KLEEN LIVING - A log about Life, Training, and Nutrition.

Sorry for disappearing on everyone, it just got to be a negative feedback loop. Being too depressed to really do what is needed, then having to explain why I wasn't doing what I needed to do in order to reach my goals was just making me more ashamed that I wasn't doing what was needed. So it was just creating a cycle that kept making me feel worse. It is hard to have the humility as a man to just say this is just too much for me right now. So rather than doing that, I fell into isolating myself.

As someone that has struggled with depression most of my life, and even moreso in the last 5 years, I can definitely relate to what you wrote here so much. I'm like that with so many aspects of life - I'll know I need to do something, be too depressed to do it, then get mad at myself for not doing it which activates the anxiety, then its a crippling combination of depression and anxiety and can't focus on anything or get anything done at all, so the cycle repeats.

I do a lot of volunteer work in my personal life, and a big part of that is with people that have mental health struggles, and you're absolutely right, its hard for a lot of people to be able to admit to others, or even to themselves that sometimes things are just too much and they need help - whether that help is a break, counseling, just being able to open up, or whatever helps.
 
This has been on my mind a lot lately. 2023 and 2024 I largely worried about our women. After my wife had her breast cancer diagnosis, I became aware of so many other woman down that path, their fear, the things they went through. we did that walk and I was shocked how many people were impacted. I was very focused on "what are we doing to our women??? why are they all getting this?" then in the past few months I've also had men largely on my mind. Mental illness, addiction, homelessness, suicide, and just sadness in general I think is largely on the male side and also largely ignored. Robin Williams has been on my mind a LOT lately, not only for his humor and his healing through humor, but for his own sadness and depression. I went from "we need to take better care of our women" to "we need to take better care of our men" to ... "actually, we all need some help" lol.

I love this idea. maybe a small portion of our contribuition could go towards like @sns8778 or @delsolrob and they'd pitch in like a prize for the winner, they both have great PreWO's out right now....

I know personally, I'd prefer to go by the scale. my low of 183 Nov 1st is now 197/198, so I've had a great run on this bench cycle, but I'd like to get back into the 180s before I start my next run up.

Very well said.

Robin Williams is someone whose mind I can relate to a lot because he tried to put other people first and help others, and through helping people laugh and smile, he found moments of relief from his own depression.

I've always struggled with anxiety and depression, but never talked openly about it until the last few years. As a society, unfortunately, there are certain types of people that have always been viewed as being supposed to be stronger than others and judged bigtime if they talked openly about sadness, depression, etc.

I love supplements and I love helping people, and that's a big part of what the companies are about to me is helping people achieve their results and hopefully their quality of life through supplements.

As much as I love supplements though, one thing I've always been more passionate about is helping people with mental health issues. I've done volunteer counseling and other volunteer work for years, but never talk about it much bc its something I do bc I want to, not bc I want others to know about.

For a long time now, I've tried to think of any ways I could merge the things that I love into some type of project and that's something I'm hoping to be able to do this year.

I'd be glad to offer prizes to the winner of the contest that you all are thinking on doing. I wouldn't want any part of the contributions, I would rather those go towards charity than me. For people who like our products, absolutely, please buy them and use them as part of the contest and that would help me; but I wouldn't want anything from the contribution pool.
 
One thought is:
Contest Style: All agree to a $20-50 donation to a charity, winner of each category gets to choose their favorite charity and then everyone in that category send the money to the winners choice of charity.

Accountability Style: $25 donation to charity of your choice if you succeed, $50 donation made if you do not reach your resolution goal. Participants choose if you if you actually met your goal so the goal must be measurable. IE target weight gained or weight lost, visible abs, increase strength by something measurable.

Feel free to add any thoughts and if you would be willing to do one of these and which would be the preference.

Well, either way, i like the added donation to charity aspect. I do think that if we're all contributing to the winners pot - then we should state upfront where it's going (vs deciding the charity at the end). I like a bigger amount going to one charity, but the other option does allow us to spread the wealth around.

Either way though, count me in.
 
Well, either way, i like the added donation to charity aspect. I do think that if we're all contributing to the winners pot - then we should state upfront where it's going (vs deciding the charity at the end). I like a bigger amount going to one charity, but the other option does allow us to spread the wealth around.

Either way though, count me in.
Sorry for the delay in hopping back on. I was just getting myself going again.

Yeah, I was thinking we could donate to the one we all donated to for Rocket unless anyone else had a different idea. Would be a nice way to honor him since he participated in most of my challenges in the past. We could even donate in his name again. The we all just show proof of our donation at the end of the challenge period.

Rather than make it a contest where we have to vote who won, I think we should make it a goal accountability thread. Basically we state what our goals are, and the time frame it needs to be completed in. Preferably this would be something measurable like a specific amount of weight lost/gained, a strength goal, or something like that. Then we could all agree on a minimum donation like $25-50, and the Accountability payment would be double for not achieving the goal in the set time.

Let me know your thoughts and I will make a thread for this.

Current Update:
New Years I was 214.6, and as of yesterday morning I was 212.4 Lbs. I haven't really lifted in about a month, and just let some things recover. I still have some limiting factors, but am ready to tackle these goals. The ball of my left foot is still recovering from the bone bruise, so I will have to be careful with leg work, and how I choose to do cardio. I still have the issues with my neck / rotator cuff area on my right side, but these are things I am just going to have to work around too.

I have been fasting then eating loosely in the evening for a while. Although I maintained a relatively decent body fat level, I have for sure lost a little muscle the last month. I do expect to fill right back up once my overall calorie intake comes up, and macros are more geared toward hypertrophy, and not enjoyment while keeping calories lower. Plus, the physical activity will really improve nutrient uptake. I expect to see a visible change pretty quickly in muscle fullness, and overall appearance.

Goal = Weight loss - Current Weight: 212.4 Target Weight: 200lbs or less by March 31, 2025
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You're looking good dude, even with a month of R&R and mental health recovery, you have stayed leaner than 99% of us lol. What a great foundation you have built over the years!!

. The ball of my left foot is still recovering from the bone bruise,

Are you certain it's a bone bruise and not muscular? My wife got me one of those foot massage machines you put on the floor by your couch and just drop your feet into while you're watching TV. I had told her how awesome my parents was, so she got me one for Christmas, lol. It doesn't seem like much, but when I have really sore feet after squats or say walking/golf it seems to do the trick. BUT I think mine is maybe the plantar issue acting up, not a bone bruise...

I have been fasting then eating loosely in the evening for a while.
Man I tell you what, this is always my favorite "cruise" when I'm inbetween goals.
 
Glad to hear you’re ready to start getting back to it, and have a goal in mind - this is great! Looking in a great place to begin anew.

I know I can’t actually deadlift just this moment, but I had a personal goal to be able to deadlift 455 by New Years and wanted to pull 500 by end of March. I can’t change getting hurt at 440 & not being able to pull the 455 session on NYE, but I only wanted to at least single it. The 440x5 on a powerbar I did easily puts me at a 500lb 1RM potential, so I’m happy with that. I would really like to ACTUALLY pull 500 from the floor by end of March. This seems like a very realistic goal, because I basically just need to maintain body strength while I heal, & then execute.
 
I had a personal goal to be able to deadlift 455 by New Years and wanted to pull 500 by end of March. I can’t change getting hurt at 440 & not being able to pull the 455 session on NYE, but I only wanted to at least single it.
kinda reminds me of the old "it's the journey" mantra. Had I gone for 305 on NYE and missed it, I don't think I would have been disappointed because my 6 week cube journey was effective. My base was built, my capacity increased, and I had those many reps PRs. I see you in a very similar situation with the injury recovery. Not pulling 455 isn't nearly as important as the rehab work that you DID accomplish.
 
You're looking good dude, even with a month of R&R and mental health recovery, you have stayed leaner than 99% of us lol. What a great foundation you have built over the years!!



Are you certain it's a bone bruise and not muscular? My wife got me one of those foot massage machines you put on the floor by your couch and just drop your feet into while you're watching TV. I had told her how awesome my parents was, so she got me one for Christmas, lol. It doesn't seem like much, but when I have really sore feet after squats or say walking/golf it seems to do the trick. BUT I think mine is maybe the plantar issue acting up, not a bone bruise...


Man I tell you what, this is always my favorite "cruise" when I'm inbetween goals.
Thank you Sir!

I am pretty sure this is a bone bruise, it feels just like the other times I have bruised my bone. I have had a minor bruise on the ball before but had a massive one on my heal when I was in Kung Fu, from doing aerials and landing on my heel one time. Honestly 4-6 months is not that long for a bone bruise on the foot if you have not been able to stop using it. I will most likely make an appointment at a podiatrist here real soon now that my FSA is all stocked back up. The continuous bloodwork every 8 weeks last year on top of all of the soft tissue work ran through all of my medical funds by July which is when the foot started to get bruised, and then continued to get worse until I bought some super comfortable shoes to pad, and basically just tried to walk as little as possible over the last 6 weeks. It has improved quite a bit the last 6 weeks but I know it won't take much to be going the opposite direction.
Glad to hear you’re ready to start getting back to it, and have a goal in mind - this is great! Looking in a great place to begin anew.

I know I can’t actually deadlift just this moment, but I had a personal goal to be able to deadlift 455 by New Years and wanted to pull 500 by end of March. I can’t change getting hurt at 440 & not being able to pull the 455 session on NYE, but I only wanted to at least single it. The 440x5 on a powerbar I did easily puts me at a 500lb 1RM potential, so I’m happy with that. I would really like to ACTUALLY pull 500 from the floor by end of March. This seems like a very realistic goal, because I basically just need to maintain body strength while I heal, & then execute.
Agreed, I actually am a lot more comfortable in my skin after this mental reset. I don't feel bad for not wanting to compete this year any longer. Honestly, I am quite comfortable with just leaning up and targeting a physique I am proud of, and try to maintain it while likely even reincorporating some of my old training modalities. I don't have to be so darn careful not to do anything that could mess up the time invested in my BB efforts. I am excited about the idea of doing some of the things I kept myself from doing while trying to get ready for BB. I wouldn't even punch a punching bag during those 2 years because I didn't want to risk injury. So there are a few things I restricted myself from that I will allow and see if I can get myself a little more well rounded and get some of my athletic ability back.

I think that is a great goal! Honesty if my foot was okay that would sound like a fun one for me to get in on.
 
Sorry for the delay in hopping back on. I was just getting myself going again.

Yeah, I was thinking we could donate to the one we all donated to for Rocket unless anyone else had a different idea. Would be a nice way to honor him since he participated in most of my challenges in the past. We could even donate in his name again. The we all just show proof of our donation at the end of the challenge period.

Rather than make it a contest where we have to vote who won, I think we should make it a goal accountability thread. Basically we state what our goals are, and the time frame it needs to be completed in. Preferably this would be something measurable like a specific amount of weight lost/gained, a strength goal, or something like that. Then we could all agree on a minimum donation like $25-50, and the Accountability payment would be double for not achieving the goal in the set time.

Let me know your thoughts and I will make a thread for this.

Current Update:
New Years I was 214.6, and as of yesterday morning I was 212.4 Lbs. I haven't really lifted in about a month, and just let some things recover. I still have some limiting factors, but am ready to tackle these goals. The ball of my left foot is still recovering from the bone bruise, so I will have to be careful with leg work, and how I choose to do cardio. I still have the issues with my neck / rotator cuff area on my right side, but these are things I am just going to have to work around too.

I have been fasting then eating loosely in the evening for a while. Although I maintained a relatively decent body fat level, I have for sure lost a little muscle the last month. I do expect to fill right back up once my overall calorie intake comes up, and macros are more geared toward hypertrophy, and not enjoyment while keeping calories lower. Plus, the physical activity will really improve nutrient uptake. I expect to see a visible change pretty quickly in muscle fullness, and overall appearance.

Goal = Weight loss - Current Weight: 212.4 Target Weight: 200lbs or less by March 31, 2025
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Still looking good even after the rest and
re-set. Sounds like all of us has some kind of nagging injury. Hopefully the foot is just a bruise and not bone spurs. I’ve had those in my elbows and one of my heels, and definitely not fun.
 
Sorry for the delay in hopping back on. I was just getting myself going again.

Yeah, I was thinking we could donate to the one we all donated to for Rocket unless anyone else had a different idea. Would be a nice way to honor him since he participated in most of my challenges in the past. We could even donate in his name again. The we all just show proof of our donation at the end of the challenge period.

Rather than make it a contest where we have to vote who won, I think we should make it a goal accountability thread. Basically we state what our goals are, and the time frame it needs to be completed in. Preferably this would be something measurable like a specific amount of weight lost/gained, a strength goal, or something like that. Then we could all agree on a minimum donation like $25-50, and the Accountability payment would be double for not achieving the goal in the set time.

Let me know your thoughts and I will make a thread for this.

Current Update:
New Years I was 214.6, and as of yesterday morning I was 212.4 Lbs. I haven't really lifted in about a month, and just let some things recover. I still have some limiting factors, but am ready to tackle these goals. The ball of my left foot is still recovering from the bone bruise, so I will have to be careful with leg work, and how I choose to do cardio. I still have the issues with my neck / rotator cuff area on my right side, but these are things I am just going to have to work around too.

I have been fasting then eating loosely in the evening for a while. Although I maintained a relatively decent body fat level, I have for sure lost a little muscle the last month. I do expect to fill right back up once my overall calorie intake comes up, and macros are more geared toward hypertrophy, and not enjoyment while keeping calories lower. Plus, the physical activity will really improve nutrient uptake. I expect to see a visible change pretty quickly in muscle fullness, and overall appearance.

Goal = Weight loss - Current Weight: 212.4 Target Weight: 200lbs or less by March 31, 2025
View attachment 248511View attachment 248512
View attachment 248513View attachment 248514
Still looking fantastic man! Glad you got some you time and much needed break sounds like it was much needed!
 
Yeah, I was thinking we could donate to the one we all donated to for Rocket unless anyone else had a different idea. Would be a nice way to honor him since he participated in most of my challenges in the past. We could even donate in his name again. The we all just show proof of our donation at the end of the challenge period.

Rather than make it a contest where we have to vote who won, I think we should make it a goal accountability thread. Basically we state what our goals are, and the time frame it needs to be completed in. Preferably this would be something measurable like a specific amount of weight lost/gained, a strength goal, or something like that. Then we could all agree on a minimum donation like $25-50, and the Accountability payment would be double for not achieving the goal in the set time.

Let me know your thoughts and I will make a thread for this.

This is great and love the idea of donating to his charity and in his honor. Great way to keep his memory alive!
 
Yeah, I was thinking we could donate to the one we all donated to for Rocket unless anyone else had a different idea. Would be a nice way to honor him since he participated in most of my challenges in the past. We could even donate in his name again. The we all just show proof of our donation at the end of the challenge period.

I think that would be a great idea.

Another thing, if anyone wants to do it in Rockets honor, would be a charity related to Autism, as his grandson is autistic and Rocket used to send me a lot of pictures of them together and always considered him his best friend. I would be glad to ask his family if there is a particular one that he was partial to if anyone wants.
 
I think that would be a great idea.

Another thing, if anyone wants to do it in Rockets honor, would be a charity related to Autism, as his grandson is autistic and Rocket used to send me a lot of pictures of them together and always considered him his best friend. I would be glad to ask his family if there is a particular one that he was partial to if anyone wants.
Yeah that’s a great idea!
 
I think that would be a great idea.

Another thing, if anyone wants to do it in Rockets honor, would be a charity related to Autism, as his grandson is autistic and Rocket used to send me a lot of pictures of them together and always considered him his best friend. I would be glad to ask his family if there is a particular one that he was partial to if anyone wants.
Sounds good to me. I will go ahead and make a thread for this and we will just put that it will be the charity of Rocket's family choice. I will post that up here shortly.

I had myself a nice little stomach bug the last 2 days. Stomach is a little bloated but feeling better. I did my first Push workout of the year Monday night and am surprisingly just now recovering from that. Just breaking back in after some time off. I am starting with a modified Push-Lower-Pull rotating through and increasing frequency and overall volume as things progress. Most likely starting with 3 weight training sessions a week and work up frequency over the meso. To be honest, I am not locking myself into any particular training style and just focusing on having some fun in the gym while I am there at first. So training may be all over the place, or it my tighten up to a set program depending on how things are going. Either way, for right now I am just going to make sure to train weights no less than 3 times a week, and do whatever is required to lose the weight I have committed to losing.

I will post up the accountability thread here shortly and put a link to it in here.
 
Here is the link to the accountability thread.

 
I have been working on my fasting and yesterday was my first 24 hour fast in a long time. Even got some cardio in mid day yesterday to take advantage. I figure since I am dealing with this issue with my foot I need to create my deficits another way. So fasting is going to be that solution. I will work it up to some 36 hour fasts, might even push a 60 on the way to this one. It just depends on how training is going and if taking a few days away from training to extend for a long fast makes sense at the time.

Luckily, the recumbent bike was not too bad on my foot. I did have to change foot placement on the pedal a little bit to keep it comfortable, but I was able to pull off 30 minutes averaging about 135BPM which ain't easy on a bike. At least not for me. Quads had a massive pump after this even fasted.

After that I continued my fast until 8:00PM then had a nice meal before bed. 185g chicken breast, 225g jasmine rice, Tikka Masala Sauce, and 12g olive oil plus 3 dates on the side.

Today will be a lift day, so I will eat throughout the day today, keeping calories lower overall but push for some anabolism around training. They are buying us breakfast tacos this morning at work. So I will have 2 of those and a protein shake for my first meal. Then keep the rest of the day cleaner since it is hard to guess how many calories and or fat is in a breakfast taco. Either way, the plan is to keep calories under 2600 for the day to get this weight off me quickly.
 
Just glad to have you back on and posting! Man some breakfast tacos sounds pretty dang good!
Thanks AK!
Yeah, not quite a diet food, but I can make it work calorically. I figure between a shake and 2 tacos I am looking at around 650-700 calories so I will count it as 800 to be safe and go from there. Lunch will be 185g chicken breast 225g jasmine rice, 10g olive oil, salsa, then Intra Drink will be 2 servings of POST which will be 48g p, 72g c, and 0 fats. I have several 8-10 oz sirloin steaks at the house and will have one for dinner. Possibly adding in some more carbs.
 
Thanks AK!
Yeah, not quite a diet food, but I can make it work calorically. I figure between a shake and 2 tacos I am looking at around 650-700 calories so I will count it as 800 to be safe and go from there. Lunch will be 185g chicken breast 225g jasmine rice, 10g olive oil, salsa, then Intra Drink will be 2 servings of POST which will be 48g p, 72g c, and 0 fats. I have several 8-10 oz sirloin steaks at the house and will have one for dinner. Possibly adding in some more carbs.
Hit some asparagus with that sirloin, and a big salad!
 
Had a good weekend, took care of some stuff around the house, dropped to 212 even, still figuring out calories with new level of activity. Things are moving along, and should pick up some speed as I build momentum.
 
Had a good weekend, took care of some stuff around the house, dropped to 212 even, still figuring out calories with new level of activity. Things are moving along, and should pick up some speed as I build momentum.
Sounds like a good weekend and already dropping weight!
 
Sounds like a good weekend and already dropping weight!
Yeah, it was nice! I have been at a decent deficit every day for the last week. Not seeing much on the scale, actually up a lb to 213 today but I ate some things that tend to make me hold a little more water so not sweating it. Consistently staying in a deficit will win out in the end. Plus, the fact my momentum will pick up as we go and things will probably go closer to a 1000 calorie deficit at some point in the near future.
 
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