I haven't cried so much in years. I can't even describe what I'm feeling right now and I also the fact I may have had the chance to stop her.
I don't blame myself - but I could have done more and that is going to be hard to live with.
She was a beautiful girl (DKNY model in fact) whom an outsider might say, "was sitting on the top of the world."
That was far from the fact.
I feel very strange right now, I don't know how to describe it.
Knowing that one of my best friends took her own life and shared secrets with me that nobody will ever know. And Now she is gone.
I'm approching PCT, and I'm frankly very worried about myself emotionally.
im not whinning or bitching or whatever, it has been a rough night.
I just pray someone gives me something to work with here - it's 8:40am and I haven't been to sleep. The gym is the furthest thing from my mind and I worry about going to into a full depression in a the PCT period.
I'm the most up and down person you'll ever meet. The highs are great, tremendous - the lows are horrible. I fear that I'm headed for low that could be long and awful.... unlike anything I've gone through.
im not the type of person who is going to run to the gym and somehow use my girl's death as positive energy. I'm sorry - I can't do it...
please say whatever you think, give me some persceptive, whatever you want - just give me something...
I don't blame myself - but I could have done more and that is going to be hard to live with.
She was a beautiful girl (DKNY model in fact) whom an outsider might say, "was sitting on the top of the world."
That was far from the fact.
I feel very strange right now, I don't know how to describe it.
Knowing that one of my best friends took her own life and shared secrets with me that nobody will ever know. And Now she is gone.
I'm approching PCT, and I'm frankly very worried about myself emotionally.
im not whinning or bitching or whatever, it has been a rough night.
I just pray someone gives me something to work with here - it's 8:40am and I haven't been to sleep. The gym is the furthest thing from my mind and I worry about going to into a full depression in a the PCT period.
I'm the most up and down person you'll ever meet. The highs are great, tremendous - the lows are horrible. I fear that I'm headed for low that could be long and awful.... unlike anything I've gone through.
im not the type of person who is going to run to the gym and somehow use my girl's death as positive energy. I'm sorry - I can't do it...
please say whatever you think, give me some persceptive, whatever you want - just give me something...