room.."
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at."
Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents Often there were many more cards than expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.
Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me.
One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards...
But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh
And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room.. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.
No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.
Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room.. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files.. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him.. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, and so alive.
The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at."
Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents Often there were many more cards than expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.
Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me.
One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards...
But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh
And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room.. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.
No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.
Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room.. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files.. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him.. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, and so alive.
The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
MK9
Member
Thanks Dr.D, and thank you everyone else. I have to remind myself not to lose focus, cause she is trying to be all cordial and nice, and that's when things go south for me cause I start to see how nice she can be, and then I am reminded she is a master at manipulation. Addicts generally are, its how they get what they want and keep pushing till you give in, now that I have created some space I have flexibility and my judgment with God's help is clear and level headed.
I am seeing my lawyer tonight for 2 hours to prepare my paperwork and get a game plan in place.
It's time to take back what was robbed from my son and I, and that is our lives.
God Bless,
MK9
DR.D
Well-known member
I fell for it too bro, the manipulation games of my ex. I did it out of pity for her pain, and a misplaced sense of guilt too I suppose. It cost me and my daughter dearly though, and it was wrong.
I legally had everything I wanted from our divorce in the beginning, then after softening up to my ex's games I ended up losing over half of my custody time, had to pay 3 different lawyers over $18,000 between them, had to fight off CPS over some fabricated reports her lawyer coerced her into filing (bastard knew EXACTLY how to work the system), and watch my little girl being housed at an ex-con's house (actually just an old trailer) with my step-son there too, who turned out to be sexually abusing her the whole time. It sucked, really, really bad, I can't even put it in words how helpless I felt. My ex violated every court order we had, I even hired private eyes and got tons of incriminating evidence, talked with judges and cops to see what else I could do, you name it, but it's hard to fight it when you're the man and not the woman.
I'm don't know how else to say this, but it was a nightmare that lasted almost a whole year. I had to learn this the hard way, but after she sued me and took the legal momentum with that scumbag lawyer of hers (I think she was sleeping with him too after she ran out of money to pay her attorney fees) I realized I had played way too soft up front. Trust me bro, you can't play nice with a scorned female, much less an addict. They are like desperate caged animals that will lie about you, compromise their own children just to try and hurt you, and do anything else they can to get what they want. I pray the Lord guides your steps to evade all that drama!
bluehealer
Active member
Oh how awesome our God is, seems no one is in need of prayer.
Well guess what, I'm praying for all of you anyway.:wave2:
Well guess what, I'm praying for all of you anyway.:wave2:
BUCKNUTS
Board Supporter
OG my thoughts and prayers are with you today buddy I hope and pray you and your family are doing as well as possible. May God Bless you all and give you some comfort.
MK9
Member
Dr.D,
Since you have posted this I am going through my internal battles e.g. letting go, knowing it's over etc etc, basically a grieving process.
All the while she tries to be nice and I am thankful for her being so cordial, but I have my guard up.
She gave me a lot of lip service regarding how she has rights to her son as a mom, and I agree'd with her, no problems there whatsoever, but it will be supervised access.
She said I cant be judge and jury, and I told her, you don't have to be a judge to figure out that a child shouldn't be around coke let alone see his mom high on it, and my son and I were not safe and you put us in danger. She really didn't have anything to say, and I re-assured her that as much as she needs our son, he needs his mother, and I am a firm believer in that, but he's under my care and watch.
She did tell me that she is going to see her lawyer to see where things stand, and I told her that this doesn't need to be dragged out to trial etc, and that we can come up with a mutually beneficial agreement with our son's safety in mind.
I wasn't going to tell her Im going for Primary residence and you get supervised access, but instead I mentioned casually that I think its a great idea to formalize the procedure we have in place.
Ironically my life is peaceful, and I recall reading in the Bible that God will grant His people peace.. verbatim, those exact words, and I believe that is what is happening.
I know that God has placed in your heart the capacity to deal with the back to back tragedies and struggles placed before you and that God has made the way straight for you to overcome these obstacles. The end result is that you are a better and stronger man, and I believe that the same God who does not slumber or sleep has his eye over your children, and is protecting them.
Im not sure if you still have any communication with them, but I am sure that the relationship you did have with them is something they will never forget, and they will re-establish when the time is right.
You are in my prayers, and all the brethren in this forum who have had tragedies to deal with past,present, and future. I dont use the term tragedy to define a death specifically, but anything that breaks up a family and tears children apart from their stable rock and uproots them, and also those who are asleep in Jesus.
You guys are all amazing and never forget that each passing day that goes by is a day closer to Jesus and that we will soon see His face, and that all this suffering will be done away with. The former things are passed away.
God Bless,
MK9
madds87
Well-known member
Seems like she is really respecting you on your wisdom. You handled that nicely brohem. Keep praying for God to help you what words to say to her. Who knows maybe your son will get his mother back! Prayer for miraculous healing and peace, dog.
There is alot of suffering, but there is also alot of happy. Be thankful, Pray for God to help us find the brite side of things.
TripDog
Bananas
I am a Christian with the main knowlege that... I know I cannot battle these things alone, and I need the help of Christ to walk through and over my adversity, and imperfections. Great post, and worded perfect Brian.
Yes I am one as well.
Trauma1
Legend
Tomorrow is my little girl's first birthday. I can remember the anxiety and joy that I was feeling right now at this time last year.
I pray to and thank god every day for the beautiful little girl (Mikayla) that he gave to my wife and I. She's my world and has changed my life for the better in more ways than I could ever describe.
We'll be working on baby #2 very soon, so I pray that he gives us another blessing.
I pray to and thank god every day for the beautiful little girl (Mikayla) that he gave to my wife and I. She's my world and has changed my life for the better in more ways than I could ever describe.
We'll be working on baby #2 very soon, so I pray that he gives us another blessing.
Attachments
B5150
Legend
Has it already been a year?Tomorrow is my little girl's first birthday. I can remember the anxiety and joy that I was feeling right now at this time last year.
I pray to and thank god every day for the beautiful little girl (Mikayla) that he gave to my wife and I. She's my world and has changed my life for the better in more ways than I could ever describe.
We'll be working on baby #2 very soon, so I pray that he gives us another blessing.
She is beautiful.
Remember this time and hold onto it for dear life - she'll make you insane one day not too far from now
When that day comes you better do your job right and be her father - even if she'll hate you. It will last for a short time but soon she'll know you loved her enough to do your job right at all costs.
Good luck on number 2!
B5150
Legend
:thumbsup:
toughchick401
Well-known member
Tomorrow is my little girl's first birthday. I can remember the anxiety and joy that I was feeling right now at this time last year.
I pray to and thank god every day for the beautiful little girl (Mikayla) that he gave to my wife and I. She's my world and has changed my life for the better in more ways than I could ever describe.
We'll be working on baby #2 very soon, so I pray that he gives us another blessing.
She is amazing
I remember when you posted that she was here..... enjoy and good luck with number 2 TC
toughchick401
Well-known member
Heading in for a Biopsy tomorrow, although I am not scared, I am anxious, perhaps a nice word in my favor would be helpful
Thanks
TC
Thanks
TC