Depression.

toughchick401

toughchick401

Well-known member
I know this should be in the blog section but i need some feedback...

Ever been so depressed that you dont want to get up in the AM, ever want to sleep your life away? I cant get this feeling to go away. It's gotten worse the last 2 weeks. I mean yes we all have problems, we all have issues. But I really want to take a ride to Butler ( a hospital) and just sit in a room and have everyone leave me the hell alone.
Work is beyond stressful, we have 4 people out so the rest of us are doing 2 jobs instead of one. It was told to us that we would be helping out for 3 weeks tops, its been close to 3 months. School is hard, I am barely holding on with a B and I don;t know if when the final comes out I can pull it off, I dont remember my last masters class being that bloody hard.
And let us not forget the radiation, love that, that's fun, every other wed afternoon I get nuked and end up going home to sleep for 4 hours, get up shower and go back to bed.<sigh>

I know there is st john's wart? anything else? I just don't have it in me anymore, always been the strong one, well i am tired, done, annoyed and pissy.....

thanks for the rant/vent
 
Hang in thereTC, u have more stress going on in your life than most, I was feeling sorry for myself after remodeling our f---ing house for a week, now I cant feel sorry for myself anymore, stay strong u will get through this, I wish I was as tough as yourself, hope things improve for u.........
 
The key is not to get stressed. Its not your fault you're doing more work than usual so don't worry about it. Thats how it is where I work. They decided to save some money and fired a bunch of people. Everyone decided to work frenetically and it didn't take. So they had to bite the bullet and hire more people.

I'd just do your job and do it well but not worry about the fact that you're short handed. If it can't get done, you're not liable.
 
Willingness to disclose your feelings (as you have here) is a good start. Maybe by regularly so doing (with close friends, your friends here, family, or maybe a therapist) you'll be able to get some of those emotions out where you can work on them.

I also think that keeping a positive attitude (to the best of your ability) and reminding yourself that no matter what you think or do, things always unfold just as they are supposed to. And also, if things are bad now, they (of course) WILL get better.

A gratitude list might help--writing a list of the things you are most grateful for. Kinda helps remind us of just how much we DO have compared to many others. And it's not meant to make you feel different or separate from others, just to remind us of what we (all of us) are so fortunate to enjoy.

Another idea that I believe has incredible merit is meditation. Or if that's a foreign concept try this: If you can, go to the coast or a mountain range, or if you live in some place where that's not possible, walk outside in the dark tonight and look to the sky. I mean, really look into it, and let it's vastness sink in as you simply breathe and stare for 5-10 minutes.

The idea here is that as you look, you are actually expanding your consciousness (even if you're not aware of it). In order for you to even begin to conceive of what you see in that vast, infinite sky, you subconsciously shift your perspective on things. As you slowly return to earth and to the real world, you have the realization that your fears, concerns, problems, and so on are relatively small in the grand scheme of things. And that you, as you always have, can handle whatever life hands you. Best of luck!


...either that or just take a bunch of Xanax.... I'm kidding!! (Humor can be helpful too sometimes!) :p

Take care! ;)
 
Sometimes just talking and letting it out makes things seem a ton better.
I have been there hon, not for the same reasons as you, you have so much going on right now its insane.
If you want something herbal, try rescue remedy (I think GNC have it), put 6 drops in your mouth when you feel like you need it. It helps me to relax a bit.
There are tons of people on this board who will be there for you if you need them and you know you can always talk to me.
Don't think about the here and now, but about how great things are going to be.
Oh and treat yourself to something nice, a new top or a facial or something that brightens your day.
Chin up :)
xxx
 
I'd talk to a doctor. You're describing the classic symptoms of clinical depression. This is a real medical problem and should be treated as such. You WILL get through this but don't try and do it on your own.
 
Sorry all of this crap is hitting you at once; life tends to that to you. But you'll pull through it. You know why? Because your a beautiful person and those people always rise to the top.
 
milwood said:
Willingness to disclose your feelings (as you have here) is a good start. Maybe by regularly so doing (with close friends, your friends here, family, or maybe a therapist) you'll be able to get some of those emotions out where you can work on them.

I also think that keeping a positive attitude (to the best of your ability) and reminding yourself that no matter what you think or do, things always unfold just as they are supposed to. And also, if things are bad now, they (of course) WILL get better.

A gratitude list might help--writing a list of the things you are most grateful for. Kinda helps remind us of just how much we DO have compared to many others. And it's not meant to make you feel different or separate from others, just to remind us of what we (all of us) are so fortunate to enjoy.

Another idea that I believe has incredible merit is meditation. Or if that's a foreign concept try this: If you can, go to the coast or a mountain range, or if you live in some place where that's not possible, walk outside in the dark tonight and look to the sky. I mean, really look into it, and let it's vastness sink in as you simply breathe and stare for 5-10 minutes.

The idea here is that as you look, you are actually expanding your consciousness (even if you're not aware of it). In order for you to even begin to conceive of what you see in that vast, infinite sky, you subconsciously shift your perspective on things. As you slowly return to earth and to the real world, you have the realization that your fears, concerns, problems, and so on are relatively small in the grand scheme of things. And that you, as you always have, can handle whatever life hands you. Best of luck!


...either that or just take a bunch of Xanax.... I'm kidding!! (Humor can be helpful too sometimes!) :p

Take care! ;)
Click to expand...

Sorry all of this crap is hitting you at once; life tends to that to you. But you'll pull through it. You know why? Because your a beautiful person and those people always rise to the top.
Click to expand...
:goodpost:

Before I found the life I am in now, I was a pretty hardcore drug -addict, as in not recreational use, as in robbing house and the like for my fix (I was 15) I felt like this everyday. Until I realized the potential that each one of us has to be a great person. That exact same potential lies within you, just try to remember that.
 
Well put, Mulletsoldier. I can relate to your experience.

As far as things you can take, st. john's wort works great for some people but it did nothing for me. These three are some of the top brands: Invalid Link Removed , Invalid Link Removed , and Invalid Link Removed . Sam-e might help Invalid Link Removed . So might a high EPA (low DHA) fish oil like Invalid Link Removed or Invalid Link Removed

Sceletium Tortuosum/Kanna might provide some fast relief for you Invalid Link Removed .

Or you could pay a visit to a psychiatrist and ask for bupropion (Wellbutrin).

I wish you the best and feel free to pm me if you have any questions or need any help.
 
Frequently my responses to postings are just plain stupid comments intended to make me and others smile.

Occasionally, something that pulls a heartstring (one well known to me) causes me to respond in a way that probably reflects who I really am. This is one of those times.

First, although I don’t know you – I am sorry for all that you are going through. Sometimes we are served a dirt sandwich we didn’t order or deserve; yet we are forced to eat it and cope. Candidly, we probably don’t “deserve” many of the good things that happen either.

It is sad when one feels as if all they want to do is remain in bed all day, with the covers pulled over our head – as if it will keep things at bay. Part of the sadness is because - even if were to do so - the problems/situation/depression remains.

Mental health – boy does that have a stigma associated with it. But depression is one aspect of mental health From first hand experience I will offer that depression is a MEDICAL condition; it isn’t what others (well-intendedly, but out of mis-information/ingorance) frequently assign to it. It isn’t that “you just aren’t trying hard enough to be happy". As with your other medical concern, you can’t “try away” medical conditions.

Depression is a chemical imbalance. Its sources can vary. Herbal remedies and other supps may work – but why use something with fewer efficacies that a drug (SSRI or MAO) designed to deal with the symptoms? These drugs do not solve the problem; they merely help with the manifestations. Believe me, that is A-OK. The long hard work of resolving the issues causing the depression can be better accomplished once the chemical (serotonin) imbalance is addressed.

And this advice is coming from someone who generally despises the traditional western medical/take a pill for everything scenario.

Please see your MD. Paxil, Wellbutrin and other SSRIs (while not without their own side effects) are certainly better than continually feeling like you just can’t drag yourself another step.


Please seek wise counsel – from those who know/trust and those who can help you. That might include seeing a counselor (if so, try to get a referral – some are (using technical terms) goofballs).

And this advice is coming from someone who used to think counseling was for wimps.

If you have a relationship with God (and I hope you do, but that is my selfish wish for you, and NOT a condemnation if you do not) seek ways to foster that relationship. If you do not have that relationship, determine if that is something you want as part of your life. The point is – please do not suffer alone. That REALLY sucks.

Get some exercise, as physical as you can stand.

Read Helmstetter’s and Wayne Dwyer’s books; but remember – this didn’t all come about at once. So too, the solution won’t come about all at once. Be good to yourself and try not to solve world hunger in a day (translation: It took you a while to aggregate everything that brought you to where you are – don’t try to counsel/read/medicate/pray/etc all “at once”; let it run its course). This process may take much longer than you wish.

Fight the good fight. Not wanting to make it sound as if I’m overstating my importance; nonetheless – I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
 
Wow TC, that is a lot on anyone's plate, coupled with your health misfortunes only makes it much worse. I wish I could do something for you but I'm not a doctor. Hang in there and think positive. And I thought I had it tough, I'll think of you next time I start *****ing about my situation.
 
Sounds like you need some down time...you have too much on your plate. I know work might be a little short handed right now but I would take some time off and try to relax a little.

Go spend time with your nephew. I have three and this really works well for me.

If your not already doing some kind of mental therapy I would try it.

Physical, mental, and spiritual health are all interlinked and when one or more are suffering so do the others.
 
toughchick401 said:
I know this should be in the blog section but i need some feedback...

Ever been so depressed that you dont want to get up in the AM, ever want to sleep your life away? I cant get this feeling to go away. It's gotten worse the last 2 weeks. I mean yes we all have problems, we all have issues. But I really want to take a ride to Butler ( a hospital) and just sit in a room and have everyone leave me the hell alone.
Work is beyond stressful, we have 4 people out so the rest of us are doing 2 jobs instead of one. It was told to us that we would be helping out for 3 weeks tops, its been close to 3 months. School is hard, I am barely holding on with a B and I don;t know if when the final comes out I can pull it off, I dont remember my last masters class being that bloody hard.
And let us not forget the radiation, love that, that's fun, every other wed afternoon I get nuked and end up going home to sleep for 4 hours, get up shower and go back to bed.<sigh>

I know there is st john's wart? anything else? I just don't have it in me anymore, always been the strong one, well i am tired, done, annoyed and pissy.....

thanks for the rant/vent
Click to expand...
You and I have the same problems, if you need to talk let me know.
 
I've had to learn to change the way I think to change the way I feel. If I perceive myself as down, I am down. If I work at pushing myself up, that's what I am. Knowing that staying the course is tough, but you can do it. Find what brings you up and don't let go.

(I am stealing this) "Tough times don't last, but tough people do."

Best wishes.
M
 
Hey TC, I've read your previous posts in the other groups and I know what you have/are going through. You've seen more doctors than anyone should be subject to. A weaker person would have already quit school, their job, etc... But you continue to prove that weakness is not an option. Stay strong. Prayer is always helpful. I like to actually speak out loud and carry on a conversation. He doesn't talk back to me, but I know he hears me. Anyone with eyes as beautiful as yours should be able to see I'm right............
 
If you believe in god this poem will help a great deal. If not, well, hope you feel better...


One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was
walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the
sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he
noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one
belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When
the last scene of his life flashed before him, he
looked back at the footprints in the sand. He
noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed
that it happened at the very lowest and saddest
times in his life. This really bothered him and he
questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said that
once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all
the way. But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life, there is only one set
of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed
you most you would leave me." The Lord replied,
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would
never leave you. During your times of trial and
suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it
was then that I Carried You."



BTW, your earning the name "toughchick"
 
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spatch said:
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was
walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the
sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he
noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one
belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When
the last scene of his life flashed before him, he
looked back at the footprints in the sand. He
noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed
that it happened at the very lowest and saddest
times in his life. This really bothered him and he
questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said that
once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all
the way. But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life, there is only one set
of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed
you most you would leave me." The Lord replied,
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would
never leave you. During your times of trial and
suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it
was then that I Carried You."



"
Click to expand...

:goodpost:

I like that. I'm sure you won't mind if I share this with people I come in contact with.
 
i know what you feel like. I lost 25-30lbs after breaking my arm...2 years of lifting down the drain in a matter of a month. I was and still am depressed...the thing that keeps me going though, is I make sure I see it as a bump in the road and that I'll come back bigger and stronger than ever...

keep your chin up and you'll get through it.
 
Thanks to all who replied, offered advice, and other suppliments to try. As for seeing someone, that right now is out of the question for me.Maybe one day, but not today.

Right now I have tons of anger, which in some people's eye is what makes us sick, weaker immune systerms, etc... Someone mentioned god in the thread and although I will not discuss religon,I do belive in a god, but at this time I am very, very pissed off at god, as I have every right to be ( I see it this way).

I think right now I have to let myself feel anyway I want to feel, mad, happy, sad....usually I turn it off till i have more time. Sounds stupid huh??? well it's how I function. Until recently it worked for me..not so much anymore.

Workouts are going well, I find long walks alone, riding and getting lost in my music, help. That part of me is holding on ok, 5'11 and holding steady at 148 is ok in my book. One positive thing.

Although I find myself going out of my way to try to not talk to people, at the gym I dont speak to anyone, on my walks, (course being as it's cold as you know what now and I am one of maybe 4 idiots walking, not many chances to be friendly)...Even my friends, my cell has been off for 5 days, and I am ok with that....

It will get better, this I know, again thanks for the kind words, advice.....truely it is appriciated
 
Here's another idea that might make you feel better and allow you to dispel some of the anger.

As you have expressed you have a belief in God (but NOT in terms of any specific religious meaning), think of God as more of a force, rather than an image of a person, or whatever you think of when God comes to mind.

Think of God as a force or an energy which is entirely consisting of love. So god, then isn't an old guy with a beard, or a younger guy with long hair, or a seated figure meditating or ANYTHING ELSE we might create as images (because our human minds always grasp for something they can understand and see).

It seems to me that if I cast God in some image (as we all do) it makes it possible to become angry AT this image, thinking that he, she, it or whatever is somehow responsible for making things happen to me, allowing horrible things to happen in the world, or for not letting other things happen that I want, etc. etc.

The old saying that "God is Love" sums it up nicely. God is just that. A loving, caring, intelligent, "live" force that is part of all of us and which permeates the entire universe.

So then if I want to get mad at god, well, how can I do it??? God is a loving force--what's to get mad at???
Then someone always asks, "But if there is a god, how can HE allow starvation, war, murder, etc.?"

Again, God is not a guy with puppet strings, making people starve or allowing war or anything else. GOD IS JUST THAT LOVING FORCE. God is not a cartoon character.

So there are millions of starving children in Calcutta, so where is God? Well, God is love, like the love in Mother Teresa, working her entire life to offset this situation with the love in her heart. THAT is where God is. And in the hearts of the people who, in spite of their poverty and want, still care for and share with each other.

There are people in you life whom you probably love. What is THAT love??? It's a kind of force, right? An invisible, indescribable loving feeling. Hmmm......God must be there too.... ;)
 
Suggestion. Monday AM or as soon there after as possible call the local Newman center and ask to meet with a counsler. They base it on your income. Great place great people to speak with. I am telling you this is a positive action which WILL help. Leave the St John's Wart alone for now. Some bad side effects possible and you don't know how that or anything else might interact with your chemo.

Other suggestion Cancer support group. Your chemo people should be able to hook you up real quick.


CROWLER
 
Leave supps alone. Bump Crowler.

Some may scoff, or laugh a bit... but one thing I noticed that gave me a huge burst of positivity, and in turn prosperity in my life... is Yoga. For real.... I learned breath techniques and my focus and serenity just blew up. Stressors in my life vanished.. nothing phased me much. I was happy, and positive and I attribute the majority of this improvement to me learning how to calm down and focus my mind and body at once. Yoga does this. It's all about the breath. If more knew this, things might be a little more clear. JMHO. I really wish I had more time to give to it now, like I did then.
 
Lots of great life advice mentioned above.

I've struggled with depression on and off my entire life and I've had some success in alleviating the physical symptoms with some basic supps.

St John's may be a little iffy with chemo, I agree. It doesn't work well for me and gives me horrible insomnia which doesn't help matters.

Simplest and cheapest supp that "should" be safe..Folic Acid. I take about 3200 mcgs per day in two doses. This has been shown to alleviate the symptoms of several mental disorders...and it worked very well for me.

Chromium picolinate at just the standard RDA dose helps as well.

Selenium..very important cofactor for several brain chemistry reactions. Take it with some high gamma vitamin E for even more benefits.

B12..injections or sublingual tabs should be a must for anyone on chemo.



The chemical imbalances certainly make it difficult to deal with life circumstances. At the very least, you can possibly alleviate some of these in order to get a better outlook on how to deal with everything.

Hope this helps TC. Hang in there, you are not alone.
 
I think you are making the right choice to let your anger out. I think you have to. Everything else will seem like a charade if you go about trying to heal prior to dealing with it. If you (continue to?) cram it down, it will rear its head sometime in the future.

I'm sure God can handle your anger. I've felt hurt/angry/sad/etc when God allowed things to happen to me. Eventually I came to the conclusion that God isn't my airbag. I'll note that for me, when I've been really angry - my prayer life REALLY suffers. It isn't that God is leaving me, but rather I’ve turned from God. For a season (and the right reasons), if that is what it takes to deal with it, so be it. If you need God, he will be there in the future.

This isn't about me and I know it. It is about you and your hurt. I say that because I want you to know that I try to refer only to my experience - because it is all I can point to (I’ve only been “me”), and it is less risky to mention what I did; and not what you should do. I hope that makes sense. I would just feel disingenuous and out of place if I were to try to tell others what they should do, without having walked in their shoes.

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot, and it seems like there is (understandably) a huge sense of loss. The start of the healing process, for me, was allowing myself to let my anger out (it WAS NOT PRETTY – it was a sweaty, snotty, fist slamming, violent, crying explosion), try to understand what the root cause (not just symptoms) and then grieving my loss. I’m not proud of some of my actions during that time. I was furious.

I hope that helps in some small way.
 
Thanks for all the feedback, really....But I know what has to be done,althought most wont agree I feel it's a need my need right now...

Again thanks for the positive words/encouragement... :)
 
When it rains... Always plenty of room under my umbrella, tc. I hope your situation gets much better for you. I've experienced depression similar and it can take a toll on everything else around you. Keep your head up.
 
I hope you're feeling better!
 
karategirl said:
Hey TC,
How you feeling today?
Thinking about you and hope you are OK.:wave:
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Hey karate girl, thanks!!! today was an ok day, maybe things are changing, i quit my job yesterday( i have 2 more part time jobs so I will be ok $$$ wise), gave 2 months notice,take the summer off, travel,lay by the pool, read, de stress and do something for me.....:) And maybe go back to teaching in the fall, I do love teaching but LONG story why...

Now I need not to stress for quiting my job....hey refried? want a visitor for a few days this summer??
 
HAHA I have been begging girl! Only a few days though?

Wow after 6 months of begging too ;)

Call me, I will be in meetings till 7pm my time, is that too late to call you?


Chin up girl!
 
Update:

I feel more grounded, make sense? Not so much here, maybe it was the quiting of my job or yes I just bought a jeep rubicon(LOVE IT), and Money wise I am ok, I am even ok if i choose not to work for the summer, helps when you have no social life and work to much....

School is even going ok, i think I may end up with a B and hey I am ok with it......I also got into a study at Rhode Island Hosptial for lupus patients, so seeing others helps tons....Your not alone thing,....<sigh>

Thanks to all who posted, means alot..:)
 
Hi TC,
Glad to hear that things are gettting better and you are feeling more positive.
It will probably help a ton to be able to share some time with others in your situation, I bet they will have some of the same ups and downs that you have been having.
Hang in there.
 
refrieddreams said:
Call me, I just left you a message. I am so glad to see you are doing better baby.
Click to expand...


awww:) thanks.. i feel somewhat better! so how is the love life? fill me in???? Mine well, when the guy your dating says, "well looky it's Miss red face".(my lupus rash)..I didn't cry, didn't get mad I kicked him in his nuts(thank you karate, my front ball kick comes in handy) and walked out.....:rofl:
 
My love life? HAHA, who the hell knows?

My X kissed me the oter day, that was intersting. I am going out with Kendra tonight (the waitress) fianally ennded it with "The girlfriend" and I have another girl I like alot but she is so damn clingy...wants to move in and crap like that.

So, I have no clue how my lovelife is, I will fill ya in in the morning...;)
 
Hey TC
I hear ya loud and clear. I just left a job that was driving me insane with boredom. I was very down and depressed for quite a while myself. I was crazy enough to be driving 170 miles everyday back and forth home to work. Then finally I just could not do it anymore. It maybe a time for change for you as well. Life is too short to be miserable. As far as remedies go- St. Johns's Wort is decent but I find a body massage rejuvenating and fulfilling.

ICEBERG
 
toughchick401 said:
awww:) thanks.. i feel somewhat better! so how is the love life? fill me in???? Mine well, when the guy your dating says, "well looky it's Miss red face".(my lupus rash)..I didn't cry, didn't get mad I kicked him in his nuts(thank you karate, my front ball kick comes in handy) and walked out.....:rofl:
Click to expand...

I just have to say your avatar gets me every time. I think its the angle of the position on your head.

Anyway, carry on.
 
Hope you're feeling good/positive today, tc. All the best to you and everyone else on the board!
-mil
 
Seriously, colloidal gold has been known to be effective for depression. I know Bioman uses it maybe you can ask him about it.
 
Grunt76 said:
Seriously, colloidal gold has been known to be effective for depression. I know Bioman uses it maybe you can ask him about it.
Click to expand...


thanks, I have to be careful what I use as I have many health issues, ie..lupus, thyroid cancer....geee no wonder i am depressed??:(
 
:)Glad to see that you're doing better. Careful with all those supps, buddy. I hope you make it back to 100% sooner than later. ;)
 
handzilla said:
:)Glad to see that you're doing better. Careful with all those supps, buddy. I hope you make it back to 100% sooner than later. ;)
Click to expand...

Thanks, I dont take a damn thing till I see my new dr next week, but i have been doing things to de stress myself....walking, yoga, karate,things on my own, some me time...hell I have plenty of it lately...and thats good :)

Funny thing I dont even care if I make a full recovery anymore I just want the pain to stop, I am in so much pain (body aches) I could scream...........if that would end It would help 110%
 
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