Relationship advice

[Smont]

I don't think The OP is going to answer, he only had about 60 total posts and his last time seen on the boards was the beginning of January.

 

[Smont]

he is doing a new show for discovery channel i think, something like to the ends of the planet?

Il check it out

 

[thebigt]

Il check it out

sorry it's on natgeo and called welcome to earth...we've saw the trailers and plan on watching--looks good!!!

my wife and i are fans of shows like this!!!

 

[Smont]

sorry it's on natgeo and called welcome to earth...we've saw the trailers and plan on watching--looks good!!!

my wife and i are fans of shows like this!!!

Sounds right up my alley

 

[Beau]

Big part of my childhood. Will smith is a marginal actor, looking back at that show had more cheese than a Kraft convention, but I think he made Jazzy Jeff cry.

Corrected

 

[Smont]

Corrected

Back then he was a marginal actor, fast-forward he became a phenomenal actor You need to go watch 7 pounds and Ali.

Masterpieces.

But to be fair he has a lot of mediocre movies too

 

[Beau]

Back then he was a marginal actor, fast-forward he became a phenomenal actor You need to go watch 7 pounds and Ali.

Masterpieces.

But to be fair he has a lot of mediocre movies too

Just having fun ...

 

[Smont]

Just having fun ...

I just spent 290 on dinner, I'm not in a fun mood

 

[Smont]

 

[Jstrong20]

Just Incase the guy does come back.. she cheated on you and had the balls to ask help pay bills. Lol Tell her to fuk off! It’s also not because you gained weight that’s not how love works.

 

[Renew1]

Big part of my childhood. Will smith is a great actor, looking back at that show now it was a little cheesey but will went on to make some amazing movies.

He's remaking the show (Producing, I think), as a Serious show.
I'll pass. .... The reason I watched the original is because it was a comedy.

 

[Smont]

He's remaking the show (Producing, I think), as a Serious show.
I'll pass. .... The reason I watched the original is because it was a comedy.

Honestly, it doesn't sound interesting to me either. Even if they made it another comedy. You can't reboot a show like that

 

[Smont]

They rebooted the wonder years with Cory and Topanga as the parents and it follows their children, absolutely terrible lol

 

[Renew1]

They rebooted the wonder years with Cory and Topanga as the parents and it follows their children, absolutely terrible lol

Yeah, I saw that. ..... For about 3 minutes.
LOL

 

[cheftepesh1]

They rebooted the wonder years with Cory and Topanga as the parents and it follows their children, absolutely terrible lol

Wasn’t wonder years that was girl meets world. Sadly can’t ever replace the originals

 

[Smont]

Wasn’t wonder years that was girl meets world. Sadly can’t ever replace the originals

Your completely right! It was boy meets world and they made it girl meets world lol

 

[Smont]

They did the same thing with full House

 

[thebigt]

They did the same thing with full House

they are ruining my favorite show [port protection] by bringing in young people who act like they are doing the yuppie tour at disneyworld.

originally it was older people looking out for each other to survive in harsh conditions of alaska.

 

[Smont]

they are ruining my favorite show [port protection] by bringing in young people who act like they are doing the yuppie tour at disneyworld.

originally it was older people looking out for each other to survive in harsh conditions of alaska.

 

[-MVP-]

Lol so I logged back on here and I saw that there were responses to this post and I have a huge update.

So I cut this woman completely out of my life. I haven't spoken to her in nearly two months and she is blocked on literally everything. I entered a new relationship with a woman that I dated right after the divorce and then she broke things off because she felt I was hiding stuff for no reason at all. Anyway, the new woman ended up having BPD and a bunch of other mental issues and flipped on me after just over a month. I mean she completely turned into a different person again. She is now asking ME to prove myself to HER to get HER to trust ME again all because I broke up with her and she didn't like my reason. She hid our relationship status on facebook and started acting very distant. She was coaching her son to call me daddy and asking me to tell my kids her son was their brother and I was his father asking me to adopt him when we get married two weeks ago and this week she's testing the waters and see if there's a better guy out there...

I have came to the conclusion that my low self-esteem attracts users and they milk me for what I will give them. They're always looking on the horizon for a better guy. I make really good money and I'm a hard worker, but I have let myself get overweight and out of shape. I used to be a stud athlete 10 years ago and stayed in the gym. Back then, I wouldn't tolerate bullshit from anybody. After my marriage, I basically learned to put everyone else first and deal with the consequences. As long as it looked like I had it together I was fine when on the inside I was a mess. I'm not willing to live this lifestyle anymore.

So I've decided to get a grip and learn how to live my life. My ex financially drained me and then the new girl had me paying all of her bills and taking her on trips and stuff and basically drained me herself. I'm now going to start saving money and putting all of my free time in the gym and on cooking/dieting. I'm not willing to set back and be the nice guy that lets people run all over him anymore. It's a shame I let this happen again but I'm now focusing on making myself better. I decided to completely deactivate all forms of social media as it only provides a distraction and is a pissing contest for people to compare lives on. I'm going through a "rebuild" as sports teams usually do. I'm breaking myself down to rebuild myself back better and stronger. I'm bad to care about image so disappearing helps me not care about the illusion I'm presenting by starting over.

I appreciate all of the input. One thing I know for sure is the most motivated I've ever been in my life was having a forum full of support that helped me back in the day become my best version. I'm ready to put emphasis on my life again.

 

[Kronic]

Lol so I logged back on here and I saw that there were responses to this post and I have a huge update.

So I cut this woman completely out of my life. I haven't spoken to her in nearly two months and she is blocked on literally everything. I entered a new relationship with a woman that I dated right after the divorce and then she broke things off because she felt I was hiding stuff for no reason at all. Anyway, the new woman ended up having BPD and a bunch of other mental issues and flipped on me after just over a month. I mean she completely turned into a different person again. She is now asking ME to prove myself to HER to get HER to trust ME again all because I broke up with her and she didn't like my reason. She hid our relationship status on facebook and started acting very distant. She was coaching her son to call me daddy and asking me to tell my kids her son was their brother and I was his father asking me to adopt him when we get married two weeks ago and this week she's testing the waters and see if there's a better guy out there...

I have came to the conclusion that my low self-esteem attracts users and they milk me for what I will give them. They're always looking on the horizon for a better guy. I make really good money and I'm a hard worker, but I have let myself get overweight and out of shape. I used to be a stud athlete 10 years ago and stayed in the gym. Back then, I wouldn't tolerate bullshit from anybody. After my marriage, I basically learned to put everyone else first and deal with the consequences. As long as it looked like I had it together I was fine when on the inside I was a mess. I'm not willing to live this lifestyle anymore.

So I've decided to get a grip and learn how to live my life. My ex financially drained me and then the new girl had me paying all of her bills and taking her on trips and stuff and basically drained me herself. I'm now going to start saving money and putting all of my free time in the gym and on cooking/dieting. I'm not willing to set back and be the nice guy that lets people run all over him anymore. It's a shame I let this happen again but I'm now focusing on making myself better. I decided to completely deactivate all forms of social media as it only provides a distraction and is a pissing contest for people to compare lives on. I'm going through a "rebuild" as sports teams usually do. I'm breaking myself down to rebuild myself back better and stronger. I'm bad to care about image so disappearing helps me not care about the illusion I'm presenting by starting over.

I appreciate all of the input. One thing I know for sure is the most motivated I've ever been in my life was having a forum full of support that helped me back in the day become my best version. I'm ready to put emphasis on my life again.

having a home gym helped me stay on top of lifting during the low points of my current relationship. we have broken up and it's nice that I'm still bigger than when we first started dating. never go full dad bod

 

[-MVP-]

having a home gym helped me stay on top of lifting during the low points of my current relationship. we have broken up and it's nice that I'm still bigger than when we first started dating. never go full dad bod

When I got married I was about 5'8" 190 lbs pretty solid. I had just joined the Army... when I got divorced I was 5'8" 300 lbs and had severe OSA, hypertension, tachycardia, high cholesterol, wore a 40 in the waist for blue jeans. I'm down to 248 lbs at the moment but I'd like to see 200 lbs again maybe even a pound or two under. I'm down to a 36 in blue jeans at the moment but I'd love to see 34 again. I'm 32 years old today.

 

[Kronic]

When I got married I was about 5'8" 190 lbs pretty solid. I had just joined the Army... when I got divorced I was 5'8" 300 lbs and had severe OSA, hypertension, tachycardia, high cholesterol, wore a 40 in the waist for blue jeans. I'm down to 248 lbs at the moment but I'd like to see 200 lbs again maybe even a pound or two under. I'm down to a 36 in blue jeans at the moment but I'd love to see 34 again. I'm 32 years old today.

happy birthday! that's a lot of progress. at least you'll be jacked once you lean out. when I let myself go I get skrawny and have to build a bunch of muscle back

 

[-MVP-]

happy birthday! that's a lot of progress. at least you'll be jacked once you lean out. when I let myself go I get skrawny and have to build a bunch of muscle back

No today's not my birthday lol I'm just saying I'm 32 years old at the moment.

I still have somewhat a bulky build it's just I have a lot of fat around the lower stomach and under my chin and around my face. I'm changing workout styles to more higher rep/less rest times and focusing more on muscle contraction this time around to try to change some things.

 

[Beau]

Congratulations on becoming aware of, facing and starting to deal with the low self-esteem issues and the resulting co-dependency in your relationships with women. If you have not, look up co-dependency (if even just on Wikipedia).

That is a great first step.

It is very common to run away from one relationship and prematurely run into a "replacement" relationship. It feels good to be affirmed, even if by the wrong person (at least for a while).

It sounds as if that is what you did, and with someone who was unhealthy for you. Congratulations for realizing that, and realizing that she was using you financially. I'd kindly suggest that you give some thought to the financial piece - did she really use/take advantage of you, or did you provide her with nice things as a way of gaining her acceptance? You may find that it was some of both.

I am no therapist, but it may be a very worthwhile to speak to someone and identify the root cause of the real issue: -- Why have you allowed yourself to be treated this way and why have you been a willing participant? Why do you need their affirmation? Why have you cared more about them, than you have about yourself - especially after the way they have treated you?

The answer IS NOT because you gained weight. That may be a symptom, but in and of itself - that is not the root cause.

I am so very happy to read that you are starting down a road that I/we hope leads to a more balanced and happier life and hopefully healthier relationships with family members and future love interests.

But, I'd very strongly suggest that you do not divert yourself and jump into another relationship. As you have found out, rebound relationships rarely work. You cannot find the right person until you have become the right person.

One last comment, you said "I have came to the conclusion that my low self-esteem attracts users and they milk me for what I will give them.".

While that is close, I'd suggest you consider the following restatement:

"I have came to the conclusion that my low self-esteem results in me seeking people that do not have healthy attributes, and that I seek them out because I believe that is the type of person who will accept me, because I do not think highly of myself".

 

[Kronic]

for me the best way to cut belly fat is to quit liquor and all sugar drinks. I even quit red bull recently

 

[-MVP-]

Congratulations on becoming aware of, facing and starting to deal with the low self-esteem issues and the resulting co-dependency in your relationships with women.

That is a great first step.

It is very common to run away from one relationship and prematurely run into a "replacement" relationship. It feels good to be affirmed, even if by the wrong person (at least for a while).

It sounds as if that is what you did, and with someone who was unhealthy for you. Congratulations for realizing that, and realizing that she was using you financially. I'd kindly suggest that you give some thought to the financial piece - did she really use/take advantage of you, or did you provide her with nice things as a way of gaining her acceptance? You may find that it was some of both.

I am no therapist, but it may be a very worthwhile to speak to someone and identify the root cause of the real issue: -- Why have you allowed yourself to be treated this way and why have you been a willing participant? Why do you need their affirmation? Why have you cared more about them, than you have about yourself - especially after the way they have treated you?

The answer IS NOT because you gained weight. That may be a symptom, but in and of itself - that is not the root cause.

I am so very happy to read that you are starting down a road that I/we hope leads to a more balanced and happier life and hopefully healthier relationships with family members and future love interests.

But, I'd very strongly suggest that you do not divert yourself and jump into another relationship. As you have found out, rebound relationships rararely work. You cannot find the right person until you have become the right person.

I think she was using me financially but she also gave me this big story on how she never thought she would have a man to love her son and provide for them both. She told me she never felt like she would ever have that life. I stepped in and gave her that life not only because I felt she deserved it but because I wanted to standout to her and show her I was willing to put forth effort no one else had put into her.

Even that has not been enough though and she has ignored my texts today and yesterday she basically when I texted her she demanded an explanation of why I broke up with her and accuses me of being "full of ****" when I tell her the honest truth on why I did what I did. I felt I prematurely ended things but she has this thing where we don't talk about issues we just simply overlook them and move on and if you sweep a mess under the rug it's still there even if you can't see it at first glance.

I am now off on Fridays and I have considered strongly to see a therapist on Fridays or at least talk to one over the phone. I also want to see an ear/nose/throat Doctor over the sleep apnea issues that I have struggled with since in my early 20s. I know weight didn't cause that because when it first got out of hand I was extremely slim.

 

[-MVP-]

for me the best way to cut belly fat is to quit liquor and all sugar drinks. I even quit red bull recently

This may be what I need to do because I have a very bad addiction to Pepsi/Mountain Dew. I almost drink it constantly.

 

[Kronic]

This may be what I need to do because I have a very bad addiction to Pepsi/Mountain Dew. I almost drink it constantly.

hah ya you'll never lose the belly with those. I like liquid stevia but I mostly just drink water and espresso now. there's a lot of bodybuilders that still have diet soda to curb cravings and add some enjoyment to their life. I just don't like it that much

 

[Beau]

I think she was using me financially but she also gave me this big story on how she never thought she would have a man to love her son and provide for them both. She told me she never felt like she would ever have that life. I stepped in and gave her that life not only because I felt she deserved it but because I wanted to standout to her and show her I was willing to put forth effort no one else had put into her.

Even that has not been enough though and she has ignored my texts today and yesterday she basically when I texted her she demanded an explanation of why I broke up with her and accuses me of being "full of ****" when I tell her the honest truth on why I did what I did. I felt I prematurely ended things but she has this thing where we don't talk about issues we just simply overlook them and move on and if you sweep a mess under the rug it's still there even if you can't see it at first glance.

I am now off on Fridays and I have considered strongly to see a therapist on Fridays or at least talk to one over the phone. I also want to see an ear/nose/throat Doctor over the sleep apnea issues that I have struggled with since in my early 20s. I know weight didn't cause that because when it first got out of hand I was extremely slim.

OK - but please think very strongly about WHY you so very quickly (in a new relationship) "felt she deserved it but because I wanted to standout to her."

Why did you want to stand out to her? Why was that important?

She may have taken advantage of you, but you seemed to have made it pretty easy for her to do so. That seems to mirror your past relationship.

It isn't that you did it that is important.

What is important is to realize and understand why you repeated the very same behavior in this relationship as you did in the prior relationship. Doing the same thing but expecting different results is unlikely to get you to a good place.

It will help when you can give more importance to what you want/need, and learn to completely ignore another person's demand for explanations and a rationale, and to not care if she thinks that you are "full of ****". Why do you care what she thinks? She sounds like a nut case.

 

[-MVP-]

OK - but please think very strongly about WHY you so very quickly (in a new relationship) "felt she deserved it but because I wanted to standout to her."

Why did you want to stand out to her? Why was that important?

I wanted to be the person she wanted to spend her life with. I'm not dating as a hobby in my 30s... I wanted to give her something that no one else wanted to so that she would stay.

She may have taken advantage of you, but you seemed to have made it pretty easy for her to do so. That seems to mirror your past relationship.

I've only told you guys the end of my marriage. The beginning of it we were both assholes to each other. I was lazy and wouldn't work and she was very codependent of me. I couldn't leave her sight. This was probably the first 5-6 years. After that, I started working more but not making any time of good money and she was basically just hateful all the time. We spent years trying to see who could hurt who the most and I tried making up for it by being nice and being a better provider... unfortunately the resentment had already been built up.

What is important is to realize and understand why you repeated the very same behavior in this relationship as you did in the prior relationship. Doing the same thing but expecting different results is unlikely to get you to a good place.

I don't know... I guess being influenced by women on social media constantly ragging about how their man is so much better than their ex because he does so much for them. I guess in my subconscious I'm hard on myself and if things end I'm always wondering what I could have done to prevent that and if I literally do everything I'm finding even doing everything is wrong.

It will help when you can give more importance to what you want/need, and learn to completely ignore another person's demand for explanations and a rationale, and to not care if she thinks that you are "full of ****". Why do you care what she thinks? She sounds like a nut case.

Honestly, I just want a woman that I actually am attracted to and interested in to be faithful to me and respect/appreciate me. When me and this girl broke up 6 months ago she told me "how do you ever expect a woman to respect you when you don't even respect yourself?" I guess I'm an easy victim for her and she was grieving the current breakup she had and knew I would be available so she jumped on with me until it got old. I bet if I wasn't so available it would change the way she saw me. Either way, she's showed her true colors. Juice ain't worth the squeeze here.

 

[Beau]

You seem to be developing a better perspective on this. I am happy to read it.

I do not intend to be a jerk to you or ridicule you, not one bit. In my life, when people "held up a mirror" so that I could better see what I was doing was a great and eye opening experience. My comments are intended only to help you realize that you have a role in this and that is something you can change.

Trying to win a woman's affection by impressing her with your efforts to make her feel good about herself won't work. You can never fill a bucket that has a bunch of holes in it. Doing things so that someone will stay, is unhealthy. It usually comes from a fear by the person doing those things that just being themself is not good enough. And they feel that they continually have to prove themselves as being worthy. It is fear based.

After suffering through a long and disastrous first marriage with a narcissist, I realized that you can never satisfy those who have an insatiable need for someone else make them feel good. Several years after divorcing that mess, I met and later married a woman who likes me, for being me.

I suggest you aim for that same type of thing.

 

[Smont]

Don't rush into a relationship, don't fall in love with or try to over impress them either. You need to learn how to be friends with someone before your in love with them and here's why.

Think of one of your real friends, a true friend. You don't intentionally say mean or hurtful things to your friends. You don't screw your friends over, you value what your friends think of you. If you are truly friends with your significant other then there will never be any serious problems.

When you rush into a relationship or go out looking for love you are blind to all the important things that are needed for a successful long term relationship.

Ppl who do this often get married and divorced multiple times.

 

[-MVP-]

Don't rush into a relationship, don't fall in love with or try to over impress them either. You need to learn how to be friends with someone before your in love with them and here's why.

Think of one of your real friends, a true friend. You don't intentionally say mean or hurtful things to your friends. You don't screw your friends over, you value what your friends think of you. If you are truly friends with your significant other then there will never be any serious problems.

When you rush into a relationship or go out looking for love you are blind to all the important things that are needed for a successful long term relationship.

Ppl who do this often get married and divorced multiple times.

My ex-wife and I started out as best friends. She was 14 and I was 16 when we first were introduced. By the time we were of legal age we were dating seriously. I wanted to take things slow but her coming out of a bad childhood and an abusive household she wanted marriage. I think she wanted more to escape the nightmare lifestyle she was trapped in rather than being hopelessly in love with me.

She cared about me but it was more we had fun with each other and were attracted to each other than being soulmates. We had 3 kids together in our 20's and a lot of terrible fights. We both couldn't control the resentment we had for each other. I took it out on her that her family were assholes and constantly trying to cause us problems and she took it out on me that I was just an asshole in general. No win situation there.

I think where my ex immediately moved on with the guy she had cheated on me with and has this social media pretend life that her world is so perfect on there and tries to make me out to be the problem forced me to rush into a relationship to prove to her I wasn't the unlovable troll she made me out to be. She always told me if any woman ever wanted me it would be solely for money because I was unattractive. The issue I have is women instantly think I'm a player based on the way I carry myself but I'm not.

I think each of us are facing two battles in our lives. One with the man across from us and one with the man inside us. I feel like once you learn to control the man inside you, the one across from you really doesn't matter.

 

[-MVP-]

You seem to be developing a better perspective on this. I am happy to read it.

I do not intend to be a jerk to you or ridicule you, not one bit. In my life, when people "held up a mirror" so that I could better see what I was doing was a great and eye opening experience. My comments are intended only to help you realize that you have a role in this and that is something you can change.

Trying to win a woman's affection by impressing her with your efforts to make her feel good about herself won't work. You can never fill a bucket that has a bunch of holes in it. Doing things so that someone will stay, is unhealthy. It usually comes from a fear by the person doing those things that just being themself is not good enough. And they feel that they continually have to prove themselves as being worthy. It is fear based.

After suffering through a long and disastrous first marriage with a narcissist, I realized that you can never satisfy those who have an insatiable need for someone else make them feel good. Several years after divorcing that mess, I met and later married a woman who likes me, for being me.

I suggest you aim for that same type of thing.

I do not take offense at all to your posts or anyone elses in this thread. Sometimes we all need to face the reality of the truth. If someone would rather comfort you with nice words and a lie they're doing you no favors.

 

[Smont]

I do not take offense at all to your posts or anyone elses in this thread. Sometimes we all need to face the reality of the truth. If someone would rather comfort you with nice words and a lie they're doing you no favors.

I wish more ppl thought like that, unfortunately most ppl would rather be lied to