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BMI charts= SATAN!

FL3X MAGNUM

FL3X MAGNUM

Legend
So allow me to rant before I ask my question.

My girlfriend, of almost 2 years, asked me a few months ago to tell her healthy things to eat, help her get in shape for summer, give her some exercises to do, etc etc. She basically has no comprehension whatsoever of diet/exercise/sleeping. Well, I have tried to help her every chance I get yet she simply tells me she's ok with her body and she changed her mind and doesn't need help blah blah blah blah. Yet every now and then she still hints that she wants some help. We have a gym membership that she doesn't use, I make healthier foods that she doesn't eat, I have a whole cupboard full of supps that help cut fat, she sleeps like sh!t. You know. It seems kind of hopeless. She used to be in shape(ish) but now she's let herself go and apparently when she looks in the mirror it lies to her. Not trying to sound rude. But if the girl wants help I'm gonna help her, and plus it might help ME a little lol...

Now after months of refusing my advice, she decides out of the blue she wants to be a personal trainer so she signs up for her first class, "fitness for life." Tells me her instructor is very strict like a drill sergeant but she thinks he's going to have a lot of valuable information. My first thought is WTF! I have been giving you tons of information. Next, she buys a book required for her class. She comes home last night telling me all sorts of things the book says that I HAVE BEEN TELLING HER for months with no success, yet she acts like its the first time she's heard it all.
She then tells me they did a BMI calculation and based on the chart she's a 20, which means she's normal and completely fine. So now she's living by what this stupid book says. A 5'4" female that weights 125-130 is fine, if you're in shape, the weight is dispersed in all the right places. But her weight is collected around her midsection, not her whole body.
She wears revealing/tight clothing when she goes out a lot, and I honestly hate seeing her do that because it doesn't look good on her, and her friends even ask me why I let her dress like that. She is apparently the only one who doesn't see what is going on here.

OK now that my novel is finished...

What am I supposed to do? I love her. But I am no longer attracted to her body, and I have become turned off by her sudden display of laziness and stubbornness.

Any ideas? :sigh1:
 
it might be time to give an altimatum..or move on.

Do you have a picture? I'd like to see exactly what you consider "unattractive".
 
I can look around...nothing recent on my phone right now.

Her love handles are pretty dang big and she's got a belly. Not "fat" but unattractive.
From the back it kinda looks like she has two butts lol...

IMO if I work hard for my body, the girl who gets to see it should feel like she deserves it. Maybe I'm crazy.
 
Well thats just treading in hot water my man! Weight issues are something that %99.99 of women take very hard. If you speak up and tell her what you think of her clothing and weight, you should probably pack ur bags and toss a pillow in the dog house first. I wish you and your gf? the best of luck and hope all works out.
 
Orangatang said:
I don't know if such drastic measures are in order. Give her the "baby we need to talk" speech. And sit down and seriously ask tell her how you feel.
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Yeah this is probably a reasonable thing, but I don't want to hurt her feelings so maybe I should lie and tell her I'm still attracted to her but I've noticed she's let herself go a little bit and it worries me.

I'd hate to cheat on her, but I feel like that might be my next move.
 
FL3X MAGNUM said:
Yeah this is probably a reasonable thing, but I don't want to hurt her feelings so maybe I should lie and tell her I'm still attracted to her but I've noticed she's let herself go a little bit and it worries me.

I'd hate to cheat on her, but I feel like that might be my next move.
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no, just drop her like a rock. cheating on her won't solve anything, just create more drama.

And seriously, if you are trying to avoid hurting her feelings by not telling her she's let herself go to the point where you are losing interest, but are thinking about hurting her feelings by banging some other chick then you have a bunch of thinking to do.... because which do you think will hurt her more.
 
You have to consider that women react off of emotion for the most part more then men do. So it could be every now and again she looks in the mirror, gets an overwhelming sense of disappointment and asks you for help, and as that feeling disappears, you bringing it up would only make her uncomfortable which is why she says she doesn't want help anymore.

This sounds messed up, but IMO it would work. Most girlfriends are always dying to take new pictures. Suggest taking pictures of you guys together on different occasions, and let her look at old ones in comparison. She will see that her body is looking different and hopefully this can spark a change in her attitude where she would be more willing to listen to what you have to say. Whether you are trying to help her or not, you have to take into consideration that it may hurt her feelings when you bring up her physical shape. Even though to us, it sounds like you are helping her out, or at least trying, to her it may be portrayed in a totally different light.

Also, keep in mind that it is her body, and while you are not attracted to her at the moment, that you still love her and that a relationship is not just a physical attraction. I'm assuming you're young, as I am, and at this point of our relationships we still do seek a lot of physical attention, so it may be frustrating. But it is her body, and she will come around when she is ready. If you love her, just keep doing what you do as far as your training, your diet and let her see the results of your efforts.

I can only tell you my thoughts and opinions because I am in a totally different boat. My girlfriend has always been hotter then me, but I have always been a smooth talker to her and an ******* to everyone else. An ******* in the sense that I am blunt and will not spare anyones feelings when explaining what I believe to be the truth. In short, I tell it how it is. So I started seeing results by eating a cleaner diet, getting more serious about my routine, and getting proper rest. My girlfriend, who had recently begin to put on a small amount of fat, began to get frustrated with going up a size in her jeans and asked me to always be honest with her, brutally honest. Which means if she asks me if I think she's letting herself go, or gaining weight, to tell her how it is.

She doesn't always eat exactly what she is supposed to, but if she has a cheat meal or gives into a temptation, she ultimately alters her diet for the next few days to make sure it didn't make too big of an impact on that week's progress. We did paleo together, keto together, and are continuing to cut. She has lost a very significant amount of weight, and the muscle that she put on when I was bulking (she's always hit the gym with me) started to appear more pronounced, and her lifts back it up. She ended up having to replace her wardrobe with smaller clothes, more form fitting clothes and has more self confidence due to the fact that I have never told her what she wanted to hear, have always been patient with her and tried my hardest to help her out. But help is all I can do, I cannot force her to do something that is ultimately my wish. Again, our girlfriends body's are not ours and they have to make that decision for themselves. It's admirable that you are not being a **** about it and are asking for advice but before anything else just know you have to be patient. If you love her that is. Good luck to you and the missus.
 
Cheating on your girlfriend because she isn't currently as motivated as you would be childish, as would be leaving her because of it. If you are serious about her, then it's something that you need to continue thinking about ways of approaching the issue, IMO. If its just a girl you've dated for a couple of months and just get physical with, then your answer is clear. Move on. But if this is a chick that treats you right and you think you're a good match then don't do anything drastic. If you were in the same boat as her, but flipped around, you wouldn't want her to cheat on you or dump you because you were not as motivated as she would like you to be.
 
There is a lot of research out there talking about waist circumference rather than weight as a health indicator. It is not hard to find reputable sources that explain why BMI is outdated and flawed. If she is into reading as part of a fitness habit she has picked up then let her read that and come to her own conclusions.

On a side note allow me to empathise. One of the things I have learned the hard way is to never train friends or family. They see you as a boyfriend/son/brother/grandson/nephew/whatever first and a PT second. I know of a couple of people in the fitness industry who train their relatives through someone else. They write the programmes and give them to a colleague to take them through. The relative is completely unaware of their involvement because that way they think they are simply paying to work with a trainer like everyone else does.

Paid advice is listened to more than free advice. She could pay a trainer to tell her the same things you have and take it more seriously because she doesn't want to waste her money.
 
I sympathize with you brotha, I really do. I've been in ur shoes before, I don't really have any great advice for you, but I do feel for you.


edit: I live in MI too :)
 
this is a tuff spot..for her to listen to a another person and not you is just natural for women..i was a personal trainer for years and my wife will never listen to me..but if someone else tells her the same thing then its golden...also not taking your girls side of things but 125 lbs and 5/4 seems ok to me...especially considering the average women in america is size 12..dont push to hard or she will break..if you love her find a way to make it work...she most likely feels very comfortable with you which is why the extra pounds are there....maybe just buy her some new clothes..but honestly at 125 i cant see her being all that bad
 
purelife1 said:
this is a tuff spot..for her to listen to a another person and not you is just natural for women..i was a personal trainer for years and my wife will never listen to me..but if someone else tells her the same thing then its golden...also not taking your girls side of things but 125 lbs and 5/4 seems ok to me...especially considering the average women in america is size 12..dont push to hard or she will break..if you love her find a way to make it work...she most likely feels very comfortable with you which is why the extra pounds are there....maybe just buy her some new clothes..but honestly at 125 i cant see her being all that bad
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Amen!

My girl is 5'4", 130, and lean! Got a big ol' firm booty and wide hips, and a flat tummy... Definitely not fat by any standards, and she puts up 205 on dl and 185 on squats.. Just get your girl to hit heavy weight, show her how fun it is, and that will take care of the love handles on its own ;)
 
Whatever you choose to do, remember..you gotta look out for number one first.


Once you're done looking out for me, then go ahead and take care of yourself.
 
I'm not sure cheating is the right answer. No need to crush her heart bro, if you feel like breaking it a little then dump her fat asss but i think cheating would prob leave you with an unwanted stigma
 
yea but there is more to this than just the shape. she wont listen to the info you are giving to her but will listen to some douche bag trainer who tells her otherwise? that, along with inability to take my advice and get her a$$ in the gym/kitchen would give me enough reasons to dump her. all throughout my life ive been constantly turned off by girls like this, so besides bangin i would never see any interest in them. now i found a girl who does jiujitsu with me, lifts, and eats my diet and its amazing. it feels great sharing this whole eating/training thing with someone. so i think you should find a new girl, someone who is just as this whole thing as you are. otherwise there will always be conflicts and you will be dissapointed. and if you are not attracted anymore, dont lie and pretend that you are. that will just lead to cheating and more drama.
 
SouthernCharm said:
Amen!

My girl is 5'4", 130, and lean! Got a big ol' firm booty and wide hips, and a flat tummy... Definitely not fat by any standards, and she puts up 205 on dl and 185 on squats.. Just get your girl to hit heavy weight, show her how fun it is, and that will take care of the love handles on its own ;)
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Lol that's what I'm tryin to say! 5'4 at 130 is great with the right attributes. However, her attributes aren't there and the weight is made up for with the midsection bodyfat. If it weren't there she'd weight less. If she were toned she'd be a HOT 125-130 lol. I'm talkin no booty, and a torso that goes out (boobs) in (ribs) and back out again (stomach).

My buddy's ex girl was the same, and she's best friends with her. He called her pear shaped lol...I'd never do that I'm not that mean but yeah, I get what he meant when he said it.
 
AntonG42O said:
yea but there is more to this than just the shape. she wont listen to the info you are giving to her but will listen to some douche bag trainer who tells her otherwise? that, along with inability to take my advice and get her a$$ in the gym/kitchen would give me enough reasons to dump her. all throughout my life ive been constantly turned off by girls like this, so besides bangin i would never see any interest in them. now i found a girl who does jiujitsu with me, lifts, and eats my diet and its amazing. it feels great sharing this whole eating/training thing with someone. so i think you should find a new girl, someone who is just as this whole thing as you are. otherwise there will always be conflicts and you will be dissapointed. and if you are not attracted anymore, dont lie and pretend that you are. that will just lead to cheating and more drama.
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This. To a "T"
 
Orangatang said:
No offense but ann arbor is a whore. Fukc Michigan!

O-H mutha fukcin I - O
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Looks like we got an interstate brawl about to be had lol.

I drove through Detroit once, I'm GANGSTA! What! lol
 
BMI are all sorts of messed...

I did a research study and they measured my "BMI" to see how fit I was considering the **** I ate. Mind you, I was in football shape then, 6'4'', 240, about 14% BF. At the end of the research study they wanted me to schedule an appointment at the doctor as I was close to being overly obese...

Just saying... Why don't you prove it to her that BMI is ****ed up? IE, get a picture of a very strong woman and her measures and weight and show her what the BMI says for her, I'm sure it's going to say she is fat as ****. Then get some alcoholic chick who's only got ab fat and measure her BMI... Can't really refute that.
 
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