Tomahawk88
Well-known member
Does anyone else have trouble meeting people? Seriously people never seem too thrilled to talk to me. Im dont really go out of my way to talk to people so that doesnt help. Anyone else encounter this?
Trouble Meeting People
- Thread starter Tomahawk88
- Start date
bdcc
Legend
I live in the same house I have lived for over a decade so my friends have always been local. I moved my job twice so I was spending more time in the week out of the area so I wasn't available in the evenings, despite staying in the same house.
After I while I realised I had lost contact with a lot of my friends. There are only so many times you say no to an invite from someone before they stop inviting you.
So, I live my life with the motto, treat others as you want to be treated. I give my friends time and they give me time back. I make an effort to see how people are with the odd text or phone call and get the same back.
A lot of people I know say that nobody makes an effort with them anymore and it is always the people that have stopped making an effor that are saying it.
Go out of your way to talk to them, invite them to things and get back in the loop. My social life has been a lot busier with people I have barely spoken to in years since I started living like this.
After I while I realised I had lost contact with a lot of my friends. There are only so many times you say no to an invite from someone before they stop inviting you.
So, I live my life with the motto, treat others as you want to be treated. I give my friends time and they give me time back. I make an effort to see how people are with the odd text or phone call and get the same back.
A lot of people I know say that nobody makes an effort with them anymore and it is always the people that have stopped making an effor that are saying it.
Go out of your way to talk to them, invite them to things and get back in the loop. My social life has been a lot busier with people I have barely spoken to in years since I started living like this.
owlicks
Member
And confidence.
southpaw23
Well-known member
Thank god for chatroulette.
Tomahawk88
Well-known member
Ya my big problem is I have lived in the same town my whole life. Never really had to start fresh. Then a lot of people I knew went off to college while I decided to stay in town to go to college. I still make an effort to keep in contact with friends. It is mainly meeting new people.
Ya I have a feeling I dont look to friendly unless I force myself to smile lol. I am by no means mean, but I can see how I dont look too nice. Even an ex from high school said if she didnt know me she would be scared of me lol.
Would not be a bad thing.
Lol ya havent tried that one yet. Just seems like there is no real way to meet people. Not into the whole going out thing. Dont really drink anymore and I cant stand being around drunk people when Im sober.
bdcc
Legend
I don't think I am a very scary person to look at. I am more muscular than your average guy but would look small in any gyms that are remotely hardcore. I have been told by numerous people that I am intimidating, which surprised me.
Being approachable is something that you do, not something that you are. In the job role I had to talk to people in the gym, it is amazing how many people talk to you when they see you talking to others. If you don't think you are inviting conversation it is just as much what you are doing/not doing than how you look, in my humble opinion.
Being approachable is something that you do, not something that you are. In the job role I had to talk to people in the gym, it is amazing how many people talk to you when they see you talking to others. If you don't think you are inviting conversation it is just as much what you are doing/not doing than how you look, in my humble opinion.
southpaw23
Well-known member
I like to stand right behind someone at the ATM, this approach forces conversation.
MidwestBeast
Legend
I moved down here 18 months ago from a different state knowing not one person. I only have about 2 really good friends, but that's all I need. It doesn't help that everyone I work with is twice my age.
I met some guys at the gym and other people through them. I normally don't talk to people at the gym because I'm all about business, but especially when you're new you have to open up. I usually give everyone a shot or two and in those first couple times I know if I want to talk to them again / if it's worth it.
If it's a girl, I flash a little smile when I walk by - nothing major, but just enough to show that I'm acknowledging her. Confidence definitely helps and knowledge does, too. People love to talk to me and learn stuff they never would have known. Or if they're thinking about going back to school, they pick my brain about that since I advise.
Play to your strengths, smile and be confident.
You've got this, Dirt Foot :yup: :hug:
I met some guys at the gym and other people through them. I normally don't talk to people at the gym because I'm all about business, but especially when you're new you have to open up. I usually give everyone a shot or two and in those first couple times I know if I want to talk to them again / if it's worth it.
If it's a girl, I flash a little smile when I walk by - nothing major, but just enough to show that I'm acknowledging her. Confidence definitely helps and knowledge does, too. People love to talk to me and learn stuff they never would have known. Or if they're thinking about going back to school, they pick my brain about that since I advise.
Play to your strengths, smile and be confident.
You've got this, Dirt Foot :yup: :hug:
DerickVonD
Well-known member
I have trouble talking to anyone new especially women. I just don't know how to start a conversation with someone the first time. I have a social anxiety which really dampers my social skills. I do seem to do fine when people approach me though. One of the reasons I lift is because it gives me confidence.
toughchick401
Well-known member
Tom we have had this talk MANY times, smile, your a great guy, any girl would be lucky to be with you.... I'm telling you before college I was REALLY SHY, I know you don;t believe me, and now??? I make my job by being a therapist and talking, there are some days I avoid talking to anyone, it's a sign on my back.."come talk to me"...... the little things, make eye contact, smile ( and not like you want to kill em)...and try my line...LOL
Heid
Heid
Iron Warrior
Registered User
I see you have a Steelers avatar so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're a big football fan. I suggest coaching high school or even pop warner football because coaching has helped me develop meaningful friendships in life while doing something that I'm passionate about.
If there's something else you're more passionate about then get involved in that but the key is that it's something you truly enjoy doing. One note though, high school football is more time consuming then I first imagined 8 years ago so ask around and see if you can start as a volunteer. Local coaches can always use someone to videotape opponents so they can study that tape, that would be a good start if you're interested.
If there's something else you're more passionate about then get involved in that but the key is that it's something you truly enjoy doing. One note though, high school football is more time consuming then I first imagined 8 years ago so ask around and see if you can start as a volunteer. Local coaches can always use someone to videotape opponents so they can study that tape, that would be a good start if you're interested.
Clickster
Board Sponsor
I really agree with this. ^
luclyluciano
Well-known member
What you put out is what you get back.
Eye contact and a smile are very important. You also have to be good at initiating small talk and carrying a conversation. Like everything, practice makes perfect. Start small and keep improving. Take baby steps everyday with eye contact. Make it a game. How long can you hold a stare? How many people can you smile at per day? How many compliments can you share per day?
Eye contact and a smile are very important. You also have to be good at initiating small talk and carrying a conversation. Like everything, practice makes perfect. Start small and keep improving. Take baby steps everyday with eye contact. Make it a game. How long can you hold a stare? How many people can you smile at per day? How many compliments can you share per day?
bluehealer
Active member
Absolutely 100%. I'm a loner, always have been. I grew up in the country so I entertained myself. In the military, my supervisor saw that I was more productive working alone so that's what he had me do. In the oilfield, I was an offshore trouble shooter, I went platform to platform, alone, figuring out problems. At the same company, I was the only heavy equip. mechanic so when I wasn't offshore I was working, alone, on equipment. Conversation just feels awkward to me. Walking through a store, I'll avoid people I know quite well not to stand there talking.
EasyEJL
Never enough
You know, I have no problem meeting people, but I have a problem making actual friends, particularly with guys. I think its just an awkwardness related to trying to set up a "man date". In the past most of my friends were work friends first, but I've been primarily telecommuting for so long that I've more or less lost contact with the ones I had. Comically its far easier with women. Just feels too odd to say "hey you want to go see Thor this weekend" to a guy.
With my job, I do consulting and have a lot of customer interaction, so the basic talking part is no problem, I don't have an issue even doing speeches and the like in front of large groups. I've probably presented stuff to groups of 200-300 people before, and have no issue there.
With my job, I do consulting and have a lot of customer interaction, so the basic talking part is no problem, I don't have an issue even doing speeches and the like in front of large groups. I've probably presented stuff to groups of 200-300 people before, and have no issue there.
StangBanger
Well-known member
I can relate... I am a loner. I have my friends and all but for the most part I avoid people.. I am a computer geek by trade so it helps. Its weird but I am happy when I am NOT around people... I am a biker so when I go on runs with the boyz its funny cuz they are all out talking to everyone and I talk to only those people I know. The grapevine has told me I am intimidating which I laugh at (I just started weight training so I am still a small guy). But Ive been told I am so quiet that it makes me unapproachable.
ehh...
ehh...
vpop91
New member
I'm at college and I'm 27. Most of the people I encounter in my daily life I wouldn't want to hang out with anyway, since they are all still just out of high school or still in the WHOO 21 DRINK EVERY NIGHT BROOOOOOOS phase. Any of you dealt with this? At least I still have a lot of good friends less than an hour away.
bluehealer
Active member
Yeah, that or he's stuck-up, lol.
Nope, just nothing to say. You can see it's raining, you can feel the cold or hot, why do you need me telling you the weather.
StangBanger
Well-known member
nail on the head.... have gotten the stuckup comments too from people I have never spoken a word to. ppl that know me know that I am the farthest thing from stuckup.
and like you said, dont need small talk, just no interest in it.
EasyEJL
Never enough
Its kind of funny, having been a software developer for the last 14-15 years, and spending the majority of that time telecommuting I'd think i'd be less social but somehow i'm not.
CoorsLight126
Member
oh hell yea its tough meeting new people!! I basically moved 1000 miles from my hometown at 20 yrs old, and it wasnt for school. F*ckd up story, I moved with some guys who were supposedly "friends" we roomed together for about 2-3 months before I realized they were *******s who never wanted to do anything. So I moved out from there and got my own place and a different job. Very hard to meet people when your that young and not in college and everyone you work with is older with families. I was always a very shy person too. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and started going out myself. I used to make believe I was watching a sports game at a bar just to go out and not look like a desperate idiot!! But dude, eventually here is what happened. I started talking to chicks like a guy without a care and nothing to lose. And I got good, really good. I would bring hot chicks who were 10-15 yrs older than me back to my apartment with nothing in it, and **** the hell out of them!! I started making it a game. I had 2 goals in mind, how fast I could get it, and how cheap I could get it for. I looked at these women like used cars, how little I could put into then and how much I could get from them. I'd be thinking to myself "Damn I boned that chick in the ass and all it took was a $6.99 dinner at Denny's!!" Now I'm not advising you to turn into a shovenistic piece of **** like I was, but it was something to pass the time and feel better about myself. Start acting like you have nothing to lose bro!! So what if a chick says no, **** em, next!! It's a numbers game dude, its all numbers. I want you to go out and talk to 100 different women, starting tomm- next week I want you to talk random **** to 100 different women. And I bet you no matter how you act or how ugly you are you'll get at least 15-20 phone numbers. Now you network off that, you get them and then you get their friends too. You'll meet people through your bitches, it'll all be good
JComp
Member
I have that problem too. Ive lived in a small town my whole life, and my college was a tech school that I commuted too and only had about 20 people that I was around enough to get to know in school. And now I work in an autobody shot, and there is nobody to meet there. Im good with people, and im able to talk to people pretty good, its just the matter of going places where its not awkward to talk to people. Going to clubs and bars is the only place thats not to awkward, because 2 single girls going out to a club or bar are trying to talk to guys most the time.
toughchick401
Well-known member
I love my alone time, working with teens day in and day out, trying to kill me, or themselves, and doing therapies all day everyday...I want and love my alone time seems people dont respect that though...
TC
seems people dont respect that though...TC
Tomahawk88
Well-known member
I will take you up on this challenge when I start back school. Right now I dont really have a place to meet people. Not into the whole talking to people while I workout. That is pretty much the only place I go consistently.
andrew732
Well-known member
Talk in places you feel more comfortable socializing. Science explains that when men stress they tend to refrain from socializing due to the protection mentality. While women tend to actually be more social while stress is high. Don't feel bad bro, even when I smile people act like they saw a ghost. Great thing I could care less about human interaction. The only time I need it is for MMA and that is it LMAO. The funny thing is that my mom actually tells me all scenarios and sees me as bodyguard when we go to places that even includes the ghettos. So maybe scary is great thing HAHAHA!
CoorsLight126
Member
No, see ur already ****ing up. I said "Like a guy with nothing to lose" that means you take your ass to places like the bookstore, grocery store, Wal-mart, the gas station, malls, etc etc. Go get some ass!! Jesus, its too easy to do nowadays not to!!
Tomahawk88
Well-known member
Lol I dont go anywhere.
Conagher
Active member
I have to agree with what most everyone else is telling you.There must be something about the way you carry yourself that is putting people off.With a few exceptions,almost every time I get out to do some shopping,the person behind the checkout counter invariably start`s up a conversation.
No matter how bad a day you may be having,force yourself to smile.A smile goes along way in building relationships.
No matter how bad a day you may be having,force yourself to smile.A smile goes along way in building relationships.
Tomahawk88
Well-known member
Ok I have to say something about this now. It isnt people are afraid of me or anything but it seems like people closer to my age wont engage me. But older people seem to have no probably talking to me.
andrew732
Well-known member
You probably show authority in your scent, androsterone seems to make older people feel welcome around people with high ratios of it, I also notice that only confident young men will approach someone who has an androsterone dominant scent and will respect them. Bro its probably your attitude that shows along the androsterone. Also genetically, asians are not social so they give of naturally put off pheromone signalling. It's rare when you see an asian man being the life of the group so to speak, however the women will be more social but still not as social as women from other ethnicities.
Iron Warrior
Registered User
I find that using a morbid and sarcastic sense of humor helps me when I meeting strangers. As a consequence, many acquaintances call me Dr. Strangelove. For example, a co-worker asked me two years ago "Why do you always go to the gym ?" my answer was "I need to be in good enough shape so I won't get a heart attack during sex or while masturbating. I don't want that on my death certificate". For some reason, people respond well to me when I act this way.
Conagher
Active member
I don`t think it is so much having a morbid sense of humor,it is having a sense of humor,period.People gravitate towards people who can find humor in almost anything,where as they tend to shy away from people who take themselves too seriously or who are intense about everything.
EasyEJL
Never enough
This is probably half the problem
MidwestBeast
Legend
Move somewhere where you can surf. I've met tons of girls in a totally new environment already 
haha.
haha.
Conagher
Active member
Move somewhere where you can surf. I've met tons of girls in a totally new environment already
Not a bad suggestion.Tomahawk may have a location problem.Sometimes changing environments can make all the difference.
Tomahawk88
Well-known member
Move somewhere where you can surf. I've met tons of girls in a totally new environment already
I think that is the big problem. Been in one place for way too long. Most if not all my friends tell me GTFO of that town.
StangBanger
Well-known member
move to South Florida... no shortage of people, places and things here!
Tomahawk88
Well-known member
That doesnt sound like a bad place to move. I think I would have to stay in the South. I do need my country music :banana: lol
Been feeling extra confident lately. Should translate into good things in the classroom :sgrin: Before my workout today I ended up chatting with this girl I met back in December. We met at a mutual friend's birthday dinner. Was a nice little ego boost as she is attractive and seems to have her wits about her.
StangBanger
Well-known member
NICE!
Gutterpump
Banned
Yeah I hear you on this. I have no problem meeting women and most of my close friends are women too. I find it easy to talk to random women around the city too, get #'s, setup dates etc, all that. I even find it easy to deflect women's advances who I may not be interested in, and just keep them as friends, without anything getting weird.
But I only have a handful of close male friends. Most don't live where I am (I moved to NYC 5 yrs ago). I have a couple good friends here, but not a ton in common with them. I find it hard to meet guys, as close friends, who have a lot in common. I think it's the awkwardness factor, and the fact I've had too many gay men hit on me in the past too - leads me to be even more awkward when meeting people just to chill with, etc.
I recently joined the local crossFit gym here, not because I am doing crossFit (I just pay for a membership and use the facilities during open gym - great powerlifting setup they have and great trainers with a ton of knowledge on proper form for all the olympic and power lifts, and with conditioning too)... but the people there are all great, pretty knowledgeable and real friendly. Most if not all of them are super serious and passionate about their training too.
I think basically meeting people doing what you love to do, people who share some of the same passions, is the best way to meet people who may have the potential to become great friends with.
Gutterpump
Banned
If it's women you're having troubles meeting, a smile and a joke go a long way. Women love confidence and a good sense of humor. Also, the best thing to keep in mind, is to just be yourself with people.
DerickVonD
Well-known member
I can never ever get stopped from going into the "friend zone". The only time I don't get caught there is if they approach and show interest in me. I'm not good with flirting I guess.
Gutterpump
Banned
It can be a bit of a numbers game.
I used to get caught up on stupid thoughts in my head like "why won't she go further with me" wondering why things don't go how I'd like sometimes, when it seems like all things line up. This used to hit my ego a bit and get me down.
Now I don't dwell on trivial things, I just move on. There's plenty of people around and not everyone is logical or normal. Instead of thinking what I did wrong or dwell on one person, I try to meet many and then see what the options are. Things will happen and workout as they will.
I don't come out and automatically flirt with everyone either. Sometimes it takes just being friendly, and then moving on from there after testing the waters. You don't want to come on too strong or freak people out from the start. Some girls won't want to pursue if they have even the slightest thought that you may be a player.
DerickVonD
Well-known member
Yeah dude . I have social issues and anxiety so talking to new people in general is kind of hard let alone I have to worry about flirting. Plus I didn't get out much in my teenage years because of my grandmom, so that in packed my social skills as well. So, I'm really just starting to learn good social skills.
Gutterpump
Banned
My social skills were pretty bad till my late 20s. I used to mainly meet women online because of this reason, or just date women who I was introduced to or who approached me.
Nothing changed much until I started forcing myself into situations that were uncomfortable previously. I love bass music and heavy beats, so I started DJing and became really involved in my local music scene. That also helped a lot, especially when learning that a lot of people who are out and about really have the same issues. Not everyone is born super smooth...but it can come with time. The more you get out there, the more comfortable it gets.
Nothing changed much until I started forcing myself into situations that were uncomfortable previously. I love bass music and heavy beats, so I started DJing and became really involved in my local music scene. That also helped a lot, especially when learning that a lot of people who are out and about really have the same issues. Not everyone is born super smooth...but it can come with time. The more you get out there, the more comfortable it gets.
toughchick401
Well-known member
I am forever "one of the guys"...............Uggghhhhh I hate that!!!!!! hence why I don't date, if you don't date you can't be disappointed.l..
EasyEJL
Never enough
I am forever "one of the guys"...............Uggghhhhh I hate that!!!!!! hence why I don't date, if you don't date you can't be disappointed.l..
That was always the type of woman I preferred. My wife is ex military, was on the boxing team, etc.