I squat because I need to. As with most things in life, those that are most worthwhile are often the most difficult or demanding. Squatting in itself isn't difficult -- but squatting properly and with enough weight on the bar or enough reps to create hypertrophy can be (and generally is). Any joe can walk in, load the bar and quarter-rep his way to some high-fives. Beating your own ego is the first wall you have to knock down. The term "heavy" is subjective; it's relative. Heavy to you and heavy to me can mean two entirely different things. And you know what? It doesn't matter what I think about you or you about me -- only about what makes you better; what makes me better.
It is so easy to fall into the trap of chasing numbers (weight on the bar or reps after that "x" in your notebook). But ultimately, your body knows the real score. You can lie to yourself all you want, but your muscles are the polygraph. You can post photos to IG, have thousands of followers, post motivational quotes, and anything else you want to -- but your quads, hamstrings, calves, glutes, and core know what's up. "Bro, I've seen you posting all those photos of you with 5 plates on each side of the bar, but it doesn't look like you've grown in the last 12 months." And it doesn't matter what they think; unless that's all you make it about.
I have a hip imbalance that manifested itself back in 2011. I don't know for sure, as I only realized it later, but I'm pretty certain it was caused from blowing out a hamstring in the Summer of 2010 -- of all things, during a game of slow pitch softball. I heard it pop and felt it roll up like a rubber band. Luckily, it just required time off and non surgery, but my strength never came back after that. Even today, my numbers still don't touch what I was able to do before that. And that was hard for me to face. I didn't do everything for those numbers, but they definitely played their role. It wasn't easy going back down to nothing and starting from scratch. The hardest part for me was probably just that of all things, it negatively impacted the 3 big lifts more than anything else. Somehow a hamstring injury screwed up my bench press -- it was inconceivable. But as I've gotten older (and at least a little bit wiser), I realized everything is connected. The way that hamstring healed (I can reach down there and feel the difference when I'm doing leg curls), it led to that hip imbalance and my left shoulder being slightly rolled forward -- thus, un-evening my base for pressing motions (most notable on bench, but also overhead). The same issue results in a more difficult time doing deadlifts, shrugs, barbell rows and rack pulls because I have to focus on keeping that left rear delt pulled back as much as I can and there's only so much I can do past a certain weight (e.g. light hypertrophy work is much easier for me to hold it where it needs to be, whereas with a max weight or a 4-6 rep range, it's near impossible for me to keep that pulled back through the duration of the exercise).
So I went back to the beginning. I started squatting on a Smith machine with 25's on either side. Same thing for bench. Nearly the same thing for deads. I've been able to build my strength back up from that. It's still not what it was. Whether it's respectable or not is really neither here nor there as numbers are simply that. But regardless of the band work and everything else I do, because of how that left hamstring healed, my left quad pulls closer to my core when I squat. I try my best to realign my hips to distribute the weight more evenly, but it's still not 100% even.
Thus, I do a whole lot more isolation work on each leg now. And variations of split squats are now I guess what you'd call my favorites. I mean, I hate them in comparison to traditional squats with the bar on my back and as much weight as I can handle, but they do the job they're supposed to do. I have to beat my own ego to chase my goals. Number one for me is presentation. I grew up chubby, leaned out in grad school, and then ended up with pituitary issues that pushed me from 200 lbs. with a 6 pack to 300 lbs. and not wanting to leave my home. I still lifted that entire time; I even played safety (lol) in my flag football league at 280 lbs., but it was primarily fat. I still don't have a true answer from the doctors other than by the grace of God everything fell back into place as I had continued to work hard and eat right; and one day the scale just finally tipped the right direction. So, I try my best to take care of my body and want the best while not falling into a trap of pure vanity, but in all honesty, my main purpose outside of the incredible endorphin release I get from training that keeps me centered, is to bring the best visual presence I can. I'd still like to compete at least once. Next goal would be performance. I played baseball through my freshman year of college and then picked up basketball about 2 years after that as a way to do cardio. Now it's a nice way to continue that cardio, but also get a competitive release that otherwise builds up and spills out during boardgames and other times you wouldn't want it to lol. So, variations of squatting and box jumps that focus on explosive movement are fun for me. Again, I generally hate doing them, but I love the outcome. I never could dunk, but I could grab the rim in college. I just dropped back to 219 yesterday morning, which is the lowest weight I've been since at least 2012 (possibly 2011) and I'm hoping as I lean up the rest of the way that I may be able to dunk. Not an easy feat, but I already turned 30 and it would be pretty cool to say I was able to do that afterward.
But my best advice to everyone else is to listen to your body. Don't get hung up on those numbers, what other people tell you to do, etc. You can try TONS of different stuff and I encourage you to do that. But don't be afraid to take the road less traveled if you realize that's what your body actually responds best to. I had a friend this morning at the gym compliment me on slimming down, but he warned me not to do too much cardio because it would eat my muscle. He was being sincere and had my best interest in mind -- but I know now that my body responds very well to this new style of training. And despite dropping 20 lbs., I've managed to maintain strength or gain it in every area. So don't be afraid to be wrong and don't be afraid to do something not everyone else is.