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Dating up

AE14

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Ok, so here is my situation. I am 32 and am in the process of finalizing my divorce. So within the last few months I started dating again. I dated 1 woman a few years older and she was ready for marriage and kids after date 3. Then I dated another who evidently drank a lot more than I liked and became a texting machine at those moments. Out she went.

So I go out with woman #3. She is absolutely gorgeous. I mean scary gorgeous, and to top it off, she acts as though she is not (at least today). Now, I am not ugly, but one of my friends said to me after seeing her picture that my best shot was to take my shirt off as she is out of my legaue. Sadly, I didnt disagree. So, my question, how many here have "dated up" and was there any success there? She seemed really interested.

Thanks all
 
Depends on your compatability in other areas. Do you make her laugh? How are your flirt skills? Do you treat her normally, or gawk?

What kind of substance questions have you asked her, and what kind of answers does she give?
 
she was very sharp and laughed a great deal. I was just stunned at the appearance. I have dated good looking woman before but this was at a level above that.
 
Reaper329 said:
Wow, she just emailed me and wants to go out again. :smirk:
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Break up with her NOW, while YOU are on top!!!


/if you follow my advice you are an idiot.
 
aw, very cute :)


im sure you are very nice looking to her. like someone else said, perhaps you have other qualities that are nice as well as your physical ones. plus, everyone has different tastes, especially when it comes to physical attractiveness.
 
Unfortunately for us healthy women care more about our personality, character and integrity than how we look like with our shits off.

If you happen to date up you are a lucky man. Don't diminish yourself because she is gorgeous.

But you have heard the one - "for every gorgeous woman you come across in life there is some guy somewhere who has grown tired of ****ing her" or "listening to her talk" or "looking at her face"...you get the point. ;)

Make a friend, a friend a lover, a lover a soul mate.

Good luck.
 
You absolutely have a chance! If you like this woman, stick with her and let all of your wonderful qualities glow! ;) Most women like a lot more in a man than a sexy body.
 
How can you be dating up? Honestly does a face she had nothing to do with getting besides genetics have anything to do with who she is?

Looks are a small part of a package and never determine our worth! You will lose your looks some day whether age or accident. If all you ever were was a diva spoiled over something as shallow as your looks, what will you do when they are gone?

You are a good guy and from what I've seen have many things to offer! There is no dating up! Is she worthy of you?
 
crader said:
How can you be dating up? Honestly does a face she had nothing to do with getting besides genetics have anything to do with who she is?

Looks are a small part of a package and never determine our worth! You will lose your looks some day whether age or accident. If all you ever where was a diva spoiled over something as shallow as your looks, what will you do when they are gone?

You are a good guy and from what I've seen have many things to offer! There is no dating up! Is she worthy of you?
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word to the lady - divorce will sear you self-confidence.

She's got to live up to your expectations (and is probably sick of been treated as a slab of hot flesh...)

Good Luck mate - but watch those Gold Diggers!
 
Well I dont have a lot of money, just a very stable career (tenured teacher) and in this economy I think that stability is a great offer as well.

Divorce is a funny thing. As good as you truly believe you are, it most certainly screws with your head. However, at this point it is a learning process, and one which I need to be involved in.

Thanks for the words guys, much appreciated!
 
I think you are beating up yourself more than you need to. Appreciate her beauty, but don't over compliment her, she will think you only like her for her looks. Just take it one day at a time, and see how it goes. Make sure that in your heart, that you are not on the rebound, and you need to assure her of that as well. Now as far as "dating up" that is relative only to YOU. Always believe that you are worthy of more than what you are getting; don't beat yourself into thinking you don't deserve a beautiful woman, or that ANY WOMAN IS OUT YOUR LEAGUE. You will be alright, she obviously likes you, otherwise she would be long gone.
 
(didnt read peoples replies) but imo... if you feel like physically you're not good looking enough then good luck... you need more confidence in your self, even if your not jude law or brad pitt... girls will pick up on it, so put it aside, and remember, women arent about physicals as much as men (yea a sexy woman will get u a big fat) but as all know, women are about feelings and words... not so much about physicals... if your personality is up to the deed then your fine, and thats where u gotta get over the issue of whether one partner is better looking than the other
 
I completely understand where people are coming from, and I think many might be misinterpreting my meanings here. I completely acknowledge that from a physical appearance stand point she is a step up for me, however there are any other variables that will either make it work or not. I totally understand.

My point in this thread was that this was the first time in my life that on purely physical appearance I was not on even footing
 
not on even footing? ...in that case i hope ur enjoying the lurrv making.... make every second count, every curve and inch of that beautiful woman... savour it....

haha sorry
 
If you think she is out of your league and have that mentality when you are around here then you are just like every single other guy she has probably dated. hot girls get hit on a lot, when ever they go out clubbing, guys at work, supermarkets etc. Don't be one of those chumps. Let her like you for who you are. Hot women are quite often just as insecure as the average guy. If you can make her laugh consistenly (without trying), she'l be hooked.
 
Reaper329 said:
Ok, so here is my situation. I am 32 and am in the process of finalizing my divorce. So within the last few months I started dating again. I dated 1 woman a few years older and she was ready for marriage and kids after date 3. Then I dated another who evidently drank a lot more than I liked and became a texting machine at those moments. Out she went.

So I go out with woman #3. She is absolutely gorgeous. I mean scary gorgeous, and to top it off, she acts as though she is not (at least today). Now, I am not ugly, but one of my friends said to me after seeing her picture that my best shot was to take my shirt off as she is out of my legaue. Sadly, I didnt disagree. So, my question, how many here have "dated up" and was there any success there? She seemed really interested.

Thanks all
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if you take your friends advice and take your shirt off,then thats all you will be to her.is just a body,and she will not take you seriously.im pretty sure you must have a good looking body,come on now we all do here(A.M)..but that should be the bonus stacked upon your other qualitys as well.i know we as men get intimidated by gorgouse women that other men gauk at.but that could also be the thing that could come back and bite us in our jealous a$$.then thats where we get alot of these:argue:..not worth it!..to live an un happy life with someone so beautiful,then a happy life with an average looking woman..but if it works out,then it is def. a blessing my friend!
 
Your value as a human being is not derived from your looks, (or other physical attributes), your bank account, your profession, or your material possessions. The same is true for her.

Do not put this woman on a pedestal, there is a good chance that she will lose respect for you. If this was to happen you could find yourself:

dumped
or
a doormat for however long she decides to play with you like a kitten with string

Most importantly is that if you do make her an idol of sorts then odds are you will not be able to get past her looks and into the real woman.

Hopefully she is a great catch (intelligent, funny, caring, emotionally stable, etc), but she is still single right? Why? Everyone carries a load of baggage with them, what is her baggage? Is it compatable with your baggage? Are you both looking to the other to try and get what you need from each other?

Hopefully you have found a great person in this gal, just do your best to try and stay level headed and uninfatuated (is that a word?).

Oh, and I have dated up before, and reckoned myself unworthy. Unfortunately for me she thought that I was just fine, and it was my baggage (low self esteem) that made me decide that I wasn't good enough.

I wish you both the best.
 
If she is interested in you, that is all that matters. I think the older single women get, the smarter she gets about dating. She is obviously attracted to you or she wouldn't be interested. Just be yourself. If you have good chemistry and she is attracted to you, then it will work out. Don't go out of your way to take your shirt off in front of her, let her be pleasantly surprised when the time comes.

I feel the same way when I have the perception that a woman works harder, or has achieved more success in her career than I have. Even though I consider myself to have a good job, work hard, and do it well. It's a roadblock I have, that a woman is going to want to be with someone at least as successful as they are.

But I think once people reach their late 20's to early 30's and beyond, they have been in enough relationships to know what they want - and be able to spot it when it comes along.

Good luck.
 
B5150 said:
Unfortunately for us healthy women care more about our personality, character and integrity than how we look like with our shits off.

If you happen to date up you are a lucky man. Don't diminish yourself because she is gorgeous.

But you have heard the one - "for every gorgeous woman you come across in life there is some guy somewhere who has grown tired of ****ing her" or "listening to her talk" or "looking at her face"...you get the point. ;)

Make a friend, a friend a lover, a lover a soul mate.

Good luck.
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B - How exactly do you look with your shits off? :lol:
 
crader said:
How can you be dating up? Honestly does a face she had nothing to do with getting besides genetics have anything to do with who she is?

Looks are a small part of a package and never determine our worth! You will lose your looks some day whether age or accident. If all you ever were was a diva spoiled over something as shallow as your looks, what will you do when they are gone?

You are a good guy and from what I've seen have many things to offer! There is no dating up! Is she worthy of you?
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thank you C, much appreciated
 
Sorry to say, but it just seems like you have a bit of low self esteem. Don't base it off looks or any of that jazz. Just be yourself and she will be hers. She is eventually gonna pick up the fact that you think she is out of your league if you feel it.

Just be happy and live the moment and don't overanalyze the situation. Play it by day at this point. You seem to be pretty confident with your "shirt off" lol so unless you look like the you hit every branch of the ugly tree in your face, you should be fine.

Just head to the local strip club with your buds and work on picking up a girl there. And i am not talking about for a lap dance. Trust me, get one of their numbers and date them for a bit and that will boost your esteem lol lol.
 
maurice02 said:
Sorry to say, but it just seems like you have a bit of low self esteem. Don't base it off looks or any of that jazz. Just be yourself and she will be hers. She is eventually gonna pick up the fact that you think she is out of your league if you feel it.

Just be happy and live the moment and don't overanalyze the situation. Play it by day at this point. You seem to be pretty confident with your "shirt off" lol so unless you look like the you hit every branch of the ugly tree in your face, you should be fine.

Just head to the local strip club with your buds and work on picking up a girl there. And i am not talking about for a lap dance. Trust me, get one of their numbers and date them for a bit and that will boost your esteem lol lol.
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How would dating a nasty stripper skank boost his self esteem?
 
dsade said:
How would dating a nasty stripper skank boost his self esteem?
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Nah, not a skank...well, I guess yeah. but I mean along the lines of the very pretty ones (you know the ones you see that make you wonder WTF they are doing there in the first place cause they obviously have the looks).

At least at that point he can play it out with a girl that is very attractive and hopefully boost his self esteem, and in the long run, he already knows he won't want to be with her for the long haul.
 
maurice02 said:
Nah, not a skank...well, I guess yeah. but I mean along the lines of the very pretty ones (you know the ones you see that make you wonder WTF they are doing there in the first place cause they obviously have the looks).

At least at that point he can play it out with a girl that is very attractive and hopefully boost his self esteem, and in the long run, he already knows he won't want to be with her for the long haul.
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No offense to you, but wouldn't that diminish his self-esteem, knowing that he is USING someone else to boost his own self esteem? Sort of like getting rich by stealing?
 
dsade said:
No offense to you, but wouldn't that diminish his self-esteem, knowing that he is USING someone else to boost his own self esteem? Sort of like getting rich by stealing?
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Eh, good point. Didn't look at it that way to be honest. Oh wells, back to the drawing board!!!!!!!
 
maurice02 said:
Hmm...I think I am going to blame the Havoc I am on for the ridiculous thought process LoL LoL
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Havoc does wonders for my mood AND self-esteem.

/takes Havoc bottle seductively into the bathroom.....
 
dsade said:
Havoc does wonders for my mood AND self-esteem.

/takes Havoc bottle seductively into the bathroom.....
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Hey hey hey....you better just be going in there to get a cup of water to take a pill..........:lmao:

Sure does make me happy....I got a havoc buzz.

But in all honesty man, be happy for what it is. Don't base anything on the looks dept because you are happy and she obviously is attracted to something about you.
 
ABNRanger said:
I think you are beating up yourself more than you need to. Appreciate her beauty, but don't over compliment her, she will think you only like her for her looks. Just take it one day at a time, and see how it goes. Make sure that in your heart, that you are not on the rebound, and you need to assure her of that as well. Now as far as "dating up" that is relative only to YOU. Always believe that you are worthy of more than what you are getting; don't beat yourself into thinking you don't deserve a beautiful woman, or that ANY WOMAN IS OUT YOUR LEAGUE. You will be alright, she obviously likes you, otherwise she would be long gone.
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Agree with this. I've been divorced going on 5 yrs now and I am older than you. I have learned that most women are not like men. Men care for looks more so than women. She obviously is interested if she wants to go out again. And Confidence is one thing that most any woman wants from a man. To me, there is not an issue of dating up. I have dated a girl now for 2 yrs. At first I tried and tried (Found her on myspace and talked for a couple months) to get a date. There was always something coming up(thought she was putting me off). I quit trying and quit sending her messages. Then one day out of the blue, she sends me one and ask me out. Just remember, under what you see as a beautiful face is a girl whose breath stinks just like yours in the morning. It's about more than looks. She will be interested in more things than just your looks. Just be yourself and act like she is just another girl to you, and things will work out fine. Do you have kids? Does she? This is one thing that could hinder a relationship. I have 2 and my gf has 2. It makes it tough, but it can workout.
 
i see this in hawaii all the time.a hot a$$ woman has got a butt ugly B.F!..im not saying your butt ugly reaper,absolutely not.but just hear me out.when i see something like this there can only be 2 factors involved. either he is the nicest person in the world,or he is loaded.dont sell your self short my friend.who says that your out of her league?..you have got to give yourself some credit.i think that maybe years of marriagge to this other person may have done a number on your self-esteem a little bit.but once you get back into the dating scene,you will be fine.there is no such thing as"out of your league"..reach for the stars man!..
 
bslick69b said:
i see this in hawaii all the time.a hot a$$ woman has got a butt ugly B.F!..im not saying your butt ugly reaper,absolutely not.but just hear me out.when i see something like this there can only be 2 factors involved. either he is the nicest person in the world,or he is loaded.dont sell your self short my friend.who says that your out of her league?..you have got to give yourself some credit.i think that maybe years of marriagge to this other person may have done a number on your self-esteem a little bit.but once you get back into the dating scene,you will be fine.there is no such thing as"out of your league"..reach for the stars man!..
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Good post Bobby! Reps!
 
thanks guys, we both have 1 kid, which could make scheduling difficult, but not impossible.
 
Reaper329 said:
thanks guys, we both have 1 kid, which could make scheduling difficult, but not impossible.
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There ya go......could be a good plus for you. If you don't mind kids, she may be looking for someone exactly as you stated, who is steady in their job and a good stepfather for their kid. But you on the other hand have the same thing to look at. Will she treat your kid fairly?
 
Is her kid better looking than your kid?

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Reaper329 said:
thanks guys, we both have 1 kid, which could make scheduling difficult, but not impossible.
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atta boy reaper!..if she takes to your kid like a duck to water,i mean truly,with her heart!...then buddy you are in like flynn!
 
Word of caution, after reading dsade posts, just take a deep breath, exhale, and them laugh your a$$ off. This guy is knows how to put a comical spin on any situation. Much reps dsade.
 
I have had this problem in the past. I am semi insecure as I am sure a lot of people here are, but wen you are faced with a beautiful woman that acts like she is not beeautiful, it's WEIRD! Befoe I got with the girl I am with currently (fiance), I dated a girl like this. I was tripping balls every time she called and wanted to hang out!

A couple months into i and I realized she didn't have much else going for her besides her looks.

My fiance, best of both worlds. Hands down. I am very lucky.
 
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