Was about to write another stimnovel in my last post lol.
Edit: I wasn't planning on it but this post became even longer just typing Excelsior free flow style lol
But yeah before believing I am only glorifying this red powder read the end of my last post about other strokes and how stims can mess you up.
After weaning myself off Excelsior. Partly due to supply running but partly due to my higher sober self always believing that as the name Excelsior meaning ever aiming higher and seeking the highest of high in spirit call it God or the Great Spirit or whatever rings true and fills your heart with love.
Stim junkie Excelsior though, today again just a little more than half a scoop 10,5 hours ago.
I have only used Excelsior for working out very few times and the times I did I realized I could really go beyond my own true capacity lol.
The focus, mind and the anesthetic effect when it comes to pain as well,
like when I drank Excelsior in a forest party over a weekend and danced barefoot for 20 hours in a trance like never before and only when the Excelsior was wearing off another 24 hours later or so I realized my feet were still numb and it took a week before I regained full sensations in the nerves of my feet.
The last supply I have I like to use for days when my dragging lazy ass needs a boost and when I have a lot to do and sometimes before riding all over this little town on my bicycle doing pretty much all possible missions I have got to do,
Like one of the days before Christmas it was minus 18 degrees here but I drank some Excelsior and just rode straight into the icy wind and even though the anesthetic effect from Excelsior and my polar thermo leggings shock down jacked etc The icy wind blew into my bones feeling like minus 30. Actually I am kinda pissed I ended up in such a cold place again. I was born in Northern Europe but managed to escape for 15 years living in Asia and was lucky to get a couple of amazing tropical winters. But then my destiny kind of kicked me back into my native regions.
I am a champ in heat and love the sun but I become a weakling in cold and get achy joints and my attention deficit brain sometimes turns extremely slow and even my hearts true excelsior emotions have lost their sparkle sometimes.
Excelsior is actually really inflammatory for me. Like when I get tired and exhausted and when it gets cold my joints get achy, Excelsior is perhaps emotionally anesthetic? I do feel my inflammations flare up after drinking Excelsior as well but being intoxicated with Excelsior it is like any pain wouldn't´ bother me anyhow. But if I kept drinking I would really mess myself up inflammationary wise and then sleep issue alone.
But today again like a champ. Such forward spirit the amazing focus, enjoying just looking on the dangerous icy and snowy road I am riding on , only pro cyclists and reckless stimjunkies like myself ride so fearlessly fast in the icy conditions.
15 years old I was once hit by a car when I was riding a miniversion of a chopper like motorbike. Japanese Honda Raccoon 50cc and mine was illegally trimmed up, max speed maybe about 85/kmh per hour or about 52miles per hour when I maxed out on my local highway late at night when no cars or police were around, well it was my suburbs biggest highway but I was even more reckless back then. It did actually get a bit wobbly at that speed because the bike was small and not really build for that speed.
I recklessly rode into this other rode coming from a curve and from that curve another car might have been riding a bit fast and I was somehow hit from behind.
I donat remember what happened but suddenly I found myself on my ass on the asphalt road. 4 metres away I see my crashed bike and a car that has stopped.....
I had a conversation with the driver and I guess we talked about what to do insurance wise etc but I actually barely remember any of the conversation I was just in such a shock.
My bike wasn't totally demolished. The handle and the front wheel could really move and it was a bit buckled up but I could still ride it back home. I rode home very slowly. I did never get another bigger bike but now only ride an electrical bike a bit too carelessly but after drinking Excelsior at least I think I am the champ lol.
Physical endurance but for me Excelsior really helped jump start me mentally. I had some serious issues and craziness in my life moving between 4 different countries and I was quite an exhausted nervous wreck before I even started drinking Excelsior lol.
But I started drinking it at a handy time and with its help did a summer of triple University courses , 2 in literature science and one in film theory and more specifically the cineasts art if Ingmar Bergman, the famous Swedish director. Quite a genius but its really depressing stuff and even more so if stressed or depressed yourself.
But like a total of more than 20 years it was another of those schools I kind of entered and honestly I am baffled of how much school I have gotten through while at the same very disillusioned with the value of what they were teaching...
But that summer I got through 3 courses and also managed 2 spend long summer days with the family, Biking 15kms with my sun to forest lake swimming, getting back home and cooking dinner and one of those nights I put the final touch to a 24 page collection of my 4 Bergman essays. Not proud of what I accomplished and honestly the the thesis of the University doctorate who very teaching the course and his intellectual theories about Bergman really baffled me.
In the doctorate work a bit over 200 pages written in an academic intellectually argumentative way, one of the points that he made a great fuzz about was that in Bergmans movies when the actors turn and look directly into the lens it breaks the illusion of it being for real and it creates an awareness in the observer that this a a created work of culture, film or art or what shall we call it?
Great poets and writers don waste their time writing boring University essays like that teacher and I did lol.
I have been really into many kinds of texts since a very early age. Loving Marvel comics as well as Tolkien and started reading world classics and Eastern philosophical works on Buddhism and yoga as well in my teens. And then life got so screwed up that a later age I ended up reading to many in my opinion crappy academic texts that sometimes really pained my poetic heart lol.
Only in Anabolic minds did I let my writing freely flow under the influence of Excelsior and that was muscleman. I sometimes joked that I was sharing Excerpts from a temporary stimjunkies diary.
But weaning off I realize I can never get true Excelsior of the spirit while under the influence. As long as the mind and the busy thoughts are moving at a high speed can we truly glimpse spirit.
Mostly I have bee caught up in my own busy head but I think that I have felt some peace bliss if even for a few seconds and the safest way to get there I believe is meditation. R respect many traditions. I even ended up reading a theological kind of degree but that was also crappy in my opinion. It was a lot of mumbling and repeating of words not truly understood.
The buddhist and yoga scriptures made perfect sense to me right away although consistently applying spiritual truths in real life is so much harder than reading a book and thinking it sounded right. Yogananda an Indian yogi who went to the U.S about a hundred years ago fused both hindu traditions and Christianity and he wrote a very comprehensive commentary on the Bhagavad in a beautiful flowing English that I far from have gotten through but every time I open it up it just rings true with wisdom, but when I am caught up in muscleman mania I don't want to bother with no spiritual truths because I am so caught up in myself and my stress and it's a hassle to change myself. So much easier to just be angry at outside circumstances lol
But I think I actually did hit bottom and am starting to reflect and I do hope I do keep strive ever higher in spirit as is the meaning of the word Excelsior when I am all out of powder and I wish I will not even miss it one day Lol And honestly being without has helped me a lot.
The truth in any spiritual tradition is love and I hope you and everyone who read this far and everyone who didn't read any at all love peace and happiness and bliss and that is the foundation of the creation says the old tradition of Vedanta with its roots and we are all part of it no matter if we realize it or not.
But it is only when we can go beyond the ego we can do that and the. Excelsior jump started my wrecked intellectual head for awhile although unfortunately I wrote too many boring University papers and a few too much muscle mania Anabolic mind posts and it mostly has kept me locked up in my head. But somehow some light has shone through the window of mys soul and I am grateful and I want to try and forgive myself for doing less than best I could do and instead be here now.
In Excelsis Deo