Share Your Favourite Jokes...
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bslick69b
Well-known member
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dcik underneath the horse, instead of on top."
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dcik underneath the horse, instead of on top."
nemo
Well-known member
Why, Why, Why?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you
nemo
Well-known member
Cursing at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individual s throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Thank You,
Human Resources
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individual s throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Thank You,
Human Resources
nemo
Well-known member
The Value of a Drink
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say t o myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The co nsumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"Without questio n, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer . Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One af ternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say t o myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The co nsumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
"Without questio n, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer . Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One af ternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
bslick69b
Well-known member
:icon_lol:,,btw!..congrats!..on the log..win!
nemo
Well-known member
22 Ways That Show You Are From Philadelphia !
22. You hate Dallas .
21. You Realize your favorite dessert is 'wawder ice.'
20. You find yourself using 'yo' and 'youse guys' when talking long distance to your family.
19. You can spell Schuylkill .
18. You pronounce Acme as 'ACK-A-ME.'
17. You think that $2,500 a year for insurance on a 1977 Toyota Corolla is a bargain.
16. You find yourself in a nice restaurant thinking 'I wonder if they have cheese steaks?'
15. You sleep soundly through gunfire and ambulances.
14. You visit New York and are impressed by how clean it is.
13. You believe the car on your left (with turn signal flashing and the driver pointing at your lane) wants you to close the gap with the car in front of you.
12. You can't eat french fries without Cheese Whiz.
11. You call sprinkles on top of your ice cream cone 'jimmies.'
10. You don't think Wawa sounds funny.
9. You snub a cheese steak that is on an Amoroso roll.
8. Your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles all live on the same block.
7. You know who Jim O'BRIEN is and how he died.
6. You can't imagine lunch without a Tastykake.
5. You're still not sure about Jerry Penacolli.
4. A vacation down at the Jersey Shore (pronounced 'shoore') is better than going to an island because there is more stuff to do and you know everyone.
3. You know where to find the Rocky statue.
2. You know that only tourists go to Geno's, Pat's and Jim's for authentic cheese steaks. You only go there if you are drunk and it's 3:00 a.m.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN THAT YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM PHILADELPHIA .....
1. You buy a soft pretzel at a traffic light without wondering where the guy goes to wash his hands. And you know what? You don't even care!
22. You hate Dallas .
21. You Realize your favorite dessert is 'wawder ice.'
20. You find yourself using 'yo' and 'youse guys' when talking long distance to your family.
19. You can spell Schuylkill .
18. You pronounce Acme as 'ACK-A-ME.'
17. You think that $2,500 a year for insurance on a 1977 Toyota Corolla is a bargain.
16. You find yourself in a nice restaurant thinking 'I wonder if they have cheese steaks?'
15. You sleep soundly through gunfire and ambulances.
14. You visit New York and are impressed by how clean it is.
13. You believe the car on your left (with turn signal flashing and the driver pointing at your lane) wants you to close the gap with the car in front of you.
12. You can't eat french fries without Cheese Whiz.
11. You call sprinkles on top of your ice cream cone 'jimmies.'
10. You don't think Wawa sounds funny.
9. You snub a cheese steak that is on an Amoroso roll.
8. Your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles all live on the same block.
7. You know who Jim O'BRIEN is and how he died.
6. You can't imagine lunch without a Tastykake.
5. You're still not sure about Jerry Penacolli.
4. A vacation down at the Jersey Shore (pronounced 'shoore') is better than going to an island because there is more stuff to do and you know everyone.
3. You know where to find the Rocky statue.
2. You know that only tourists go to Geno's, Pat's and Jim's for authentic cheese steaks. You only go there if you are drunk and it's 3:00 a.m.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN THAT YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM PHILADELPHIA .....
1. You buy a soft pretzel at a traffic light without wondering where the guy goes to wash his hands. And you know what? You don't even care!
bslick69b
Well-known member
One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"
"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.
"Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven.
"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said.
Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".
The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"
Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."
"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.
"Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven.
"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said.
Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".
The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"
Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."
bslick69b
Well-known member
10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.
Conclusion:
Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.
Moral:
Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.
Conclusion:
Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.
Moral:
Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!
malou
Member
what happen after that cupcake
malou
Member
that is so f******* funny:toofunny::toofunny::toofunny:
bslick69b
Well-known member
A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife - you can go to the office and do some work.
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife - you can go to the office and do some work.
nemo
Well-known member
Three women, two younger and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. One of the young women pressed her forearm,
and the beep stopped. The other looked at her questioningly. "That was my
pager," she said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her
ear. When she finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a
microchip in my hand."
The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do
something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the
bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older woman finally said...
"Well, will you look at that...I'm getting a FAX!!!!"
Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. One of the young women pressed her forearm,
and the beep stopped. The other looked at her questioningly. "That was my
pager," she said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her
ear. When she finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a
microchip in my hand."
The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do
something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the
bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older woman finally said...
"Well, will you look at that...I'm getting a FAX!!!!"
nemo
Well-known member
6 Truths of Life
1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.
3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.
4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.
5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.
6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.
I apologize about this.
I'm an idiot and I needed company .....
1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.
3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.
4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.
5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.
6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.
I apologize about this.
I'm an idiot and I needed company .....
nemo
Well-known member
The History of the Middle Finger
Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing
Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing
malou
Member
you need help quick:toofunny::toofunny::toofunny::toofunny::woohoo::woohoo::icon_lol::icon_lol:
ABNRanger
Well-known member
Head of Household
When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, 'I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.'
Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, 'You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household!
'You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!
'Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.' God turned to the one man, 'How did you manage to be the only one in this line?'
The man replied, 'My wife told me to stand here.'
When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, 'I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.'
Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, 'You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household!
'You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!
'Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.' God turned to the one man, 'How did you manage to be the only one in this line?'
The man replied, 'My wife told me to stand here.'
ABNRanger
Well-known member
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way. I don't think you can pay for it. " The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?
" The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."
"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.
The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
"Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer.
A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.
The guy says, "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog and the stranger runs out of the bar.
The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Not so", says the guy, "the hamster is also a ventriloquist." .
" The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."
"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.
The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
"Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer.
A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.
The guy says, "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog and the stranger runs out of the bar.
The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Not so", says the guy, "the hamster is also a ventriloquist." .
RenegadeRows
Well-known member
I hate that. Oh God.
RenegadeRows
Well-known member
Guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of whiskey. He drinks each one of them in succession. The bartender looks at the man and says "Wow, 6 shots huh? What's the special occasion?" The man replies, "I just had my first ****job" The bartender says "Oh! Great to hear! Since this was your first time, the seventh shot of whiskey is on the house!" The man replies "That's ok...if 6 shots didn't get the taste out of my mouth, I doubt the seventh will either." 
RenegadeRows
Well-known member
Three men die and arrive at the pearly gates at the same time.
St Peter says to them "Wow! Three all at the same time. How did you all die?"
The first guy says, "I was just walking down the street and a refridgerator came out of the sky and fell on top of me!"
St Peter says "Goodness, that's quite the story. How about you?" to the second guy.
The second guy says ""I came home, and saw a man's clothes on the floor of my bedroom with my wife naked in bed. I got so mad, I pushed the fridge out of the window! When I did that, the cord grabbed my ankle and pulled me out with it. I fell to my demise."
St Peter replies, "Well that makes sense. But, what about this third guy? How did you die?"
The third guy replies, "I was hiding in his fridge!"
St Peter says to them "Wow! Three all at the same time. How did you all die?"
The first guy says, "I was just walking down the street and a refridgerator came out of the sky and fell on top of me!"
St Peter says "Goodness, that's quite the story. How about you?" to the second guy.
The second guy says ""I came home, and saw a man's clothes on the floor of my bedroom with my wife naked in bed. I got so mad, I pushed the fridge out of the window! When I did that, the cord grabbed my ankle and pulled me out with it. I fell to my demise."
St Peter replies, "Well that makes sense. But, what about this third guy? How did you die?"
The third guy replies, "I was hiding in his fridge!"
Fastone
Well-known member
Dave was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in
business, his problem annoyed him greatly.
One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three
interviews. The first man was great. He knew everything he needed to know
and
was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Dave asked him, "Do
you notice anything different about me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but
notice that you have no ears," came the reply. Dave did not appreciate his
candor and threw him out of the office.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than first
man. But he asked her the same question: "Do you notice anything different
about me?" "Well," she said stammering, "you have no ears."
Dave again got upset and chucked her out in a rage. The third and final
interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a young man who had recently
earned his MBA. He was smart. He was handsome, and he seemed to be a better
businessman than the first two combined. Dave was anxious, but went ahead
and
asked the young man the same question:
"Do you notice anything different about me?" Much to his surprise, the young
man answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?" Dave was shocked
and
realized this was an incredibly observant person. "How in the world did you
know that?", he asked.
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, Well,
it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ****ing ears!"
:bruce3:
business, his problem annoyed him greatly.
One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three
interviews. The first man was great. He knew everything he needed to know
and
was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Dave asked him, "Do
you notice anything different about me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but
notice that you have no ears," came the reply. Dave did not appreciate his
candor and threw him out of the office.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than first
man. But he asked her the same question: "Do you notice anything different
about me?" "Well," she said stammering, "you have no ears."
Dave again got upset and chucked her out in a rage. The third and final
interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a young man who had recently
earned his MBA. He was smart. He was handsome, and he seemed to be a better
businessman than the first two combined. Dave was anxious, but went ahead
and
asked the young man the same question:
"Do you notice anything different about me?" Much to his surprise, the young
man answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?" Dave was shocked
and
realized this was an incredibly observant person. "How in the world did you
know that?", he asked.
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, Well,
it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ****ing ears!"
:bruce3:
nemo
Well-known member
Here are the answers that you needed:
FINALLY..... the 6 answers you've been waiting for:
1.Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR ?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here.'
2.Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS ?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but ' down under. '
3.Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a 'goodyear'.
4.Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN ?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
5.Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
AND
6.Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
FINALLY..... the 6 answers you've been waiting for:
1.Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR ?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here.'
2.Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS ?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but ' down under. '
3.Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a 'goodyear'.
4.Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN ?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
5.Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
AND
6.Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
nemo
Well-known member
MY PRIVATE PART DIED
An old man, Mr. Wallace , was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace .
'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,
she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace . Please accept my condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part
hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy . ' Mr. Wallace ,' she said,
'You should n't be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace .
'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that,
but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'
(You've gotta love this .)
'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
An old man, Mr. Wallace , was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace .
'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,
she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace . Please accept my condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part
hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy . ' Mr. Wallace ,' she said,
'You should n't be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace .
'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that,
but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'
(You've gotta love this .)
'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
nemo
Well-known member
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the
milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she
probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door
and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of
milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?'
The blonde said, 'I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with
milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.'
The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?' The blonde said, 'No, just
up to my boobs. I can splash it on my face.'
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the
milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she
probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door
and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of
milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?'
The blonde said, 'I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with
milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.'
The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?' The blonde said, 'No, just
up to my boobs. I can splash it on my face.'
nemo
Well-known member
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy
carrying a wild turkey under his arm.?
He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'?
The boy replied, 'What turkey?'?
The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'?
The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted
under my arm!'?
The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so
whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.?
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing,
I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what
are you gonna do with him?'?
The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'
May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
carrying a wild turkey under his arm.?
He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'?
The boy replied, 'What turkey?'?
The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'?
The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted
under my arm!'?
The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so
whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.?
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing,
I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what
are you gonna do with him?'?
The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'
May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
nemo
Well-known member
An elderly blonde plunked two buckets of quarters down in front a teller at the bank. The teller, unsure how to handle so much loose change, called the manager.
The manager started to berate the woman for hoarding so many quarters.
She gave him a long hard look and said, "I didn't hoard all of these. My sister whored half, and I whored the other half."
The manager started to berate the woman for hoarding so many quarters.
She gave him a long hard look and said, "I didn't hoard all of these. My sister whored half, and I whored the other half."
nemo
Well-known member
Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar.
The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand."
"So", says the second drunk, "What's your point?"
"Well", says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand."
"So", says the second drunk, "What's your point?"
"Well", says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
nemo
Well-known member
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light. Does it look like I have G.E. written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door. Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so".
"Fine," she says, "then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."
"Fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for about an hour. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake."
He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She said, "Bake a cake. Does it look like I have Sara Lee written on my forehead? I don't think so."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light. Does it look like I have G.E. written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door. Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so".
"Fine," she says, "then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."
"Fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for about an hour. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake."
He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She said, "Bake a cake. Does it look like I have Sara Lee written on my forehead? I don't think so."
nemo
Well-known member
what women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
what men would do if they had a vagina for a day
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
what men would do if they had a vagina for a day
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
nemo
Well-known member
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says,'You must be a dentist.'
The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?
'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.' One thing led to another and they make love.
After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a good dentist.'
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?'
'Didn't feel a thing'
The girl has been watching him and says,'You must be a dentist.'
The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?
'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.' One thing led to another and they make love.
After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a good dentist.'
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?'
'Didn't feel a thing'
nemo
Well-known member
Two men were driving through West Virginia when they got pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in he head with his nightstick.
What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.
"You're in West Virginia, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in West Virginia, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."
"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he' s clean and gives the guy his license back.
The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands.
"Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper.
"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.
"Because I know your type." the trooper says, "Two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that ass**** would've tried that **** with me.
The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in he head with his nightstick.
What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.
"You're in West Virginia, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in West Virginia, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."
"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he' s clean and gives the guy his license back.
The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands.
"Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper.
"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.
"Because I know your type." the trooper says, "Two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that ass**** would've tried that **** with me.
bslick69b
Well-known member
There was a prostitute on the beach without any arms or legs, and crying. A man came along and asked her what the matter was. She tells him that she has not been hugged before, so he picks her up and hugs her.
The next day she is still there crying, the same man comes along and asks her what the matter is. She tells him that she has not been kissed before, so he picks her up and kisses her.
The next day she's still there crying, and same man comes along again. He asks her sternly what the matter is and she tells him that she has not been fcuked before. So the man picks her up, walks to the end of the pier, and throws her in the sea and says: "Now you're fcuked."
The next day she is still there crying, the same man comes along and asks her what the matter is. She tells him that she has not been kissed before, so he picks her up and kisses her.
The next day she's still there crying, and same man comes along again. He asks her sternly what the matter is and she tells him that she has not been fcuked before. So the man picks her up, walks to the end of the pier, and throws her in the sea and says: "Now you're fcuked."
nemo
Well-known member
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the
Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers
the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but
this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably
used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then
while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, 99.
The guy obeys and says, 99! The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on
your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath
and say, 99.'
Again, the guy says, '99.'
The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back
with your knees raised slightly. I'm going t o check your prostate with
this hand, and with the other ha nd I'm going to hold on to your penis
to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, 99.'
The guy begins, 'One .. Two ... Three'
Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers
the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but
this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably
used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then
while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, 99.
The guy obeys and says, 99! The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on
your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath
and say, 99.'
Again, the guy says, '99.'
The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back
with your knees raised slightly. I'm going t o check your prostate with
this hand, and with the other ha nd I'm going to hold on to your penis
to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, 99.'
The guy begins, 'One .. Two ... Three'
nemo
Well-known member
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at
the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees
three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up,
staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest,
meanest biker in the face and says...
'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her
in the hallway buck naked...Man she is one fine looking
woman!!!'
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His
buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker,
and would usually fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says, 'I got
it on with your grandma, and she is good...the best
I ever had !!!'
The Biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but
the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says,
'I'll tell you something else boy...your grandma liked it!'
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by
the shoulders....looks him square in the eyes and says....
'Grandpa.....go home!!! You're drunk.!!!'
the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees
three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up,
staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest,
meanest biker in the face and says...
'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her
in the hallway buck naked...Man she is one fine looking
woman!!!'
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His
buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker,
and would usually fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says, 'I got
it on with your grandma, and she is good...the best
I ever had !!!'
The Biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but
the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says,
'I'll tell you something else boy...your grandma liked it!'
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by
the shoulders....looks him square in the eyes and says....
'Grandpa.....go home!!! You're drunk.!!!'
bslick69b
Well-known member
hahahaha!..1 mississippi..2....hahahahahaha!
bslick69b
Well-known member
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"
nemo
Well-known member
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q. How is a dumb blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.
Q. Why do dumb blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up.
Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath. Funny blonde jokes...
Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!
Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back. Good Dumb Blonde jokes...
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.
Q. What do a mo-ped and a blond have in common?
A. They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A. The blonde works in the dark!
Q. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.
Q. What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."
Q. What do Blondes say after sex?
A1. Thanks Guys.
A2. Are you boys all in the same band?
A3. Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A. Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q. What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A. They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q. Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A. Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q. Why'd the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's.
Q. How do blond brain cells die?
A. Alone.
Q. Five blondes are facing execution, a rocket scientist, a historian, a bimbo, and a mathematician. They are each hit with one bullet but, only one bleeds, which one?
A. The bimbo, you have to be real to bleed.
Q. How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A. Wave
Q. What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A. They both have black roots.
Q. What does a blonde owl say?
A. What, what?
Q. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A. They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q. What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A. A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. They both drip when they're ****ed.
Q. How would a blond punctuate the following?. "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q. Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A. It swells at night.
Q. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A. The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q. How is a dumb blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.
Q. Why do dumb blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up.
Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath. Funny blonde jokes...
Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!
Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back. Good Dumb Blonde jokes...
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.
Q. What do a mo-ped and a blond have in common?
A. They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A. The blonde works in the dark!
Q. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.
Q. What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."
Q. What do Blondes say after sex?
A1. Thanks Guys.
A2. Are you boys all in the same band?
A3. Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A. Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q. What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A. They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q. Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A. Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q. Why'd the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's.
Q. How do blond brain cells die?
A. Alone.
Q. Five blondes are facing execution, a rocket scientist, a historian, a bimbo, and a mathematician. They are each hit with one bullet but, only one bleeds, which one?
A. The bimbo, you have to be real to bleed.
Q. How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A. Wave
Q. What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A. They both have black roots.
Q. What does a blonde owl say?
A. What, what?
Q. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A. They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q. What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A. A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. They both drip when they're ****ed.
Q. How would a blond punctuate the following?. "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q. Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A. It swells at night.
Q. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A. The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
nemo
Well-known member
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.
The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
nemo
Well-known member
BEER TROUBLESHOOTING
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room
you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward
ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
training.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of
face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them.
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room
you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
bslick69b
Well-known member
:rofl:
nemo
Well-known member
EVER WONDER Why??
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man Who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the Whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man Who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the Whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
strategicmove
Legend
bslick69b
Well-known member
good one bro!