Well considering she is not gone from your life, maybe write her and e-mail your thoughts. Although honestly it may not be you at all. Relationships are so complicated and require both people to be in the same place. Maybe she was the one that spooked and was not ready, perhaps her personal problems are more "in the picture' than you thought.
Hang in there, from all the conversations we have had I would not say you are blind to whats going on, or an ******* in any way. Just had a bad ending to marriage. Which if anything should make you more observant.