things your momma never told you about being big

jomi822

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things your momma never told you about being big
by jason meuller

So, you wanna be a bodybuilder, huh? Stand up on stage next to the big boys, get all the ladies, never have that sand kicked in your face again, I hear ya. There's one little problem though. Walking around with all that extra steroid-induced muscle isn't all peaches and cream baby. Sometimes it can be a downright pain in the ass (literally). Sit back and pay attention, school is now in session.

Breathing is a *****

If you've ever had the chance to hang out with a professional bodybuilder, one thing becomes immediately clear. Most of these guys suck wind like you wouldn't believe. Simple tasks, like say, checking the mail for instance, is enough to make a lot of these guys gasp and wheeze for oxygen.

I myself have experienced this on many occasions. I own a three-story condo with plenty of stairs. Stairs. The bane to my existence. Do you know how many times I've considered installing one of those chairs that helps old people up the stairs? It's especially lovely after a brutal leg workout, it's 11 at night, and I've got to get some sleep. Do I climb three flights of stairs so I can get to my bedroom or crash out on the couch?

The human heart was not designed to pump blood through miles of additional vascular networks that are created through steroid induced hypertrophy. Quite frankly, many of these athletes are taxing their hearts to very dangerous levels. The combination of extreme size, steroid-related hypertension, and lack of cardiovascular conditioning makes for a dangerous combination.

You Sweat Like a Gerbil at a Gay Pride Rally

Ok, I admit that was probably in poor taste, but it was damn funny. Who likes to sweat? Hey, if you're planning on being one of the big boys, you're going to learn to love it! You think you sweat profusely now? Wait until you're about 280 lbs of muscle and see what happens.

My favorite example for this is Nasser El Sombaty. Don't get me wrong, I love Nasser, he's got an unbelievable physique and one of the few pros that can carry on an intelligent conversation. Talking to most of these guys will put you to sleep faster than a liter of GHB. Joking aside, Nasser serves as our perfect case study for excessive sweating. Having seen and talked to him many times at various shows and guest appearances, I can honestly tell you that even doing something as mundane as sitting and signing autographs causes Nasser to pour sweat.

Other athletes share similar fates. At last years Olympia Greg Kovacs was constantly toweling off as sweat poured down his face. At the press conference it was miserable to watch the athletes, all wearing some form of dress attire, pour sweat under hot lights and the strain of many weeks of dieting.

Again, the human body was not designed to carry around the 50-100 lbs of steroid induced muscle these athletes wear. The incredible caloric intake, hypertension, and artificially heightened metabolisms of these athletes all serve to overload the natural cooling system of the body. Excessive and profuse sweating results.

Pain is Your Constant Companion

Big deal, right? You've spent hours in the gym, you know what it's like to recover from the most brutal workouts. Well my friend, have I got a treat for you. Training naturally and training on gear is a whole different animal altogether. While I have the utmost respect for natural trainers, I can honestly say that 9 out of 10 steroid users are going to train harder and more aggressively than their natural counterparts (And yes, I can see the deluge of hate mail from naturals coming already).

Lord knows I've seen my fair share of mammoth bodybuilders dog it in the gym. I've also witnessed natural bodybuilders train with intensity that is inspiring. However, a smart natural bodybuilder will almost always train his body at a level below what he is capable. Why? Because natural bodybuilders must always deal with the limiting factor of cortisol, which is elevated in response to training. Anabolic steroids allow bodybuilders to break past this barrier, and by their very nature, produce a level of aggressiveness that most natural trainers cannot reach.

Anabolic steroids allow you to lift longer, lift heavier, and with more intensity. While I must admit that some bodybuilders tend to use steroids as a crutch and fail to take advantage of this, most athletes will train harder while "on". Obviously, the harder you train, the more pain you'll experience as you recover from each session. Additionally, it's not uncommon for long-term steroid users to suffer from severe joint pain. The constant stress of accommodating weights that overload connective tissues can lead to a variety of problems. Why do you think so many top bodybuilders are addicted to Nubain?

While were on the subject of steroids, let's discuss another painful aspect of achieving massive size. When you start taking the 2-4+ grams per week of steroid required to achieve a professional caliber physique, you start realizing something. Taking that many shots really sucks. Let's say you're an aspiring bodybuilder, you've got some decent size, and now it's time to really up the ante in your quest to pursue greatness. A typical cycle of injectables for someone like this might consist of 2000 mg of test a week, 600 mg of deca, and 75 mg of trenbolone acetate every day. At the very minimum, you're going to be injecting 18 cc's of oil into your body every week. This assumes you're using a testosterone preparation that is 250 mg/ml and that you were lucky enough to locate deca at 200 mg/ml. More realistically, you're going to be using a lower strength of testosterone, say 200 mg/ml and a much lower strength of deca, probably around 50 mg/ml. You're now injecting 30 cc's of oil per week! Question. Where is all of this oil going to go? Before you weren't taking that much juice and managed to take all of your shots in the glutes. Now you're hitting your delts and quads and still trying to figure out where else you can stick yourself.

Something happens after years and years on steroid injections. You build up a great deal of scar tissue. This makes injections even more fun as the needle no longer glides swiftly and smoothly through tissue towards its final destination. There's something quite sickening and unpleasant to actually hear and feel the crunching and squeaking that results as a needle makes its way through heavy scar tissue. Better yet, this scar tissue allows for very little blood circulation. It's not at all uncommon to have a bolus of oil sit in you ass for a week because you injected directly into scar tissue. Over time, this will eventually happen to your glutes, legs, and delts, really anywhere you inject repeatedly. This is not a result of improper or unsterile injection techniques, it's simply the result of years of steroid abuse.

Last but not least, let's not forget the newest fad to hit the bodybuilding scene, site injections. Now areas that were previously taboo for injection sites are being poked and prodded on a daily basis in an attempt to artificially swell the muscle with various fats and fatty acids. Now I know there are many of you that think the use of these substances is limited to a few bad apples in the sport of bodybuilding. We can easily spot these miscreants at shows, with a rear delt that is wildly over inflated or a bicep that looks like those water balloons you used to throw at your sister when you were a kid. I hate to break it to you, but site injections are used by damn near everybody now. Bodybuilding is a sport, much like many others, that will always fail to hear the voice of reason. As bodybuilders continue their quest for increased size, the risks and chances they take become greater and greater. You'll not find a bodybuilder in the upper levels of the sport who's going to stand-up and martyr himself to correct the evils associated with competition. You don't want to site inject? We'll Mr. Olympia contestant, please take 16th place and shut your hole. Thanks for playing.

Ah, but I digress. Back to pain. If you've taken shots long enough, you know that occasionally, not matter how careful you are with your injection techniques, your going to get a "bad" shot that hurts for quite some time. Site injections are all "bad" shots. Your injecting into areas that are not meant to accommodate large amounts of oil. Injecting 2-3 cc's into your biceps for weeks at a time is painful as all hell. Injecting into your calves can make it difficult to walk. Suck it up kid, you're a bodybuilder now.

Time to Eat

Now that you've decided to play with the big boys, you've got your program all set. The workouts are written out, the drugs are in place, and you've got your 5 meals a day of chicken and rice ready to go. Watch out Mr. Olympia, here I come! Cut to six months later. You're leaner. You're meaner. But you're not a helluva lot bigger. What happened? Lack of food is what happened.

I'm not going to go over this again in too much detail, I've already done so in past issue of Anabolic Extreme. If you want to read an article that takes a realistic look at the kind of nutritional program it takes to compete at the upper levels of the sport, read Extreme Eating for Mass in the back issue section. Bottom line, chicken and rice doesn't cut it.
Overfeeding is the name of the game here. If you want to be brutally huge, you've got to eat brutally huge meals all day long. I'm talking about eating to the point where you are uncomfortable for most of your waking hours. I'm talking about eating to the point where just when you finish one meal, it seems like it's time for another. Obviously this doesn't work for natural athletes, they'll just get fat. But when you're injecting yourself with 3 g of gear a week, along with 6 iu's of growth and 30 iu's of insulin a day, the normal rules of eating are thrown out the window. Here, have a couple Big Macs while you're waiting to that weight gain shake to blend.

Christ, Was That You?

If you've spent any time at all around a good-sized bodybuilder, you're quickly going to realize that these guys have serious issues with gas. Unfortunately, the same dietary practices that allows us to pack on the muscle also causes the wildlife that inhibits our intestinal tracts to produce inordinate amounts of methane. As a result, most bodybuilders spend a significant amount of time trying to fart in public without getting caught.
Anytime you get a large group of bodybuilders together, you'd better have a good ventilation system. Any of you who've attended the expos at the Mr. Olympia or Arnold's Classic will know what I mean. If it wasn't for the massive difference in muscularity, you wouldn't know if you were at a bodybuilding show or an all day chili cook-off. You're constantly walking through man-sized fart bubbles of varying toxicity.

There's a certain pride that's associated with a good, sweaty, manly fart, the kind that can immediately clear a room. One of the important principals you'll need to master as your flatulence grows in direct correlation to your bodyweight is the subtle art of never being around to take the blame when the general public is hit with the goods. This requires some planning on your part, as you can't just rip one at the beginning of your drop-set on bench and hope no one is going to point the finger at you. You'll generally have plenty of warning as one of these monsters goes through its build up phase, and know when it's time to take appropriate action. You can employ several techniques here, but all involve moving to an area of the gym where you won't soon need to occupy for any reason and releasing your noxious payload. This can be done discretely in an unoccupied corner of the gym, although doing so wastes any of the farts knockout potential.

The best course of action allows you to ease your burden and remain blame-free, while allowing others to share in your fragrant emanations. My philosophy is that if God didn't want others to smell our farts, he wouldn't have made them stink, right? Once you feel that you're ready to release your cargo, saunter over to a crowded section of the gym. Maybe you're looking for that damn triceps handle, or maybe you're just making your way through the crowd to say hi to an old friend. Whatever your ruse may be, it's important that you release while on the move. Standing in one spot will make identifying you as the culprit a far easier task than if you release the gas piecemeal on your trek through the gym. Be sure you've thoroughly unloaded every bit of gas before you make your way back to your own workout area, as a really good fart has a tendency to follow you if given a chance. If done correctly, you'll escape detection and get to enjoy the fruits of your labors as you watch innocent gym members glare at each other as they quickly move to find fresh air.

Well, I'm wrapping this up folks. Quite frankly, I could probably write another 10 pages, but I'm breathing and sweating so bad I've got to take a break. Besides, my joints are killing me and it's time to eat. Hey, can someone crack a window and light a match in here for Christ's sake?
__________________
 
UnrealMachine

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funny read
 
Rodja

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I used to want to be huge, but it is just not practical. It became such a chore to eat 6-8 times a day, monitor my kcals and macros, and buying clothes. I like being at where I am now at 170-180 instead of the 200-210 range I was a couple of years ago. Plus I feel much healthier physically and I sweat less. It was fun to be more physically intimidating, but the MMA training has made up for my lack of girth.
 
bioman

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I used to want to be huge, but it is just not practical. It became such a chore to eat 6-8 times a day, monitor my kcals and macros, and buying clothes. I like being at where I am now at 170-180 instead of the 200-210 range I was a couple of years ago. Plus I feel much healthier physically and I sweat less. It was fun to be more physically intimidating, but the MMA training has made up for my lack of girth.


Yep. The practicality of being huge is just not there for me. I love to hike and do other cardio sports but it's not possible when I get around 200...I cannot imagine being 250-275. It would be literally like having a cross to bear.

I like being around 185-190 and in decent cardio shape. Even that is quite challenging to manage both muscle and endurance together.
 
pistonpump

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awesome read, true too.

"You Sweat Like a Gerbil at a Gay Pride Rally" LMAO.
 
Rodja

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Yep. The practicality of being huge is just not there for me. I love to hike and do other cardio sports but it's not possible when I get around 200...I cannot imagine being 250-275. It would be literally like having a cross to bear.

I like being around 185-190 and in decent cardio shape. Even that is quite challenging to manage both muscle and endurance together.
The cardio and LBM battle is something I deal with everyday.
 
UnrealMachine

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I still want to be 265, at least for a while
 
T-Bone

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I believe you are better off being under 200. Whether it is muscle or not, you are gonna be healthier sub-200. Those huge bodybuilders like Ronnie Coleman are far from healthy. I have seem some videos of the guy and it sounds like he can hardly breath just standing still....
 
somewhatgifted

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I became obsessed with size and strength, i am still to a degree. Now ive realised bench presses rarely help you in life if you cant get up a flight of stairs or soak your girlfriend with sweat during sex. The hormonal fluctuations, flatulence, food bills, anabolic colds, and cost of new clothing was somthing ill put on the shelf for a few more months, lol. Functionality and health now replace size by any means, i dont want boobs and quality is more important than quantity.
 
T-Bone

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I became obsessed with size and strength, i am still to a degree. Now ive realised bench presses rarely help you in life if you cant get up a flight of stairs or soak your girlfriend with sweat during sex. The hormonal fluctuations, flatulence, food bills, anabolic colds, and cost of new clothing was somthing ill put on the shelf for a few more months, lol. Functionality and health now replace size by any means, i dont want boobs and quality is more important than quantity.

Excellent post my friend!. Here Here!!!:thumbsup: :goodpost: :clap2:
 
somewhatgifted

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Excellent post my friend!. Here Here!!!:thumbsup: :goodpost: :clap2:
thanks buddy, some of us are at various stages of our development and im now trying to fine tune myslef to apply to all scenarios, and now play rugby and football as well as hit the weights, dont forget your heart beats your entire life.....
 
Ubiquitous

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I believe you are better off being under 200. Whether it is muscle or not, you are gonna be healthier sub-200.
You do realize that a lot of us are actually over 6 feet tall and can be naturally 200+, healthy, without training...right? That is quite a broad statement that anyone is better off sub 200lbs.

I've seen this before.. possibly at EFS.
 
T-Bone

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You do realize that a lot of us are actually over 6 feet tall and can be naturally 200+, healthy, without training...right? That is quite a broad statement that anyone is better off sub 200lbs.

I've seen this before.. possibly at EFS.
Yes if you are tall I guess it wouldn't make perfect sense, but I didn't cover all aspects....
 

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I've seen some 300 + lbs football players run stairs, sprints, and numerous drills. Not to mention they can do it damn fast.
 
UnrealMachine

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You do realize that a lot of us are actually over 6 feet tall and can be naturally 200+, healthy, without training...right? That is quite a broad statement that anyone is better off sub 200lbs.
Yep if i was 200 id be 5% bodyfat lol. I'm 6'1 so sub 200 is super light
 
Rodja

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I've seen some 300 + lbs football players run stairs, sprints, and numerous drills. Not to mention they can do it damn fast.
They are the exception, not the rule. Also, I would not say that they are trying to obtain a BBer physique.
 
jomi822

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You do realize that a lot of us are actually over 6 feet tall and can be naturally 200+, healthy, without training...right? That is quite a broad statement that anyone is better off sub 200lbs.

I've seen this before.. possibly at EFS.
was 6'3 230 before i touched my first cycle as a matter of fact. no problemos except the noxious ass gas.
 
dadream

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Loved the part about the gas issues......so true.
I use that technique whenever i have to let one go in public....walk and release.........glad they put the part in about leaving a trail cus sometimes it just follows you.
 

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that article rings true for me on all counts....i got as high as 281 and as scary as i was (i am 6'5"+, so it's not TOO ridiculous) it was horrible. couldnt breathe for sh1t, did everything slowly, couldnt fcuk for more than 5 minutes without being exhausted, sleep was TERRIBLE (apnea kicks in for all big people, not just fat ones), couldnt play sports at all...the only good thing was being able to eat ALL THE TIME. i love to eat, and having a license to stuff myself (even with mostly healthy things) was great, but like i said, it was the only positive thing. that and NOBODY messes with you.

anywho, now back at ~250lbs i am much happier and more capable. i'm glad i know what it was like that heavy, if only because i no longer desire size for size's sake.
 
pistonpump

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i want to know how it feels to be that big, at least for a month. haha.
 

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i want to know how it feels to be that big, at least for a month. haha.
wear a set of shoulderpads with bags of sand and heating pads tied to it, and breathe through a t-shirt. that's pretty close.

dont get me wrong, i love being the biggest guy around (and still am, but only because i'm at a smaller gym :p)...but you have to listen to your body. it knows when you're too big.

plus i'd rather be 250 and playing ball and fcuking normally than 280 and hyperventilating and eating 24/7....
 
pistonpump

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it seems when i was 20lbs lighter i could fcuk alot faster lol now at my weight i just pound harder than before
 
Big BAMA

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I can't be 200lbs and 6'3" I'd look like a skeleton.
and the Gas thing is so true. I have perfected "Crop Dusting" when walking through a crowd.
 
grexx

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5'9'' and 275 right now boys.....

Played a little b-ball yesterday and felt like:donut:

This article is extremely accurate on all accounts. The clothing I don't have to wrry about as sponsors take care of that kinda stuff:cheers:
 
Nabisco

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I'd love to be so big that I had problems like that, even if it was just for a little while...

:cheers:
 

Tom 185

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great thread...

i like being 195-200 at 5'10"...210 was too big for me
 
T-Bone

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I'm 5'10 and I want to get down to 200. Right now I am working on it. Once I get down to 200 though I will probally want to get under 200. For my height I just don't think its healthy being over 200. Even if I was muscular, still its not healthy.... muscle or not.
 
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I'm 5'10 and I want to get down to 200. Right now I am working on it. Once I get down to 200 though I will probally want to get under 200. For my height I just don't think its healthy being over 200. Even if I was muscular, still its not healthy.... muscle or not.
I would not be that cut and dry about a number. I have met many fighters that are <6' and 200+ and I would consider them to be healthy. It depends on your build and genetic predisposition, but I see where you are coming from. I am the same height as you and 170-175 is where I have felt the best physically.
 

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The best course of action allows you to ease your burden and remain blame-free, while allowing others to share in your fragrant emanations. My philosophy is that if God didn't want others to smell our farts, he wouldn't have made them stink, right? Once you feel that you're ready to release your cargo, saunter over to a crowded section of the gym. Maybe you're looking for that damn triceps handle, or maybe you're just making your way through the crowd to say hi to an old friend. Whatever your ruse may be, it's important that you release while on the move. Standing in one spot will make identifying you as the culprit a far easier task than if you release the gas piecemeal on your trek through the gym. Be sure you've thoroughly unloaded every bit of gas before you make your way back to your own workout area, as a really good fart has a tendency to follow you if given a chance. If done correctly, you'll escape detection and get to enjoy the fruits of your labors as you watch innocent gym members glare at each other as they quickly move to find fresh air.
Ahahaha...so funny ...couldn't stop laughing while reading this... am drunk too so everything becomes funny x2 :drunk:
 
pistonpump

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The best course of action allows you to ease your burden and remain blame-free, while allowing others to share in your fragrant emanations. My philosophy is that if God didn't want others to smell our farts, he wouldn't have made them stink, right? Once you feel that you're ready to release your cargo, saunter over to a crowded section of the gym. Maybe you're looking for that damn triceps handle, or maybe you're just making your way through the crowd to say hi to an old friend. Whatever your ruse may be, it's important that you release while on the move. Standing in one spot will make identifying you as the culprit a far easier task than if you release the gas piecemeal on your trek through the gym. Be sure you've thoroughly unloaded every bit of gas before you make your way back to your own workout area, as a really good fart has a tendency to follow you if given a chance. If done correctly, you'll escape detection and get to enjoy the fruits of your labors as you watch innocent gym members glare at each other as they quickly move to find fresh air.

__________________
im going to try that tommarrow lol.
 
skull

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some of that story reminds me of my job,Im a maint guy in a corporate enviroment and being the "big guy "in the crew[I work with a miget /Im 6.3 and 260]all the heavy lifting -like solid oak desks and such seems to be my job --well Ive been known to venture into the "dark side"--more now that Im older,well theres been plenty of times when your moving stuff around and you gotta let one rip![ very carfully so they dont know its you] but the main thing for me is those "pecilneckgeeks " keep it so hot gives me away everytime--I have fans set up in the maint closets so I can dry off and my supervisor is always asking me about it--I think he suspects somthings up .:good: :clean: :dl: :squat:
 
somewhatgifted

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Protein and high protein diets are the culprits for making farts stink. This is why the really bad ones have names like "egg farts" high protein, "bean farts" high protein. BB'ers by nature have the most volumous potent gas due to their diet and calorie intake. Not to be confused with "i have gas casue the log is ready to fall", farts, thats just negligent laziness.
 
Rivet

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s but the main thing for me is those "pecilneckgeeks " keep it so hot gives me away everytime--I have fans set up in the maint closets so I can dry off and my supervisor is always asking me about it--I think he suspects somthings up
I'm not even that big at 200lbs 15-16% and while most people at my work are freezing I need to have two fans pointed at me pretty much all day. It's odd since I'm the leanest person there...
 

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For those people who have gas troubles, have you ever tried taking B-vitamins with your meals? I have a friend who is started out at 6'2" 170'ish... As he upped his cal's and started gaining weight he developed horrible gas. Told him to buy some b-vit and break them in half or thirds and take them with his largest meals. Now he has no gas problems.

the b-vit help facilitate the digestion of the protein that causes the horrible gas
 
Jarconis

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at 6 ft, my heaviest I was in the low 270's, and yeah I did get hot real easy but my breathing and sleep were fine, did suck to wake up to numb arms all the time tho.
 
jomi822

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seriously what the hell is with the numb arms? its been happening ever since i hit 250 and its getting to the point where i keep switching sides to give the other arm a break from going numb. aspirin doesnt even help.
 
pistonpump

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im not that big but i get numb arms too bro, not sure why.
 
skull

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same here with the numb arms--right is worse than left[football injury] the best I can figure is ,as muscles in shoulders grow and blood supply ,its easier to cut off that blood supply specialy if you sleep on side---try one of those extra firm pillows and you might have to stack them 2 high so the pressure is on neck and not shoulder
 
neoborn

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Loved the part about the gas issues......so true.
I use that technique whenever i have to let one go in public....walk and release.........glad they put the part in about leaving a trail cus sometimes it just follows you.
I did this while out shopping one day with my wife. I was having really bad gas all day long, so anyway I thought I could release and walk to the cashier to checkout but the damn thing followed me like a cloud of nuclear waste...the destruction was about 4 seconds after reaching the counter! Chernobyl has nothing on me......:icon_lol: :head:

I love mine, I have to whiff to rate them....it's purely for scientific quantification.( whatever that means ).
 
neoborn

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I love this post and it rings in my head because very rarely do you get a glimpse of what really is going on until you get there.

+ Rep
 
xarjun

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Great post. I can relate to the "trying to be as huge as I can" mentality. I just wanted to see how much of a size monster i could become. Then I noticed little things like playing soccer and shooting hoops with friends was leaving me more breathless, strength was plateauing even though I was bigger and I was definitely losing my flexibility (I was into martial arts, so flexibility was essential). The final straw was when one day my wife picked up and old copy of FLEX and was actually disgusted with most of the size monsters. I had to say I agreed. Then, out of curiosity, I had female friends and collegues at work rate (in terms of attractiveness) some pictures of pros. Almost all thought guys like Shawn Ray were way more attractive than monsters like Dillett, Yates and Coleman. Just out of curiosity, I showed them two pictures of Milos Sarcev, one when he was big but not a monster, and the other when he was huge. All thought Milos was way more attractive when he was smaller.
I just decided to be lighter, stronger, flexible and athletic and generally healthier than just out and out huge.
 
jomi822

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haha girls will say things like that all the time. completely full of it.
 
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My wife tells be that I look too "blocky" now.And that she liked my physique better when I was 205 :hammer:

She has also asked me how big is big enough and Id say "I dont know I havent got there yet" but to feel good and healthy 260 is my cut off point Ive found.It would probably be a lot less if I was into activities that actually required alot of cardio.
 
BigVrunga

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At my heaviest I was 250lbs at 6'0. ~17-18%BF, and it sucked. Everything you said in the 1st post was dead accurate - I never want to get that big or that fat again in the name of sheer mass.

Now much leaner and around 215, Im just as strong (stronger on most lifts) and feel 10x as healthy.

BV
 

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