KLEEN LIVING - A log about Life, Training, and Nutrition.

[MrKleen73]

Oh wow man that sucks….yeah, whenever you run a fever with congestion and lose your sense of taste, you pretty much know you have COVID. It is handy that they have the over the counter tests so you know for sure. Sounds like you got hit by one of the bad ones. Hopefully you’ll recover well and it won’t be a long setback for you.

It was odd because the heavy chest, no smell and taste stuff all came on at different points that didn't present like covid at first. I had no cough, or chest tightness at all and the first couple of meals that seemed off I could kind of justify why for various reasons. The fact I didn't really want to eat with a fever didn't surprise me, so my not wanting to chew or swallow made sense to me. Plus I could still taste a few flavors at first, they were just off. Tuesday the heavy chest started, and I told the wife I needed an inhaler, she said she saw a Covid/Flu A/Flu B test at the store and I told her nah who cares I won't do anything differently either way, but also thought well if it isn't one of those I probably need antibiotics. However, the way it slowly reared it's head, covid was the furthest from my mind at first. I was like Flu or Strep... Done. WRONG!!!

 

[Dustin07]

well if it isn't one of those I probably need antibiotics.

It was odd because the heavy chest,

yeah man tight/heavy chest is the worst in my head, that's the type of thing that is just gonna stress me out and give me anxiety. I agree with you on the covid thing but you do make a good point about eliminating it and knowing if you need to deal with something else. I'm glad you are bouncing back though!!! I don't remember having a tight chest when I went through covid, although who knows how many times I did. the only time I tested cause I was flying it was just like a bad headcold, loss of taste/smell were very very short lived for me, but it was more like that I'm really tired and achey thing so I just drank more coffee/redbull and had ibuprofen every morning lol. the second time I thought I had it cause my wife had exposure at work so we opted out of attending an event where our whole social circle was over the age of 70 and that weekend for ONE day, I felt like I had shortness of breath on easy walks and had the runs. which at the time was considered a big symptom.

but yeah, tight chest is no fun. I'm really bad about that when I think my chest is tight or breathing labored, I get all in my head. maybe its like childhood ptsd from crupe, those nasty heaving coughs where you're trying to clear your throught just so you can breathe and you almost panic thinking you're suffocating.

 

[MrKleen73]

yeah man tight/heavy chest is the worst in my head, that's the type of thing that is just gonna stress me out and give me anxiety. I agree with you on the covid thing but you do make a good point about eliminating it and knowing if you need to deal with something else. I'm glad you are bouncing back though!!! I don't remember having a tight chest when I went through covid, although who knows how many times I did. the only time I tested cause I was flying it was just like a bad headcold, loss of taste/smell were very very short lived for me, but it was more like that I'm really tired and achey thing so I just drank more coffee/redbull and had ibuprofen every morning lol. the second time I thought I had it cause my wife had exposure at work so we opted out of attending an event where our whole social circle was over the age of 70 and that weekend for ONE day, I felt like I had shortness of breath on easy walks and had the runs. which at the time was considered a big symptom.

but yeah, tight chest is no fun. I'm really bad about that when I think my chest is tight or breathing labored, I get all in my head. maybe its like childhood ptsd from crupe, those nasty heaving coughs where you're trying to clear your throught just so you can breathe and you almost panic thinking you're suffocating.

Yeah, I had childhood asthmatic bronchitis so bad, I will still get it and have my lungs completely lock up. I have had fluid on my lungs too many times. Which is odd because they say my lung health is great, but I am super sensitive to getting asthmatic bronchitis now if I start feeling my chest get tight and don't locate an inhaler of some sort pretty quickly.

 

[MrKleen73]

I moved this part of the convo over from Segan's log because I didn't want to completely derail his thread. Especially since this response unintentionally got very personal, I felt it belonged in my log.

I fully relate to this... lol


na I'm the same way entirely. I gotta force myself in to do most things, be it a simple training session, or yard work. but dang it feels good when you follow through!! I always know that the discipline today will yield results tomorrow !

Agreed, on the top half, but that second part, I know in my head, not so much the same in my heart. What the voice inside tells me when there is no motivation and discipline is required is quite different. Old statements of you are going to end up dead or in prison, why can't you just do right, you aren't going to amount to much, you screw everything up anyways, why even bother. Those are the messages that play for me in those times. .

This is the unfortunate self messaging a lot of people that grew up with ADHD have play over and over in their heads. Especially if they grew up before ADHD was more widely recognized and understood. I am not blaming ADHD for any of my current issues, we all have challenges we have to deal with. However when the internal voices are giving feedback like that, instead of having a positive base of encouragement and the belief that "Discipline today brings results tomorrow" you can imagine how hard it is to have to defeat the voice inside telling you that "you are going to fail anyway so why try", before you can even make the decision to do the right thing.

Of course, that is just me going off of what happens in my head, but it can be so paralyzing at times. It is kind of where I am now, fighting those demons and trying to shut that negative mother fcker up, so I can get my head right and back in the game. I can't tell you all how many times in the last few months I have almost made a statement that I am doing this now or this, or that, then rethink it telling myself this same BS every damn time and being like I am not ready to fight for it yet, so I delete an entire post not believing I am ready to stick to it. Which simply leads to more non-committal behavior.

I imagine some of you have intuitively noticed that I am fighting with something. I am, it is that damn voice inside screaming at me. However, I am also building toward something, toward being sick and tired of being sick and tired. So stay tuned, I am going to drowned that mother fcker out!!! Then we are all going to see me fly again.

While this was an unexpected derailment, and more vulnerable than I ever really intended to be with this post, I am just going to leave it out here. It is real, it is raw, and hopefully it is also helpful for others to know what demons rattle around in peoples heads, even the people we respect and or may look up to at times. So with this a share a little of my pain, a little of my heart, and a lot of my vulnerability with you.

 

[Segansational]

It was odd because the heavy chest, no smell and taste stuff all came on at different points that didn't present like covid at first. I had no cough, or chest tightness at all and the first couple of meals that seemed off I could kind of justify why for various reasons. The fact I didn't really want to eat with a fever didn't surprise me, so my not wanting to chew or swallow made sense to me. Plus I could still taste a few flavors at first, they were just off. Tuesday the heavy chest started, and I told the wife I needed an inhaler, she said she saw a Covid/Flu A/Flu B test at the store and I told her nah who cares I won't do anything differently either way, but also thought well if it isn't one of those I probably need antibiotics. However, the way it slowly reared it's head, covid was the furthest from my mind at first. I was like Flu or Strep... Done. WRONG!!!

Ah dang man, hate to see you down for the count! 70% capacity right now is no joke. Rest up, lots of fluids, etc. The loss of taste thing has to be really weird. But I do remember when I had it, I was super fatigued from basic stuff - can't imagine trying to workout while having COVID.

 

[Hyde]

I moved this part of the convo over from Segan's log because I didn't want to completely derail his thread. Especially since this response unintentionally got very personal, I felt it belonged in my log.


Agreed, on the top half, but that second part, I know in my head, not so much the same in my heart. What the voice inside tells me when there is no motivation and discipline is required is quite different. Old statements of you are going to end up dead or in prison, why can't you just do right, you aren't going to amount to much, you screw everything up anyways, why even bother. Those are the messages that play for me in those times. .

This is the unfortunate self messaging a lot of people that grew up with ADHD have play over and over in their heads. Especially if they grew up before ADHD was more widely recognized and understood. I am not blaming ADHD for any of my current issues, we all have challenges we have to deal with. However when the internal voices are giving feedback like that, instead of having a positive base of encouragement and the belief that "Discipline today brings results tomorrow" you can imagine how hard it is to have to defeat the voice inside telling you that "you are going to fail anyway so why try", before you can even make the decision to do the right thing.

Of course, that is just me going off of what happens in my head, but it can be so paralyzing at times. It is kind of where I am now, fighting those demons and trying to shut that negative mother fcker up, so I can get my head right and back in the game. I can't tell you all how many times in the last few months I have almost made a statement that I am doing this now or this, or that, then rethink it telling myself this same BS every damn time and being like I am not ready to fight for it yet, so I delete an entire post not believing I am ready to stick to it. Which simply leads to more non-committal behavior.

I imagine some of you have intuitively noticed that I am fighting with something. I am, it is that damn voice inside screaming at me. However, I am also building toward something, toward being sick and tired of being sick and tired. So stay tuned, I am going to drowned that mother fcker out!!! Then we are all going to see me fly again.

While this was an unexpected derailment, and more vulnerable than I ever really intended to be with this post, I am just going to leave it out here. It is real, it is raw, and hopefully it is also helpful for others to know what demons rattle around in peoples heads, even the people we respect and or may look up to at times. So with this a share a little of my pain, a little of my heart, and a lot of my vulnerability with you.

When it comes to reaching a specific objective goal, if you can’t go the distance… you won’t.

That absolute truth acknowledged, a lot of what we value, the real reasons we do it, in the world of pumping iron IS NOT absolute. I mean if you want to lift X or get to Y bodyfat or win Z contest, those either happen or don’t. BUT, every little step you take, every choice and action, ultimately may be moving you closer or further from those type of goals. And if you make progress towards them, that is usually enjoyable/rewarding as a process.

Doing a workout can feel good. Making a dietary decision at one meal can be satisfying & empowering. Getting down just 5lbs, even if you want to lose 50, puts you 5lbs leaner, healthier, and closer to your ideal goal. It’s not all or nothing! The process in any capacity of completion, at any pace, leaves you better off than had you not done anything.

I realize all of that doesn’t facilitate the achievement of grand goals, but there is so much to be said for both enjoying whatever you do accomplish as well as realizing that wins build momentum towards more wins.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step…and what people neglect to mention is that the entire thing remains a journey of individual steps, over and over. Every little one, no matter how often you rest or slow, ultimately is taking you closer to the destination.

Try to live for the steps!

 

[MrKleen73]

@Hyde great response, and advice. While my demeanor was a bit odd yesterday, with a big mix of medications, speeding from my inhaler, and a large burst of androgens from my catch up shot to catch back up on TRT I was in rare form yesterday. LOL

I almost deleted the post, but I figured I must need to get this off my chest or I wouldn't have gone into it. Then I thought just go ahead and share it, someone might relate. I can't be the only nut on the board!

While I was very candid, I am actually in a pretty good spot right now considering. I am actually living for the steps, and not so much the bigger part of the journey. I know where I am mentally, and committing to something larger when I simply know I won't truly commit right now would break my need for personal integrity, and hurt my mental and physical progress. So, I have only committed to doing what I can and more importantly to try to enjoy myself. This is because I know what this type of effort leads me into. Bigger and better things, as you mentioned.

Last time I was in this mindset, after dealing with a lot of the same pain issues I strung 3 years of hard work together, even through a surgery, to culminate into a successful bodybuilding effort. However I felt like I was spinning my wheels for a year or so before that and that was after coming back in from a year lay off with troublesome issues and a bout of depression. So I was in the same point of humility, and just having to enjoy what previously had been considered failures as successes just because i was still fighting.

It is a lot like you said, don't sweat the whole journey, or the next destination if it seems too big. Just string enough individual steps together and when I look back up I might be much closer than I expected. More importantly if that allows me to enjoy the process then it is a win. This is actually a huge thing in ADHD treatment, make the bites smaller if it looks intimidating, or hard to chew. Just do 5 minutes, just start, and if in 5 minutes you don't want to do more you can stop. Which tends to lead into a lot of productive work but if you consider the whole job it can become overwhelming.

When I do feel confident to make that call, pointing at the the bleachers and calling my shot, I will! However right now this is the way, as I mentioned, momentum is already building, and my lack of expectation outside of continued effort in the gym allows me to enjoy the process while becoming more motivated with every small win. I get a lil impatient sometimes, but that is excitement to really start building up some speed on this train, and once it is rolling along quickly, it won't be easy to stop. I just have to allow it to build and slowly accelerate instead of wanting to floor it and race down a 1/4 mile track.

So, what I will say now for sure is that I will make an effort to make better nutritional choices moving forward, they don't have to be major, just better for the most part. As i string those along that momentum should build too. If it has worked for me with momentum in the gym, it can here and who knows, I have much more control in this aspect, so as it builds I could get super motivated for a compositional goal which I don't have to build muscle for. So I think building more consistent food habits MUST be a part of the goal even if a "diet" isn't in the cards for me right now, small steps toward it could lead to great things that my injuries do not actually have much control over.

 

[MrKleen73]

Oh yeah, I woke up feeling MUCH BETTER! I also got a lot of my taste back, so I won't have that to lean on for easy weight loss. LOL That's okay, as you can see above we resolved that, and will begin actually trying to build momentum there as well. I am telling you, I can feel that pull, I am almost there and then we are up and running.

 

[gphagan1]

Man I’m so glad you’re feeling better. And thank you for sharing, because not only does it help you, but it can help others when going through similar challenges. I’ve seen firsthand what you can accomplish when you come out the other side of extreme challenges, and you’re always victorious because you’ve proven you’re a winner. We all hit roadblocks that knock us down sometimes, but it’s when we pick ourselves up and continue the fight that shows what we’re made of.
And again that’s awesome you are feeling better physically and emotionally, but I did want to share something I would tell my boys , especially the oldest. The oldest has ADHD and is Bipolar, so he really had some mental battles growing up. Very smart, but would get in trouble or when something wouldn’t work out he would get down and beat himself up. I’ll keep this short, but his Mom and I would always encourage him and work with him on having a positive mindset and outlook, and believe it’s all gonna workout for your good eventually. But I would tell him those negative voices wanted to make him feel defeated and focus on past issues, and then I would share that old metaphor about think about how a car is designed. The small rear view mirror in a car is symbolic of looking at your past, the large windshield is the future, and the inside where you are driving is your present. You need to know and learn from the past, but you can’t focus on it or worry about it because you could crash, the inside of the car or the present is where you accomplish the proper actions to keep the car moving forward, and you have to look out the windshield and focus on where you are going which is your future goals to get there. So I would help him to change his mindset of listening to those past negative voices, work now to accomplish what it takes to keep moving forward in a positive direction, see that he has a huge bright future all in front of him. Truthfully there was a lot more, but just wanted to give the short version. He says he still thinks about those talks today, and they still help him now at 42 years old with his mindset.
Now I know you know that stuff, but just thought I would share.
And again, it’s awesome you’re feeling better. And I loved what Hyde said, very profound.