Infidelity

[RenegadeRows]

If I'm dating the girl: Kick them to the curb. Don't think twice bout it.

I'f I'm married with kids: Try to work through it, at least for the kid's sake, if not for the hassle and expense of divorce.

 

[Zero V]

If I'm dating the girl: Kick them to the curb. Don't think twice bout it.

I'f I'm married with kids: Try to work through it, at least for the kid's sake, if not for the hassle and expense of divorce.

if your wife cheated on you.....and she was standing in the road, this is a couple months after lets say, and you see a car coming thats going to hit her at maybe 50mph....would you say anything, or watch?

 

[Rick28]

if your wife cheated on you.....and she was standing in the road, this is a couple months after lets say, and you see a car coming thats going to hit her at maybe 50mph....would you say anything, or watch?

If I caught them in the adulterous, vile, whore act; watching her being in subjection to another man, I'll watch. Maybe it'll be like the beginning car scene in Final Destination 2!

 

[RenegadeRows]

if your wife cheated on you.....and she was standing in the road, this is a couple months after lets say, and you see a car coming thats going to hit her at maybe 50mph....would you say anything, or watch?

Say something, of course. I've been cheated on before. People make mistakes, I've forgiven. Nobody's perfect, etc etc etc. I don't let that particular subject bother me. I learned once, the hard way, and I've been fine ever since

 

[Rick28]

Say something, of course. I've been cheated on before. People make mistakes, I've forgiven. Nobody's perfect, etc etc etc. I don't let that particular subject bother me. I learned once, the hard way, and I've been fine ever since

What you're saying is commendable but on the other hand making a mistake by slipping your panties off, having your breasts ravaged and and letting him penetrate you deep and lovingly would be hard to forget. More power to ya though :thumbsup:

 

[RenegadeRows]

What you're saying is commendable but on the other hand making a mistake by slipping your panties off, having your breasts ravaged and and letting him penetrate you deep and lovingly would be hard to forget. More power to ya though :thumbsup:

Like I said, I wouldn't stick around, that's for sure. But I won't let it affect me negatively; not for long, at least. The last breakup I had, I shot up 13lbs and looked alot leaner over the summer. So using negative energy to fuel something positive is the key in those situations.

That, or you can contemplate how long it would take from the time you drive off the bridge until you hit the water, or how to dispose of the weapon and body

 

[Rick28]

Like I said, I wouldn't stick around, that's for sure. But I won't let it affect me negatively; not for long, at least. The last breakup I had, I shot up 13lbs and looked alot leaner over the summer. So using negative energy to fuel something positive is the key in those situations.

That, or you can contemplate how long it would take from the time you drive off the bridge until you hit the water, or how to dispose of the weapon and body

You're right. Anger and hurt can hurt all my hard earned muscle tissue. Maybe I should channel that mean energy into something positive.

 

[Australian made]

Having had my last girlfriend do things like search out a bunch of guys our age and friend them online and start talking to them all the time, to flirting with other guys, to purposely trying to hurt me and make me jealous, promising me 5 times that she wouldnt lie anymore, to God knows how much crap she pulled....

This is exactly what i went through recently!! Did she try and justify it and turn it around so it was all your fault? thats what mine did. Why i thought she would or should change is beyond me. But its done now and hopefully ill never be stupid enough to make the same mistakes twice.

 

[Zero V]

This is exactly what i went through recently!! Did she try and justify it and turn it around so it was all your fault? thats what mine did. Why i thought she would or should change is beyond me. But its done now and hopefully ill never be stupid enough to make the same mistakes twice.

yeah it was all my fault....you knw, i always drove her everywhere, including her job. One time I drove 20 minutes out of the way to pick her up from work, and she flipped out on me because I had a coat in her seat and I KNEW she was going to sit there....

and many other things....tsh...

 

[ABNRanger]

Being cheated on is not something we can control. You can do everything right, give all of yourself, and still get cheated on. What you have to do, is ask yourself "did I do my best", "was I honest throughout the relationship" If you can answer that with a truthful yes, then let that bring you peace of mind. Cause we can't be responsible for the deeds of others. I watched this thread for a while (I am the OP as you all know), before saying this: I was in a relationship for three years, and my girl got pregnant, but I always had this gut feeling something did not add up. I took the test (after 2yrs) found out the kid was not mine. It bugged me for a long time, then it dawned on me to really question and evaluate myself and actions for past time we were together, and that is what allowed me to get over quick. I was able to say yes to the questions of me effort and honesty in the relationship. I still wanna shoot her with a sh1t gun and charge her for stinkness, lol. Now I live by this: "NEVER GIVE ANYONE THE POWER TO HOLD MY HAPPINESS IN THEIR HANDS"

 

[dsade]

Being cheated on is not something we can control. You can do everything right, give all of yourself, and still get cheated on. What you have to do, is ask yourself "did I do my best", "was I honest throughout the relationship" If you can answer that with a truthful yes, then let that bring you peace of mind. Cause we can't be responsible for the deeds of others. I watched this thread for a while (I am the OP as you all know), before saying this: I was in a relationship for three years, and my girl got pregnant, but I always had this gut feeling something did not add up. I took the test (after 2yrs) found out the kid was not mine. It bugged me for a long time, then it dawned on me to really question and evaluate myself and actions for past time we were together, and that is what allowed me to get over quick. I was able to say yes to the questions of me effort and honesty in the relationship. I still wanna shoot her with a sh1t gun and charge her for stinkness, lol. Now I live by this: "NEVER GIVE ANYONE THE POWER TO HOLD MY HAPPINESS IN THEIR HANDS"

I sympathize with your situation...not only that, I feel for men throughout History who were subject to this kind of deception - which brings me yet again the reason why I appreciate MUCH more the ONLY reliable method for obtaining knowledge - Science.

We have DNA Testing, which I'm sure, at some gut level, a lot of women HATE, due to removing another method of deception.

ANyway, my question to you - do you equate the second she got pregnant until the time that you finally found out, to be theft? Assuming, of course, that you would have immediately left, that time is irreplaceable and she stole it from you by deception.

 

[Rick28]

I was in a relationship for three years, and my girl got pregnant, but I always had this gut feeling something did not add up. I took the test (after 2yrs) found out the kid was not mine.

Remember this saying: Mother's baby, father's maybe

Do you think she did this because you had money or was a better provider than the real slob that knocked her up?

 

[ABNRanger]

Well, to answer dsade's question: Never really thought about it like that, but did reflect on all the pu$$y I missed out on, that I turned down for the sake of being faithful and true to her. To answer Rick28's question: We both came from a third world country (Trinidad), and she knew I had the means to help her get her green card, so she figured that gave her a better leverage to acquire one. In fact now I look back on it, she did approach me and ask me to file for her, and I said ok. Once I found out, I ceased my efforts to make that possible.

 

[Beau]

I sympathize with your situation...not only that, I feel for men throughout History who were subject to this kind of deception - which brings me yet again the reason why I appreciate MUCH more the ONLY reliable method for obtaining knowledge - Science.

We have DNA Testing, which I'm sure, at some gut level, a lot of women HATE, due to removing another method of deception.

ANyway, my question to you - do you equate the second she got pregnant until the time that you finally found out, to be theft? Assuming, of course, that you would have immediately left, that time is irreplaceable and she stole it from you by deception.

I have been facing a different type of deception; my soon to be ex-wife stopped being my daughter's mother about three years ago, started being her best friend, hid her adultery from my daughter, all the while turning my daughter against me (she would create expectations, then make sure they happened by creating disturbances). I found out last Tuesday night that my now 16 year old daughter knew - 9 months in advance - that she and her mother would be moving out. She kept this from me; an incredible betrayal and lie. I am so concerned that she will follow in her mother's footsteps.

All of this feels so damn dirty - that one of my three children was made co-conspirator makes me ill (she tried it with my son, and he told her to pound sand).

 

[Australian made]

I have been facing a different type of deception; my soon to be ex-wife stopped being my daughter's mother about three years ago, started being her best friend, hid her adultery from my daughter, all the while turning my daughter against me (she would create expectations, then make sure they happened by creating disturbances). I found out last Tuesday night that my now 16 year old daughter knew - 9 months in advance - that she and her mother would be moving out. She kept this from me; an incredible betrayal and lie. I am so concerned that she will follow in her mother's footsteps.

All of this feels so damn dirty - that one of my three children was made co-conspirator makes me ill (she tried it with my son, and he told her to pound sand).

I remember reading through your whole thread a few weeks back. Very sad.............but i did just laugh at what you just said your son told his mum.

 

[Beau]

I remember reading through your whole thread a few weeks back. Very sad.............but i did just laugh at what you just said your son told his mum.

Thanks.

It has been really difficult for my sons, who are both away at (the same) college. They knew of her "first" affair, and they actually confronted her about "this affair" back in December 2006 - telling her that they believed she was having another affair (she was). I cannot imagine having to do that. I can't imagine having to approach your mother (or dad) because you needed to find out if she was committing adultery. Of course, she lied. And since they've known about her lying to them, they've written her off.

Its really sad.

She is both evil, and weak; needing a child's comfort and involvement to pull off her plan.

And - I get to pay her spousal support (and a lot of it). Unbelievable.

 

[ABNRanger]

damn, what state are you in Beau? I always thought, that if infidelity is found, that the cheatee does not have to pay anything. Sorry about that man, as much as it is cheaper to keep her, it is worth more for the peace of mind.

 

[Beau]

damn, what state are you in Beau? I always thought, that if infidelity is found, that the cheatee does not have to pay anything. Sorry about that man, as much as it is cheaper to keep her, it is worth more for the peace of mind.

California.

No fault states don't care - they REALLY don't.

She could have slept with an entire football team and several goats - and yours truly would still be writing checks each month.

 

[Rick28]

I have been facing a different type of deception; my soon to be ex-wife stopped being my daughter's mother about three years ago, started being her best friend, hid her adultery from my daughter, all the while turning my daughter against me (she would create expectations, then make sure they happened by creating disturbances). I found out last Tuesday night that my now 16 year old daughter knew - 9 months in advance - that she and her mother would be moving out. She kept this from me; an incredible betrayal and lie. I am so concerned that she will follow in her mother's footsteps.

All of this feels so damn dirty - that one of my three children was made co-conspirator makes me ill (she tried it with my son, and he told her to pound sand).

When women do things like this, we (men) put up a guard to keep from being hurt again. And it's really not fair to your new woman but hey, whateva helps.

 

[Beau]

When women do things like this, we (men) put up a guard to keep from being hurt again. And it's really not fair to your new woman but hey, whateva helps.

I am very intentionally working to make sure there isn't a carry over effect to my new relationship. I don't want to carry the burden of my ex wife around with me. She owns her past, not me.

 

[Rick28]

I am very intentionally working to make sure there isn't a carry over effect to my new relationship. I don't want to carry the burden of my ex wife around with me. She owns her past, not me.

Seems like I can learn a thing or two from you.

 

[dsade]

I am very intentionally working to make sure there isn't a carry over effect to my new relationship. I don't want to carry the burden of my ex wife around with me. She owns her past, not me.

It's possible...but then again, you are now much more aware of the "signs" of deception and will be slightly oversensitive to them, I would imagine.

 

[Rick28]

It's possible...but then again, you are now much more aware of the "signs" of deception and will be slightly oversensitive to them, I would imagine.

You are so right.

 

[Beau]

It's possible...but then again, you are now much more aware of the "signs" of deception and will be slightly oversensitive to them, I would imagine.

Yes - I am indeed predisposed to look for warning signs. I talk my way through/out of them.

 

[dsade]

Yes - I am indeed predisposed to look for warning signs. I talk my way through/out of them.

I'm cursed with this tendency as well. I also have a jesus complex which makes me think I can save or change them.

 

[Beau]

I'm cursed with this tendency as well. I also have a jesus complex which makes me think I can save or change them.

The only person we can change, as we all know, is ourselves - and the only if we are willing to do a lot of hard work and face a lot of issues that are much easier left in the dark. But - the changes we can make are worth it.

At this point, all I want is to be divorced so I will have some idea if I have to sell my house, or if I get to keep it (buy buying it based on current appraisal prices). To me, it has become a business decision. She is just an expensive cancer that I pay to stay away. The damage to my children is too great to even try to measure.

I will be happy when I can fully be emotionally neutral towards her. Throughout the divorce - she has been trying to manipulate me by playing games - pretending to negotiate and then telling me she will just see me in court unless I give her what she wants. People tell me it will come back to haunt her - but she seems coated in Teflon; nothing sticks.

 

[Caferacer]

Two part question: If your sig other cheated on you would stay or leave? Reason for answer.
Would it bother you more if he/she cheated on you with someone of the same sex vs the opposite sex?

Leave, but only after completely disgracing her.

In the words of Bender, I like the break up to be as memorable as it is devastating.

 

[crader]

I will be happy when I can fully be emotionally neutral towards her. Throughout the divorce - she has been trying to manipulate me by playing games - pretending to negotiate and then telling me she will just see me in court unless I give her what she wants. People tell me it will come back to haunt her - but she seems coated in Teflon; nothing sticks.

My ex did this and in the end I just gave him everything except custody of my kids. I just convinced myself that the material things and money I could get again but it would be worth it to have the divorce over.

 

[Beau]

My ex did this and in the end I just gave him everything except custody of my kids. I just convinced myself that the material things and money I could get again but it would be worth it to have the divorce over.

Although it runs against my natural grain to feel this way, I am beginning to see that perspective. The problem is, of course, I get to pay through the nose in spousal support - on top of splitting everything I busted my rear end to earn over my career. I is very difficult to see that as being justified based on her behavior.

I want out, even if that means I have to eat more $ than I have to.

 

[Palo Alto Labs]

beau...

your daughter is 16? does this mean that your financial ties to your ex (or soon to be ex) are cut off as soon as she reaches 18? At least there is light at the end of the tunnel (i hope).

keep your head up.. document everything... continue to control yourself and be confident that your daughter will one day realize that your ex is insane, and thankfully you have your sons to back you up and remind their sister of the content of your character.

my mom used to badmouth my dad... she corrupted my older brother. while i will always love my mom, over the past 3 years i have developed such a strong bond with my dad that my mom is completely incapable of achieving with me due to her nature.

 

[Beau]

beau...

your daughter is 16? does this mean that your financial ties to your ex (or soon to be ex) are cut off as soon as she reaches 18? At least there is light at the end of the tunnel (i hope).

keep your head up.. document everything... continue to control yourself and be confident that your daughter will one day realize that your ex is insane, and thankfully you have your sons to back you up and remind their sister of the content of your character.

my mom used to badmouth my dad... she corrupted my older brother. while i will always love my mom, over the past 3 years i have developed such a strong bond with my dad that my mom is completely incapable of achieving with me due to her nature.

Dave,

First off, thanks.

My daughter is 16, but because her mother's "first affair" (who knows if it really was her first) happened while my daughter was in kindergarten, there was a lot of turmoil - and my daughter had to re-do kindergarten. Thus, I have to pay child support for an extra year because of that. Child support continues until a child is 18 or until they finish high school, whichever is later.

That covers the child support.

Spousal support is another thing altogether. I continue to pay the she-devil (a huge some of money each month, I might add) until/unless she remarries.

Great.

Counselors and family members alike tell me that my daughter will some day face the reality of her mother's actions and the role her mother played in all this, but that it will not happen for a long time. Until then, it seems counseling amounts to me being blamed for everything by my daughter and having my daughter's assessment of me based on what she has been lead to believe was my role as her mother's husband (gee, I wonder who is helping her come to these conclusions), rather than my role as being a father to my daughter.

I will hang in there as long as I can, but some days it feels like I should just walk away.

 

[nofx4110]

Been cheated on a couple times. First girlfriend cheated, I found out 3 months later, forgave, then broke up with me (me being a dumbass in high school). 2 years ago i was cheated on by another girlfriend when I started to ignore her (didn't really like her). Never forgave her, don't talk to her. Infidelity is unforgivable, in any circumstance.

If it is with another girl, even though it is nice to think about, it is still cheating. Do you think she would forgive you if you cheated on her with a dude?

 

[Palo Alto Labs]

Spousal support is another thing altogether. I continue to pay the she-devil (a huge some of money each month, I might add) until/unless she remarries.

Damn I hate Cali. At least in florida you are on the line for alimony, but its typically minimal and it expires after a few years (in my understanding). (ie my mom got alimony for 3 or 5 years .. i forget.. but it was under $100 a month). still sucks but not the end of the world.

With the help of your sons, it might be possible to fight for custody by showing that she is mentally unstable... (back to my earlier idea... document everything).

this legal mindset is ridiculous... if she finds another hubby... they will prob just never marry to keep getting your money and live together... get the best of both worlds.

 

[Beau]

if she finds another hubby... they will prob just never marry to keep getting your money and live together... get the best of both worlds.

That is what I am afraid of - although I have been "told" by the guy that cuts her hair that they intend to marry during the summer of 2009 "so they can pursue their music ministry in a new church". While I like the idea if them getting married, I am concerned they will continue their fraud in another church (but I am not so concerned that I would do anything to stop them from getting married or finding a new church - my motives are good, but they have limitations and can be overcome by financial concerns - like not having to pay spousal support to someone undeserving).

And you wouldf puke if you knew what I have to pay in CS/SS. We were "married" over 27 years, so I my SS obligation can last a long time.

 

[nofx4110]

That is what I am afraid of - although I have been "told" by the guy that cuts her hair that they intend to marry during the summer of 2009 "so they can pursue their music ministry in a new church". While I like the idea if them getting married, I am concerned they will continue their fraud in another church (but I am not so concerned that I would do anything to stop them from getting married or finding a new church - my motives are good, but they have limitations and can be overcome by financial concerns - like not having to pay spousal support to someone undeserving).

And you wouldf puke if you knew what I have to pay in CS/SS. We were "married" over 27 years, so I my SS obligation can last a long time.

Your story has inspired me to require my future wife to sign a prenuptial agreement.

 

[dsade]

Your story has inspired me to require my future wife to sign a prenuptial agreement.

words of wisdom.

 

[Palo Alto Labs]

As my gf puts it... im at that spot where i either "sh*t or get off the pot"

she wants a ring....

shes a great girl...but im terrified to wake up in 5 years or so realizing that I made a huge mistake thats going to cost me half of my property. i think guys should start keeping a hidden divorce fund on the side incase of divorce so you have a piece of the pie that they cant find.

it sucks that you cant just end an unhealthy marriage... you have to drag finances into it for the rest of your life. why cant both parties just walk away??

 

[Palo Alto Labs]

Your story has inspired me to require my future wife to sign a prenuptial agreement.

Many prenups mean NOTHING in court these days. The judge has the right to overrule ANYTHING in a prenup. All a prenup ends up being is a permission slip that you hope the judge likes. If its one sided towards you or her, the entire thing can become null and void.
There is no security.

 

[Beau]

As my gf puts it... im at that spot where i either "sh*t or get off the pot"

she wants a ring....

shes a great girl...but im terrified to wake up in 5 years or so realizing that I made a huge mistake thats going to cost me half of my property. i think guys should start keeping a hidden divorce fund on the side incase of divorce so you have a piece of the pie that they cant find.

it sucks that you cant just end an unhealthy marriage... you have to drag finances into it for the rest of your life. why cant both parties just walk away??

OK - here is the last thing you'd probably expect to hear from me: If you love her and really, really trust her (and I mean with your life) and are both willing to work continually to make your relationship the most important one you have on earth - to the point that you will pursue continuing education, seminars, self-directed reading, etc. - then you can do it without too much fear. But you might also look at a few things like (i) her relationship with her father, (ii) her mother's behavior, and (iii) faith in God (a huge one for me). You might also want to invest in the very best pre-marital counseling you can get. Forget how much the counseling costs; it will be far less expensive (an ounce of prevention ...) than a divorce.

And the idea of a hidden fund, I realized that about - say - 27 years too late.

 

[Palo Alto Labs]

OK - here is the last thing you'd probably expect to hear from me: If you love her and really, really trust her (and I mean with your life) and are both willing to work continually to make your relationship the most important one you have on earth - to the point that you will pursue continuing education, seminars, self-directed reading, etc. - then you can do it without too much fear. But you might also look at a few things like (i) her relationship with her father, (ii) her mother's behavior, and (iii) faith in God (a huge one for me). You might also want to invest in the very best pre-marital counseling you can get. Forget how much the counseling costs; it will be far less expensive (an ounce of prevention ...) than a divorce.

And the idea of a hidden fund, I realized that about - say - 27 years too late.

Great advice. I really appreciate your outlook on this... you actually really just reassured me with the statement I just put into bold. She and I get at it from time to time (but who doesnt) but other than a few minor annoyances... i dont think any are the end of the world (or us).
Still on the wall whether or not to get a prenup (one that is fair and just outlines the unforeseen) but we will prob get one that is in both of our best interests.
Really appreciate your reply Beau.

 

[Beau]

Great advice. I really appreciate your outlook on this... you actually really just reassured me with the statement I just put into bold. She and I get at it from time to time (but who doesnt) but other than a few minor annoyances... i dont think any are the end of the world (or us).
Still on the wall whether or not to get a prenup (one that is fair and just outlines the unforeseen) but we will prob get one that is in both of our best interests.
Really appreciate your reply Beau.

I am very happy to share my experience, and to share my hurt - because as men we frequently hide from it. Then, when we have to face a significant hurt, we feel like we are alone and are losers because we feel that way. We aren't - the problem is that men ususually are not candid about things that hurt us emotionlly.

I hope, in some small way, that others may benefit from what I've had to learn the hard way. But there are always mixed blessings in everything we go through. The hard part is to see them this way; especially when the practical implications (like the financial ones) hit you in your heart and your wallet.

Please feel free to PM me, if that would help. But remember, free advice is usually worth the price you've paid.

 

[crader]

To be fair it is really selfish to look at a prenup to protect only the guy. I would refuse to marry someone who started off with stipulations to screw me on divorce. Why marry someone if you don't trust them. Why let a marriage carry on to the point that the hatred is enough to make two parties try to screw each other. I would get out while everyone can still be friends and be fair in a divorce.

Now yes not everyone can be fair I realise that. But you should discuss things like that before marriage, just like kids and money..etc.. Make sure everyone is on the same page. Divorce is hard enough without living with the fear of how bad its going to get!

 

[Omen]

To be fair it is really selfish to look at a prenup to protect only the guy. I would refuse to marry someone who started off with stipulations to screw me on divorce. Why marry someone if you don't trust them. Why let a marriage carry on to the point that the hatred is enough to make two parties try to screw each other. I would get out while everyone can still be friends and be fair in a divorce.

Now yes not everyone can be fair I realise that. But you should discuss things like that before marriage, just like kids and money..etc.. Make sure everyone is on the same page. Divorce is hard enough without living with the fear of how bad its going to get!

Or just don't get married and save yourself the hassle.......:hammer:

 

[dsade]

A prenup that protects the NONcheating spouse is fair.

The choice to cheat means you choose to leave the marriage with nada...and knowing that going into it might just be enough incentive (as if not being a dirtbag traitor isn't enough - but it appears, based on number of spouses that cheat, that is isn't) to actually motivate someone to control themselves.

 

[crader]

Well a prenup that states no alimony if a spouse cheats is fine. But a prenup that states the wife or husband get nothing if the marriage disolves due to just not being compatible anymore is wrong. Not all marriages end due to cheating! Some of us respect ourselves more than that.

 

[dsade]

Well a prenup that states no alimony if a spouse cheats is fine. But a prenup that states the wife or husband get nothing if the marriage disolves due to just not being compatible anymore is wrong. Not all marriages end due to cheating! Some of us respect ourselves more than that.

I agree with that, to some extent, but in that case it should be split based upon the amount each party contributed and for what reasons.

 

[Beau]

I think it makes sense for each person to document the assets they bring into the marriage; that much seems to be common sense. That way - regardless of the reason for the divorce - they are entitled to leave with what they brought in.

I don't know what they answer is regarding how to handle a divorce not based on cheating. If they agreed, for example, that "she" would stay home and raise our children - then I don't think that should somehow mean that she shouldn't be entitled to some form of consideration; of course she is. The question is more along the lines of how much should she be entitled to in the event of a divorce.

Right now, at least in California, I believe they use the "you make more than she does, so bend over buddy - because you are going to pay her to live at a fairly high standard of living while you, on the other hand, can't afford to pay attention, level". My pal in Washington tell me he experienced the same thing.

And, in CA - that means I get to pay (a lot) even if she made a habit of meeting her "boyfriend" at hotels on the nights she was supposed to be at church practicing with the music team she oversaw. OK - how is that for an appropriate allocation of benefit.

BS - that is what it is.

 

[dsade]

I think it makes sense for each person to document the assets they bring into the marriage; that much seems to be common sense. That way - regardless of the reason for the divorce - they are entitled to leave with what they brought in.

I don't know what they answer is regarding how to handle a divorce not based on cheating. If they agreed, for example, that "she" would stay home and raise our children - then I don't think that should somehow mean that she shouldn't be entitled to some form of consideration; of course she is. The question is more along the lines of how much should she be entitled to in the event of a divorce.

Right now, at least in California, I believe they use the "you make more than she does, so bend over buddy - because you are going to pay her to live at a fairly high standard of living while you, on the other hand, can't afford to pay attention, level". My pal in Washington tell me he experienced the same thing.

And, in CA - that means I get to pay (a lot) even if she made a habit of meeting her "boyfriend" at hotels on the nights she was supposed to be at church practicing with the music team she oversaw. OK - how is that for an appropriate allocation of benefit.

BS - that is what it is.

Another reason I left California.

 

[Beau]

Another reason I left California.

I believe most states are "no fault states"; meaning if one of the people in a marriage sleeps around like a dog in heat - then the courts do not even take that into consideration. Hey, adultery isn't illegal; they would say - so "who are we to judge". I say - we must, in this society, root out and deal with evil; adultery SHOULD BE illegal. It us a crime and many are hurt. Among other things, it is fraud and breach of contract. And for those of us who look to God, well - it is a bunch of other things, too.

So, please be aware that as with any things - the "rights" we think we have in certain situations are delusional. If you would have told me that no one gave a crap, from a legal and asset distribution perspective, that one person screwed another person over (in more ways that one) - I would have said you didn't know what you were talking about, and I would have felt very passionately that I was right.

And I would have been wrong.

As Elmer Fudd used to say "Be caweful, vewy, vewy caweful".

 

[nofx4110]

I believe most states are "no fault states"; meaning if one of the people in a marriage sleeps around like a dog in heat - then the courts do not even take that into consideration. Hey, adultery isn't illegal; they would say - so "who are we to judge". I say - we must, in this society, root out and deal with evil; adultery SHOULD BE illegal. It us a crime and many are hurt. Among other things, it is fraud and breach of contract. And for those of us who look to God, well - it is a bunch of other things, too.

So, please be aware that as with any things - the "rights" we think we have in certain situations are delusional. If you would have told me that no one gave a crap, from a legal and asset distribution perspective, that one person screwed another person over (in more ways that one) - I would have said you didn't know what you were talking about, and I would have felt very passionately that I was right.

And I would have been wrong.

As Elmer Fudd used to say "Be caweful, vewy, vewy caweful".

There is a tort called "alienation of affection" which entitles the victim to sue on the spouse's lover. I am not sure how much you could recover though... if anyone finds out let me know.