So I came across this site. It is called "The 2010 Hater's Guide to the Top 25". It is all about the blind hate that exists in CFB and he roasts every ranked team. See the link at the bottom for the full read (oh my god it is worth reading). I took the liberty of pasting the roasts of our teams (well those of us who are ranked....*cough no Notre Dame or Michigan cough*).
1. Alabama: Oh hey, look who's numero uno. It's Orange Satan and his little fiefdom of tardbilly mouthbreathers. I liked the Tide much better back in the old days, when Mike DuBose was bending receptionists over his desk. I don't need the state of Alabama to have any pride whatsoever. They should never be allowed to feel good about themselves. What the **** do you half-human mongoloid overall-wearing chimps have to be proud of? Congrats, your team finally won another title last year. That means you are now one year closer to Nick Saban bolting for Michigan and leaving you to pick up the pieces of your pathetic, awful, and empty lives, the kind of pointless existence that makes membership in the Aryan Nation all but an inevitability. And you know Bear Bryant? He's still ****ing DEAD. Super dead. Forever. Alabama is America's ass hair.
2. Ohio State: Oh, sweet ****ing Jesus, you people again? Haven't you people pissed away enough titles? Shouldn't you be banished to NAIA so that we don't have to see you lose the national title by 47 points to an SEC team? It's because of YOU that people from the South are actually starting to feel good about themselves again. That is crap. I've been to Columbus. It's the kind of place no one would ever live voluntarily. You either live there because you can't afford to live anywhere else, or because the judge put a travel restriction on your DUI probation. Tear the roof off a ****ing Houlihan's, expand the size of it to 50 square miles, and that's Columbus. Just one big generic pile of ****. They should have just named it "City."
4. Florida: I actually bear no ill will to you, Florida. I hope you have a fine season, until October comes around and it's the fourth quarter of a tight game and Urban Meyer's head ****ing BLOWS UP all over the sideline. Just a massive explosion that shatters his whole head, sending out little globs of brain and blood all over the Dazzlers. Then the replay gets on the web and they have to interview Tebow at Denver Bronco headquarters and he's all crying and **** because Urban was like a Dad to him and he's saying it's okay because he's home with Jesus now and GAHHH HE SHOULD HAVE JUST QUIT! BUT NOW HE'S DEAD! WHAT WILL HIS KIDS DO NOW? GAHHHHHH!
So I'm looking forward to that. Also, you are pussies.
5. Texas: Oh, you Austinites. So goddamn pleased with yourselves. Ooh, loogit us! We have indie movies and indie music and indie food carts and indie pencils! You know what? I don't like indie things. I don't like Animal Collective. I saw Half Nelson, and it was a piece of ****. I like movies and songs that look and sound like they cost more than four dollars to make. And if they come hipster-free, then all the better. You people are the ****ing Williamsburg of Texas, and that isn't a compliment. Though I do like that Sam Acho. It's like his last name is a suffix for all good Latino things: macho, nacho, muchacho, Comacho, borracho… Great name. But you are still ASS.
13. Miami (FL): Just a reminder of the delightful folks who cheer on the Hurricanes, i.e., Jewish people from Long Island who believe rooting for the Hurricanes somehow makes them black gangsters. From reader Torch Ramrod:
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Yep, he's a Cane through and through. Thirty bucks says that guy has never seen the inside of the Orange Bowl.
17. Arkansas: Good Lord, Bobby Petrino is the sleaziest bag of **** to ever walk the Earth. He's like the white Isiah Thomas.
19. Penn State: Listen, I don't wanna say mean things about Joe Paterno. He's a national treasure and a sweet old man. But he's gonna poop himself on the sidelines this year. He is. Someone will ask him over the headset if he's happy with the defensive formation and he's not gonna hear them because he'll be too busy unloading into the cheesecloth he wrapped around his Jockeys. Then he'll have to stay still the entire half so that no one will know, with poop running down his gimpy old leg the whole time. Then he's gonna go into the locker room and be like, URRGH I **** MYSELF AGAIN, BOYS! Then they'll have to wipe him off and wheel him back out. I don't want that to happen. It's not right. Let the man go out with dignity. Cut his oxygen tank tube.
21. LSU: We should revoke their 2007 title. I know they beat Ohio State, but that shouldn't even count. That is the ****tiest national title team ever. Oh, and YOU ARE RAYCESSSSS.
22. Auburn: No one cares. Bama will plow you like Charlie Sheen's third escort of the evening.
For the rest of the teams, check out:
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:32::box::bigok: :sombrero: :stooges::deal::ntome: They are a program begging for a renaissance. They need a Bobby Bowden. He could definitively be that for them. I also dont think Bill Byrne has too many years left if football keeps losing. If hes allowed to make another **** hire...the streets will burn. He already is widely hated by the TAMU fanbase. The way he touts sports no one cares about and their successes but football is in the worst period in history makes peoples blood boil.
