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Don't know what to do, in a rough spot, ladies & gentlemen..feel free to chime in

I've seen too many families torn up by this.

"I do" doesn't mean anything other than "I do, and for my entire life".

Too many people buy into the Hollywood romance image of "love"; which is absolute garbage - thus, "I do" becomes "unless/until I'm not happy, and then Ill weigh my options".

Marriage involves good and bad times. Love = a commitment to one (other) person always to do things that are in your mutual best interest.

Sorry to preach.
 
Beau said:
I've seen too many families torn up by this.

"I do" doesn't mean anything other than "I do, and for my entire life".

Too many people buy into the Hollywood romance image of "love"; which is absolute garbage - thus, "I do" becomes "unless/until I'm not happy, and then Ill weigh my options".

Marriage involves good and bad times. Love = a commitment to one (other) person always to do things that are in your mutual best interest.

Sorry to preach.
Click to expand...

Lol yea I get you bro, but this wasn't THAT serious of a relationship. Sure, we were together for 2 & a half years & all that, but we're high school sweethearts (kinda) & I'm only 23. Getting married was/is going to be for me at 27-28 if that early, so we she was looking faaar faar ahead. Yea right, if we were getting married soon or were already married, I'd send this girl to hell.
 
Update just for ****s & giggles:

Last night I went to a bar here in Gainesville (pretty much my first outting since moving has taken so damn long) &, although I said I was going to be considerate & all that good stuff, I was under the influence & ended up bringing a Delta Gamma home with me. Felt odd to be with someone else & nowhere near as enjoyable, but I guess it's part of moving on & it's just something I need to get accostomed to.

Anyways, good to know I've still got the goods. Haven't been single for a while & I was kind of scared I'd be out of the loop. I'm excited to see what the rest of the year has in store.
 
Update:

We haven't talked since I left Miami & got to Gainesville. Today this happened (as soon as I got off away on AIM):

****qtoo (8:15:11 PM): hey jd. i hope that everything is going well with you and school, and hope your family is doing well too.
****qtoo (8:16:12 PM): k well back to studying. bye.
****qtoo went away at 8:16:18 PM.
XxtRuXx1 (8:55:51 PM): ey kid...ditto..everythings great here...take care.
****qtoo signed off at 8:57:32 PM.

I feel like I've been pushed & lost my grounding. What was all this about?
 
I with the other guys. Move on. My little brothers wife is cheating on him I think and hes headed for the big D and they have 2 small kids. Don't let this happen to you. She would not be good for marrige.
 
Did I make a mistake? Our talk today. I imed her to see how she was doing.

XxtRuXx1 (7:07:28 PM): ey kid.. j/ wanted to talk
her returned at 7:07:39 PM.
her (7:07:42 PM): wutsup
XxtRuXx1 (7:07:56 PM): nm..you?
her (7:08:01 PM): in the library
her (7:08:07 PM): story of my life
XxtRuXx1 (7:08:08 PM): buusstt
her (7:08:17 PM): yea well...
XxtRuXx1 (7:08:26 PM): hows everything been kid? havent talked in a while
her (7:08:54 PM): yea everything is good. been really busy with school but everything is going pretty good so far.
her (7:08:57 PM): you know how it is
her (7:09:00 PM): how are you?
XxtRuXx1 (7:10:11 PM): ditto...school, working, hospital, gym...i acutally had a 12am to 8am shift last night & i sat in a heart transplant..pretty cool
XxtRuXx1 (7:10:20 PM): im working on getting a bike too as soon as i round up the cash
her (7:10:34 PM): thats awesome
her (7:10:40 PM): and as for the bike thing
her (7:10:52 PM): carefull with that one
XxtRuXx1 (7:11:07 PM): you know me..cant stay out of trouble
her (7:11:12 PM): yea i know
XxtRuXx1 (7:11:27 PM): so life treating you good?
her (7:12:23 PM): yea. hanging in there.
her (7:12:29 PM): how about you?
XxtRuXx1 (7:14:00 PM): could be a little less busy lol..but everythings been pretty great besides all the stuff i have going on
XxtRuXx1 (7:14:10 PM): fam good?
her (7:14:29 PM): yea they're there. coming up in like a week.
XxtRuXx1 (7:14:52 PM): goodstuff..mom ok & stuff?
her (7:15:31 PM): yeaa she misses me blabla but shes doing good.
her (7:15:35 PM): yours?
XxtRuXx1 (7:16:43 PM): wouldnt know lol
XxtRuXx1 (7:17:10 PM): hows the new living situation?
her (7:18:09 PM): its awesome we all get along really well.
her (7:18:19 PM): its really nice to have roommates lol
XxtRuXx1 (7:18:44 PM): yea..dont know how you did it by yourself last yr
her (7:19:27 PM): yea now i realized how much it sucked
XxtRuXx1 (7:20:24 PM): lol tends to happen
her (7:20:31 PM): yeeea
XxtRuXx1 (7:21:00 PM): so everything cool? kinda random you imed me yesterday kid..kind of expected miami to be the end
her (7:21:19 PM): yea i know but i wanted to make sure you were alive lol
XxtRuXx1 (7:22:00 PM):
XxtRuXx1 (7:22:09 PM): ..dont get mad or anything..but why?
her (7:22:33 PM): umm
her (7:22:46 PM): i dont know guess i was thinking about you
her (7:22:57 PM): wanted to say wutsup how you doing
her (7:22:58 PM): lol
her (7:23:01 PM): thats all
XxtRuXx1 (7:23:24 PM): ooo
XxtRuXx1 (7:23:59 PM): i j/ didnt think either 1 of us had intentions of speaking or checking up on each other...specially with how everything went down
her (7:24:30 PM): those might've been yours
XxtRuXx1 (7:24:39 PM): i didnt change my number...
her (7:24:46 PM): i did
XxtRuXx1 (7:24:54 PM): i know lol
her (7:24:57 PM): lol
her (7:25:07 PM): it was supposed to be funny
XxtRuXx1 (7:25:15 PM): i chuckled
her (7:26:21 PM): good
XxtRuXx1 (7:28:23 PM): i j/ figured we both saw eye to eye at the end about where things were going to go from there...so i was kind of surprised yest when you imed..thought it was the same for you as it was for me
her (7:28:49 PM): nope
her (7:29:12 PM): k well im gunna go grab something to eat. we'll continue this convo dont worry.
XxtRuXx1 (7:29:25 PM): never do
XxtRuXx1 (7:29:42 PM): check you later kid
her (8:44:14 PM): hey
her (8:45:31 PM): i feel bad postponing the talk buuuuut i really have to get studying im sure you do too
her (8:45:37 PM): soo ill catch you later

So did I do anything wrong here? In my head I know I don't want anything to do with her & all that because she is what she is & mainly is immature & inconsiderate, etc. After her IM yesterday I just wanted to see how she was doing & talk to her for a little. I don't know what kind of talk she wants to have or what she plans on saying.

After I went away or whatever, her best friend, who we will name C, decided to also IM me. She just said that she hoped I was having a good year etc.

Weird, huh?
 
DUDE if you do not leave her alone!!! refuse to acknowledge her existence-move on do not wonder how she is doing. Clean cuts are the ones that the easiest to heal...
 
You've been given a lot of very good advice and it all seems to be pointing in one direction. If that isn't the direction you choose, OK - but I think many here would think you would be better off ignoring her. But, it is all up to you.

I know what I would do.
 
XxtRuXx1 (12:26:06 AM): break?
her (12:28:43 AM): not really i just came home to shower
her (12:28:51 AM): and now im going to get back to it
her (12:29:03 AM): but i just wanted to say hey
her (12:29:15 AM): and see how you were doing and all that stuff
her (12:29:32 AM): i dont want it to cause anything
XxtRuXx1 (12:29:43 AM): what do you mean cause anything?
her (12:29:50 AM): im just saying
XxtRuXx1 (12:29:55 AM): what does that mean
her (12:30:11 AM): i dont want to argue
her (12:30:18 AM): or bring up the past or w/e
XxtRuXx1 (12:30:24 AM): we wouldnt
XxtRuXx1 (12:30:28 AM): at least i wouldnt
XxtRuXx1 (12:30:41 AM): theres nothing to argue about anymore anyways
her (12:30:48 AM): yea which is noce
XxtRuXx1 (12:30:54 AM): noce?
her (12:30:59 AM): nice
her (12:31:01 AM): sorry
XxtRuXx1 (12:31:03 AM): its cool
XxtRuXx1 (12:31:15 AM): but theres also no real reason for this, is there?
her (12:31:24 AM): what do you mean?
XxtRuXx1 (12:32:00 AM): us checking up on each other?..dont get me wrong linds.. .i still care about you..but i dont know
her (12:32:28 AM): i wasnt trying to check up on you
her (12:32:36 AM): i was just saying hi and seeing how you were
XxtRuXx1 (12:32:40 AM): well i mean like to see how we were
XxtRuXx1 (12:32:45 AM): not check up to see what we were up to
her (12:32:55 AM): i dont get it
XxtRuXx1 (12:33:06 AM): ok let me explain
XxtRuXx1 (12:35:01 AM): i still do care about you..& i obviously dont want anything bad to happen to you...but like ive told you before, i could never see us having a friendship or any kind of relationship between us if things were to end...specially after the way things ended, it kind of seems even more difficult to want something.
her (12:35:39 AM): alright
XxtRuXx1 (12:35:40 AM): & its kind of hard to think that after all thats happened, you care about how im doing now...
her (12:35:45 AM): i dont want anything jd
XxtRuXx1 (12:35:49 AM): dont get mad man
her (12:35:52 AM): im not
XxtRuXx1 (12:36:07 AM): i just didnt see us talking or even seeing how e/o was after how things were left
XxtRuXx1 (12:36:23 AM): its not even what happened..cause that was fine..but everything that happened afterwards that didnt need to
her (12:36:33 AM): yea well it did
XxtRuXx1 (12:37:05 AM): i know...& it sucks..cause after however long it was i wouldve liked for there to be something you know?
XxtRuXx1 (12:37:37 AM): but dont get me wrong kid...i dont hate you or anything..at all..& i still do care about you...but i dont know, i guess its different now
her (12:37:57 AM): yea it is very different
XxtRuXx1 (12:38:14 AM): im guessing you feel differently about me too?
her (12:38:34 AM): yea
XxtRuXx1 (12:38:43 AM): howso?
her (12:39:08 AM): its just different
XxtRuXx1 (12:39:25 AM): do you think you still love me?
her (12:40:31 AM): no i dont
XxtRuXx1 (12:40:37 AM): whys that?
her (12:41:01 AM): we just grew apart and things happened and thats just the way it i s
XxtRuXx1 (12:41:11 AM): thats not why things happened..but ok
XxtRuXx1 (12:42:29 AM): & my feelings for you didnt change until i found out about things & instead of talking to me about it & simply apologizing after & meaning it, you did what you did
her (12:42:43 AM): ok jd
XxtRuXx1 (12:42:50 AM): so if we grew apart...it was when all that happened...cause at disney there didnt seem to be too much apartness
her (12:42:51 AM): im sorry this started up
XxtRuXx1 (12:43:14 AM): its fine man...its good were talking about this & neither 1 of us is acting up
XxtRuXx1 (12:44:27 AM): i j/ want you to know i loved you up until the last minute i had with you..& with this time ive realized that i really only loved who you were when you were with me cause you were yourself, but as soon as other ppl factored in, you changed kid & you just werent the same
her (12:45:23 AM): yea
XxtRuXx1 (12:45:28 AM): things didnt happen cause we grew apart..they happened for reasons that you know & it wasnt cause of carlos or eddie or whoever..it was bigger than that & it was something within you
her (12:45:28 AM): i know
her (12:46:19 AM): i know
XxtRuXx1 (12:46:21 AM): & honestly..if you still dont feel the same now...you never did
her (12:46:54 AM): thats not tru jd
XxtRuXx1 (12:47:31 AM): linds man..all i wanted when i found out was an explanation & an honest heartfelt apology...& i wouldve dropped it & things probably would be ok between us..j/ to let you know it couldve been so much easier than it was
her (12:47:32 AM): your telling me that you want me to say that i love you. after all the **** that went down and the things that were said? come on man.
her (12:47:36 AM): that wasnt at all love
XxtRuXx1 (12:48:25 AM): so youre telling me i shouldve stopped loving you after the first ****ed up thing you said to me? cause some pretty crazy things slipped out of your mouth while we were together & it didnt at all change how i felt about you
her (12:48:55 AM): nvm jd
XxtRuXx1 (12:48:58 AM): & all the **** that went down wasnt cause by me
her (12:49:10 AM): i didnt say it was
XxtRuXx1 (12:49:21 AM): so youre saying everything you did made you stop?
her (12:49:35 AM): i dont know what it was
XxtRuXx1 (12:50:06 AM): well whatever it is..i just hope you can be happy with someone else
her (12:50:24 AM): yea same for you
XxtRuXx1 (12:50:48 AM): i really dont mean this as a low blow linds...but you didnt set the bar too high
XxtRuXx1 (12:51:12 AM): & i know you couldve probs made it better
her (12:51:29 AM): ok
XxtRuXx1 (12:52:43 AM): any regrets?
her (12:53:43 AM): dont know
XxtRuXx1 (12:54:49 AM): im guessing you dont want to say anything?
her (12:55:00 AM): jd i just wanted to say hi
her (12:55:08 AM): i dont want to go back in time and all that
her (12:55:21 AM): things have changed for the both of us and we've moved on
XxtRuXx1 (12:57:09 AM): linds i just dont understand why youd say hi now?...after everything that happened & you changing your number, etc...i dont see why how im doing would matter now if it didnt before
her (12:57:29 AM): alright sorry i did it
XxtRuXx1 (12:57:29 AM): ive thought about you too & thought about how you are..but i dont know
her (12:57:37 AM): ok fine
her (12:57:41 AM): sorrry
XxtRuXx1 (12:58:21 AM): for what? im just asking you why you did it..im not upset or anything
her (12:58:32 AM): i just wanted to see how you were
her (12:58:44 AM): its been a while sooo i just wanted to say hi
XxtRuXx1 (12:59:26 AM): but for what linds? we pretty much left off we werent going to talk again..you made it very clear...& you definitely didnt care about how i was before, so why would you now?
her (12:59:59 AM): if i knew it was going to be such an issue i wouldnt have said anything jd
XxtRuXx1 (1:00:46 AM): the only reason its an issue is cause you said you wanted nothing to do with me & changed your number..then a month or 2 later you want to see how im doing...whats changed?
her (1:03:12 AM): nothing man
her (1:03:18 AM): just wanted to say hi
XxtRuXx1 (1:03:31 AM): doesnt make sense..but ok
XxtRuXx1 (1:03:58 AM): ive wanted to see how you were doing just out of genuine care for you & nothing more for a while now & never did b/c i knew where we left off
XxtRuXx1 (1:04:33 AM): im not going to lie & say i dont care about you..b/c after being together for almost 2 yrs or w/e its impossible to not
her (1:05:39 AM): yea same here
XxtRuXx1 (1:05:53 AM): i just think its different for you
XxtRuXx1 (1:06:02 AM): cause its a lot easier for me to not feel the same for you than it would be for you
XxtRuXx1 (1:06:25 AM): & you wouldnt admit to me you felt a certain way even if you did
XxtRuXx1 (1:17:21 AM): heres the truth kid..i care about you..not the same as before, not as much i dont think..not like a bf cares for a gf..but i still care...i still love the girl i thought you were, the girl you were with me when we were alone (ex: disney), but i dont think thats who you are...so im not sure if i love you or not...i have thought about you sometimes..i have thought about things sometimes too & in all honesty, i cant see myself going back, even having a friendship..not because of what happened, but just because of who youve become...& i just dont think youll ever change b/c youve had so many chances to & if you were going to..you wouldve & you wouldve never let things get this bad..you wouldve done that if you truly loved me...i just dont think you know what love is & i dont know if youll figure it out.
XxtRuXx1 (1:19:09 AM): & the only reason i dont want a friendship..is cause i dont see it being any different than it was before..& thats just something i dont need from anyone in my life...i dont need to be disrespected & pretty much treated like trash.
XxtRuXx1 (1:21:37 AM): i gotta run..have a bunch of stuff to do..im probably going to be in chicago for something in mid october or so..j/ giving you the heads up..i dont want you to get caught off guard if we run into each other...take care kid..have a good 1.

This is where it was left off. I know I should just ignore her & it is what I have been doing up until now. I have no plans of having any kind of relationship with her or even going back to her, but i still care about her. I don't care about her the same as before at all, but it's good to know she's ok. I don't think she will change & I believe she is inconsiderate, immature, & a lot of other things I just want nothing to do with.
 
Ok. It is simple. Everything has already been spelled out. So there is no ambiguity.

Reality check:
A.

XxtRuXx1 (12:39:25 AM) : do you think you still love me?
her (12:40:31 AM) : no i dont
XxtRuXx1 (12:40:37 AM) : whys that?
her (12:41:01 AM) : we just grew apart and things happened and thats just the way it i s


B.
XxtRuXx1 (12:50:06 AM) : well whatever it is..i just hope you can be happy with someone else
her (12:50:24 AM) : yea same for you

A+B = End of story.

Look, you are a good man. It isn't in your nature to just don't give a crap if she lives or dies. I sincerely wish, from the bottom of my heart, that all the girls that I once loved, are truly happy in life and lucky in love. Face it, we can't change the person that we are. Guys like us, are idiots and suckers. But we are who we are, and it makes us special.


The problem is, you talked too much in your IM. :nono: :nono:

You should have just kept it short and to the point. None of your long winded clarification really accomplishes anything.

I figure you are not going to ignore her IM and you are not going to pull yourself away from checking up to see if everything is ok with her. I can totally sympathize with that. We are all human.

Now, for the sake of your happiness, you have to promise yourself one thing. That is, the next time you are in IM with her, you are only allowed to ask how she is doing and if everything is ok. And absolutlely NOTHING else. No more explaination. No more clarification.

I realize that asking you to ignore her IM or NOT to IM her, is like asking an addict not to shoot up. Don't take offence at the comparison. I am just illustrating how hard it is. But what you CAN certainly do, is to makesure that the communication is ONLY limited to "How are you?" "Ok". "Everything ok? ". "Yep". "Well, good to know. Take care. Bye now."

Anything else that is more than that, is soap opera. Look, she already said she does not love you anymore. But hey, what the fvck? If you want to pour your guts out and put on a soap opera for her, well, it is free entertainment!! Of course she will sit there and enjoy it. :aargh:

So, no more free Jerry Springer show for her. If you worry about her, fine. No problem. Ask a few questions to ease your mind. To be honest with you, if she is in any sort of trouble, or needs any help, she WILL BE BANGING ON YOUR DOOR AND RINGING YOUR PHONE OFF THE HOOK. She may be inconsiderate and immature and all that, but she is no moron. She knows you will help her. Basically, you are worrying about her, over NOTHING. If she is in trouble, she will be coming to you. You can count on that. She isn't stupid. She knows you are a good man and a modern day knight. She knows if she needs your help, you won't slam the door on her.

So, in short, DON'T Worry about her! But of course, you can't change the kind of person you are. :rolleyes: lol. So, fine then. Cut a deal with yourself. When you check up to see how she is, don't PUT ON A SOAP OPERA for her!

The care package does not include SOAP OPERA Entertainment. lol

So if she IMs, then "I am fine. You are fine. Everyone is fine. Thankyou and good bye." Since you don't love me anymore, sorry, too bad, no soap opera for ya! :cheers:
 
BioHazzard said:
Ok. It is simple. Everything has already been spelled out. So there is no ambiguity.

Reality check:
A.

XxtRuXx1 (12:39:25 AM) : do you think you still love me?
her (12:40:31 AM) : no i dont
XxtRuXx1 (12:40:37 AM) : whys that?
her (12:41:01 AM) : we just grew apart and things happened and thats just the way it i s


B.
XxtRuXx1 (12:50:06 AM) : well whatever it is..i just hope you can be happy with someone else
her (12:50:24 AM) : yea same for you

A+B = End of story.

Look, you are a good man. It isn't in your nature to just don't give a crap if she lives or dies. I sincerely wish, from the bottom of my heart, that all the girls that I once loved, are truly happy in life and lucky in love. Face it, we can't change the person that we are. Guys like us, are idiots and suckers. But we are who we are, and it makes us special.


The problem is, you talked too much in your IM. :nono: :nono:

You should have just kept it short and to the point. None of your long winded clarification really accomplishes anything.

I figure you are not going to ignore her IM and you are not going to pull yourself away from checking up to see if everything is ok with her. I can totally sympathize with that. We are all human.

Now, for the sake of your happiness, you have to promise yourself one thing. That is, the next time you are in IM with her, you are only allowed to ask how she is doing and if everything is ok. And absolutlely NOTHING else. No more explaination. No more clarification.

I realize that asking you to ignore her IM or NOT to IM her, is like asking an addict not to shoot up. Don't take offence at the comparison. I am just illustrating how hard it is. But what you CAN certainly do, is to makesure that the communication is ONLY limited to "How are you?" "Ok". "Everything ok? ". "Yep". "Well, good to know. Take care. Bye now."

Anything else that is more than that, is soap opera. Look, she already said she does not love you anymore. But hey, what the fvck? If you want to pour your guts out and put on a soap opera for her, well, it is free entertainment!! Of course she will sit there and enjoy it. :aargh:

So, no more free Jerry Springer show for her. If you worry about her, fine. No problem. Ask a few questions to ease your mind. To be honest with you, if she is in any sort of trouble, or needs any help, she WILL BE BANGING ON YOUR DOOR AND RINGING YOUR PHONE OFF THE HOOK. She may be inconsiderate and immature and all that, but she is no moron. She knows you will help her. Basically, you are worrying about her, over NOTHING. If she is in trouble, she will be coming to you. You can count on that. She isn't stupid. She knows you are a good man and a modern day knight. She knows if she needs your help, you won't slam the door on her.

So, in short, DON'T Worry about her! But of course, you can't change the kind of person you are. :rolleyes: lol. So, fine then. Cut a deal with yourself. When you check up to see how she is, don't PUT ON A SOAP OPERA for her!

The care package does not include SOAP OPERA Entertainment. lol

So if she IMs, then "I am fine. You are fine. Everyone is fine. Thankyou and good bye." Since you don't love me anymore, sorry, too bad, no soap opera for ya! :cheers:
Click to expand...

Once again, Bio on the ball. I didn't & don't plan on checking up on her to make sure she's ok. I hadn't until last night. I always wondered how she was & all that good stuff, but I never felt compelled to really ask. I figured no news was good news. She actually imed me first yesterday to see how I was, I then returned the question today because i didnt really talk to her yesterday. Throughout the im I was just trying to make it clear that we have no business talking to each other & all that. She's not stupid & I know what's going on. I know she's over there & hasn't found anything even close to me & I know she's starting to see it & due to that she's trying to snag me again & start reeling me in. It won't happen this time. The funny part was that as soon as she imed me yesterday, her best friend who was upset with me for disclosing private information she gave me about my situation to my ex, also imed me right after my ex. Coincidence?

Anyways, I know I'm a good guy & I know guys like us don't come around often if at all, specially in college. I don't doubt that she knows that now or is starting to find it out. Honestly, the only reason she said what she said was because of the way I was reacting, because if I was saying "Oh I miss you" & things of that nature, she would've reciprocated. She's not going to pour her heart out to me if I'm telling her I want nothing to do with her, no matter how she feels.

All in all, it's over & I don't plan on initiating any more conversations with her. If she ims, I'll keep it nice, short & to the point much like you suggested.

I'm a good guy & I am a sucker. I put myself out there for anyone & everyone who needs it or doesn't no matter how they treat me, but this girl has exhuasted her stash. I will not let myself be disrespected, hurt, treated like trash, etc anymore by this girl & I don't think she'd ever change. So in my eyes, her & me end here.
 
xxtruxx1 said:
.....I'm a good guy & I am a sucker. I put myself out there for anyone & everyone who needs it or doesn't no matter how they treat me, but this girl has exhuasted her stash. I will not let myself be disrespected, hurt, treated like trash, etc anymore by this girl & I don't think she'd ever change. .....
Click to expand...

The same thing I told TC. Don't give your heart up to some undeserving person. People like us, we care about a lot of things and a lot of people, INCLUDING those that are not good for us. That brings us a lot of grief. That is the price we pay. But we can't change the kind of person that we are. The important thing is, do not sell yourself short. Do not give your heart up to someone who doesn't deserve it. People like you and TC, are like gemstones and diamonds, waiting to be discovered and appreciated.
 
BioHazzard said:
Ok. It is simple. Everything has already been spelled out. So there is no ambiguity.

Reality check:
A.

XxtRuXx1 (12:39:25 AM) : do you think you still love me?
her (12:40:31 AM) : no i dont
XxtRuXx1 (12:40:37 AM) : whys that?
her (12:41:01 AM) : we just grew apart and things happened and thats just the way it i s


B.
XxtRuXx1 (12:50:06 AM) : well whatever it is..i just hope you can be happy with someone else
her (12:50:24 AM) : yea same for you

A+B = End of story.

Look, you are a good man. It isn't in your nature to just don't give a crap if she lives or dies. I sincerely wish, from the bottom of my heart, that all the girls that I once loved, are truly happy in life and lucky in love. Face it, we can't change the person that we are. Guys like us, are idiots and suckers. But we are who we are, and it makes us special.


The problem is, you talked too much in your IM. :nono: :nono:

You should have just kept it short and to the point. None of your long winded clarification really accomplishes anything.

I figure you are not going to ignore her IM and you are not going to pull yourself away from checking up to see if everything is ok with her. I can totally sympathize with that. We are all human.

Now, for the sake of your happiness, you have to promise yourself one thing. That is, the next time you are in IM with her, you are only allowed to ask how she is doing and if everything is ok. And absolutlely NOTHING else. No more explaination. No more clarification.

I realize that asking you to ignore her IM or NOT to IM her, is like asking an addict not to shoot up. Don't take offence at the comparison. I am just illustrating how hard it is. But what you CAN certainly do, is to makesure that the communication is ONLY limited to "How are you?" "Ok". "Everything ok? ". "Yep". "Well, good to know. Take care. Bye now."

Anything else that is more than that, is soap opera. Look, she already said she does not love you anymore. But hey, what the fvck? If you want to pour your guts out and put on a soap opera for her, well, it is free entertainment!! Of course she will sit there and enjoy it. :aargh:

So, no more free Jerry Springer show for her. If you worry about her, fine. No problem. Ask a few questions to ease your mind. To be honest with you, if she is in any sort of trouble, or needs any help, she WILL BE BANGING ON YOUR DOOR AND RINGING YOUR PHONE OFF THE HOOK. She may be inconsiderate and immature and all that, but she is no moron. She knows you will help her. Basically, you are worrying about her, over NOTHING. If she is in trouble, she will be coming to you. You can count on that. She isn't stupid. She knows you are a good man and a modern day knight. She knows if she needs your help, you won't slam the door on her.

So, in short, DON'T Worry about her! But of course, you can't change the kind of person you are. :rolleyes: lol. So, fine then. Cut a deal with yourself. When you check up to see how she is, don't PUT ON A SOAP OPERA for her!

The care package does not include SOAP OPERA Entertainment. lol

So if she IMs, then "I am fine. You are fine. Everyone is fine. Thankyou and good bye." Since you don't love me anymore, sorry, too bad, no soap opera for ya! :cheers:
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Very good post.
 
BRO KEEP the ball in your court IGNORE HER. She is an attention needing person. the more you explain the more she goes on. dont do it bro, kep her away from you. SHE IS NOT WORTH IT... trust- she is a breath in time...
 
This is a classic case of one-itis. Contrary to what you say or do, you still having feelings for this girl and probably a little part of you is still in love with her.

Do what these people are telling you. Cut all contact with her. DO NOT meet up with her when you go to Chicago. Go sleep with and date other girls

This is the only way you will truly get over her. One one night stand will not do. Go game some other chicks and have fun bro. Don't waste your time on this chick
 
I know what you're going through man. I was with a girl for about a year when I found out she'd f'ed some other dude. She didn't respect me at all and I just couldn't understand it. I thought she was the greatest girl in the world.

Then, one night at work, we were sitting at the bar after closing the place down and I was talking to a close friend about his gf cheating on him. Not one to readily admit my own problems, my argument to him to persuade him to give up thinking about his ex...

"There are three billion women on this planet and you are stuck on the ONE that cheated on you?"

Then I realized it applied to me. It applies to you, too, man. Forget her. Move on. Don't even bother posting about it anymore. Get a new outlook. Sign up for a powerlifting competition. Get her off your mind and a sound mental state will follow.
 
BioHazzard said:
The same thing I told TC. Don't give your heart up to some undeserving person. People like us, we care about a lot of things and a lot of people, INCLUDING those that are not good for us. That brings us a lot of grief. That is the price we pay. But we can't change the kind of person that we are. The important thing is, do not sell yourself short. Do not give your heart up to someone who doesn't deserve it. People like you and TC, are like gemstones and diamonds, waiting to be discovered and appreciated.
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((HUGZ))) thanks bio ....and XX hang in there time helps.......really
 
Its a pretty simple explanation: she lost her respect in you and then started treating you like ****.

Its as simple as 2+2=4

She gave you all the red flags:

1) She regularly admitted cheating on multiple boyfriends. You can argue about being weak but rarely, is that ever the case. Otherwise, she would have done it once, couldn't handle the guilt, and then swore to never do it again...and follow it up. Instead, she cheated repeatedly.

This is a crystal clear case of a woman who has no respect for the people she dates. Its easy to solve if you keep your ground. She can either take it or leave. You probably decided it didn't matter and when you fell for her, she trapped another guy into her dance.

2) She got defensive about her friends. When you argue with a girl about this, it is like shooting your own foot. By making him into the bad guy, he suddenly becomes more interesting and more thrilling. People want what they can't have. She knew that Carlos would be exciting and thrilling to her. Notice how she defended him profusely. This is supposedly the guy that almost beat her. Keeping in mind that she could have made that whole attempted abuse story up.

Yes, she had sex with Carlos. She finally had that excitement she wanted.

=============================================

Now what is to be done?

1) Cease all contact with her. Give it up, it will never work. Even so, why would you want to take back a serial cheater who treated you like a sweaty ass?

2) Learn from the lesson. Yes, there is lots to be learned here. No, the answer is NOT to kiss more ass with the next girlfriend.

3) Learn how to go into relationships with both eyes open. It is absolutely paramount that you do this. Odds are you got lulled into a false sense of security, which did a hatchet job on the relationship. You coasted and assumed everything was ace. I guarantee you now that girls do not just suddenly up and cheat. It is something that is long term. The damage had started, perhaps even from the start.
 
Not to be in denial or anything, but I know for a fact they did NOT have sex. Either way, it does not excuse anything. Even a kiss is just as bad as if she would've had sex with him.

Now, I'm just wondering, can people change? This is not something I hope for whatsoever, but I think about it. Maybe this will be the event she needs to get burned & turn things around. Here's something a mutual friend told me today (she doesn't know we talk me & this girl):

the friend (5:59:52 PM): well..she was talking about her friends who are coming up here for fall break..and then shes like yeah jd is coming in october..and i was like ohh he is??
the friend(6:00:05 PM): BY THE WAY, THIS WAS EXTREMELY WEIRD AND I FELT SO GUILTY THE WHOLE TIME BC SHE HAS NO IDEA I KNEW ALL THIS
XxtRuXx1 (6:00:13 PM): lol i can imagine
the friend (6:02:09 PM): so then shes like, yeah he said he might be coming in october for some medical thing, which i dont believe..and i was like ohh, do uguys still talk..and shes like HE IMED ME the other day asking me how i was and stuff and telling me he still cares about me and asked me if i still love him and all that..and shes like he was being really nice, but then he kind of started to get crazy again...and then she started talking about somthing with her parents and you and how you told them to **** off or something she said??...and i was like oh do you parents like him and shes like they just think hes really immature but they think hes a really, really good guy, and shes like, which he is, i can still say that jd is a really good guy, u know hes just super nice, smart, and really caring about ppl...so thenn....
XxtRuXx1 (6:03:02 PM): lol there are shades of black & white there
the friend (6:03:28 PM): so then i was like WELL DO YOU stil like him..and shes like no i cant really say that just bc of how crazy everything ended, she goes although sometimes i think i don tknow why i broke up with such a good person like him..and shes like but then again he was really the only person i ever seriously dated so i never really knew what was out there, and shes like but now that i have experienced other guys i realize most of them are *******s and jd was just a really good guy...
the friend (6:03:32 PM): what do you mean black and white
XxtRuXx1 (6:07:35 PM): its definitely a medical thing im going for if i go...AMSA is having a convention there..they have it every year...she imed me first, then i imed her the next day...i wasnt getting crazy..i mean you read the convo...i didnt tell her parents to **** off..her mom took the phone away from linds when i was talking to her & was telling me all this stuff & then she hung up on me..so i called linds back & left her a voicemail saying that her mom has no place telling me what she told me etc..although when her mom was like jd its over between you & linds i said it wasnt really her decision (implying that it was lindseys, not her moms)...its funny her parents think im really immature cause i bet they dont know the truth about what she did & why i was acting the way i was...cause its not like i act like that randomly & yes, it was immature but that was the first time i ever acted that way with her ever in the whole time we were together...so for them to think that is bs
XxtRuXx1 (6:08:54 PM): i dont get the whole well do you sitll like him & her saying no she cant say that cause of how things ended? i dont really get that...things didnt really end on her doing...i dont get what other guys shes experienced that shes talking about? eddie? i dont know
the friend (6:09:11 PM): heyy...first i believe u about the medical thing, thats her who said your making it up...second i know she imed u first and i know u didnt get crazy or whatever..and third i dont see you as a immature guy AT ALL..so you dont have to explain yourself to me lol, i already think good things about you.

The only thing that upsets me about this is that she embellished the truth, making it seem like I was after her & trying to patch things up, when in reality it was nothing of the sort. She's making herself the, I guess, "cooler" person. I broke the cardinal ignoring rule & imed her 1 last time yesterday:
XxtRuXx1 (7:14:17 PM): question...
her (7:14:34 PM): possible answer...
XxtRuXx1 (7:14:40 PM): be honest...
XxtRuXx1 (7:14:55 PM): did you realize you made a mistake & think its too late now?
her (7:17:14 PM): too late for what jd?
XxtRuXx1 (7:17:44 PM): j/ too late
her (7:18:08 PM): jd i dont want to get into this with you. please... just let it go.
XxtRuXx1 (7:18:48 PM): its really a simple, honest yes or no answer kid...
her (7:20:58 PM): jd i made a mistake yes.
her (7:22:29 PM): and i dont think its too late. if we were both willing to do it again then w/e. but its just not going to work out right now. neither of us are ready or able to do anything now
XxtRuXx1 (7:23:32 PM): alright kid..all i wanted to know..take care
her (7:23:43 PM): k later

I was upset she assumed that I was willing to do it again, but I wasn't going to make this into a big deal because it would show her I care waaaaay too much. Anyways, I don't know. It just sucks because if she was to change these things about herself & I hardened up a bit with her & didn't let her get out of line instead of laying down & letting her walk all over me, things would be great.

Don't get me wrong, I am currently making up for lost time & all that goodstuff, I/it just feels very different.
 
It is possible for people to change. However, it is neither easy nor painless, and it has NO CHANCE of happening unless and until the person who wants to change is willing to commit to the change - of their own choice.

And that, my friend, is only the beginning. Most behaviors are pretty well ingrained and, regardless of how dysfunctional they may be, they are far easier/seem far safer to hold on to than does changing. Changing is risky and scary.

It is possible? Yes. Is it likely? No. Unless the person is willing and committed to go through everything needed to make the change. And frequently that has all the appeal of eating a crap sandwich (those on KETO diets may delete the bread).
 
Hey xxtruxx1, I've read parts, and skimmed other parts, and this is what I can say.

You will never be happy in you choose to stay with this chick. Never will you be able to rest knowing everything is fine. Do anything, just stop contacting this chick and move on.
 
Yeah move on. Part of you already has. Even if you did get back together it wouldnt be the same. One thing that helped me get through a similar situation was the realisation that I still loved her but was no IN love with her anymore.
 
Sorry to hear about that, bro.

Any girl who says she has cheated on guys in the past is a BIG RED LIGHT!!
To think your any different/more special/important than them dudes is playing yourself.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Cut your losses and move onto someone who deserves your time. You've been through alot with this girl, and obviously care for her, but it's time to cut these people out of your life. From your pastings it seems like she doesn't know what she wants, and getting back with her will be a mistake: all this sh*t will happen again.

If you cut your losses and move on, maybe down the line you guys can be friends, but you have to show them who's boss. Your not a damned Welcome mat...your not in the business of getting walked on. There are plenty of girls who will give you twice the pleasure you had with her and none of the drama or worry.

Your Mrs. Right is out there but she's not here. Go find her!!!
 
RenegadeRows said:
From your pastings it seems like she doesn't know what she wants, and getting back with her will be a mistake: all this sh*t will happen again.
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Very true. No one can change that quick even though they figured out they made a mistake.

Take our advice dude. Cut all contact with this girl. This IM ing thing with her has got to stop. Talking with her and trying to analyze things will drive you crazy. You'll start thinking, well maybe it could work if she'd just.......etc......

My advice to you is delete, block, throw away whatever phone numbers, screen names or any forms of contact you have with her. It may sound crazy, but for me, when I broke up with my ex I'd constantly check my email, facebook, myspace etc... to see if she had said anything. It was only until I deleted all that stuff that reminded me of her that I started doing better.
 
Bigballa said:
Very true. No one can change that quick even though they figured out they made a mistake.

Take our advice dude. Cut all contact with this girl. This IM ing thing with her has got to stop. Talking with her and trying to analyze things will drive you crazy. You'll start thinking, well maybe it could work if she'd just.......etc......

My advice to you is delete, block, throw away whatever phone numbers, screen names or any forms of contact you have with her. It may sound crazy, but for me, when I broke up with my ex I'd constantly check my email, facebook, myspace etc... to see if she had said anything. It was only until I deleted all that stuff that reminded me of her that I started doing better.
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I'm already past that stage with her. I actually check my facebook/myspace for current girls I'm "slanging" (lol) to have said something. She changed her number, which was great ALL the way up until today cause for some oddball reason, she decided to text message me with it "in case I was ever in Chicago." I just told her I'm sure that's what it's for. I deleted the texts so I don't have her new number & I'm not tempted to write/call her. Anyways, she's doing the hook n' reel us fishermen do, she just makes it way too obvious. You guys are right. She needs to hurt.
 
Beau said:
It is possible for people to change. However, it is neither easy nor painless, and it has NO CHANCE of happening unless and until the person who wants to change is willing to commit to the change - of their own choice.

And that, my friend, is only the beginning. Most behaviors are pretty well ingrained and, regardless of how dysfunctional they may be, they are far easier/seem far safer to hold on to than does changing. Changing is risky and scary.

It is possible? Yes. Is it likely? No. Unless the person is willing and committed to go through everything needed to make the change. And frequently that has all the appeal of eating a crap sandwich (those on KETO diets may delete the bread).
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Words of wisdom and truth.

Ben Stein puts in the same way. "The surest way to ruin your life, is to get into a relationship with someone, hoping to change that person."
 
Been there, done that.

You've been given good advice, but if you want mine, put her behind you and never look back. Don't even try to start a friendship with her, It's hard at first but down the road you'll realize how it was a good move.
 
I seriously hate this. This weekend I was visiting friends in Tallahassee &, don't get me wrong, I had a blast. What bothered me was that I found myself missing her & thinking of her. It's weird & I don't know why I feel the way I do, but I honestly do feel like she's the girl for me, maybe not now, but in the long run I feel like she's who I want to be with. I just think she needs time to get herself together & grow up. Also I feel like we can't be in this long distance situation. My head tells me everything you guys are, to just move on & leave it alone, etc & it is what I am doing. It's just that in the process of doing that, I am feeling this way.

I texted her on Friday saying that I wanted nothing with her & that I didn't want us to talk. I told her to only talk to me if she ever had anything of real importance to say, but that I am not playing these stupid games with her anymore. She got mad & simply said OK!!!! BYE!!!!
 
This is getting worse & worse since she contacted me last week. Feelings keep surfacing. Everything was perfectly fine before she did that & it wasn't like this. Back to the starting line it seems. It's been a while man & I'm wondering when all this is going to fade.

Her bdays Oct 5th, I won't be tming/iming/emailing/calling her. I'm sure she expects to see/hear from me when I'm in Chicago, she won't be. This just sucks man. I can't do anything to ditch these feelings & I can't believe I still feel this way for someone that did what she did. I should punch myself in the head.
 
Its hard ...but you gotta do it ...break it clean, Your only going to prolong the enevitable and make it more painful.
 
OK, lets try another tact.

Following your feelings is, almost always, the worst possible thing one can do. It sounds counter-intuitive (and in direct opposition for the Hollywood movie type of crap we see), I know. But, rest assured, experience will tell you emotions are fleeting, change often and may be a sign of something else.

I'll be a bit more graphic: Lets say you had a feeling that pissing in your living room was a good idea. Now, I understand - this is an extreme example, but play along. So, in this (probably less than sober) state of mind, you extract yourself and urinate; right there in the middle of the carpet.

Did you follow your feelings/intuition/intoxicated desire? Yes. Did that make it a good idea? No. Do you know have to live with the aftereffects of urine-soaked carpet? Yes, and with its less than savory implications.

I hope this doesn't come across as being too harsh: Your continuing any type of involvement with this girl is akin to peeing right there in the middle of your dark green wall-to-wall living room carpet, soaking the carpet, and forever infusing your urine in the sub flooring. Does that word picture help?

In many ways being emotionally tied to someone isn't too different that being drunk. Your judgment can become very clouded.

Instead, use the toilet. Flush her.
 
Very true, bro. I just have a feeling, & I don't know why, but I just honestly think she will change. I wouldn't hope/wait/expect this to happen & I will keep living my life as I have, but am I supposed to just block her out of my life for good? Even if say, 1-2 years from now she realizes all these things & has made an honest attempt to change, etc? Is there no such thing as that? I mean, people make mistakes all the time, it's human nature, should they not be given a second chance?

I guess what I'm asking is, would it be wrong to think that she is just immature/stupid/whatever & with time & experience, she'd change? She's already starting to realize what she had with me & the type of guy I am (at least from the conversation she had with her friend), would it be wrong of me to think that with more time & more experience shed slowly start realizing what she wants/needs/how she messed things up/how she shouldve been with me/etc & make an attempt to be that way?

I totally agree that for right now & the immediate future, she should be flushed. Even then, I'm not going to be the 1 to instigate anything. I didn't mess anything up so I'm not going to be the 1 to try to fix it. What if she does though? Should I be resistant & ignore her attempts because of what she's done? This might be stupid, but shouldn't it be the way a parent loves a child, where if the child messes up, the parent still loves them? I know I shouldn't let myself be walked all over & I totally agree. Even if she was to come back & have changed, I would make things extremely difficult for her instead of simply accepting her with open arms.

I just don't know man, there's so much potential there. Just in how well we click & how things are between us (minus this of course) & I known it would be even better if we both matured & grew up this time we were apart. I just kind of feel like neither of us was ready for what we had or the situation we were thrown into & that's why things ended up the way they did? We were both learning along the way I guess?

Anyways, I'm definitely not calling her for her bday that's coming up. I think I shouldn't & I'm sure you guys would agree. I also won't be calling her when I'm in Chicago, which I'm sure will piss her off because she thinks I'm going to see her & even if I'm not, she thinks I'd want to get together. I just know I will be hearing from her at some point within now & then. I wish there was some kind of switch for feelings.

BTW, when she said she didn't love me anymore. She was full of ****. That was her defense mechanism because she doesn't know how I feel & she's not going to put herself out there if I'm not going to be there. She wouldn't talk about me the way she does or play these games trying to reel me in again if she had no feelings. She wouldn't have given me her new number or any of that. She would've just left everything alone & not even have checked up on how I was doing.
 
My last offering on this; since I've been pretty darned "vocal": She could change.

Based on what you've seen, what in the world would give you an indication that she will change (or even sees the need to)? What have you seen that suggests she has the character and self-introspection, will see the need to change, and would have the integrity and guts to see it through? I’ll suggest that a (perhaps somewhat jaded) Beau doesn’t glean that from anything you’ve posted. In fact, albeit with a good degree of "reading into things", I see the opposite.

Maybe you should ask the forum members here to provide some adjectives or nomenclature to describe what they read with respect to her actions and how that might be labeled. I would expect it wouldn't be what you would want to seek out, in terms of attributes of the "right one".

One last morsel to chew on: She just might change, and it just might be for the worse. Most girls who start off down a path (using only by way of example exotic dancing or posing for nude photos) normally become more entrenched as it escalates (again, by way of example only, to adult films or prostitution), rather than doing an about face.
 
Don't be a sucker. You are way too idealistic.

If you truly 'believe' she would change, then fine, just STFU. Don't say anything to her. Don't show her you are pussywiped already. :whip: Be a MAN, for god's sake! :frustrate Where the hell is your backbone? :rant: Do you really think any girl will ever respect you if you don't stand up for your own pride and dignity?

The only thing you should do, is STFU, and just watch and listen. When and if she has truly changed her way, she will show you, by deed. By then, you would know she has indeed changed. Right now, it is all in your mind. She has been toying with you and your mind fills in the blank, and you are painting this 'happily ever after' picture in your mind. Ain't real.

Hey, don't sweat it. Let her demonstrate her changed way.
 
For the love of god, be done with her...........Oh my goodness...walk away, no run...I to am in a similar situation, but my break was clean, and FINAL............Unless he came to my door, and made a effort to change, which wont happen, I have to think there is better out there....I have to..........

Let this chick go, if its meant to be it will be....................
 
Need an opinion here. Her birthday is in 4 days it is her bday. I was considering text messaging her & saying something along the lines of "happy bday kid" at the end of the day or something. Do it or don't do it? I don't want to be a complete ******* either, that's why I'm considering tming.
 
Man, I've gotta be blunt here... If you want her to keep that stranglehold on your testicles, go ahead and tell her happy birthday. It'll let her know that her control over you hasn't wained. Man, she'll ride that ship until it sinks. Trust me. Just cut her loose!
 
I don't see a problem with just "happy birthday", just don't write anymore. I send bday texts to everyone I know, even people I don't really get along with.

After that though, it wouldn't hurt to forget her number man. This pain will be fresh in your mind as long as you keep contact with her.
 
After about a 2 hour talk with my best friend since I was about 3, I've come to the conclusion that you guys are right. This is POISON & I need out. He even said, "This is seriously burning a whole in you." He too thought I should tm her because of how I currently feel about her. His exact words were, "Bro, don't be Mr. Hardass ******* just cause you're roiding. That **** doesn't make you an *******. Say happy birthday." After I explained to him that regardless of how I felt, I shouldn't be going based on feelings anymore, but swivel thought, he ended up agreeing that the best thing for me would be to cut all contact with this girl & not even tm her for her bday because he too saw where it was going. He just figured that since he himself can do something like that & not care about the person, he figured I could too. He then remembered how I am & that I'm an all or nothing guy & can't be friends or in the grey area like him. Since all isn't a logical choice, he agreed nothing would be best, so nothing it is.

He even got me to see just how much that girl ****ed up my life, regardless of the good in the relationship. He pointed out how much happier & more like me I seem now that we are apart. Based on how I was before she talked to me up until now, after we talked, he sees the best thing is for me to just ignore her, kind of like saying, "**** you, I don't give a **** about you."

Tonight was a night of revelation, I don't know why it didn't sink in before when you guys were telling me. I'm stubborn, that or I just like the pain.
 
It's easy to ignore writing man, I've been there before. I'm glad you have a friend that cares enough about you to help you out. Good luck man :)
 
Make sure that you reread that post a few times in the next week or two man. Remember what ya said... stick to it. Down the road you'll be much better for it.
 
Thanks guys, this is going to be very tough for me. I have NO idea why or how, but I still have pretty strong feelings for her after all that's happened. A little time & not speaking to her should take care of that, or at least push it to the back of my mind.

It'll be interesting to see how the next few days/weeks play out. I'm sure she'll tell me something about not saying happy bday, to which I won't reply. That or she'll text me or something when I'm in Chicago to see if we can get together. I'm sure 1 or the other will happen.

Her friend who I'm friends with but she doesn't know told me that she saw that on her calendar she had marked that weekend "jd time". So it should be pretty interesting to say the least. I also told her friend tonight that I don't think we should speak anymore. I didn't explain why, but being friends with her has made this whole thing harder.

I wonder what the future holds in store. I just wish I knew why all this happened.
 
Time for a new chapter in your life, with nothing from this girl...no txt happy birthday nothing.....re read your post, do what it takes.,....but end contact, hard yes , impossiable no................Time helps...really....i am doing ok, from all things. weekends are rough but it helps to have close friends and family..........

(((HUGZ))))))) stay strong
 
I have a cureall. Talk to other women. You'll find one that you like to spend time with, and she can become your new obsession for awhile.
 
CallmeClark said:
I have a cureall. Talk to other women. You'll find one that you like to spend time with, and she can become your new obsession for awhile.
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lol. I have been this whole time. I've had my fair share of hookups & I've met a lot of other girls. That is what flabbergasts me (nice word, huh? lol). Like I said, I have no idea how or why, but I somehow still love her after everything that's happened. My best friend said, (I don't mean to offend anyone here) "Bro, either this girl can rock your **** & the sex was amazing, or she sucks it better than a vacuum because I have NO idea how you could still love her after everything that's happend. I would seriously slap that girl in the face with my **** (not literally of course) & never talk to her again."

I pretty much explained to him it wasn't that, but who she really is. What makes this so hard for me is that 2 & 1/2 years into it, I KNOW her. I know her better than I know myself & I know every aspect of her. I know why she does things better than she does & better than why I do things sometimes. This is what makes it so damn hard. I know that everything she did & how she acts at times isn't who she really is, but her acting like someone she's not for many reasons (some of which are immaturity & insecurity). And this isn't an "I think she's this way, but I'm blinded by my feelings because she's really not like that" thing. I'm basing this on how she was with me when we were together. I know that just based on that I shouldn't want to be with her. I mean, who wants to be with an immature & insecure person? But I'm weird. I LOVE helping people in any way I can and I want to help her to be the best person she can be. I know that with me, she was herself when we were 1 on 1. I don't think she acted a certain way. She knew with me she could be herself & I wouldn't judge her. She didn't have to do anything like she had to with her friends, etc.

I don't know. I think that's why I still love her. I just love who she really is, even if she doesnt always act like that & for some reason, I truly believe that she'd change. I'm not sure why, but I do. I just honestly believe this. I think part of it comes from her losing a guy like me & everything we had. I mean we were with each other through very rough times such as her mom being an alcoholic & going through rehab & my mom having breast cancer & having a double masectomy etc. I truly believe that when she really loses me (I cut all communications with her), she will realize everything. I just know that as long as I keep speaking to her, I will keep feeding this same cycle & never get out of it, nor will things ever change.

Do you guys think it will hurt her to not get a happy birthday from me? My best friend was telling me it'd kill her because even though everyone says happy birthday, she'll be paying special attention to see if she gets it from me. He also said not seeing her in Chicago would be an eye opener for her. I don't know anymore? I'm definitely sticking to my guns & cutting it off though.

I know I can definitely get over this, I just don't know if I want to let go yet. It takes a lot for me to let go of something. I seriously have to know it's been driven into the ground & is worthless. I'm like that with everything.
 
xxtruxx1 said:
lol. I have been this whole time. I've had my fair share of hookups & I've met a lot of other girls. That is what flabbergasts me (nice word, huh? lol). Like I said, I have no idea how or why, but I somehow still love her after everything that's happened. My best friend said, (I don't mean to offend anyone here) "Bro, either this girl can rock your **** & the sex was amazing, or she sucks it better than a vacuum because I have NO idea how you could still love her after everything that's happend. I would seriously slap that girl in the face with my **** (not literally of course) & never talk to her again."

I pretty much explained to him it wasn't that, but who she really is. What makes this so hard for me is that 2 & 1/2 years into it, I KNOW her. I know her better than I know myself & I know every aspect of her. I know why she does things better than she does & better than why I do things sometimes. This is what makes it so damn hard. I know that everything she did & how she acts at times isn't who she really is, but her acting like someone she's not for many reasons (some of which are immaturity & insecurity). And this isn't an "I think she's this way, but I'm blinded by my feelings because she's really not like that" thing. I'm basing this on how she was with me when we were together. I know that just based on that I shouldn't want to be with her. I mean, who wants to be with an immature & insecure person? But I'm weird. I LOVE helping people in any way I can and I want to help her to be the best person she can be. I know that with me, she was herself when we were 1 on 1. I don't think she acted a certain way. She knew with me she could be herself & I wouldn't judge her. She didn't have to do anything like she had to with her friends, etc.

I don't know. I think that's why I still love her. I just love who she really is, even if she doesnt always act like that & for some reason, I truly believe that she'd change. I'm not sure why, but I do. I just honestly believe this. I think part of it comes from her losing a guy like me & everything we had. I mean we were with each other through very rough times such as her mom being an alcoholic & going through rehab & my mom having breast cancer & having a double masectomy etc. I truly believe that when she really loses me (I cut all communications with her), she will realize everything. I just know that as long as I keep speaking to her, I will keep feeding this same cycle & never get out of it, nor will things ever change.

Do you guys think it will hurt her to not get a happy birthday from me? My best friend was telling me it'd kill her because even though everyone says happy birthday, she'll be paying special attention to see if she gets it from me. He also said not seeing her in Chicago would be an eye opener for her. I don't know anymore? I'm definitely sticking to my guns & cutting it off though.

I know I can definitely get over this, I just don't know if I want to let go yet. It takes a lot for me to let go of something. I seriously have to know it's been driven into the ground & is worthless. I'm like that with everything.
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Ya know, this month on TV Land, a new "help folks with their problems" show will debut that you should consider appearing on - "I Pity The Fool" hosted by Mr. T. I suspect his advice will sound familiar and you will ignore it as well, but what the heck...
 
Mr. T's advice should be revered as gospel! lol Well, I dunno but he seems like a pretty smart guy, doesn't he? Stay in school! Anyway, Tru... Here's what's goin' on man. You've become infatuated with the idea of her. Love is something that's shared. Don't kid yourself here man, she doesn't "love" you. She may love walkin' on ya, but that's different. As long as she knows that your her little sock puppet, she's going to continue to stick her hand up your ass. Hands in the ass aren't good, unless you dig that kind of punishment. If ya do, well there ya go. She's the one. If not, steer clear of the hand.

See, it's real easy for a nice guy to get caught up with a userous woman. You convince yourself that she's the one, and that's all there is too it. You believe it. This starts the obsession. Lots of guys do this, you're not alone in it. Girls know this, she's not the only girl that's done this. This is something that's been going on a hell of a lot longer than we've been here. So, take a little historical advice and get the heck away from her. All signs point to "run like hell."
 
I'm pretty sure there are at least two reason our responses didn't hit home with you: (1) You don't know us, (2) You didn't want it to be the truth.

I do not know the other posters on here, but I would think we've all given you the same advice we would have given our close friends.

It cannot be that we are all not wrong; it is more like we are not so emotionally invested that we aren't seeing things for what they really are. It can be hard to sse things with your eyes, and not alllow it to be heavily filtered through your heart.
 
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