Heartbreak

toughchick401

toughchick401

Well-known member
I know for all purposes I am the last person who should be posting about love, I have avoided it like the plague since the last guy I fell in love with and my heart was broken.....yet here I sit with tears falling onto my keyboard and my heart breaking agian.

I met this guy awhile ago, friends if you will seeing as I had sworn off men, and it worked, but so didnt his charm. The calling the flowers, the cards the whole charming way that every girl wishes to be treated. I held out for as long as I could, and than my heart took over and I admitted that I loved him. I hate my heart, for this is where the tears, pain begins.

Ever since I admitted, he has been working lots of hours, (out of the norm for him), calling but when he knows I am sleeping, being late to get together, just being disrespectful to me, like I am the last person of importance on his long list, I rate right beside cleaning the bathroom....I have spoken to him time and time agian, and he keeps saying, "I love you and I have to change".....that to me says volumes....I am not out to change someone, not who I am..and if loving me means you have to change, than we are not meant for one another..............

At first I ignored it, now I have to deal with it, so tonight is it, the final end of it. I will face him, and end it......I dont expect much but i do expect to be treated with some respect.....funny i dont know whats wore being the dumper or the dumpee...both stink..:(

Thanks for the vent, i had forgotten how much this hurts................
 
I know this might not mean much, but the old saying " It is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all" is true. Love can be blinding and more powerful than any drug, it blurs our senses and makes us believe things that in our minds we know are false. I personally think people can change, but that it takes an extremely strong individual to do so. Know that for every door that closes another will open for you, take care.
 
rippedforce63 said:
I know this might not mean much, but the old saying " It is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all" is true. Love can be blinding and more powerful than any drug, it blurs our senses and makes us believe things that in our minds we know are false. I personally think people can change, but that it takes an extremely strong individual to do so. Know that for every door that closes another will open for you, take care.
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I agree with you bro, love is something you just cant explain and i feel sorry for those people who may have never experienced it fully.

TC- I realize uve been fighting off men like the plague but sometimes, some guys just have that charm, now why hes changed im not sure, that baffels me. Dont stop ur heart from doing something it wants though, which was falling in love. Which to me it looks like you didnt as you admitted to it. I hope everything turns out in the brightest way for you even in the darkest time! Much love girl and keep ur head up!
 
Good luck tonight.

Stick to your guns and don’t give up.

You’ll meet a guy and you two will just click… equal love that grows over the years.

Probably have kids and all that…. Next thing you know its 20 years later and all you want is a drink.
 
keep your head up tc :)
 
As much as you love him, you need to stand up for yourself. Don't let your feelings run things completely. It has to be a balance between feelings & self happiness. If you aren't happy, this is what you have to do, regardless of how much you love this person. There is no point in being in a relationship if you're unhappy. It just won't work.
 
WoW! At least you have the wisdom and courage to face your feelings. I envy that. Pretty touching though, none-the-less. Thanks for sharing and I hope good things come your way.
 
Well last night was kind of what I expected, he said he was sorry and would change, this has been going on for some time now. Not interested in lies, someone posted that it seemed that I was not in love like I had said.....See thats a wrong assumption, I do love this guy but no one and I mean no one will disrespect me, lie to me, and if they do.....I wont be there to deal with it..Life is far to short, perhaps one day this guy will grow up, and when he does realize what he lost........
 
Do what I did. Find a woman you click with as friends then lovers then get married and live happ...Wait. Nevermind



Good luck on your dumping.
 
toughchick401 said:
I know for all purposes I am the last person who should be posting about love, I have avoided it like the plague since the last guy I fell in love with and my heart was broken.....yet here I sit with tears falling onto my keyboard and my heart breaking agian.

I met this guy awhile ago, friends if you will seeing as I had sworn off men, and it worked, but so didnt his charm. The calling the flowers, the cards the whole charming way that every girl wishes to be treated. I held out for as long as I could, and than my heart took over and I admitted that I loved him. I hate my heart, for this is where the tears, pain begins.

Ever since I admitted, he has been working lots of hours, (out of the norm for him), calling but when he knows I am sleeping, being late to get together, just being disrespectful to me, like I am the last person of importance on his long list, I rate right beside cleaning the bathroom....I have spoken to him time and time agian, and he keeps saying, "I love you and I have to change".....that to me says volumes....I am not out to change someone, not who I am..and if loving me means you have to change, than we are not meant for one another..............

At first I ignored it, now I have to deal with it, so tonight is it, the final end of it. I will face him, and end it......I dont expect much but i do expect to be treated with some respect.....funny i dont know whats wore being the dumper or the dumpee...both stink..:(

Thanks for the vent, i had forgotten how much this hurts................
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it certainly sucks and no words can lessen the hurt. But you deserve better. The reality is, you wouldn't be happy with someone who does not know what being considerate means. The talk about wanting to change is just that, talk. IF he means it, he would have done it already. It would never have gotten to the point where he feels like to change b/c you don't put up with his crap.

If you love someone, you AUTOMATICALLY would bend over backward to be accommodating and CONSIDERATE. That is what love means. If someone says he or she wants to CHANGE to be that way, that just shows that the person does not know, or not mature enough to know, what love really is.

I say, you are better off not putting up with this BS. If you stick it out, chances are he will soon revert to his oldself. May be not next week, not next month... But soon, he will be back to what he has always been. People don't change their old habits, despite of how much they profess to want to. Some attributes, either a person has it, or he doesn't.

I am sure you know the best cure for the heartache. Go cold turkey. Get yourself preoccuppied with your work and your friends. Don't spend 1 second thinking about the past or what might have been. If you do think, think about how lucky you are that you have spared yourself a life long frustration of being stuck with never-do-well. The only thing you want to think about, is all the endless frustration he has heaped upon you in the past.

Now, seems like you are very sensible person, who is also a very caring person. Chances of you being alone for long, is nil. Hot commoditiy always has a good market. Don't ever sell yourself short. After reading some of your posts here, I can honestly say that, any man would be truly lucky to have your heart. SO, don't you just give it away to some undeserving person!! :nono: :nono: :nono: Sensible ladies like you are too precious!

If I don't have a ball and chain already, I would be on my knees at your front door now.. :wave:
 
BioHazzard said:
it certainly sucks and no words can lessen the hurt. But you deserve better. The reality is, you wouldn't be happy with someone who does not know what being considerate means. The talk about wanting to change is just that, talk. IF he means it, he would have done it already. It would never have gotten to the point where he feels like to change b/c you don't put up with his crap.

If you love someone, you AUTOMATICALLY would bend over backward to be accommodating and CONSIDERATE. That is what love means. If someone says he or she wants to CHANGE to be that way, that just shows that the person does not know, or not mature enough to know, what love really is.

I say, you are better off not putting up with this BS. If you stick it out, chances are he will soon revert to his oldself. May be not next week, not next month... But soon, he will be back to what he has always been. People don't change their old habits, despite of how much they profess to want to. Some attributes, either a person has it, or he doesn't.

I am sure you know the best cure for the heartache. Go cold turkey. Get yourself preoccuppied with your work and your friends. Don't spend 1 second thinking about the past or what might have been. If you do think, think about how lucky you are that you have spared yourself a life long frustration of being stuck with never-do-well. The only thing you want to think about, is all the endless frustration he has heaped upon you in the past.

Now, seems like you are very sensible person, who is also a very caring person. Chances of you being alone for long, is nil. Hot commoditiy always has a good market. Don't ever sell yourself short. After reading some of your posts here, I can honestly say that, any man would be truly lucky to have your heart. SO, don't you just give it away to some undeserving person!! :nono: :nono: :nono: Sensible ladies like you are too precious!

If I don't have a ball and chain already, I would be on my knees at your front door now.. :wave:
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Listen to this man. He knows his ish. Great advice, bro. So true. I recently experienced this. Solid!
 
Does tons of attention with cards/flowers/calls really work? Thought that was just movies and fairy tails?
 
doggzj said:
Does tons of attention with cards/flowers/calls really work? Thought that was just movies and fairy tails?
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If it does i wanna know!

TC- How did everything go?

Also if it was me you were reffering too that said you didnt love him i did not mean in like that and just said to follow ur heart and open up like you had. I hope your doing ok and i hope things go ok for you!
 
doggzj said:
Does tons of attention with cards/flowers/calls really work? Thought that was just movies and fairy tails?
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No bro, it really has its magic ;)

TC, you deserve a lot better. Been there and it sucks, you feel like you'll never get over that person but before you know it you'll move on. I like Bio Hazzard's advice, go find another hobby, even a light part-time job to keep you busy. Go read more books, go learn something new, go explore what the world has to offer you. I once got a part-time job to keep me occupied and it worked like a charm. It was a sales associate job at a Vitamin Shoppe and I actually enjoyed my time there and some of the managers there became good friends of mine. If you're into sports, coaching is a lot of fun too ;)
 
Sorry to hear this TC. Hang in there and stay tough. I know it's hard. You're a special chick and deserve better. Someone will come along that will treat you right. Don't shut all completely out. Damn, if I only lived on the east coast...lol.

One thing that worked for me in the beginning was becoming a male whore...:D But I'm done with that. I found a great chick to be with and dare I say "I love her."
 
Iron Warrior said:
No bro, it really has its magic ;)

TC, you deserve a lot better. Been there and it sucks, you feel like you'll never get over that person but before you know it you'll move on. I like Bio Hazzard's advice, go find another hobby, even a light part-time job to keep you busy. Go read more books, go learn something new, go explore what the world has to offer you. I once got a part-time job to keep me occupied and it worked like a charm. It was a sales associate job at a Vitamin Shoppe and I actually enjoyed my time there and some of the managers there became good friends of mine. If you're into sports, coaching is a lot of fun too ;)
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There you go, TC. Take it from IW, someone who has been throught it, and live to tell about it. :cheers:

Don't stew in it. Don't look back. You have friends here to support you. We are all pulling for ya!


To IW, yeah well, sure my politics sucks. I can live with that. :lol:
 
Hey guys,

Thanks for the advice, all welcomed and some I actually already do, my spare time is little as it is, I work 1 full time, and 2 part time jobs, am in school for my masters( last semester) and coach for the special olympics jan-may.....So with that said......I have decided to go into nursing.....I figure I already am 1/2 into it ...why not just jump in...... so good advice, I shall be so busy,tired I wont miss anything...right??? But the same respect if I fall into something I always have and will always make time for someone special.......for as I have said life is to short...........

I am doing ok, course I need to pick a thesis,and school starts tomorrow(Shaking head)...so I am already running......I find weekends the worst, the down time......LOL yes I have down time....

Thanks for the great words, your all very sweet :)

(((HUGZ))))
 
Like Bio said (except I don't have a ball & chain lol), I'd seriously love to be with a girl like you. Anyways, you seem like you have enough to keep yourself busy during the week. Try doing an outdoor activity during the weekends & a different one every week. Go rock climbing, mountain biking, running on the beach, airboating, jetskiing, swimming, skydiving etc. You'll get to experience a lot of new things & keep yourself busy all while promoting a healthy lifestyle.
 
Hey TC sorry to hear about your heartbreak. I think your right in ending the relationship...If he really loves you and you him then he is going to learn a very valuable lesson.

You already know the kind of growth, depth and appreciation for life that can be brought about by pain.

I used to be that guy you are speaking of. Maybe worse. She warned me that I would miss her and she was right. It took me a few years to sort through everything that happened, learn my lesson and move on. But had I not had the experience of knowing her and going through all the heartbreak sorted through all of those feelings then I would be lesser man today. I have been fortunate enough to remain her friend through all these years and I am grateful that I could thank her for the lesson.

But I would not have been able to learn that lesson had we not ended the relationship.

This man's priorities are skewed. He does not have the same understanding of what is really important as you do. In the end all that really matters is your health, family and friends.
He is not your equal and is in need of some emotional and spiritual growth.

Breaking up is painfull but it does not mean that it is a bad thing. Just feel good in knowing someone somewhere is feeling the same way you do and cant wait to meet you.
 
ryano said:
Hey TC sorry to hear about your heartbreak. I think your right in ending the relationship...If he really loves you and you him then he is going to learn a very valuable lesson.

You already know the kind of growth, depth and appreciation for life that can be brought about by pain.

I used to be that guy you are speaking of. Maybe worse. She warned me that I would miss her and she was right. It took me a few years to sort through everything that happened, learn my lesson and move on. But had I not had the experience of knowing her and going through all the heartbreak sorted through all of those feelings then I would be lesser man today. I have been fortunate enough to remain her friend through all these years and I am grateful that I could thank her for the lesson.

But I would not have been able to learn that lesson had we not ended the relationship.

This man's priorities are skewed. He does not have the same understanding of what is really important as you do. In the end all that really matters is your health, family and friends.
He is not your equal and is in need of some emotional and spiritual growth.

Breaking up is painfull but it does not mean that it is a bad thing. Just feel good in knowing someone somewhere is feeling the same way you do and cant wait to meet you.
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Ryano, just out of curiousity, what happened that when you realized things you didn't try to go back? Sorry TC, don't mean to hijack the thread.
 
After a bad break up with someone i truly love to this day I sat around being sad and so on, well I picked up an old hobbie again and I love it! Its the reason im on this board and i get satisfaction from it all the time. Bodybuilding is my anti serious relationship until that special someone comes around and I will know then. (shes not going to stop me from continuing my weightlifting tho) ....i think.
 
TC dont give up on love, we all need it and it is a truely blessed gift. Just take it easy dont look for it and it will just develop when you least expect it. Being hurt just teaches us what not to do next time and how much we should apprieciate the special feeling of love.
 
xxtruxx1 said:
Like Bio said (except I don't have a ball & chain lol), I'd seriously love to be with a girl like you. Anyways, you seem like you have enough to keep yourself busy during the week. Try doing an outdoor activity during the weekends & a different one every week. Go rock climbing, mountain biking, running on the beach, airboating, jetskiing, swimming, skydiving etc. You'll get to experience a lot of new things & keep yourself busy all while promoting a healthy lifestyle.
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The answer came today and I used to be one, a make a wish granter if you will. It just got to be so time consuming, but thats what I need, I met a little boy today, Cam, 4 yrs old, has cancer, and is dying......My troubles seem less in comparison( his older sister is in my class)......It;s going to be a interesting year at school......So I decided to call the make a wish agian and become a wish granter, I cant think of anything more rewarding.................

Ryano:) (((HUGZ)))) and your going to be alright........
 
My personal opinion is that romantic love is just an excuse to justify the addictions mating people have to one another. If love does exist, then it should be equallly potent and pure among all those who it is given to. Degrees of love are sickening.

With that said, my advice is to stop relying on reciprocal love.
 
Aeternitatis said:
My personal opinion is that romantic love is just an excuse to justify the addictions mating people have to one another. If love does exist, then it should be equallly potent and pure among all those who it is given to. Degrees of love are sickening.

With that said, my advice is to stop relying on reciprocal love.
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Wow, I like that type of perspective. Very interesting. I have always thought that maybe this wasnt love with this person just sexual or physical needs, companionship and so on. But with your theory, one would love there partner as much as they loved their mother. Love is love.
 
pistonpump said:
Wow, I like that type of perspective. Very interesting. I have always thought that maybe this wasnt love with this person just sexual or physical needs, companionship and so on. But with your theory, one would love there partner as much as they loved their mother. Love is love.
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Exactly. And if a person can honestly say they love their partner as much as their mother, then there is real potential for the relationship to grow as a true interpersonal bond rather than just a power struggle between two people trying to fill the voids in themselves with the pleasures of others.
 
Aeternitatis, you don't know what love is and have not been in love before. :) It ain't what you think it is. Romantic love is not the same kind of love you have for your mother, provided that you are not the kind of sicko that Freud talked about.

Until you have been in love, your hypothesis on what love is, is like a Bedouin talking about deep sea diving. The fact that you are comparing romantic love to your love for your mommy, is the dead give away.
 
you have to look at in a different point of view. Romantic love is just an added love to the love one would feel for his sibling. It is a deep seeded unconditional love and caring that i think he was trying to get at and that is what real love is, and romantic love is the same with intamacy added. Love is love just depends on with whom. some people cant think outside the box....

Sorry for jacking the thread TC, its turned into a what love is thread. haha
 
BioHazzard said:
Aeternitatis, you don't know what love is and have not been in love before. :) It ain't what you think it is. Romantic love is not the same kind of love you have for your mother, provided that you are not the kind of sicko that Freud talked about.

Until you have been in love, your hypothesis on what love is, is like a Bedouin talking about deep sea diving. The fact that you are comparing romantic love to your love for your mommy, is the dead give away.
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I have been and once I realized what a fictional construct it was, I actively worked to get out of it.

As for the comparison, I only used that because I was replying to pistonpump who used it first. What I'm saying is that if love is real, then love is love is love. There are no levels or degrees. If so, if a person operates in a such a way as to require various categories to describe their love, then clearly their love is nothing more than a tool to justify certain actions that the unconcious mind is uncomfortable with. This is reinforced by the endless array of love categories that I hear of by others who use them. It tends to be that those who have the most shallow and therefore complex "love-lives" also have the largest cariety of categories to describe their love.

BTW, Freud was an idiot. The only sicko he ever profiled was himself. He was just too far in denial to come to terms with his deviant desires.
 
i was using that as an example to describe what he was trying to say, that love is love is love. Its not some kind of sick twisted opedius complex thing, I used the mother because just about everyone loves their mother, right.? I have been in love and i know this because no matter what i will still love that person even if i find another woman to love it doesnt change the love for the previous, it shouldnt if it was really love.

Okay im done with this topic its getting outta hand lol
 
Aeternitatis said:
I have been and once I realized what a fictional construct it was, I actively worked to get out of it.

As for the comparison, I only used that because I was replying to pistonpump who used it first. What I'm saying is that if love is real, then love is love is love. There are no levels or degrees. If so, if a person operates in a such a way as to require various categories to describe their love, then clearly their love is nothing more than a tool to justify certain actions that the unconcious mind is uncomfortable with. This is reinforced by the endless array of love categories that I hear of by others who use them. It tends to be that those who have the most shallow and therefore complex "love-lives" also have the largest cariety of categories to describe their love.
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And I disagree, so your saying because I was mature enough and strong enough to end something that was not good for me anymore, not meeting my needs as a person, as I was doing all the giving, and actually being a great girlfriend (if you will)...that I must not have loved him at all??? Because if I loved him I would have worked on it and stuck it out......Well if that isent the biggest piece of crap I ever heard..... Most people Know I work with special needs kids, I have all the love in the world for them, I coach for the special olympics(bear with me).....my point is I love those kids, every one of them, they give me something back, a smile, a hug, saying my name for the first time..etc.....But this guy is my equal or so I would like to think....why in the name of hell would I stay with someone who causes me hurt, pain, sadness and does not respect me as a person, that I am not as important as he is......I am a 21st century woman, and I say, yes I loved him, to walk away is HARDER THAN HECK but I have to, for me............ fine line, love and being taken advantage of.................


So please dont say I didnt love him because I walked away, I love me enough to think maybe there is someone out there who will love me as much as I do..................
 
xxtruxx1 said:
Ryano, just out of curiousity, what happened that when you realized things you didn't try to go back? Sorry TC, don't mean to hijack the thread.
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Yes I did...I did not talk to her for a month and she popped up out of nowhere at my work. We went out for a drink then said she had "something" to tell me. On our walk back home to my apartment she stops in front of a building(stones throw away from my house) and tells me she just moved in.

She would show up at my house late at night from dancing at Neo down the street ...we fooled around a couple of times but it just didnt feel right. She admitted to fooling around with someone else and it was just weird. I had to walk by her apartment everyday from work. It sucked bad. I bumped into her all the time. Then she started dating some goth nerd.
I eventually moved to the west loop and just buried myself in work. She married the the goth guy and moved to the burbs. We are still friends and we correspond via email on our bdays and christmas and such.

Thanks for the hugs TC and good luck with the nursing. I decided I was going to persue a career in nursing as well. Will be starting school next fall. Still weighing my issues as far as wich school.:cheers:
 
toughchick401 said:
And I disagree, so your saying because I was mature enough and strong enough to end something that was not good for me anymore, not meeting my needs as a person, as I was doing all the giving, and actually being a great girlfriend (if you will)...that I must not have loved him at all???
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No, that's not at all what I was saying.
 
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