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Women and relationships

It was not until my ex-wife had a man (husband NOT a boyfriend) did I distance myself from her - regardless of how my wife felt. That is the mother of my children and her well being has a direct impact on my children. It was a model to my children, especially my son.

My wife was not thrilled with the idea but I am a trustworthy loyal and faithful husband and my fidelity was not the issue. Had it been then I could see my wife having an issue.

I understood my wife's point of view but then asked her to trade shoes with my ex and then she could empathize with her position and appreciate my loyalty.

We divorced to eliminate the conflicts and issues not create more.

Love always!
 
David Dunn said:
It was not until my ex-wife had a man (husband NOT a boyfriend) did I distance myself from her - regardless of how my wife felt. That is the mother of my children and her well being has a direct impact on my children. It was a model to my children, especially my son.

My wife was not thrilled with the idea but I am a trustworthy loyal and faithful husband and my fidelity was not the issue. Had it been then I could see my wife having an issue.

I understood my wife's point of view but then asked her to trade shoes with my ex and then she could empathize with her position and appreciate my loyalty.

We divorced to eliminate the conflicts and issues not create more.

Love always!
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you walked the walk...much better example than talk when it comes to children!!!
 
David Dunn said:
It was not until my ex-wife had a man (husband NOT a boyfriend) did I distance myself from her - regardless of how my wife felt. That is the mother of my children and her well being has a direct impact on my children. It was a model to my children, especially my son.

My wife was not thrilled with the idea but I am a trustworthy loyal and faithful husband and my fidelity was not the issue. Had it been then I could see my wife having an issue.

I understood my wife's point of view but then asked her to trade shoes with my ex and then she could empathize with her position and appreciate my loyalty.

We divorced to eliminate the conflicts and issues not create more.

Love always!
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I agree that what you did was the right thing. I personally avoided dating men with children because I didn't know how to handle those types of situations. My lover has no ties to his ex. At first he wanted to make sure that she could stand on her own feet after he left, but now he doesn't care. He's been pretty honest with me about everything.
 
puccah8808 said:
I agree, he said he's done talking to her. I know he only has the best intentions, but I was still not comfortable with it and told him how I felt. He completely understood and told me that he wouldn't like it if I still talked to my ex. Hopefully, she is completely out of the picture and we can move forward with our relationship.
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My gf talked to her ex for a while when we first dated. I didn't have a problem with it so much as I did about her constantly mentioning him. I do have a "trust someone until the point they no longer deserve it" policy and so I let it be. After a while it grows a little tiresome so I just told her how I felt about it and how she would feel if I talked to my ex as often as she did to hers and I even threw out the "if he means that much to you, why did you break up?."

As much as I like to be understanding, you still have to have boundaries and non-negotiables in a relationship as conflict can easily arise if you fail to set them early. It doesn't give you right to be controlling as that in itself will create conflict and resentment, but your happiness it just as important as theirs and you both deserve to be happy.

Trust should be the foundation of every relationship IMO
 
Jiigzz said:
My gf talked to her ex for a while when we first dated. I didn't have a problem with it so much as I did about her constantly mentioning him. I do have a "trust someone until the point they no longer deserve it" policy and so I let it be. After a while it grows a little tiresome so I just told her how I felt about it and how she would feel if I talked to my ex as often as she did to hers and I even threw out the "if he means that much to you, why did you break up?."

As much as I like to be understanding, you still have to have boundaries and non-negotiables in a relationship as conflict can easily arise if you fail to set them early. It doesn't give you right to be controlling as that in itself will create conflict and resentment, but your happiness it just as important as theirs and you both deserve to be happy.

Trust should be the foundation of every relationship IMO
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I can understand. He would always complain about her and I would get very quiet ( I get very quiet when I'm upset). I finally told him that I didn't like that he would constantly talk about her. He asked why I felt so threatened by her, and I told him that I wasn't but she's irrelevant to our relationship. I don't talk about my ex unless he ask me. It's just not something that I want to bring into my new relationship.
 
puccah8808 said:
I agree, he said he's done talking to her. I know he only has the best intentions, but I was still not comfortable with it and told him how I felt. He completely understood and told me that he wouldn't like it if I still talked to my ex. Hopefully, she is completely out of the picture and we can move forward with our relationship.
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good for you hopefully it goes well! Just found out one of my girls exs is her cousins boyfriend older brother if that sentence makes sense haha. That bothers me cause shes with her cousin a lot at that house and sometimes stays the night there and I just found out yesterday that her ex is also there. Makes me very uncomfortable and she didn't really get it when I tried explaining it to her, "how would you feel if im crashing at my exs house every once in a while?" So I need to figure out a way to have a talk about this and let her know that this could be a real issue cause of how shady it was when she brought it up. Only telling me cause I was going over to that house with her and it was incase I met the guy, so shady that she wouldn't tell me until that moment
 
MMAMONSTER19 said:
good for you hopefully it goes well! Just found out one of my girls exs is her cousins boyfriend older brother if that sentence makes sense haha. That bothers me cause shes with her cousin a lot at that house and sometimes stays the night there and I just found out yesterday that her ex is also there. Makes me very uncomfortable and she didn't really get it when I tried explaining it to her, "how would you feel if im crashing at my exs house every once in a while?" So I need to figure out a way to have a talk about this and let her know that this could be a real issue cause of how shady it was when she brought it up. Only telling me cause I was going over to that house with her and it was incase I met the guy, so shady that she wouldn't tell me until that moment
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Respect to every one who has chipped in on this thread and I'm sure there is a lot that you can take from someone else's life experience. But to be honest I don't think this is the best site to be asking about relationship issues.
 
faither said:
Respect to every one who has chipped in on this thread and I'm sure there is a lot that you can take from someone else's life experience. But to be honest I don't think this is the best site to be asking about relationship issues.
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I don't see anything wrong with it and I like hearing a man's point of view.
 
puccah8808 said:
I don't see anything wrong with it and I like hearing a man's point of view.
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so you see nothing wrong in this you would feel comfortable if someone you were in a relationship with was making decision on your relationship base on feed back he or she got back from Members from anabolic minds.
 
faither said:
so you see nothing wrong in this you would feel comfortable if someone you were in a relationship with was making decision on your relationship base on feed back he or she got back from Members from anabolic minds.
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Nobody is making decisions off any feedbacks from here. There's nothing wrong with listening to what others have to say.
 
faither said:
Here a tip for you son. The woman is always right no point in arguing full stop. Lol.
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1) Puccah is a woman

2) if that's your philosophy, grow a pair of balls
 
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EBF_2356 said:
AM family

I really like this girl I'm dating. I feel she has that shield up. I told her that I know she has one and she said to not think to much into it.

She gives me little hints like "my friends say I've got a great catch" or I'm a pretty lucky girl but not much more than that.

How do I get her to open up, help her let down her guard and let me in?

We stay at each others place every night. It's been 3 months.

I want to know how you guys get that girl you like to "WANT YOU" like you want them.
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Best way to open her up is to put her in situations and environments in which she can most be herself. She will open up much easier if she feels safe and secure. Perhaps her shield is stemming from failed relationships in the past. Or maybe she's actually a dude....kidding.
 
Personally, I have found the members here at AM to be a remarkably centered and well rounded group. For the most part, they are free from the insecurities that cause so many people to act like fools as far as relationships go. I would definitely consider their advice if I was in need of it.
puccah8808 said:
Nobody is making decisions off any feedbacks from here. There's nothing wrong with listening to what others have to say.
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I gave up dating for a while. I don't know how to balance a relationship, work, school, family, and the gym.
 
Double post to clarify, cause it won't let me edit for whatever reason. Allllll the way back in 8th grade I fell head over heels for a girl, 10ish years later, things happened, we crossed paths, and low and behold we started dating. Well everything was picture perfect, literally thought I found my little bit of heaven until summer of last year, we broke up, I had anxiety attacks that were so debilitating that I had to see a therapist and such for them, I was put on meds and they stopped. Well a few weeks after that and almost no contact, we start talking again and things are working out pretty well... Up until recently anyways. Well i basocally slept at her house everynight for a week, we spent alot of time being intimate, but a fewndays after, she sneakily hangs out with an ex, for one reason or another I looked through her phone because I had a bad gut feeling... She's talking to that ex, they're flirting talking about hooking up, **** like that, but the ex has a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure that's the only reason they haven't yet... I'm still head over heels over this girl, imagined my entire life with her, tried so hard to get her back... Its terrible because we are best friends, she was the only person i trusted, only one i felt safe with, i dont even feel that way witj my family...But then I saw all this. I'm taking it one day at a time to see what happens, but at the same time I want to give up and see what happens. I was always told fight for it if you want it, I've fought off many things before, I almost lost my leg, I almost became a gimp, and I worked through all of that, and yet in comparison, that situationfelt like a cake walk compared to this break up and ensuing drama. Even after I found out abojt this bull**** that's being pulled, I still hang out with her, she still takes out all the anger and hate from my heart just by seeing her, I still truely feel happy and safe with her. That's where the problem is, because this isn't healthy. I'm being torn in 1,000,000 different directions... I have never felt so passionately for someone before, I mean at 24 I know there's a world to explore and a million people to meet, but I just found the one I thought would be there the rest of the way... Worst part is, I'm lying next to her in bed right now, as she sleeps, and my mind is wandering. I tried talking to her about it tonight, but it didn't go well. I don't really know what I'm asking for here, advice, similar experiences? I need help because this is all new to me. (Iused to bounce right to the next girl, the caring this deeply for someone, letting myself be so torn by a woman, etc)
 
ajbogs said:
How do you leave the woman you thought you'd marry? Its a ****ty predictament.
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I will tell you from personal experience that it's not going to work. She's already shown she's not completely committed to you and that will slowly become worse and more apparent. That's exactly what happened when I started suspecting my wife of cheating on me. Turns out she was abd it went downhill from there. I'm not saying she's cheating on you, but if she's talking to her ex in that manner then it's a slow road to even more misery. End it and save yourself a boat load of heartache.
 
Yes, I'll even cook you breakfast in the morning...


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ajbogs said:
Double post to clarify, cause it won't let me edit for whatever reason.
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Bare in mind what I say after this is obviously my own opinion.

I agree with mountain man here. Trust should be the foundation of any relationship and without it, that relationship will either not last or be extremely miserable. Yes, sometimes things are worth fighting for but if she is sneaking around behind your back, why fight for that? Are you prepared to sacrifice your happiness so that she can have you and potentially someone else? Do you want to always be second guessing where she is if shes not by your side? That sounds destructive to me.

If you needed to check through her phone then obviously trust is an issue which is further shattered by what you found out. Having your mind regularly flooded with "what is she doing right now's" is not healthy.

I would also encourage not giving her an ultimatum; nobody should need to coerce there partner to be faithful - it should be a given in any relationship. Id she needs convincing to stay with you then why bother? Find someone who makes you happy and does not give that kind of attention to someone else.
 
ajbogs said:
Double post to clarify, cause it won't let me edit for whatever reason. Allllll the way back in 8th grade I fell head over heels for a girl, 10ish years later, things happened, we crossed paths, and low and behold we started dating. Well everything was picture perfect, literally thought I found my little bit of heaven until summer of last year, we broke up, I had anxiety attacks that were so debilitating that I had to see a therapist and such for them, I was put on meds and they stopped. Well a few weeks after that and almost no contact, we start talking again and things are working out pretty well... Up until recently anyways. Well i basocally slept at her house everynight for a week, we spent alot of time being intimate, but a fewndays after, she sneakily hangs out with an ex, for one reason or another I looked through her phone because I had a bad gut feeling... She's talking to that ex, they're flirting talking about hooking up, **** like that, but the ex has a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure that's the only reason they haven't yet... I'm still head over heels over this girl, imagined my entire life with her, tried so hard to get her back... Its terrible because we are best friends, she was the only person i trusted, only one i felt safe with, i dont even feel that way witj my family...But then I saw all this. I'm taking it one day at a time to see what happens, but at the same time I want to give up and see what happens. I was always told fight for it if you want it, I've fought off many things before, I almost lost my leg, I almost became a gimp, and I worked through all of that, and yet in comparison, that situationfelt like a cake walk compared to this break up and ensuing drama. Even after I found out abojt this bull**** that's being pulled, I still hang out with her, she still takes out all the anger and hate from my heart just by seeing her, I still truely feel happy and safe with her. That's where the problem is, because this isn't healthy. I'm being torn in 1,000,000 different directions... I have never felt so passionately for someone before, I mean at 24 I know there's a world to explore and a million people to meet, but I just found the one I thought would be there the rest of the way... Worst part is, I'm lying next to her in bed right now, as she sleeps, and my mind is wandering. I tried talking to her about it tonight, but it didn't go well. I don't really know what I'm asking for here, advice, similar experiences? I need help because this is all new to me. (Iused to bounce right to the next girl, the caring this deeply for someone, letting myself be so torn by a woman, etc)
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You have an infatuation, obsessiveness compulsive and abandonment issues. I don't mean to be rude but read what you wrote. You diagnosed yourself in red bold.

You have issues that you will not find the solution to from a relationship. Open your eyes. She's young and she has you whipped and you have given over your entire mental and physical health to a piece of ass. Sorry to be so abrasiveness but its true, Grow a pair and move on but get some help with the obsessive compulsive, attachment and abandonment issues that you have or you will be repeating this over and over until one day - baby happens - and then the cycle of unhealthy dysfunctional relationships creates a future victim.
 
puccah8808 said:
Yes, I'll even cook you breakfast in the morning...


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I just had a brief out of breath conversation with my wife about that last night ;)

She takes great care of me and my family, I provide the best I can for our family, we bicker about petty **** from time time and even too often, but at the end of the day we are best friends who have great sex together.
 
Sigh*** My last relationship was brief but it opened my eyes to a lot of things. He told me that he put me on this pedestal and when he got to know me better and found out about my "flaws", he just couldn't deal with them. (I didn't push in the chair after dinner, I didn't give a big enough tip, I am rude because I'm shy and don't speak to everyone I meet, I moved around in bed too much, I don't always follow through with things, I'm unorganized, I grew up sheltered so I'll never understand life, I don't live and breathe the gym, etc...) Here I thought I found this amazing guy but he completely ripped me apart. Yes, I admit that I have things to work on but everybody does. Some of these things were so small that a "normal" person wouldn't even think twice about. Anyway, I took all the negative things he said and turned it into something positive. I am working on being more aware of myself and those around me. I am "fixing" these "flaws" little by little. I guess in the end, I could either let his negativity destroy me (be a victim) or empower me to be a better person. I choose to WIN... ajbogs, David and jiigzz are right. Sometimes you have to realize that a broken heart will heal but being in a sh*tty relationship will never heal. What hurts more than losing someone is losing yourself while trying to hold on to someone who doesn't want to stay.
 
Thanks guys and gals, I guess I just needed to hear it from people who aren't in my 'group of friends at home... I appreciate it alot
 
Thanks guys and gals, I guess I just needed to hear it from people who aren't in my 'group of friends at home... I appreciate it alot
 
ajbogs said:
Thanks guys and gals, I guess I just needed to hear it from people who aren't in my 'group of friends at home... I appreciate it alot
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A while back my friend introduced me to her new boyfriend and throughout the night, he got drunk and started hitting on me and trying to touch me. They would walk together holding hands and he would reach back and try to grab my hand. We'd be dancing and he would try to rub on my legs. I would tell him to stop and move away from him but it didn't stop him from telling me that he wanted me. Anyway, I didn't tell my friend that night because she's a crazy drunk and I didn't want any bs to start. I did tell her the next day and although she was happy that I told her, she decided to stay with him and believe that he was super "drunk" and didn't know what he was doing. Eventually, he left her for another girl but now he's back and she's going out with him for "dinner".

Sigh** I don't know, I feel betrayed, like she chose a douchebag over me.

Why do some guys do this?!
 
puccah8808 said:
A while back my friend introduced me to her new boyfriend and throughout the night, he got drunk and started hitting on me and trying to touch me. They would walk together holding hands and he would reach back and try to grab my hand. We'd be dancing and he would try to rub on my legs. I would tell him to stop and move away from him but it didn't stop him from telling me that he wanted me. Anyway, I didn't tell my friend that night because she's a crazy drunk and I didn't want any bs to start. I did tell her the next day and although she was happy that I told her, she decided to stay with him and believe that he was super "drunk" and didn't know what he was doing. Eventually, he left her for another girl but now he's back and she's going out with him for "dinner".

Sigh** I don't know, I feel betrayed, like she chose a douchebag over me.

Why do some guys do this?!
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you did the right thing.

In my twenties I behaved the same way. That means that before I married my ex-wife but also during the time we dated.

As I aproach 50 I look back a lot on my actions and choices.

I was a piece of ****.

If my daughter dated a boy like me I would hope she had a friend that would tell her the truth no matter the cost!!!!

Fortunately for my daughter I am in her face candid about boys and I use myself (the boy I used to be) as the example.

I'm sorry she chose him over you but you are a good friend and you did the right thing.
 
David Dunn said:
you did the right thing. In my twenties I behaved the same way. That means that before I married my ex-wife but also during the time we dated. As I aproach 50 I look back a lot on my actions and choices. I was a piece of ****. If my daughter dated a boy like me I would hope she had a friend that would tell her the truth no matter the cost!!!! Fortunately for my daughter I am in her face candid about boys and I use myself (the boy I used to be) as the example. I'm sorry she chose him over you but you are a good friend and you did the right thing.
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Thank you. I think she wants love soooo bad that she's willing to put up with it. I'm trying to be understanding but it really hurts my feelings.



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It's a good thing that you're honest with your daughter about boys. Many girls including myself have grown up having to figure out for ourselves the dbags out there. I am not jaded by meeting these dbags tho. I have a lot of amazing guy friends and they remind me everyday that there are great guys out there.
 
The common denominator in the girls I dated that accepted my behavior was an absent father.

No father to protect their daughters. I dated (slept with) a lot of girls and never met their fathers or even their families. That's a girl that is neglected and prey to predator males.

Men need to be fathers invest emotionally in their daughters and make them understand what they are desired for by good men and make them aware of what a predator male looks like.
 
David Dunn said:
The common denominator in the girls I dated that accepted my behavior was an absent father. No father to protect their daughters. I dated (slept with) a lot of girls and never met their fathers or even their families. That's a girl that is neglected and prey to predator males. Men need to be fathers invest emotionally in their daughters and make them understand what they are desired for by good men and make them aware of what a predator male looks like.
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I can understand. My father was in the picture but in our culture, mothers took care of the daughters needs and fathers took care of the sons needs. It was like a secret code that you didn't cross.

I've been told by many people to date men with kids, they'll treat a woman better. Even tho I said I don't date men with kids, I have before and just because they have kids does not mean they treat women better. It's the individual, no kids or with kids. We can't generalize a group, or assume someone is better or knows better just because of his or her situation.
 
mountainman33 said:
I will tell you from personal experience that it's not going to work. She's already shown she's not completely committed to you and that will slowly become worse and more apparent. That's exactly what happened when I started suspecting my wife of cheating on me. Turns out she was abd it went downhill from there. I'm not saying she's cheating on you, but if she's talking to her ex in that manner then it's a slow road to even more misery. End it and save yourself a boat load of heartache.
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Wish I had gotten this advice before I married my slutty ex wife
 
So I get this text today from a number that I didn't recognize but by the poor grammar, I could already tell who it was. It was my ex from high school (20 friggin' years ago). He just had his 3rd baby with his second baby mama, who he's not with. :/ He thinks that we are soul mates, we would have made beautiful babies, I'm his best, we should hook up, blah, blah, blah.... :rolls eyes: Ugh, I don't even know why I sat there and entertained his a**. Maybe I'm just too nice, but all I could think about was heck yea, I got away from your sorry a**. I don't understand some friggin' people anymore.... :/
 
In one friggin' ear and out the other. I've been having an argument/ discussion with my friend but it's going nowhere. She's jaded by men but continues to chase after them. I don't even know what to say anymore....

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Send her to a lonely divorced and extremely handsome veteran. Only if she's hot, no fatties.
 
Oscar said:
Send her to a lonely divorced and extremely handsome veteran. Only if she's hot, no fatties.
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:'( Omg! You're horrible! There's nothing wrong with big people! She's 92 lbs with 5 kids.
 
I know there's nothing wrong with big people, used to be a fatty myself I'm just not attracted to larger women.

5 kids is a dealbreaker though lol.
 
David Dunn said:
Single with 5 kids...RUN! :D
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And 2 baby daddies. Everyday she calls me crying about how she's a good woman but nobody wants her. :/ I don't even know what to say anymore....
 
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