Men's Fraternity: The Quest for Authentic Manhood
- Thread starter B5150
- Start date
B5150
Legend
Transcript 23 Preview!
The relationship between a dad and his sons is so critical in their formative years. A son needs his dad, he needs to be close to his dad, he needs to feel his dad and he needs to be initiated by his dad. But this close relationship is not just important for sons only.
So what we want to do this morning is to give equal time to dads and daughters, because that relationship is just as critical and just as formative. In fact, there are many who would say today that it’s harder to be a woman than it is to be a man....
...So what I want to do is begin this session this morning, giving you an overview – I mean we spent all year talking about men, and we’re going to cram the world of women into one session. I want to give you an overview of some of the immense challenges for women today, and how they affect daughters. We are going to look at 3 challenges for our daughters in the 21st Century and what I call the “Introduction of the New Womanhood.” These statements will give you a better feel the texture of a woman’s world today.
Here’s the first statement or the first challenge:
1. There is for young women growing up today the challenge of a new, supreme pursuit. And what is that new, supreme pursuit? The word I want to use today is ‘supreme pursuit’ – that’s key. The new, supreme pursuit is from home to career. Let’s face it: a profound change has occurred among women in the last 40 years. Life for a little girl today in our country has been turned upside down. It’s unlike anything women have experienced in our country since the birth of our country. In fact, against a host of what I call ‘more maternal instincts,’ a young girl growing up today, from the time she enters grade school, till the time she finishes the university, she’s bombarded with images and slogans, and told directly by the heroes that she sees portrayed on the screen – or in the classroom- or in the workplace – about what a woman should be and how a woman should be honored. She’s told over and over and over again that a career is everything. That’s become the new, supreme pursuit. It’s the ultimate adventure for a young woman. It’s the self-fulfilling goal that every woman should have for herself.
Now, that has redefined how a little girl thinks of herself as she is growing up today. It redefines how she interacts with young men growing up; what her aspirations and her pursuits and her priorities are, because she’s told of this pursuit all her life. Now, please hear me out and don’t jump way down the line by saying ‘this guy’s talking about women can’t work; they need to be in the home – barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen…’ and all that other extreme rhetoric. I’m not talking about that. I just want you to feel the challenges of a young girl today, because having those kinds of images over her life, has changed the way she thinks about herself and the way she thinks about her life. In fact, we even have a holiday now in light of this new, supreme pursuit. It’s called “Take Your Daughter to Work” day.
Did you know all that began in the 60s with a book by Betty Friedan. It’s a landmark book called The Feminine Mystique. In the book, she calls homemakers ‘parasites.’ Not long after that, Germaine Greer in her bestselling book in 1970 The Female Eunuch called motherhood ‘a handicap,’ and called pregnancy an ‘illness.’ All through the 60s, 70s and 80s, there was this call – not necessarily as extreme as in those books – but a call nonetheless to get out of the home – and into the workplace, ‘where you belong’ because it should be your supreme pursuit in life.
What sounded radical in the 60s and 70s, in a milder tone, is now the value system of mainstream America for your daughter. It’s true whether you’ve got a 5-year-old at home or whether you’re like me and you’ve got a 25-year-old in the workplace, it’s the new, supreme pursuit. I experienced this new value system last Fall, when I was watching my son play football in a small Arkansas town. The game was an away game, so we had driven to this small Arkansas community and that’s about as traditional values as you can come in a small Arkansas town.
It was homecoming for this team that we were playing. I remember, during the half-time ceremonies, they brought the homecoming court out and they introduced each of the girls. As they introduced each of the girls, they talked about the activities that the girl had accomplished in high school, as they often times do. Then with each girl being introduced by her dad, they spoke of their future aspirations – of each of these court members. I found it fascinating as they introduced girl after girl, they said, ‘and Betty aspires to be a doctor..’ or a veterinarian; or a therapist or a social worker, or a lawyer, and on and on it went until the court was finally completely introduced. I thought how odd it would have sounded – how strange it would have been – even there, for them to have introduced a young lady and talked about her activities and then said, ‘and Betty aspires to be a homemaker.’ The world has changed.
There are new realities for a young girl growing up in America today. The supreme pursuit of a career is pressed over her throughout her life and it’s a great challenge to how you and I raise our daughters. How we raise them to think about themselves and to think about their priorities in light of the new realities that we live in.
2. Secondly is the challenge of what I call ‘the decline of traditional feminine values.’ You ask, ‘what is that?” Well, I’ll let actress Sharon Stone tell us. She probably says this in a small way, and captures it better than anyone. I’m quoting her now:
“As I see it, the choice today is between being feminine or equal.
And I choose equal.”
That’s the new reality for your daughter today. One generation ago, if you asked someone to define feminine, you would have heard words like ‘soft,’ ‘virtuous,’ ‘responsive,’ ‘nurturing,’. (can I just put a little aside in here?) I believe for modern men in the 21st Century, those words still sound good. But if you asked someone to define feminine in the 21st Century, you hear the words ‘equal,’ ‘assertive,’ ‘sexy,’ ’independent.’ Those are the new feminine values.
Young women today are excelling at competing with men, but they’re also finding with that competition, more and more difficulty in finding intimate relationships with men. The home itself and homemaking itself, are more and more foreign terms. For 200 years in the life of America, if you had put Titus 2 on the screen it would have made perfect sense. But I want you to feel how strange Titus 2 sounds right now. Look at the words there:
“Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior, teaching
what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their
husbands, and to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at
home, kind, that the word of God may not be dishonored.”
Now that sounds foreign because – now look at the screen for just a moment, guys - what mothers are teaching that today? What dads are emphasizing that today? It sounds foreign, and the reason it sounds foreign is because it is. Which then leads us to the natural conclusion of the third challenge, because this third challenge is the outgrowth of the first two and that is
3. There is going to be the challenge of the rise of the Absent Mom. Despite all the sociological data we have today that says how important, how absolutely critical it is, for young children to have a mom at home. Yet young moms continue flood into the workplace and with the enthusiastic encouragement of their young husbands. It is so short-sighted.
Sixty-seven percent (67%) of all mothers today with children under 4 – the very years when kids need mom most – 67% of all the mothers in America are back into the workplace and yet, those children are the very ones whose lives are most moldable and most shapeable at those years. And yet, mom is gone.
Some, of course, have advocated Daycare as a clearly viable substitute, but I want to put up a quote from Dr. Burton White, the director of the Pre-School Project at Harvard University, about the daycare, just to give you a feel for what he says about daycare as a substitute. Here’s his quote:
After more than 30 years of research on how children develop well,
I would not think of putting an infant or toddler of my own into any
substitute care program.
It all depends on what you want, what you’re trying to produce, what your priorities are, and what your values are. We live in a world that we simply are sheep who follow the standard program. I called it earlier “Conventional Manhood.” But we’re not here to talk about conventional manhood. We’re here to talk about the quest for authentic manhood, and it will go a little bit against the grain, because it’s priorities and values are different. A dad needs to understand what pressures and issues his daughter and his wife are under, and decide what he really wants to see accomplished in his home with his wife.
THE QUEST FOR AUTHENTIC MANHOOD
23. Fathers and Daughters
23. Fathers and Daughters
The relationship between a dad and his sons is so critical in their formative years. A son needs his dad, he needs to be close to his dad, he needs to feel his dad and he needs to be initiated by his dad. But this close relationship is not just important for sons only.
So what we want to do this morning is to give equal time to dads and daughters, because that relationship is just as critical and just as formative. In fact, there are many who would say today that it’s harder to be a woman than it is to be a man....
...So what I want to do is begin this session this morning, giving you an overview – I mean we spent all year talking about men, and we’re going to cram the world of women into one session. I want to give you an overview of some of the immense challenges for women today, and how they affect daughters. We are going to look at 3 challenges for our daughters in the 21st Century and what I call the “Introduction of the New Womanhood.” These statements will give you a better feel the texture of a woman’s world today.
Here’s the first statement or the first challenge:
1. There is for young women growing up today the challenge of a new, supreme pursuit. And what is that new, supreme pursuit? The word I want to use today is ‘supreme pursuit’ – that’s key. The new, supreme pursuit is from home to career. Let’s face it: a profound change has occurred among women in the last 40 years. Life for a little girl today in our country has been turned upside down. It’s unlike anything women have experienced in our country since the birth of our country. In fact, against a host of what I call ‘more maternal instincts,’ a young girl growing up today, from the time she enters grade school, till the time she finishes the university, she’s bombarded with images and slogans, and told directly by the heroes that she sees portrayed on the screen – or in the classroom- or in the workplace – about what a woman should be and how a woman should be honored. She’s told over and over and over again that a career is everything. That’s become the new, supreme pursuit. It’s the ultimate adventure for a young woman. It’s the self-fulfilling goal that every woman should have for herself.
Now, that has redefined how a little girl thinks of herself as she is growing up today. It redefines how she interacts with young men growing up; what her aspirations and her pursuits and her priorities are, because she’s told of this pursuit all her life. Now, please hear me out and don’t jump way down the line by saying ‘this guy’s talking about women can’t work; they need to be in the home – barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen…’ and all that other extreme rhetoric. I’m not talking about that. I just want you to feel the challenges of a young girl today, because having those kinds of images over her life, has changed the way she thinks about herself and the way she thinks about her life. In fact, we even have a holiday now in light of this new, supreme pursuit. It’s called “Take Your Daughter to Work” day.
Did you know all that began in the 60s with a book by Betty Friedan. It’s a landmark book called The Feminine Mystique. In the book, she calls homemakers ‘parasites.’ Not long after that, Germaine Greer in her bestselling book in 1970 The Female Eunuch called motherhood ‘a handicap,’ and called pregnancy an ‘illness.’ All through the 60s, 70s and 80s, there was this call – not necessarily as extreme as in those books – but a call nonetheless to get out of the home – and into the workplace, ‘where you belong’ because it should be your supreme pursuit in life.
What sounded radical in the 60s and 70s, in a milder tone, is now the value system of mainstream America for your daughter. It’s true whether you’ve got a 5-year-old at home or whether you’re like me and you’ve got a 25-year-old in the workplace, it’s the new, supreme pursuit. I experienced this new value system last Fall, when I was watching my son play football in a small Arkansas town. The game was an away game, so we had driven to this small Arkansas community and that’s about as traditional values as you can come in a small Arkansas town.
It was homecoming for this team that we were playing. I remember, during the half-time ceremonies, they brought the homecoming court out and they introduced each of the girls. As they introduced each of the girls, they talked about the activities that the girl had accomplished in high school, as they often times do. Then with each girl being introduced by her dad, they spoke of their future aspirations – of each of these court members. I found it fascinating as they introduced girl after girl, they said, ‘and Betty aspires to be a doctor..’ or a veterinarian; or a therapist or a social worker, or a lawyer, and on and on it went until the court was finally completely introduced. I thought how odd it would have sounded – how strange it would have been – even there, for them to have introduced a young lady and talked about her activities and then said, ‘and Betty aspires to be a homemaker.’ The world has changed.
There are new realities for a young girl growing up in America today. The supreme pursuit of a career is pressed over her throughout her life and it’s a great challenge to how you and I raise our daughters. How we raise them to think about themselves and to think about their priorities in light of the new realities that we live in.
2. Secondly is the challenge of what I call ‘the decline of traditional feminine values.’ You ask, ‘what is that?” Well, I’ll let actress Sharon Stone tell us. She probably says this in a small way, and captures it better than anyone. I’m quoting her now:
“As I see it, the choice today is between being feminine or equal.
And I choose equal.”
That’s the new reality for your daughter today. One generation ago, if you asked someone to define feminine, you would have heard words like ‘soft,’ ‘virtuous,’ ‘responsive,’ ‘nurturing,’. (can I just put a little aside in here?) I believe for modern men in the 21st Century, those words still sound good. But if you asked someone to define feminine in the 21st Century, you hear the words ‘equal,’ ‘assertive,’ ‘sexy,’ ’independent.’ Those are the new feminine values.
Young women today are excelling at competing with men, but they’re also finding with that competition, more and more difficulty in finding intimate relationships with men. The home itself and homemaking itself, are more and more foreign terms. For 200 years in the life of America, if you had put Titus 2 on the screen it would have made perfect sense. But I want you to feel how strange Titus 2 sounds right now. Look at the words there:
“Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior, teaching
what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their
husbands, and to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at
home, kind, that the word of God may not be dishonored.”
Now that sounds foreign because – now look at the screen for just a moment, guys - what mothers are teaching that today? What dads are emphasizing that today? It sounds foreign, and the reason it sounds foreign is because it is. Which then leads us to the natural conclusion of the third challenge, because this third challenge is the outgrowth of the first two and that is
3. There is going to be the challenge of the rise of the Absent Mom. Despite all the sociological data we have today that says how important, how absolutely critical it is, for young children to have a mom at home. Yet young moms continue flood into the workplace and with the enthusiastic encouragement of their young husbands. It is so short-sighted.
Sixty-seven percent (67%) of all mothers today with children under 4 – the very years when kids need mom most – 67% of all the mothers in America are back into the workplace and yet, those children are the very ones whose lives are most moldable and most shapeable at those years. And yet, mom is gone.
Some, of course, have advocated Daycare as a clearly viable substitute, but I want to put up a quote from Dr. Burton White, the director of the Pre-School Project at Harvard University, about the daycare, just to give you a feel for what he says about daycare as a substitute. Here’s his quote:
After more than 30 years of research on how children develop well,
I would not think of putting an infant or toddler of my own into any
substitute care program.
It all depends on what you want, what you’re trying to produce, what your priorities are, and what your values are. We live in a world that we simply are sheep who follow the standard program. I called it earlier “Conventional Manhood.” But we’re not here to talk about conventional manhood. We’re here to talk about the quest for authentic manhood, and it will go a little bit against the grain, because it’s priorities and values are different. A dad needs to understand what pressures and issues his daughter and his wife are under, and decide what he really wants to see accomplished in his home with his wife.
B5150
Legend
Transcript 24 Preview (Final Transcript)
3. Then there’s the season called Fall, between 40 and 65. The Fall Season can really be the most powerful and productive in a man’s life. It’s when he’s on center stage; it’s when he’s got a certain level of accomplishments; his resume is full; he has a lot of connections and he can do a lot of good with his life.
In Patrick Morley’s book, The Seven Seasons of a Man’s Life, he mentions that a man, during these years, needs to be able to answer 10 questions, and if he can answer these 10 questions, he’s probably on the path to a highly successful life. This is what a man needs to be able to answer in this Fall Season of color.
The 10 questions are these:
a. Am I performing fulfilling work?
b. Am I a good provider?
c. Am I doing everything possible to help my children become responsible adults?
d. Am I building a strong, loving marriage?
e. Am I doing everything possible to introduce my family to faith in Christ?
f. Am I investing in other people’s lives as a friend, counselor, accountability partner and mentor?
g. Am I living a life of good deeds and making a contribution to my community?
h. Am I living a life of integrity?
i. Am I walking close to my Lord, Jesus Christ?
j. Will I go to heaven when I die?
Morley says that the man in this season of life who can answer ‘yes’ to all those 10 questions has laid a rich foundation and will even have a more powerful next season because of it.
But you guys know there are a lot of men in this season – between 40 and 60 who, for one reason or another, unfinished business in the past; the suitcase that finally burst open; a troubled marriage that wasn’t corrected when it needed to be in those early years – and didn’t get the attention that it needed, or a son or daughter that you have wounded because you didn’t invest properly in their life – you know, the wheels can come off during this season and haunting questions can begin to stalk a man through his days. In fact, Bob Beale in his book, Weathering the Mid-Life Storm, pictures some of the questions that men start asking in this season of life if they hit the wall.
Here are some of them:
a. Am I stuck here for the rest of my life?
b. Is this it how it feels to get old?
c. Is anything worth it?
d. Why can’t I understand myself?
e. Will I ever get the promotion?
f. Do I really even want it?
g. Where’s all of my former confidence gone?
h. When I’m old, will I become like my father?
i. Why do I feel so very, very lonely – even when I have lots of friends?
j. Why does God feel so distant, so uncaring, so silent?
k. Are my kids ever going to get out of their troubles?
l. Did I really marry the right person in the first place?
That’s what happens in this season. It can be a season of tremendous success and confidence that is unleashing tremendous good for a man, or it can be another season of redress – where a guy enters whitewater and he knows time is running out. He has to address those kinds of questions that stalk him, or else he’ll brood his life away. The Fall of life is full of those flaming colors.
THE QUEST FOR AUTHENTIC MANHOOD
24. A Man and His Life Journey
24. A Man and His Life Journey
3. Then there’s the season called Fall, between 40 and 65. The Fall Season can really be the most powerful and productive in a man’s life. It’s when he’s on center stage; it’s when he’s got a certain level of accomplishments; his resume is full; he has a lot of connections and he can do a lot of good with his life.
In Patrick Morley’s book, The Seven Seasons of a Man’s Life, he mentions that a man, during these years, needs to be able to answer 10 questions, and if he can answer these 10 questions, he’s probably on the path to a highly successful life. This is what a man needs to be able to answer in this Fall Season of color.
The 10 questions are these:
a. Am I performing fulfilling work?
b. Am I a good provider?
c. Am I doing everything possible to help my children become responsible adults?
d. Am I building a strong, loving marriage?
e. Am I doing everything possible to introduce my family to faith in Christ?
f. Am I investing in other people’s lives as a friend, counselor, accountability partner and mentor?
g. Am I living a life of good deeds and making a contribution to my community?
h. Am I living a life of integrity?
i. Am I walking close to my Lord, Jesus Christ?
j. Will I go to heaven when I die?
Morley says that the man in this season of life who can answer ‘yes’ to all those 10 questions has laid a rich foundation and will even have a more powerful next season because of it.
But you guys know there are a lot of men in this season – between 40 and 60 who, for one reason or another, unfinished business in the past; the suitcase that finally burst open; a troubled marriage that wasn’t corrected when it needed to be in those early years – and didn’t get the attention that it needed, or a son or daughter that you have wounded because you didn’t invest properly in their life – you know, the wheels can come off during this season and haunting questions can begin to stalk a man through his days. In fact, Bob Beale in his book, Weathering the Mid-Life Storm, pictures some of the questions that men start asking in this season of life if they hit the wall.
Here are some of them:
a. Am I stuck here for the rest of my life?
b. Is this it how it feels to get old?
c. Is anything worth it?
d. Why can’t I understand myself?
e. Will I ever get the promotion?
f. Do I really even want it?
g. Where’s all of my former confidence gone?
h. When I’m old, will I become like my father?
i. Why do I feel so very, very lonely – even when I have lots of friends?
j. Why does God feel so distant, so uncaring, so silent?
k. Are my kids ever going to get out of their troubles?
l. Did I really marry the right person in the first place?
That’s what happens in this season. It can be a season of tremendous success and confidence that is unleashing tremendous good for a man, or it can be another season of redress – where a guy enters whitewater and he knows time is running out. He has to address those kinds of questions that stalk him, or else he’ll brood his life away. The Fall of life is full of those flaming colors.
B5150
Legend
I will be leading this last session of The Men's Fraternity and concluding the study with a graduation ceremony and celebration. When I attended this study it was a tremendous study resource for my personal growth into maturity and Authentic Manhood. What was even greater was the growth I experienced leading the study myself.
A real man is one who rejects social and spiritual passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously and expects the greater reward; God’s reward.
A real man is one who rejects social and spiritual passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously and expects the greater reward; God’s reward.
B5150
Legend
bluehealer
Active member
Double D, this is awesome! Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I am printing it all and instead of watching TV when I go to bed, I'll read this.
God Bless,
Jim
God Bless,
Jim
bluehealer
Active member
DD, are you going to be posting the next 24 week session here? It would be greatly appreciated!!
Jim
Jim
B5150
Legend
Now I know this wound is may be difficult to talk about and I’m not here to beat up mom. That’s not my intent, because many times the wound is inflicted not because mom intended to hurt you. In fact, this wound is often inflicted more out of love than neglect. The problem is that the love and concern goes too far. It gives too much. It gets too involved. As payment, it asks too much in return. That’s the problem. Every son needs a healthy, emotional break with mom that takes him out of mom’s orbit and establishes a healthy separate identity which will enable him later on in life to relate to a woman, not out of desperate need and not out of an over-dependence. But to relate to her out of a healthy give-and-take relationship of two separate, healthy individuals.
Now, that sounds good but I want you to know – every mom has difficulty with this. Even the best of moms struggle with this, even Jesus’ mom did. Did you know that?
I want to give you 4 snapshots into Jesus’ relationship with His mother.
1. First of all, I want you to look at the screen. In Luke 2 - Jesus is just 12 years old. Here’s a moment in the life of a mother and son:
As they were returning after spending the full number of days, the boy Jesus (He is a boy; but He’s a changing boy – He’s 12 years old; He’s probably going through puberty at this particular period of time) - the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem and his parents weren’t aware of it, but supposed him to be in the caravan, they went a day’s journey and they began looking for Him among their relatives and acquaintances. And they did not find Him, and they returned to Jerusalem, looking for Him.
And it came about that after 3 days (now that’s a long time, looking for your boy. You’d be upset, wouldn’t you? He’s missing for 3 days). They found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers both listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard Him were amazed at His understanding and His answers. (They were already getting a sense of who this – this Guy was extraordinary). And when they saw Jesus, they were astonished (and then notice this) and His mother said to Him (not his dad; his mother; she steps forward. Now you know it’s interesting in Scripture – nowhere do we hear Joseph say anything. Now, I’m not saying Joseph was a weak man, but what I am saying is it’s real clear from Scripture that Mary was a strong woman. And she initiates in this moment). And His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You treated us this way?” (Now notice if dad was speaking, he wouldn’t say it that way, would he? He’d say ‘what in the “fat” are you doing?’ He would speak on a task level, but not mom! She doesn’t speak that way, does she? She has a whole different language). “Son, why have You treated us this way?” Let me paraphrase, “Why have you hurt your mama? Why would you do this to me?”
Now, the reason I tell you this story is because Mary, of all people, should have known. It was Mary to whom the angel Gabriel had appeared. It was to Mary who the angel said, ‘You’re going to bear Emmanuel – ‘God with us.’ And it says that she treasured all those things in her heart. Oh, she had a certain clarity about the relationship all along, but see, even when you have the Son of God, you’re still a mother. That gets all mixed together, doesn’t it? So Jesus, in this moment, gives her some relational clarity. He’s only 12, but He’s sharp, so He says, “Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father’s house?” And of course, it says “they did not understand the statement which He had made to them.” But they should have, Mary in particular. But you know what you hear in this moment, if you listen closely to what is being said between the lines? You hear “Cut! Cut!” There’s an umbilical cord – an invisible one – that’s being snipped in this moment.
Now, that sounds good but I want you to know – every mom has difficulty with this. Even the best of moms struggle with this, even Jesus’ mom did. Did you know that?
I want to give you 4 snapshots into Jesus’ relationship with His mother.
1. First of all, I want you to look at the screen. In Luke 2 - Jesus is just 12 years old. Here’s a moment in the life of a mother and son:
As they were returning after spending the full number of days, the boy Jesus (He is a boy; but He’s a changing boy – He’s 12 years old; He’s probably going through puberty at this particular period of time) - the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem and his parents weren’t aware of it, but supposed him to be in the caravan, they went a day’s journey and they began looking for Him among their relatives and acquaintances. And they did not find Him, and they returned to Jerusalem, looking for Him.
And it came about that after 3 days (now that’s a long time, looking for your boy. You’d be upset, wouldn’t you? He’s missing for 3 days). They found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers both listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard Him were amazed at His understanding and His answers. (They were already getting a sense of who this – this Guy was extraordinary). And when they saw Jesus, they were astonished (and then notice this) and His mother said to Him (not his dad; his mother; she steps forward. Now you know it’s interesting in Scripture – nowhere do we hear Joseph say anything. Now, I’m not saying Joseph was a weak man, but what I am saying is it’s real clear from Scripture that Mary was a strong woman. And she initiates in this moment). And His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You treated us this way?” (Now notice if dad was speaking, he wouldn’t say it that way, would he? He’d say ‘what in the “fat” are you doing?’ He would speak on a task level, but not mom! She doesn’t speak that way, does she? She has a whole different language). “Son, why have You treated us this way?” Let me paraphrase, “Why have you hurt your mama? Why would you do this to me?”
Now, the reason I tell you this story is because Mary, of all people, should have known. It was Mary to whom the angel Gabriel had appeared. It was to Mary who the angel said, ‘You’re going to bear Emmanuel – ‘God with us.’ And it says that she treasured all those things in her heart. Oh, she had a certain clarity about the relationship all along, but see, even when you have the Son of God, you’re still a mother. That gets all mixed together, doesn’t it? So Jesus, in this moment, gives her some relational clarity. He’s only 12, but He’s sharp, so He says, “Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father’s house?” And of course, it says “they did not understand the statement which He had made to them.” But they should have, Mary in particular. But you know what you hear in this moment, if you listen closely to what is being said between the lines? You hear “Cut! Cut!” There’s an umbilical cord – an invisible one – that’s being snipped in this moment.
B5150
Legend
What is Men's Fraternity?
Men's Fraternity is a series of three one-year-long studies, beginning with The Quest for Authentic Manhood, followed by Authentic Manhood: Winning at Work and Home, and concluding with The Great Adventure series. More than just a rally or a Bible study, Men's Fraternity provides men with an encouraging process that teaches them how to live lives of authentic manhood as modeled by Jesus Christ and directed by the Word of God.
Men's Fraternity was designed to help men come together and strengthen each other through weekly sessions that combine biblical teaching and small group interaction.
These time-tested resources have been used all over the world to equip men to make their pursuit of noble manhood a lifelong priority. Church leaders and lay members are using the series to energize the men of their church and to connect with men in the community. Many men also use the series in their own personal pursuit of authentic manhood.
Invalid Link Removed
Men's Fraternity is a series of three one-year-long studies, beginning with The Quest for Authentic Manhood, followed by Authentic Manhood: Winning at Work and Home, and concluding with The Great Adventure series. More than just a rally or a Bible study, Men's Fraternity provides men with an encouraging process that teaches them how to live lives of authentic manhood as modeled by Jesus Christ and directed by the Word of God.
Men's Fraternity was designed to help men come together and strengthen each other through weekly sessions that combine biblical teaching and small group interaction.
These time-tested resources have been used all over the world to equip men to make their pursuit of noble manhood a lifelong priority. Church leaders and lay members are using the series to energize the men of their church and to connect with men in the community. Many men also use the series in their own personal pursuit of authentic manhood.
Invalid Link Removed
B5150
Legend
I recently have been blessed with the great opportunity to again participate in a study which we are having at my church. I have gone through it once. As a result of the great transforming effect it had on my life and my passion for the material I was asked to join in as a co-leader with a mentor for a second study. He very quickly gave me full reign of the group which was even more powerfull to me, as seeing other men being lead to the life changing transformation further ignited mt passion for the material.
In my third round of this class I have bee asked to be a table leader of a small group of guys in one of the larger groups that I have seen in some time. We worked on lesson 3 last night. This is the beginning of the meat of the program. Watching the eyes open, ears perk up and chests being unzipped to share the deep matters of manhood is a most emotionally moving experience.
I encourage any and all to visit the Invalid Link Removed if you feel lead to share your thoughts and feeling about each lesson.
If there is a decent level of participation a will continue to update the social group with individual lesson threads.
In my third round of this class I have bee asked to be a table leader of a small group of guys in one of the larger groups that I have seen in some time. We worked on lesson 3 last night. This is the beginning of the meat of the program. Watching the eyes open, ears perk up and chests being unzipped to share the deep matters of manhood is a most emotionally moving experience.
I encourage any and all to visit the Invalid Link Removed if you feel lead to share your thoughts and feeling about each lesson.
If there is a decent level of participation a will continue to update the social group with individual lesson threads.
DR.D
Well-known member
B5150
Legend
It's a little past supper time
I'm still out on the front porch
Sittin on my behind, waiting for you
Wondering if everything was all right
Momma said come in boy don't waste your time
I said I got time he'll be here soon
I was five years old and talkin to myself
Where were you? Where'd ya go?
Daddy can't you tell?
I'm not tryin to fake it
And I ain't the one to blame
No there's no one home
In my house of pain
Wasn't I worth the time
A boy needs a daddy like dance to mime
And all the time I looked up to you
I paced my room a million times
And all I ever got was one big line
The same old lie
How could you?
I was eighteen and still talking to myself
Where were you? Where's you go?
Daddy can't ya tell?
I'm not tryin to fake it
And I ain't the one to blame
No there's no one home
In my house of pain
I'm not tryin to fake it
And I ain't the one to blame
No there's no one home
In my house of pain
I didn't write these pages
And my script's been rearranged
No there's no one home
In my house of pain
If I learned anything from this
It's how to live on my own!
Frogman
Banned
nemo
Well-known member
I attend something called "S.W.E.T."(spiritual warfare effectiveness training) yearly, that is quite similar to this. It teaches many of the same principles, such as being a real man,... providing and nurturing.
This has been one of the best reads on this forum for me,... Thanks again!!
This has been one of the best reads on this forum for me,... Thanks again!!
B5150
Legend
THE QUEST FOR AUTHENTIC MANHOOD
11. The Wounded Heart
11. The Wounded Heart
This is Session 11 of Men’s Fraternity where we’re going to be talking about a final wound. We have 2 more sessions before we take our Christmas break but, guys, here at the beginning as we talk about this final wound, I want you to know I think the next two messages are the most important messages a man could hear concerning Authentic Manhood. So these are very, very important truths that we’re going to be talking about.
Up until this point, we’ve been talking mostly about wounds that have been inflicted upon us through our environment. You notice on your outline, I call them the ‘Nurture Wounds.’ Maybe you grew up in a difficult environment. You maybe grew up in very unique circumstances that you feel shaped or even warped, for a period of time, your life. Maybe it was the lack of friends or the lack of family. Maybe you identified real strongly with the fact that dad wasn’t there for me, and because he wasn’t, it left this huge open void in my soul. Or maybe it was the fact that mom moved in and overly bonded with you. Maybe it was the fact that you’ve never had people come along side of you who could point the way.
So life has been just one series of disappointing guesses after another, and some of those guesses have hit some very serious dead-ends. Last week, when we talked about having a mentor, maybe there was something inside of you that said, ‘Man! I would’ve given anything in my life to have someone older than me, who admired me, come along side of me and point the way.’
Maybe, as you thought about your life you said, ‘you know, those have been the kinds of wounds that have altered my social behavior, the same way a physical wound alters physical behavior.’ Those are what I call ‘Nurture Wounds.’
But the wound we’re going to talk about this morning is a wound that goes beyond nurturing. It’s a profound wound that doesn’t have anything to do with environment at all. It’s the wound that’s stamped on our nature from birth, and my goal this morning is to convince each of you that you have this wound.
Remember I said at the beginning that every man carries a suitcase. Do you remember the suitcase that was up here? I told you that how a man unpacks that suitcase will determine the character and the quality of his life later on? Unpacking our suitcase is a necessary first step in the quest for authentic manhood.
We have been unpacking that suitcase but, maybe along the way as we did that, you’ve been making your checklist and you’ve said, ‘Listen, I had a good dad growing up. My mom wasn’t overly involved in my life at all. I had friends in my life, some really good friends – and we’re still friends. On top of that, I’ve even had a couple of mentors who have helped me along the way…’, so as we’ve been going through those wounds, you’ve been checking them off and said, ‘hey! My life has been pretty good. If some of these guys have been hurt like that – I haven’t.’
So along the way, you’ve maybe excused yourself from all of that and said, ‘I’ve been a guy who’s had a rich background.’ Let’s just say you’re one of those few good men, all right? You don’t have a suitcase. All you’ve got is a briefcase. That’s all you carry. But if you’re one of those quality guys who had a rich background, I want you to know you still carry this wound. There may only be one wound in there – but it’s there, so we’re going to open it up and we’re going to pull it out.
Here it is. This is what you carry within that small briefcase. Every man carries it. It’s this black heart and it represents a defective nature we’re all born with that can still corrupt our lives, no matter how good or how healthy our background. We’ve had it all: a good dad, a good mom, good friends, good mentors, but we still have a defective heart. A defective nature that Paul expressed this way in Romans 7. I want you to look on the screen and see if you can identify with this. Here’s what he says:
“For that which I am doing, I do not understand. For I am practicing what
I wouldn’t; I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I’m doing the
very thing I hate. For I know that nothing good dwells in me – that is, in my
flesh, for the wishing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I wish I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not wish. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me from the body of this death?”
Now let me just ask you guys, man to man, have you had that experience? The good that you know you can’t do, the wishing is present in you, but the doing of the good is not! And the very thing that you don’t want to do, you end up doing, and you ask yourself ‘why?’ Deep within there’s a sinister force that we need to talk about, and every man must come to terms with that force if he’s going to be an authentic man in life.
Years ago, in the 70s – I was doing graduate work at Lewis and Clark College. I was working on my Master’s Degree in Counseling/Psychology. And I was introduced there to a number of differing psychoanalytic approaches to human behavior. One of the things I came to understand as we looked at the different approaches to human behavior is that, many of the approaches I was being presented with at Lewis and Clark, all had a common root. They were all built on a common foundation and that common foundation was the basic goodness of man.
I remember one particular textbook that we were given. On the front of it had this innocent looking little girl, standing at the beach with her arms outstretched. It was just really the picture of innocence. And the title of the book was Born to Win. It was a 70’s kind of book.
That was an audacious presupposition about life, because who says that we’re all born to win? And if we’re all born to win -- since we have this plethora of psychological facilitators in America constantly promoting self-esteem and self-awareness, and self-empowerment and self-understanding and self-fulfillment – if all that’s taking place in our culture and we’re born to win, then why aren’t we all winners? Isn’t that, at least, an honest question to ask?
If we’re born to win, why is it we oftentimes lose? And why is it that I oftentimes screw up in life, because I actually find myself doing the very things I don’t want to do! And I’ve told myself over and over again, I need to stop doing that! I see these ugly things of life and yet, I’m pulled right into them. If I’m born to win, why do I do those kinds of things? Maybe – just maybe – it’s because we don’t know the real truth about ourselves.
We haven’t looked deeply into our briefcase or suitcase and understood the most profound wound of all, that’s not of nurture – but is in our very nature. Today in America, we want answers about why we aren’t winning. Most of the answers being offered today on why we’re losing out in life, are what I call ‘half-truths.’ What I mean by ‘half-truths’ are answers offered to us that have some validity to them, but they don’t go all the way at explaining why we are the way we are.
I want to give you four of the half-truths that affect life in America today. Here’s the first.
1. Some say we’re losing out because of poor self-esteem. The self-esteem credo goes like this: “there are not bad people; only people who think badly about themselves. Winners feel good about themselves.” And so in schools, all across America, you have schoolchildren chanting the mantra: ‘I am somebody. I am somebody’, to help them feel good about themselves - and to feel good about themselves regardless of their circumstances. As a result, positive self-esteem is way up in America today.
In a survey in 1940, 11% of women and 20% of men agreed with the statement: “I am an important person.” That was 1940. In 1995, 66% of all women and 62% of all men agree that “I am an important person.” So, we’re feeling good about ourselves, and personally, I’m okay with that. But here’s the point: does that mean we’re living better? The fact we’re feeling better; are we living better? Has it helped divorce in America? Or drug addiction? Or the crime problem? Or child abuse? Or spousal abuse, or racism – just to name a few? Is America better off morally today than it was in 1940? Are we living at a higher standard – winning more than people were winning in 1940? I don’t think so.
Students from six different nations were asked to respond ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to this question after they had taken a standardized math test. The question was: “’Yes’ or ‘no’: I am good at mathematics.” Six different nations participated in the survey -- young people – from 6 different nations. After they took the test, ‘I am good mathematics.’ American students scored the highest on that question. 68% of those American students said “I am good at mathematics,” even though they scored last in the actual mathematics test. Korean students, on the other hand, only 25% of the Korean students said “I am good at mathematics.” They scored first in the world in the actual test. Now here’s the point: Feeling good about yourself is no guarantee that you’re going to do good or that you’re going to be good.
2. Secondly, some say we’re losing out because others are to blame. One of the big problems for men is they think their problems are all out there in life. Over the last 30 years, author Charles Sikes has called America “increasingly a nation of victims” where our national anthem is the whine. We like to whine, we like to blame; we like to say its other peoples’ faults. Blame is commonplace everywhere.
I remember years ago when they had the great LA riots. Do you remember that? Do you remember the scene where we watched on TV as two men, Damian Williams and Henry Watson, pulled a young guy named Reginald Denny out of a truck? Then they took a brick and threw it at him, crushing his skull in. Then they did a victory dance over him? And everybody got to watch that on TV.
It was not the fact that anybody lacked evidence, but when it went to court, the two guys who did that to Reginald Denny were dismissed and acquitted by a legal defense team that convinced the jury those 2 guys did that because they simply got over-stimulated during the riots. And then last night, I was watching NBC news, and watched a group of lawyers who are now suing McDonalds. In the court are a bunch of fat kids, saying that McDonalds caused them to be overweight. We’re a nation of victims who love to blame others for our problems and see that all our issues are out there.
That’s why I’m losing. You know guys in particular whine a lot. They say, ‘if my wife could just be better’, ‘if my job could just be better’, ‘if I just had somebody who cared about me – more friends – or this or that. If all these things out here could just get right, then I would win!’ ‘It’s not my fault – it’s somebody else’s fault.’ ‘And that’s why I’m not the man that I should be. Is that true? Are you losing because of somebody else?
3. Third, we’re offered the half-truth that we’re losing because of a lack of education. Now, I’ve always been somebody who has been a strong proponent of education, but somewhere in our past we began to assume that if we’re educated enough, we’ll act responsibly. So, let me ask you – Christmas is coming, and you know you shouldn’t overeat. Will you?
I was at the waffle house the other day and a guy came in and sat down in a booth next to me and we struck up a conversation. We were the only ones in there and he began to tell me how he had lost his job. I was kind of empathizing with him, and as we talked, he said it was because he had heart problems. He had had a triple bypass and he looked pretty weak. He had just gotten out of the hospital. As he was talking the waitress came up and he ordered 3 eggs, a double order of hash browns, covered, scattered and smothered and a double order of bacon. I thought ‘what’s wrong with this picture?’
Are we educated about the value of exercise? Do we do it? You see, most people don’t do it. We are the most out-of-shape generation in the history of America. High-risk groups are told all the time that their life is on the line with unprotected sex; with smoking; with drug abuse; with binge drinking. Does that stop students from doing it? No. Something deeper in us is the problem.
Child experts tell us the healthiest and best environment for a child growing up is to have a parent in the home, nurturing that child, especially in the earliest years of life – ages 1 through 4. The reason for that is because most of a child’s emotional, social and intellectual health is set in the first 4 years of life and every child expert tells us it’s absolutely essential that that child in the first 4 years of life get maximum parental attention. I could give you volumes of information on that truth.
And yet, with all of that coming out, more and more moms and dads are abandoning the home for the workplace. In the year 2010 over 80% of all mothers with children under 4 will be back in the workplace 6 weeks after they give birth, so all that education means nothing. And it doesn’t solve the problem about why we’re losing out on life. Could it be that there’s a deeper problem we’re uncomfortable talking about?
4. Then some say today, we’re losing out because we are defective. That’s become a great, new revelation to Americans. Scientists tell us that we were born this way. The reason we act out the way we do is because of genetic issues. It gives us a reason to exonerate ourselves and say ‘it’s not my fault – I was born this way.’ Or when we are offered help we say, ‘the reason I can’t stop is because I was born this way.’
B5150
Legend
CONTINUED....
I want you to listen very closely, because when we say ‘I was born this way’, we are starting to get real close to what theologians have been saying for 2,000 years. Your problem – your most fundamental problem, Augustine would have said, back in 400 AD, or Martin Luther would have said in 1500 AD, or John Calvin, or Charles Wesley in the 1700s, or any number of Popes through the centuries – or Billy Graham in our day. They would say, ‘you know, you’re getting close because your problem is in your birth.’
Unfortunately, when people today say ‘I was born this way’ they’re not thinking like a theologian. They’re thinking a lot like my friend who wrote the following article. He said this:
“The news arrived via the airwaves, just as I was devouring my second helping of spaghetti. Fighting back a smile, NBC’s Tom Brokaw made the announcement that millions of Americans like myself have been waiting years to hear. The details were startling. Scientists at Rockefeller University in New York City had discovered a fat gene. What joy those 2 words released in my soul. As one who struggles with his weight, I immediately put down my fork and listened attentively, ignoring the pile of food in front of me. With rapturous delight, I watched as Dr. Jeffrey Friedman explained this Copernican discovery. For 8 years, Dr. Friedman, who gets my vote for the Nobel Prize by the way, and his team studied some very fat mice. In the laboratory, these portly rodents ate everything in sight, and eventually weighed 3 times as much as normal mice. And Dr. Friedman and his team concluded that the difference between the
Arnold Schwarzenegger mice and the Roseann Arnold mice was a single gene: the fat gene.
The scientists believed that this same defective gene has a counterpart in the human population, and since 60 million Americans are obese -- 20% heavier that is than their ideal weight – the Rockefeller Study has given new hope to people like myself whose wardrobes consist of sweatpants and tight-fitting T-shirts. Of course, I’ve never tested myself to determine whether or not I actually have the fat gene, but I know I do. My experience confirms its presence. For example, when I eat the buffet at Shoney’s my entire DNA strand quivers with ecstasy. On top of this, I never once heard my brain say, ’it’s time to stop eating.’ In my case a test for the fat gene would be a complete waste of time, because some truths are self-evident. You are probably curious as to whether or not I exercise. I don’t. The fat gene is responsible for this as well. Now, if science could only discover a gene for TV addiction.”
Now, you know, I share that -- and we kind of laugh at that, because half-truths like that allow us to escape the deeper truths about ourselves. The deeper truths about ourselves are that, now guys look at me, we have a spiritual problem. That’s something people don’t like to talk about. For some reason, they don’t like to go really deep and discover that deep within themselves there really is a heart wound. Bill Bennett has said recently there is disturbing reluctance in our time to talk seriously about spiritual matters. There is an aversion to spiritual language in our world today.
What I want to do now is just take a moment and begin to introduce you to the background of this particular wound. It is fundamental to everything in life – social, moral, practical, and spiritual. Even though it may be uncomfortable to talk about and disturbing to contemplate, this wound alone provides the context for everything in our life. In the Bible it’s the principle that makes everything else in the Bible make sense. It’s the reason why we are the way we are much of the time. It is the hidden truth behind all of life’s trouble. So what is it?
On your outline, it is that cursed condition known as the ‘depravity wound.’ Now that may be a new term for some of you here today. This black heart that I held up you can write over it “the depravity wound.” It’s something not talked about, even in churches. Yet, I find that surprising because it’s the backdrop from which, and to which, everything else in the Bible speaks. It’s like a running back who tears his ACL. If you’ve ever seen that happen in a game, the player doesn’t go over to the sideline and they tell him ‘it’s just a sprain.’ They don’t just put some tape on it and send him back into the game. Because when you tear your ACL, it‘s the absolute worst injury your knee can have. The knee is totaled, and something much more significant has to take place in order for him to be healed.
I want you to know it’s the same way in society. Oftentimes we’re trying to heal society with tape and with a quick scope job, like self-esteem or blaming it on a gene, or build a better self-esteem. Somehow that’s going to get us back in the game because ‘we were born to win!’ But I want you to know, if the heart is torn – and I believe it is – a little tape and a scope job is not going to make us win.
Here’s what the Scripture says about our heart. Look at what it says in Jeremiah 17. It says this:
“The heart (now he’s speaking to each one of us; your could put in ‘my
heart’) is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick. Who can
understand it?”
Ecclesiastes says it this way. This is the way King Solomon said it. He said, furthermore, as he had looked at the world, looked at life, and examined men, he said:
“the hearts of the sons of men are full of evil and insanity is in their hearts
throughout their lives.”
There’s a sickness deep within and it wasn’t given by mom or dad, or friends or the lack of friends, or in my environment, or circumstances. I was born with this sickness, a defective heart. Now for some of you guys this may come as a complete surprise, kind of like a glass of cold-water-in-the-face. Have you ever awakened in the morning and thought to yourself as you looked in the mirror and said, ‘you know, I’m depraved. There’s something wrong with my nature’? Probably not. And yet, it’s fundamental to all of what life is and to understanding what’s wrong with man.
The Bible says that when mankind fell because of Adam, the whole human race was cursed by God. I want you to listen to what Martin Lloyd Jones, a great theologian, said in his book The Plight of Man. It’s still a classic. He said:
“Man has fallen away from God and as a result his whole nature has become
perverted. Man’s whole bias is away from God by nature. His god is himself.
His own abilities and powers; his own desires are all for himself. He objects
to the demands that God makes on him. Furthermore, man likes and covets
the things which God prohibits and dislikes the things and the kind of life
God calls him to. These are not mere dogmatic statements. These are facts,
which alone can explain the moral muddle and ugliness that characterizes
our life.”
In other words, when I go through the day and interact with the situations that confront me, deep within myself is something that’s twisting everything and oftentimes bringing me into situations that fail for me. And I want to blame, I want to point in some direction and say ‘this is the problem’, but where the fingers need to be pointed is back to me – and to my very nature.
Now some people have dismissed the wound of depravity because I’ve talked to them and they assume that depravity means you’re going to be as bad as you can possibly be. Since these people observe in themselves and in other people that they’re not bad --- that there’s some goodness in them; that they like to help people from time to time – then this principle must be in error.
But here’s what I want you to hear guys, the doctrine of depravity never means that people will be as bad as they can possibly be. It just means that they are as bad off as they can possibly be because they are born without God, and they are born with a nature that is bent on self – not selflessness. And they have an inclination and bent towards evil – not towards goodness. When opportunities present themselves to indulge that nature, they are powerless oftentimes to choose anything but that. That’s what depravity means.
Now, let me speak specifically to what this doctrine speaks to.
1. First, it means that I’m separated from God and under His judgment. In the scripture of Ephesians 4:18 it says that I was born excluded from the life of God. We’re not born into the kingdom of God, we’re born excluded from the life of God. Depravity means that I’m under – in a sense – a death sentence. I was born without God at the start of this life and, unless in some way I find God in this life, I will die without God.
2. Secondly, it means that I’ve inherited a corrupt nature that no human agency can cure. A good dad can’t cure it; a good mom can’t cure it; a good job can’t cure it. King David said it this way in Psalm 51:5; “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me.” In other words – now listen, this is a hard thing to say - in other words, I was born to lose. That’s how I was born – to lose – not to win.
The famous Westminster Confession -- some of you maybe grew up quoting the Westminster Confession -- puts it this way:
“Our first parents, that is Adam and Eve (and some people say, ‘now, you
don’t believe in Adam and Eve?’ Oh, yeah, I do. I hope you know that
recently the genetic research that we talked about has traced the whole
human race to one man and one woman. That’s a fact; every one of us – red, yellow, black and white – we all come from one set of parents. The whole human race has one stock. The Westminster Confession, believed in that years before it could be proven.) “Our first parents fell and so became in sin and wholly defiled in all the faculties and parts of soul and body. They, being the root of all mankind, this same, corrupt nature was conveyed to all their posterity, descending from them by ordinary generation.”
It means that our corrupt nature was inherited from our distant parents and was given to us at birth. It can’t be eradicated by education, or better environment, or better self-understanding, or counseling, or money or even willpower! It defies all these things, and that’s why we find ourselves saying, just like the apostle Paul said 2,000 years ago, ‘the very things I hate, I do. Even while the wishing for the good is in me, the doing of the good is not.’
What is that? The Bible says it’s the depraved heart you were born with. It defies everything. Jesus came into the world and He looked at mankind and He said these words, “that’s why you must be born again.”
3. Thirdly, my corrupt nature left unaddressed inevitably corrupts my life with sin. Now we get introduced to the word ‘sin’. Sin being those everyday acts of selfishness, greed, immorality, pride, anger, hatred, impurity, and so on that come into my life. They spoil my life, ruin my dreams, and hurt the people I love through me, and leave me with an empty life, full of guilt. It’s the hidden reality behind every life cut off from God.
We sin – because we have this sinful nature that comes from this wounded heart, and we hurt ourselves. We do things we never intended and we wonder why we got there, and why we’ve hurt others in the process.
All this goes back to the deepest wound of all -- not of nurture – it’s our nature. Now I want to mention two things before we go into our small groups about this fundamental flaw. Here’s the first one.
1. We need to talk about this depravity wound that we’re introducing here today –– it requires a spiritual solution that only God can give. If it is, in fact, spiritual, it can only be handled spiritually. Only God can change this corrupt nature. Only He can bend what has been bent towards the wrong, back towards the right. I believe, only God can give the power necessary to move you away from evil. Only God can give you the power to do the things that you wish to do. And I stand as one who can testify of that in my own life.
Previous generations understood that. That’s why previous generations would cry out to God, “God, have mercy on me!” Those were cries for deliverance –not from circumstances, but from myself. God, have mercy on me? Without you, I’m going to lose – not win. Which brings me to point two.
2. Admitting my depravity wound is the essential first step to finding a real, authentic relationship with God – not just finding more religion. God save us from that. You see, what I’m giving you is the context for all spiritual life. Without it, we just go to church; we participate in spiritual exercises, thinking somehow it’s just going to give us a lift. But if you understand what I’m saying today, you’re not looking for a lift. You’re looking for deliverance -- what the Bible calls salvation from self - because this wound is so profound.
It’s only when we recognize that we have that true condition that God even makes sense at all. Guys, did you know when Jesus Christ came to earth – when He preached His very first message; His very first sermon in front of people -- is very first words were these. Look at them on the screen -
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Now, just look at the verse for a minute. We move by it so quickly. Blessed are the poor in spirit. Let’s put it this way: ‘happy are those who are poor in their heart’. What’s He talking about there? He’s saying the people who will really make it in life – the people who will become authentic in life; the people who will finally understand what it means to win - are those who first recognize that within each of us there’s poverty. Within each of us there’s woundedness. Within each of us there’s depravity. Once people recognize this, then they have a path to deal with it – but they’ve got to first recognize it first.
In 1984, a Spanish Avianca Airlines jet crashed in Spain. Everybody on board was killed. The black box that was recovered revealed that several minutes before the impact, a computer went off in the pilot’s cabin. That shrill voice that began to speak to the pilot and the system cried out over and over again, “Pull up! Pull up! Pull up!” But the Spanish pilot didn’t know English, and for some reason he thought that the system was malfunctioning. And so as they replayed these final minutes before the crash, they heard the box say, “Pull up! Pull up!” and finally you heard the Spanish pilot say in his own native tongue, “Shut up, gringo!” and he turned the system off. Then a couple of minutes later, the plane slammed into a mountainside, and everybody was killed.
Did you know God’s automatic warning system is the Bible? And it’s been faithfully warning every man since the beginning of time that our natural instinct is selfish and sinful. That our nature is contemptible, depraved, and wounded from birth. That our natural direction is down and it cries out, “Pull up! Pull up!” And you can say, “Shut up, God!” or you can say, “Tell me how to pull up.”
We’re going into the Christmas season. It’s a very sacred time, and the next 2 weeks could possibly be the most important 2 weeks of your life, because in the next 2 weeks I’m going to tell you how.
We’ll see you then.
I want you to listen very closely, because when we say ‘I was born this way’, we are starting to get real close to what theologians have been saying for 2,000 years. Your problem – your most fundamental problem, Augustine would have said, back in 400 AD, or Martin Luther would have said in 1500 AD, or John Calvin, or Charles Wesley in the 1700s, or any number of Popes through the centuries – or Billy Graham in our day. They would say, ‘you know, you’re getting close because your problem is in your birth.’
Unfortunately, when people today say ‘I was born this way’ they’re not thinking like a theologian. They’re thinking a lot like my friend who wrote the following article. He said this:
“The news arrived via the airwaves, just as I was devouring my second helping of spaghetti. Fighting back a smile, NBC’s Tom Brokaw made the announcement that millions of Americans like myself have been waiting years to hear. The details were startling. Scientists at Rockefeller University in New York City had discovered a fat gene. What joy those 2 words released in my soul. As one who struggles with his weight, I immediately put down my fork and listened attentively, ignoring the pile of food in front of me. With rapturous delight, I watched as Dr. Jeffrey Friedman explained this Copernican discovery. For 8 years, Dr. Friedman, who gets my vote for the Nobel Prize by the way, and his team studied some very fat mice. In the laboratory, these portly rodents ate everything in sight, and eventually weighed 3 times as much as normal mice. And Dr. Friedman and his team concluded that the difference between the
Arnold Schwarzenegger mice and the Roseann Arnold mice was a single gene: the fat gene.
The scientists believed that this same defective gene has a counterpart in the human population, and since 60 million Americans are obese -- 20% heavier that is than their ideal weight – the Rockefeller Study has given new hope to people like myself whose wardrobes consist of sweatpants and tight-fitting T-shirts. Of course, I’ve never tested myself to determine whether or not I actually have the fat gene, but I know I do. My experience confirms its presence. For example, when I eat the buffet at Shoney’s my entire DNA strand quivers with ecstasy. On top of this, I never once heard my brain say, ’it’s time to stop eating.’ In my case a test for the fat gene would be a complete waste of time, because some truths are self-evident. You are probably curious as to whether or not I exercise. I don’t. The fat gene is responsible for this as well. Now, if science could only discover a gene for TV addiction.”
Now, you know, I share that -- and we kind of laugh at that, because half-truths like that allow us to escape the deeper truths about ourselves. The deeper truths about ourselves are that, now guys look at me, we have a spiritual problem. That’s something people don’t like to talk about. For some reason, they don’t like to go really deep and discover that deep within themselves there really is a heart wound. Bill Bennett has said recently there is disturbing reluctance in our time to talk seriously about spiritual matters. There is an aversion to spiritual language in our world today.
What I want to do now is just take a moment and begin to introduce you to the background of this particular wound. It is fundamental to everything in life – social, moral, practical, and spiritual. Even though it may be uncomfortable to talk about and disturbing to contemplate, this wound alone provides the context for everything in our life. In the Bible it’s the principle that makes everything else in the Bible make sense. It’s the reason why we are the way we are much of the time. It is the hidden truth behind all of life’s trouble. So what is it?
On your outline, it is that cursed condition known as the ‘depravity wound.’ Now that may be a new term for some of you here today. This black heart that I held up you can write over it “the depravity wound.” It’s something not talked about, even in churches. Yet, I find that surprising because it’s the backdrop from which, and to which, everything else in the Bible speaks. It’s like a running back who tears his ACL. If you’ve ever seen that happen in a game, the player doesn’t go over to the sideline and they tell him ‘it’s just a sprain.’ They don’t just put some tape on it and send him back into the game. Because when you tear your ACL, it‘s the absolute worst injury your knee can have. The knee is totaled, and something much more significant has to take place in order for him to be healed.
I want you to know it’s the same way in society. Oftentimes we’re trying to heal society with tape and with a quick scope job, like self-esteem or blaming it on a gene, or build a better self-esteem. Somehow that’s going to get us back in the game because ‘we were born to win!’ But I want you to know, if the heart is torn – and I believe it is – a little tape and a scope job is not going to make us win.
Here’s what the Scripture says about our heart. Look at what it says in Jeremiah 17. It says this:
“The heart (now he’s speaking to each one of us; your could put in ‘my
heart’) is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick. Who can
understand it?”
Ecclesiastes says it this way. This is the way King Solomon said it. He said, furthermore, as he had looked at the world, looked at life, and examined men, he said:
“the hearts of the sons of men are full of evil and insanity is in their hearts
throughout their lives.”
There’s a sickness deep within and it wasn’t given by mom or dad, or friends or the lack of friends, or in my environment, or circumstances. I was born with this sickness, a defective heart. Now for some of you guys this may come as a complete surprise, kind of like a glass of cold-water-in-the-face. Have you ever awakened in the morning and thought to yourself as you looked in the mirror and said, ‘you know, I’m depraved. There’s something wrong with my nature’? Probably not. And yet, it’s fundamental to all of what life is and to understanding what’s wrong with man.
The Bible says that when mankind fell because of Adam, the whole human race was cursed by God. I want you to listen to what Martin Lloyd Jones, a great theologian, said in his book The Plight of Man. It’s still a classic. He said:
“Man has fallen away from God and as a result his whole nature has become
perverted. Man’s whole bias is away from God by nature. His god is himself.
His own abilities and powers; his own desires are all for himself. He objects
to the demands that God makes on him. Furthermore, man likes and covets
the things which God prohibits and dislikes the things and the kind of life
God calls him to. These are not mere dogmatic statements. These are facts,
which alone can explain the moral muddle and ugliness that characterizes
our life.”
In other words, when I go through the day and interact with the situations that confront me, deep within myself is something that’s twisting everything and oftentimes bringing me into situations that fail for me. And I want to blame, I want to point in some direction and say ‘this is the problem’, but where the fingers need to be pointed is back to me – and to my very nature.
Now some people have dismissed the wound of depravity because I’ve talked to them and they assume that depravity means you’re going to be as bad as you can possibly be. Since these people observe in themselves and in other people that they’re not bad --- that there’s some goodness in them; that they like to help people from time to time – then this principle must be in error.
But here’s what I want you to hear guys, the doctrine of depravity never means that people will be as bad as they can possibly be. It just means that they are as bad off as they can possibly be because they are born without God, and they are born with a nature that is bent on self – not selflessness. And they have an inclination and bent towards evil – not towards goodness. When opportunities present themselves to indulge that nature, they are powerless oftentimes to choose anything but that. That’s what depravity means.
Now, let me speak specifically to what this doctrine speaks to.
1. First, it means that I’m separated from God and under His judgment. In the scripture of Ephesians 4:18 it says that I was born excluded from the life of God. We’re not born into the kingdom of God, we’re born excluded from the life of God. Depravity means that I’m under – in a sense – a death sentence. I was born without God at the start of this life and, unless in some way I find God in this life, I will die without God.
2. Secondly, it means that I’ve inherited a corrupt nature that no human agency can cure. A good dad can’t cure it; a good mom can’t cure it; a good job can’t cure it. King David said it this way in Psalm 51:5; “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me.” In other words – now listen, this is a hard thing to say - in other words, I was born to lose. That’s how I was born – to lose – not to win.
The famous Westminster Confession -- some of you maybe grew up quoting the Westminster Confession -- puts it this way:
“Our first parents, that is Adam and Eve (and some people say, ‘now, you
don’t believe in Adam and Eve?’ Oh, yeah, I do. I hope you know that
recently the genetic research that we talked about has traced the whole
human race to one man and one woman. That’s a fact; every one of us – red, yellow, black and white – we all come from one set of parents. The whole human race has one stock. The Westminster Confession, believed in that years before it could be proven.) “Our first parents fell and so became in sin and wholly defiled in all the faculties and parts of soul and body. They, being the root of all mankind, this same, corrupt nature was conveyed to all their posterity, descending from them by ordinary generation.”
It means that our corrupt nature was inherited from our distant parents and was given to us at birth. It can’t be eradicated by education, or better environment, or better self-understanding, or counseling, or money or even willpower! It defies all these things, and that’s why we find ourselves saying, just like the apostle Paul said 2,000 years ago, ‘the very things I hate, I do. Even while the wishing for the good is in me, the doing of the good is not.’
What is that? The Bible says it’s the depraved heart you were born with. It defies everything. Jesus came into the world and He looked at mankind and He said these words, “that’s why you must be born again.”
3. Thirdly, my corrupt nature left unaddressed inevitably corrupts my life with sin. Now we get introduced to the word ‘sin’. Sin being those everyday acts of selfishness, greed, immorality, pride, anger, hatred, impurity, and so on that come into my life. They spoil my life, ruin my dreams, and hurt the people I love through me, and leave me with an empty life, full of guilt. It’s the hidden reality behind every life cut off from God.
We sin – because we have this sinful nature that comes from this wounded heart, and we hurt ourselves. We do things we never intended and we wonder why we got there, and why we’ve hurt others in the process.
All this goes back to the deepest wound of all -- not of nurture – it’s our nature. Now I want to mention two things before we go into our small groups about this fundamental flaw. Here’s the first one.
1. We need to talk about this depravity wound that we’re introducing here today –– it requires a spiritual solution that only God can give. If it is, in fact, spiritual, it can only be handled spiritually. Only God can change this corrupt nature. Only He can bend what has been bent towards the wrong, back towards the right. I believe, only God can give the power necessary to move you away from evil. Only God can give you the power to do the things that you wish to do. And I stand as one who can testify of that in my own life.
Previous generations understood that. That’s why previous generations would cry out to God, “God, have mercy on me!” Those were cries for deliverance –not from circumstances, but from myself. God, have mercy on me? Without you, I’m going to lose – not win. Which brings me to point two.
2. Admitting my depravity wound is the essential first step to finding a real, authentic relationship with God – not just finding more religion. God save us from that. You see, what I’m giving you is the context for all spiritual life. Without it, we just go to church; we participate in spiritual exercises, thinking somehow it’s just going to give us a lift. But if you understand what I’m saying today, you’re not looking for a lift. You’re looking for deliverance -- what the Bible calls salvation from self - because this wound is so profound.
It’s only when we recognize that we have that true condition that God even makes sense at all. Guys, did you know when Jesus Christ came to earth – when He preached His very first message; His very first sermon in front of people -- is very first words were these. Look at them on the screen -
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Now, just look at the verse for a minute. We move by it so quickly. Blessed are the poor in spirit. Let’s put it this way: ‘happy are those who are poor in their heart’. What’s He talking about there? He’s saying the people who will really make it in life – the people who will become authentic in life; the people who will finally understand what it means to win - are those who first recognize that within each of us there’s poverty. Within each of us there’s woundedness. Within each of us there’s depravity. Once people recognize this, then they have a path to deal with it – but they’ve got to first recognize it first.
In 1984, a Spanish Avianca Airlines jet crashed in Spain. Everybody on board was killed. The black box that was recovered revealed that several minutes before the impact, a computer went off in the pilot’s cabin. That shrill voice that began to speak to the pilot and the system cried out over and over again, “Pull up! Pull up! Pull up!” But the Spanish pilot didn’t know English, and for some reason he thought that the system was malfunctioning. And so as they replayed these final minutes before the crash, they heard the box say, “Pull up! Pull up!” and finally you heard the Spanish pilot say in his own native tongue, “Shut up, gringo!” and he turned the system off. Then a couple of minutes later, the plane slammed into a mountainside, and everybody was killed.
Did you know God’s automatic warning system is the Bible? And it’s been faithfully warning every man since the beginning of time that our natural instinct is selfish and sinful. That our nature is contemptible, depraved, and wounded from birth. That our natural direction is down and it cries out, “Pull up! Pull up!” And you can say, “Shut up, God!” or you can say, “Tell me how to pull up.”
We’re going into the Christmas season. It’s a very sacred time, and the next 2 weeks could possibly be the most important 2 weeks of your life, because in the next 2 weeks I’m going to tell you how.
We’ll see you then.
B5150
Legend
Trolling...ive still got transcripts. Im planning to purchase the DVD series and lead this up again here in my circle of men.
I know a lot of the links are dead.
Invalid Link Removed
The single most life transforming study ive ever done. Leading it took it over the top.
There was a time when fellowship was big around here. Ive got a lot of good stuff ive invested out there. Ill try to dig up some other threads and materials.
If there's any more brothers out there with interest or for that matter anyone interest at all ...no prerequisite...id enjoy serving.
"This little light of mine..."
I know a lot of the links are dead.
Invalid Link Removed
The single most life transforming study ive ever done. Leading it took it over the top.
There was a time when fellowship was big around here. Ive got a lot of good stuff ive invested out there. Ill try to dig up some other threads and materials.
If there's any more brothers out there with interest or for that matter anyone interest at all ...no prerequisite...id enjoy serving.
"This little light of mine..."