your best insults

jfuller

jfuller

New member
Ok...My friends and I really enjoy insulting each other. Sometimes they turn out to be hilarious...So I thought it would be neat to hear your best insults...
I will start with one..

Your the cum your mom should have swallowed...:laugh2:
 
"You smell." - It's the equivalent of stabbing someone in the foot with a rusty knife. It's not so much the wound, but the infection that kills them.
 
i'd respond but i have more important things to do... anyone wanna go to starbucks?


if i wanted your opinion, i'd beat it out of you.


you look like you've hit rock bottom, and have started to dig.


you'd be out of your depth in a parking lot puddle.
 
Honestly, I find the most effective insult is to look at someone briefly, chuckle in a very demeaning way, and then go on about your business... as if s/he were just a child you found slightly amusing.

If online, the above may look like this:

Invalid Link Removed
 
Some people say that you don`t have the common sense God gave a chimp. I defend you and tell them you do.
 
You are the reason abortions are still legal
People died for less in medievil days
Stop talking because you're spreading stupidity
 
if i wanted to hear an a**hole talk i would have farted.
if i wanted any s**t from you i'd squeeze your head.
if i wanted any lip from you i'd unzip your fly.

guy: "go f**k yourself".
reply "why would i do that? that's your mothers job"

guy: "f**k you"
reply "you probably would fa***t"
 
*Your mother owes my dog fk-money

*You have a face like a bulldog licking p1ss off a stinging nettle

*You're wife has a face like a bucket of smashed crabs

*You fk retarded amputee midgets

*Orange Hair and freckles? I'd rather be a retarded amputee midget.
 
bioman said:
I've forgotten more than you will ever know.
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My dad used to say that to me growing up. Now he argues with me that the news tells the truth, and all information in the internet is lies, and Obama is a good guy...
 
"Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you sh#ttier advice."

"As an outsider, what do you think of intelligent people?"

"Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?"

"Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?"

"Everyone has the right to be ugly, but f#ck... do you have to abuse the privilege?"
 
rubberring said:
"Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you sh#ttier advice."

"As an outsider, what do you think of intelligent people?"

"Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?"

"Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?"

"Everyone has the right to be ugly, but f#ck... do you have to abuse the privilege?"
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:
 
Your mother doesnt love you!

Your mom cried when she saw you for the first time....and it wasnt because she was happy!
 
I got busted one time by this chick in the gym. I snuck one too many peeks at her while she was doing stiff-legged deadlifts. She actually had the nerve to approach me and say in a snotty fasion, "I'm glad you find me so attractive." Without pause, my reply was: "Oh, your body is outstanding... but a woman's face is really important to me."

I swear, I've never in my life seen someone look that devastated.:lol:
 
My friend is short, and the last time I spoke to him I said: "Listen you cum-gobbling hobbit, if you don't shut the **** up I'm going to put you in a booster seat and walk away".

Pretty specific, but I suppose it has general applications.
 
Mulletsoldier said:
My friend is short, and the last time I spoke to him I said: "Listen you cum-gobbling hobbit, if you don't shut the **** up I'm going to put you in a booster seat and walk away".

Pretty specific, but I suppose it has general applications.
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Actually, I think insults pertaining to specific situations are funnier. We need to turn this into a "insult story" thread. Oh wait... looks like you and I already have!
 
rubberring said:
I got busted one time by this chick in the gym. I snuck one too many peeks at her while she was doing stiff-legged deadlifts. She actually had the nerve to approach me and say in a snotty fasion, "I'm glad you find me so attractive." Without pause, my reply was: "Oh, your body is outstanding... but a woman's face is really important to me."

I swear, I've never in my life seen someone look that devastated.:lol:
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LOL...Now that is hilarious!!!!! It is great to insult someone who thinks there the ****!!!! I can imagine her face after you said that.....:laugh2:
 
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

Nice dress. What make is it? Clearance?

You have all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.




I read this and about lost it. Not really a one liner, but I wish I could have seen the cop's face. (The "I" is not me)

I got a DUI about a year ago. My grandfather was a dirty cop, so our surname is well known within the law enforcement crowd. Anyway, while I was being checked out of the drunk tank, about to be released, some ass-hat of a corrections officer approached me. We'll call him officer Smith.

Smith: Are you (Grandfather's name)'s grandson?

Me: Yeah. (Knowing he was a dirty cop, sort of being a ****) Was he a good cop?

Smith: I didn't think much of him. (Pause...) Was your father (father's name), class of 67?

Me: Yeah.

Smith: Didn't think much of him either.

MOTHER F*CKER. You did not. My grandfather abused the **** out of my dad, and my father stayed strong and overcame it and is one of the greatest, strongest, and smartest guys I know.

It occurs to me now that I went to school with this prick's daughters.

Me: Are your daughters Jessica and Amanda Smith?

Smith: Yeah.

Me: Amanda's a better f*ck.
 
Are you guys for real ? I couldn't imagine being friends with anyone who speak to me like this , much less if they referred to my mother or GF in such a manner . This is the most childish thread Ive read on here and am now considering BB.com as a viable alternative . Sad world we live in when it is "cool" to speak to people you care about like this . Epic fail guys , mods please delete this thread .
 
sonofsteven said:
Are you guys for real ? I couldn't imagine being friends with anyone who speak to me like this , much less if they referred to my mother or GF in such a manner . This is the most childish thread Ive read on here and am now considering BB.com as a viable alternative . Sad world we live in when it is "cool" to speak to people you care about like this . Epic fail guys , mods please delete this thread .
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Who are you? The polite police?

Epic Fail? Far from it, and you want to go to bb.com over a general chat thread? :toofunny: Now that is comedy right there.

Sad world we live in when you can't lighten up enough to be able to crack jokes with your friends. I couldn't imagine being friends with someone as uptight as you.
 
sonofsteven said:
Are you guys for real ? I couldn't imagine being friends with anyone who speak to me like this , much less if they referred to my mother or GF in such a manner . This is the most childish thread Ive read on here and am now considering BB.com as a viable alternative . Sad world we live in when it is "cool" to speak to people you care about like this . Epic fail guys , mods please delete this thread .
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I could not imagine being friends with somebody such as yourself - that is, somebody who cannot fathom the innate humor and irony in "joking" (:generally not being serious) with one's friends. I shudder to think how mundane your life is when you are incapable of recognizing humor.
 
Take the **** out of your mouth before you talk.

Man, your sister/wife/girlfriend/mother is like a bowling ball, she gets triple-digit fingered then thrown down dirty alleys.

Your sister/wife/girlfriend/mother is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by mexicans.
 
The only difference between you and a bucket of sh#t is the bucket!

Your so ate up your like a di@k sandwich in a gay bar!
 
Vance said:
Your sister/wife/girlfriend/mother is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by mexicans.
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Awesome! :lmao:

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Nature played a cruel trick on you -- you lived.

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn`t be murder; it would be genocide!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn`t have given you worse advice.

Jesus just phoned. He hates you after all.
 
Wow nobody negged me for that one ?!!! I came in to work figuring I would be neggd into the f##king afterlife by now !!
Seriously nobody got it? I thought maybe someone would have caught on from the BB.com comment . Think about fellas ; this is a BEST Insults thread . If we are trying for the BEST insults then that qualifies it as a competition and I gotta try and one up you guys . That was MY insult ! I read through thinking ; "These insults are great , how can I compete with these ?"
Answer : throw down an insult that actually makes people on the thread actually stop and say , "whoa , that's too much !" - without getting rascist or anything f**ked up like that . I believe I accomplished that .
I was hoping to get more of you to take the bait though . Anyway I'm not uptight , my friends and I F**k with each other all the time with insults . AMspace is killer and it took me all of 10 minutes on BB.com to realize where I wanted to learn from .
So no need to turn my pretty face into gorilla cookies :cheers:
 
GMG760 said:
Who are you? The polite police?

Epic Fail? Far from it, and you want to go to bb.com over a general chat thread? :toofunny: Now that is comedy right there.

Sad world we live in when you can't lighten up enough to be able to crack jokes with your friends. I couldn't imagine being friends with someone as uptight as you.
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Awww cmon guy :kiss: dont be mad . Polite police-I f**king like that !! Thats good sh!t !
 
You never know around here bro. Glad to know you are normal. :lol:
 
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