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Freq's Chuck Norris thread, bring it on.

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and roundhouse kick himself in the back of the head
 
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
 
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.


Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
 
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris puts the ‘laughter’ in ‘manslaughter.’

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
 
some nutrition/workout tips from Chuck Norris himself:

Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.


After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
 
Chuck Norris sucks! YEA bring it on mofo's. This shyt was Vin Deisal a few years ago too...
Lame. Sorry guys but it just is at this point. :blink: :trout:
 
CNorris said:
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris puts the ‘laughter’ in ‘manslaughter.’

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
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i think i just wet myself...........
 
Jayhawkk said:
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
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I laughed at this yesterday and to make sure it was still funny I read it again today. Yep, I'm still laughing. lol.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
 
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
 
Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.
 
When Bruce Banner get angry, he turns into the Incredible Hulk. When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris.

If tapped, Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick can power the country of Austrailia for 42 minutes.

The Earth does not revolve around the Sun, the Sun revolves around Chuck Norris.
 
CNorris said:
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
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these are the best off all time. LMFAO!

CNorris, youve probably heard them all....you got the funniest ones by far.
 
I'm not a very political person, but this is a brilliant "policy message"! This one's for you Irish Cannon:

 
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity....TWICE.
 
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees.
 
Chuck Norris invented crop circles, because corn just needs to lay the fukc down sometimes...
 
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to CNorris again.
 
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried........ Ever.
 
Chuck Norris sweats out Old Spice cologne.
 
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