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WOMEN!

oh yeah, and you do realize that when you guys decided to spend time apart, the guy was already in the picture. The time apart wasnt to strenghten the relationship, it was to bang that one dude. It was premeditated.

I am sorry for being harsh. The good thing is she already realizes she is a dumbass. So your ego should not be hurt.
 
dynomite said:
earlier you slighted the other gentleman when you said something sarcastic like "she picked a good one" when he wouldnt come fight you. If anything the dude is probably really cool just like you but is getting sucked in by the succubus too. Its not his fault. Your ex probably has daddy issues and will now reak havoc on men's lives throughtout her lifetime. Poor guy, first two weeks and already a fist fight. Hopefully he wises up from this.

Good luck man. Kill her with kindness. This drives em crazy.
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Yea actually I know the guy. He's friends with some of my good friends. He actually is a pretty cool guy, hung out with him a few times at parties and what not. I figured he was probably already in the picture when I found out about all of this. And, actually, she has a great relationship with both her parents. That's why I don't get it. Her dad does nothing but sing her praises. Maybe it's the twin thing. Like she's competing with her sis, idk. And yea she has been all kinds of "do you think you could look past this and we could be together" yet she told me she is gonna hang out with him tonite cuz she's been lonely cuz I haven't really been talkin to her. Nope, sorry you screwed up big time. Yes, she realizes she screwed up and she's gonna keep realizing it for a long time. I ain't going back into this mess. There is much better out there. Can't fall for those head games anymore :)
 
southernxgun said:
Yea actually I know the guy. He's friends with some of my good friends. He actually is a pretty cool guy, hung out with him a few times at parties and what not. I figured he was probably already in the picture when I found out about all of this. And, actually, she has a great relationship with both her parents. That's why I don't get it. Her dad does nothing but sing her praises. Maybe it's the twin thing. Like she's competing with her sis, idk. And yea she has been all kinds of "do you think you could look past this and we could be together" yet she told me she is gonna hang out with him tonite cuz she's been lonely cuz I haven't really been talkin to her. Nope, sorry you screwed up big time. Yes, she realizes she screwed up and she's gonna keep realizing it for a long time. I ain't going back into this mess. There is much better out there. Can't fall for those head games anymore :)
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Your balls and brain just grew 3 sizes!
 
Beau said:
Its funny, in a way. Although terms like she-devil probably make it sound as if I hate or am bitter towards "her", I'm not for the things she did directly to me. At least, I am not any longer. I used to be. To be candid, I was bitter for the entire time I tried to make our marriage work after her first affair. And that bitterness was fueled by the hurt and rejection from her breaking our marriage vows. I resented that I had to do all the hard work. She saw my forgiveness as a get out of jail free Monopoly card - meaning she didn't have to try to make amends. She never did.

But the minute I learned of her second affair (and it may be her 10th affair , I'll never know - nor do I want to), it was as if the bond inside me that linked the two of us was destroyed. I didn't hate or resent her - I just wanted her out of my life.

The only ill feelings I have about her are (1) that she slandered my name to help make her actions seem less sinister (but I've accepted this - it is what it is) and , (2) that I have to pay her spousal support (she slept with another man, for heaven's sake), and - most importantly - (3) that my children have suffered from what she has said and done.

The slander: Whatever people want to think, they can think. I would hope they might consider the source/motivation, but not necessarily. Regardless, I can't control what they choose to think.

The money: I really don't like subsidizing her immorality. I really don't. But I write the checks each month, and don't feel bitter; I just don't feel good about it. And - I've paid a lot of money to her. The good news is that it will go away forever when she remarries.

My kids: This is the one. I resent her treatment of them. They are really good men and they deserved better (or at least they didn't deserve what she did to them). I don't think about it a lot, but when I do I cringe. And I know, because she continues to say, she thinks she has done nothing wrong. That has found its way back to my kids (BTW - they are both in college), and it angers them.

I am truly glad she is out of my life. I don't wish her harm. I just don't want anything to do with her, because I neither trust or respect her.
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Don't know you at all, but you are a smart, good man, and i hope that she does re-marry soon so she will be out of your life.
 
southernxgun said:
Yea actually I know the guy. He's friends with some of my good friends. He actually is a pretty cool guy, hung out with him a few times at parties and what not. I figured he was probably already in the picture when I found out about all of this. And, actually, she has a great relationship with both her parents. That's why I don't get it. Her dad does nothing but sing her praises. Maybe it's the twin thing. Like she's competing with her sis, idk. And yea she has been all kinds of "do you think you could look past this and we could be together" yet she told me she is gonna hang out with him tonite cuz she's been lonely cuz I haven't really been talkin to her. Nope, sorry you screwed up big time. Yes, she realizes she screwed up and she's gonna keep realizing it for a long time. I ain't going back into this mess. There is much better out there. Can't fall for those head games anymore :)
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Good deal
 
I think it pretty common (or at its what I did) for the betrayed person to think the betrayer "did it to them"; meaning, we interpret the other person cheating on us as an indication that we weren't good enough. That is the pain talking. For those of us with a faith life, many would say (as I do) that is Satan talking. And as much as being betrayed hurts, it is the other person - the betrayer - who has the issues.

The truth is this: When someone secretly and intentionally betrays another, it is the betrayer that has issues. And some of those issues cut right to the core of that person's character: Narcissism, lying, inability to bond, selfishness, lack of compassion, no conscious, immaturity, unwillingness to delay personal gratification, inaccurate assessment of love (thinking it should always be Hollywood's impossible infatuation story line), etc. The list goes on.

The lying - in itself - is huge. That may even be a sign of borderline personality disorder. I think - betrayers have HUGE issues.

The bottom line in all of this is, yes - betrayal sucks.

But, it is a direct reflection of the other person's lack of integrity.
 
Dammit man, you broke one of the golden rules, and that rule is DON'T SH*T WHERE YOU EAT.

What I mean is I absolutely do NOT recommend dating people from work. Just causes too many problems when things go sour.

What she's doing is childish as hell. What you should do is stop even expending any energy in her direction. Don't try to make her jealous. Don't try to talk stuff over with her. Think. All that energy you're using thinking about her, you could be using in other parts of your life... one of which is MEETING OTHER WOMEN. Outside of work this time though! We all do it... get caught up on that one that burned us, but you have to take the advice of your peers and just move on. Try being single for a while and enjoy being FREE.

You'll find that as soon as you let go, you'll be the happy one and she'll be miserable as hell.

I saw you mention above that she actually wanted her new man to fight you? HAHAHA.... oh dear. I would NEVER fight another guy over a girl. Fight to protect one? YES. But fight one because she is choosing to be with him? That doesn't even make sense. And yet, I see guys fighting over stuff like that all the time. Makes no sense to me, but what do I know.

Just put one foot in the other until she's gone.... figuratively speaking of course because it sucks that you have to see her at work every day! Lesson learned... I hope. Sorry that you had to learn it the hard way though.
 
hey man my buddy was with this girl for 4 years and she kinda did the same thing what your saying... but he did get back together with her and he found out like a year later she was cheating on him again... screw her and every girl out there like that.. get in the gym, forget about her, and make her cry herself to sleep when she sees you next... There are many girls out there who would never act like this... you don't need her....
 
The route to take it obvious - have a threeway with her and her sister and then peace out on that situation.
 
Just to be fair and non gender-biased, if you are a guy that cheats or has cheated, you are also gutter trash.

/and no "bill clinton-esque" semantics games. You know damn well if the other person thinks that the relationship is exclusive, even if the complete discussion hasn't yet taken place.
 
dsade said:
Just to be fair and non gender-biased, if you are a guy that cheats or has cheated, you are also gutter trash.

/and no "bill clinton-esque" semantics games. You know damn well if the other person thinks that the relationship is exclusive, even if the complete discussion hasn't yet taken place.
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Agreed, 100%.
 
Just to be fair and non gender-biased, if you are a guy that cheats or has cheated, you are also gutter trash.

/and no "bill clinton-esque" semantics games. You know damn well if the other person thinks that the relationship is exclusive, even if the complete discussion hasn't yet taken place.
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Also agree 100%. Anyone who messes around in a relationship is simply insecure.
 
CrazyChemist said:
Also agree 100%. Anyone who messes around in a relationship is simply insecure.
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I'd go a bit harsher...I would call them a thief.

This is my time/money and I have the right to spend it how I see fit. If you fraudulently sell me your fidelity and I agree to then remain with you, yet you are not faithful, then you are a thief.

/I also believe cheaters should be prosecuted as such.
 
dsade said:
I'd go a bit harsher...I would call them a thief.

This is my time/money and I have the right to spend it how I see fit. If you fraudulently sell me your fidelity and I agree to then remain with you, yet you are not faithful, then you are a thief.

/I also believe cheaters should be prosecuted as such.
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In the case of marriage, it is an incurable breach of contract. The damages arising out of this type of breach are personal, emotional and financial; and yet their is no legal recourse for the aggrieved spouse - except for in a few states (like North Carolina, I believe) that still have certain statutes covering things like alienation of affection.

Even though my ex-wife catted around on me, I maintained my vows.
 
Beau said:
Even though my ex-wife catted around on me, I maintained my vows.
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As I always have as well - both wives and girlfriends (often at the same time). After all, it's MY word of honor that I have to value, regardless of others'.



/kidding about the wife and girlfriend at the same time.
//it's called honor.
 
dsade said:
As I always have as well - both wives and girlfriends (often at the same time). After all, it's MY word of honor that I have to value, regardless of others'.



/kidding about the wife and girlfriend at the same time.
//it's called honor.
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I agree. My keeping my vows was a gift to me, from me. I wanted to do the right thing, for the sake of doing the right thing. Almost everyone told me to go out and get laid - as if that would solve the situation. I would have just objectified someone else and lowered myself to the level of my now ex-wife. No thanks.

I waited.

I am glad I did. And, whereas my sons are ashamed of their mother, they've told me I handled the entitre thing "like a man".
 
dsade said:
As I always have as well - both wives and girlfriends (often at the same time). After all, it's MY word of honor that I have to value, regardless of others'.



/kidding about the wife and girlfriend at the same time.
//it's called honor.
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Honor is a rare thing to find in this world... and its a shame.
 
Man it's ridiculous. I haven't called her, texted her or anything. Basically told her to F off. I show up at work today and it's like we never missed a beat. She was on me like stink on sh!t. The more I ignored her, the more she was on my nuts. It's a shame she's realizing what she had after it's too late. I tried to tell her that she has ruined my trust for her and that is the most important thing in a relationship. She just won't listen and it's making it even harder on me. My buddy at work told me it's gonna end up like some fatal attraction stuff haha..She ruined my trust, idk how to get it through her head.
 
You're not going to get it "through to her". It's a cat and mouse game now. The more you run and push her away the harder she is going to claw her way back into your life. Be polite but stand firm. It's game time, if she beats you now (and yes...it is a game), you'll forever be something she can just toy with. End the cycle. And trust me...the other women in the office will admire you at how resilient you are. Lets them know you're willing to stand by your decision.

Stand Tall Bro and don't give in.
 
southernxgun said:
Man it's ridiculous. I haven't called her, texted her or anything. Basically told her to F off. I show up at work today and it's like we never missed a beat. She was on me like stink on sh!t. The more I ignored her, the more she was on my nuts. It's a shame she's realizing what she had after it's too late. I tried to tell her that she has ruined my trust for her and that is the most important thing in a relationship. She just won't listen and it's making it even harder on me. My buddy at work told me it's gonna end up like some fatal attraction stuff haha..She ruined my trust, idk how to get it through her head.
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Why must you get through to her? lol- she's not operating logically to begin with.
She's attracted, again- that's emotional. Your showing your higher value by not crying about loosing her.

Just Find something else of yours to "get through to her" :laugh:
..Do you need to have trust to do this????
 
Like others said, just be polite and treat her like anyone else. Yeah, she's a terrible person... but no need to waste time and energy on her. You need to be busy with other things in your life right now. Be a high value man. Yeah, it's going to drive her nuts... but that's the best part, right? The best reaction to her is no reaction at all. Greet her with a smile but know that you aren't going to be with her anymore, if that's what you truly want.
 
southernxgun said:
Yea I'm not an evil guy at all. As much fun as it would be to screw her over, I just don't have it in me. Even with all the bullsh!t she put me through, I still care for her. But, I talked to her at work for a little while and she was trying to act like it is no big deal. She had no remorse at all, so I told her to stop callin me, texting me, etc. I told her I am never going to get back together with her and I meant it. I'm just gonna cut all ties. I'll still be dignified at work or if I see her out, but there is no way I'll ever even consider taking her back..Funny thing, we kinda got into a sh!it talking match for a minute, well she was talking I was just laughing at the whole thing cuz she's mad at ME for catching her red handed and not believeing her when she denied it. Anyway, her sister told me she was trying to get ol' boy to come up and "talk" to me i.e. try to punk me out, fight me, whatever..and he pu$$ed out..ah she picked a good one, not that I would fight over her anymore anyway lol
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OMFG WHAT A FILTHY PIECE OF **** SHE IS theese kinda girls make me so mad u have no ****ing idea, otpion 1 60mg of nolvadex/100mg of clomid. option 2 drop her off at a forest
 
Or he could walk away and find something 10x better... and not wast time/energy even thinking about her. Any kind of effort in her direction is a waste imo.
 
buuzer0 said:
Or he could walk away and find something 10x better... and not wast time/energy even thinking about her. Any kind of effort in her direction is a waste imo.
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Agreed, but easier said than done.

What makes him unable to treat her like ****, and cheat, also probably means he wants to help her realize her error (my problem as well) which means more wasted energy.

Hopefully I am wrong.


/stupid jesus complex.
//the world does not want to be saved.
 
Ignoring jumping in on dsade for certain comment >.>

Dude...find a better girl, a hottie, then hang out somewhere where your ex will see you, and enjoy, enjoy what is one of the most satisfactory moments a man can have....next to a few other things >.>

I might be a religious man, but when a women does some crap like she did. She deserves a few months of emotional pain and confusion. Maybe it will help her out in life.

And if you do want to help her, the best thing it to pretend she does not exist. She may actually(a rare 15% chance) learn something from this.

I started lifting hardcore after me an my ex broke up....her husband is a guy who everyone says looks like a gopher, crappy personality, has some gyno for being super lanky(looks bad), and not really manly at all... I am getting ripped, have earned the respect of alot of people. As a man I have grown to be something more than what she is gona find in another guy.

Do i still want to smash his head like a pumpkin? Sure....he is a good guy though, and we would have been good friends... fate is a sinister being.
 
Indeed it is easier said than done.

But as satisfying as it seems like it would be to get a hottie and purposefully try to get your ex to see you out with her, to me that's more immature and on her level and when it comes down to it is lower value behavior than just naturally going after some hot girls because YOU want to go after them, not to spite someone else. The back and forth *aaahh-haaa, look at me, look at what you're missin, and look at what i've got now!* kid games will never end and it's more destructive than TRULY moving on.

Plus, think about the girl you would be using to spite your ex. Is that really fair to her?
 
I am all about being more mature. But sometimes its worth the chuckle you know? Obviously make it a person you are really interested in dating.
 
Truly, being able to walk away and bury the hatchet - and do so without leaving the handle sticking out far enough to pull it out again to bludgeon her - is the best solution.

Holding onto to un-forgiveness, and wanting revenge, is like drinking your own poison, but expecting her to suffer.

She won't see her "mistake", and you can't show it to her. Why? Because She doesn't think she made a mistake. The only problem she sees is that you caught her.

Liars work like that.
 
Beau said:
Truly, being able to walk away and bury the hatchet - and do so without leaving the handle sticking out far enough to pull it out again to bludgeon her - is the best solution.

Holding onto to un-forgiveness, and wanting revenge, is like drinking your own poison, but expecting her to suffer.

She won't see her "mistake", and you can't show it to her. Why? Because She doesn't think she made a mistake. The only problem she sees is that you caught her.

Liars work like that.
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For the first bold words- LOL, perfect.

For the second bolded, underlines, italicized words. Amen.

Be careful, revenge is one of the deadliest poisons and double edge swords out there. Throughout history people will dedicate their whole life to revenge, they will gladly destroy themselves to see another fall.

Now say someone hurts me family, yeah, I will be dedicated to making the people responsible wish they were never born.

A girl screws me over....usually hurts really bad, but not worth it in a revenge sense.

Course, a lil thing here and there is not revenge. Sometimes karma takes care of things.

And for his last sentence, true. She doesnt think she is wrong, she just is upset she got caught.
 
dynomite said:
earlier you slighted the other gentleman when you said something sarcastic like "she picked a good one" when he wouldnt come fight you. If anything the dude is probably really cool just like you but is getting sucked in by the succubus too. Its not his fault. Your ex probably has daddy issues and will now reak havoc on men's lives throughtout her lifetime. Poor guy, first two weeks and already a fist fight. Hopefully he wises up from this.

Good luck man. Kill her with kindness. This drives em crazy.
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Not a problem if he doesnt know she has a man. If he knows, he is just as liable. Dont put that "getting sucked in" bs.

I was in a crazy relationship years ago. This chick basically "forced" me to fall in love with her. She would twist things and make me believe i was actually in love with her. I was young. I heard she was slutty, wrote it off because she was good to me. Months later and a move to germany and we are engaged. I always had the suspicion she was cheating, just had that vision of her banging some random dude. Called over there a bunch of times, and once in a while a dude picked up. She claimed it was a wrong number.

Fast forward, i visit her on a WEEKEND. Comes back she is pregnant with "my" child. She claimed she loved me so much, wanted to have my kids yet goes and gets an abortion.

We dont talk for months (got deployed to Iraq) and when i get back i found out i had orders to germany. I emailed her and she gave me some BS about how her phone broke and she lost my numbers and email. Then she told me she met someone who she cared so much about. They got married after 4 months together. He was the guy she was banging, and im sure there were many.

Looking back that chick was a wacko, i mean really bad. Pulled her eyelid hair off, plucked all her eyebrows off. I was in such a different world. Its insane. As soon as i thought she was cheating after the guy picking up, i started plowing everything i saw. Played the nice guy route, and she wants me back to this day problably. Havent talked to her in 3 years. She couldnt believe i got stationed in Germany.
 
MrBigPR said:
Not a problem if he doesnt know she has a man. If he knows, he is just as liable. Dont put that "getting sucked in" bs.

I was in a crazy relationship years ago. This chick basically "forced" me to fall in love with her. She would twist things and make me believe i was actually in love with her. I was young. I heard she was slutty, wrote it off because she was good to me. Months later and a move to germany and we are engaged. I always had the suspicion she was cheating, just had that vision of her banging some random dude. Called over there a bunch of times, and once in a while a dude picked up. She claimed it was a wrong number.

Fast forward, i visit her on a WEEKEND. Comes back she is pregnant with "my" child. She claimed she loved me so much, wanted to have my kids yet goes and gets an abortion.

We dont talk for months (got deployed to Iraq) and when i get back i found out i had orders to germany. I emailed her and she gave me some BS about how her phone broke and she lost my numbers and email. Then she told me she met someone who she cared so much about. They got married after 4 months together. He was the guy she was banging, and im sure there were many.

Looking back that chick was a wacko, i mean really bad. Pulled her eyelid hair off, plucked all her eyebrows off. I was in such a different world. Its insane. As soon as i thought she was cheating after the guy picking up, i started plowing everything i saw. Played the nice guy route, and she wants me back to this day problably. Havent talked to her in 3 years. She couldnt believe i got stationed in Germany.
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jesus... atleast youre outta that mess now tho
 
Simple matter of fact. When a woman says "we should take a break" she is saying she wants to keep you on lay away while she bangs around, and see if there is a better sale...

She want a break, tell her goodbye from now on. For future reference.
 
dsade said:
I'd go a bit harsher...I would call them a thief.

This is my time/money and I have the right to spend it how I see fit. If you fraudulently sell me your fidelity and I agree to then remain with you, yet you are not faithful, then you are a thief.

/I also believe cheaters should be prosecuted as such.
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I don't condone cheating or cheaters. But in SOME cases... people who cheat do so because they are marginalized and pushed down that path by their partners.

When a married man is desperate for sex, the wife basically has control of his sex life. If she just keeps refusing (100% of the time) and this goes on for months, I think that's a form of mental torture.

It happened to my uncle... he ended up having an affair with two different women. My whole family hated him for it but I told him that i perfectly understood why he did it. His wife was just never around and when she was, it'd be nothing but negativity she brought. And they didn't have sex for close to a year.

They've gone through divorce now..

But other than those type of cases, cheating deserves a beating.
 
BoyFromAus said:
I don't condone cheating or cheaters. But in SOME cases... people who cheat do so because they are marginalized and pushed down that path by their partners.

When a married man is desperate for sex, the wife basically has control of his sex life. If she just keeps refusing (100% of the time) and this goes on for months, I think that's a form of mental torture.

It happened to my uncle... he ended up having an affair with two different women. My whole family hated him for it but I told him that i perfectly understood why he did it. His wife was just never around and when she was, it'd be nothing but negativity she brought. And they didn't have sex for close to a year.

They've gone through divorce now..

But other than those type of cases, cheating deserves a beating.
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Why did he wait so long to divorce her? Once those games start, the marriage is over ANYWAY.

And yeah, it's his vow that he broke regardless. He should have said to her "I will now be breaking my vow of fidelity to you, and consulting a lawyer for our divorce for the following reason..."

While waiting, there is always masturbation.

At the point where the intention is clear, and the vow CLEARLY broken, then there is some leeway - but to go creep around is still scumbag behaviour.
 
dsade said:
Why did he wait so long to divorce her? Once those games start, the marriage is over ANYWAY.

And yeah, it's his vow that he broke regardless. He should have said to her "I will now be breaking my vow of fidelity to you, and consulting a lawyer for our divorce for the following reason..."

While waiting, there is always masturbation.

At the point where the intention is clear, and the vow CLEARLY broken, then there is some leeway - but to go creep around is still scumbag behaviour.
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It was her who divorced him after finding out about it. I don't think he wanted a divorce simply because it took a lot of effort and he still wanted a family. But yea, he should have warned her before hand that he can't handle being celibate. I'm not sure if he was that open to her or not.
 
dsade said:
Why did he wait so long to divorce her? Once those games start, the marriage is over ANYWAY.

And yeah, it's his vow that he broke regardless. He should have said to her "I will now be breaking my vow of fidelity to you, and consulting a lawyer for our divorce for the following reason..."

While waiting, there is always masturbation.

At the point where the intention is clear, and the vow CLEARLY broken, then there is some leeway - but to go creep around is still scumbag behaviour.
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dsade, I am surprised at how much I agree with and like your responses on this thread lol. Good input!
 
buuzer0 said:
Like others said, just be polite and treat her like anyone else. Yeah, she's a terrible person... but no need to waste time and energy on her. You need to be busy with other things in your life right now. Be a high value man. Yeah, it's going to drive her nuts... but that's the best part, right? The best reaction to her is no reaction at all. Greet her with a smile but know that you aren't going to be with her anymore, if that's what you truly want.
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I have no desire to be with her anymore at all. I still love her, but she kinda broke the "bond" so to speak. I'm not going around talking to other girls to spite her, but I am doing it to move on and get that confidence boost. It's killing her too. She's been trying to start random arguments out of nowhere to get my attention back on her. It's starting to become amusing. Maybe sometime down the line I'll give her another chance, IF she learns a lesson here and IF she matures. But, I just don't see that happening anytime in the near future.
 
I've been where you are...many years ago...and holding it in your heart that you may "give her a chance" is just the same as saying "I hope one day to be back with her". It's only going to lead to heartache. As hard as it is...tell yourself that she was a chapter in your life but it has come to an end and move on to the next chapter. Trust me...it's for the best.
 
MrBigPR said:
Not a problem if he doesnt know she has a man. If he knows, he is just as liable. Dont put that "getting sucked in" bs.

I was in a crazy relationship years ago. This chick basically "forced" me to fall in love with her. She would twist things and make me believe i was actually in love with her. I was young. I heard she was slutty, wrote it off because she was good to me. Months later and a move to germany and we are engaged. I always had the suspicion she was cheating, just had that vision of her banging some random dude. Called over there a bunch of times, and once in a while a dude picked up. She claimed it was a wrong number.

Fast forward, i visit her on a WEEKEND. Comes back she is pregnant with "my" child. She claimed she loved me so much, wanted to have my kids yet goes and gets an abortion.

We dont talk for months (got deployed to Iraq) and when i get back i found out i had orders to germany. I emailed her and she gave me some BS about how her phone broke and she lost my numbers and email. Then she told me she met someone who she cared so much about. They got married after 4 months together. He was the guy she was banging, and im sure there were many.

Looking back that chick was a wacko, i mean really bad. Pulled her eyelid hair off, plucked all her eyebrows off. I was in such a different world. Its insane. As soon as i thought she was cheating after the guy picking up, i started plowing everything i saw. Played the nice guy route, and she wants me back to this day problably. Havent talked to her in 3 years. She couldnt believe i got stationed in Germany.
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:eek5:
 
FWIW - My ex-wife controlled our sex life. I hated my sex life with her. She was a sexual albatross. But I tried to hold my family together, and thats why I did what I did, for so long as I did. But my sex life was truly awful. She used it as punishment, and she controlled me. There were times that she set me up to expect sex (days in advance) and then when the day came, she did nothing and went to sleep.

If not for my desire to have an in-tact family (meaning, if we hadn't had children), I would have divorced her long ago.

After some very serious contemplation, I realized that my sex life, possibly more than her affairs, used to be the biggest disappointment in my life.

But I stayed faithful. When I took my vow, and I meant it - even if she didn't.

I tried to do what was honorable, even if that meant it was most honorable, all things considered; not what was best for me personally.
 
Beau said:
I tried to do what was honorable, even if that meant it was most honorable, all things considered; not what was best for me personally.
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then again, when you really look deeply into it, noble character finds that what is honorable IS what is best for you personally.

It's just not immediately apparent until much later, but that nagging urge you had to remain honorable was your true self screaming at you not to destroy yourself for a momentary pleasure.
 
dsade said:
then again, when you really look deeply into it, noble character finds that what is honorable IS what is best for you personally.

It's just not immediately apparent until much later, but that nagging urge you had to remain honorable was your true self screaming at you not to destroy yourself for a momentary pleasure.
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Yes, and I see that with much greater clarity now.

I believe we, as men, are responsible for putting a hedge around ourselves to avoid knowingly putting ourselves in situations that would destroy us (or our vows) for momentary pleasure. There is a very good book covering this topic, written from a Christian perspective. Feel free to PM me and I'll sent the title to you.
 
Beau said:
Yes, and I see that with much greater clarity now.

I believe we, as men, are responsible for putting a hedge around ourselves to avoid knowingly putting ourselves in situations that would destroy us (or our vows) for momentary pleasure. There is a very good book covering this topic, written from a Christian perspective. Feel free to PM me and I'll sent the title to you.
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Ever read Battlefield of the Mind, or Reduce Me to Love? Very good books to help you understand and grow.

Honor is not something we give ourselves, it is something earned in the eyes of God(for believers) and others through our integrity. One of the reasons I believe we are faced with so many horrid situations is to sort out who is a real man, and who is a coward. War separates the brave and the weak. Sadly so does love, but love takes more of a toll on us and sometimes we wish we had been in war.

The phrase all is fair in love and war is all to realistic. We may be the good guys, fight with honor, and follow the rules..... but the other party never seems to do so....
 
When you guys say stuff like you still have feelings for her... why? Why would you want someone who does that kind of stuff? You have to realize she is not what you thought you had, you built up the idea that she is a great person in your head and when reality comes crashing in you still see her as that amazing person for some reason. Just realize, she isn't what you thought you had. You saw her how you wanted to, not how she is.

I'm not going into my personal details much but I have been a serious wreck (puked up nearly everything I ate for a month, not by choice, and lots of other problems) over a girl like this before until I realized that she simply is not the great person I think I've lost and that I never had that person. By the way until you've broken down that ideal version of her in your mind, don't see her, since you are used to seeing your idealized version of her.
 
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