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Have this great girl... and don't want to give up just yet

dsade said:
One thingg I have learned these many years...you NEVER completely heal from being hurt.

Run like the freaking wind while you are still whole.
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This so true, I gave my heart to a lady who was a f'n 9/10(my wife is truly a 10/10 over this woman) smoking hot etc etc but she did not love me = me crying like a b!tch for six months ever sunday and listening to sad love songs. Keep your heart whole and accept nothing less than the best!

Well unless you like hurting for the rest of your life!


:D but seriously don't do it!
 
Dude you have got to let it go. If someone is constantly there for you and then all of a sudden pulls back, there is a problem especially if there hasn't been a direct cause for the behavior change. When you get hurt it absolutely blows but, you need to take control in that situation and not let it escalate by continuing to play games. Things will just get worse if you don't respect youself. Just chalk it up to enjoying what you had and be happy for the good times, go work out and meet someone else. With that though... Easier said than done. Try to follow the rule: I'm only getting over you/it/this once. It's a good way to keep from getting hurt.
That was the mature me, the evil me on the other plan would have a whole different scenario but it definetly involves looking fabulous and bodies cowering in my wake.
 
BigJack87 said:
And perhaps thats been my problem all along, choosing the wrong girl. I just need to think... and lift dangit!
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When I said better I did not make my point clearly. It was not better in the sense that there is something lacking in you( although I don't know you).

I meant that in her kind she is always on the prowl looking for the next guy, the one that appears to be the best looking or to make her look better. If she gets him then she will leave him as well, possibly looking to find something better as well.

This better is her way of avoiding looking at herself, using the guys to bolster her self esteem rather than look at herself and fix whatever it is that is making her unhappy with herself. Its easier to keep that high thrill of new love and sexual thrill to make you feel good. Then when the thrill is over and you have to stand as a person, do you move on so nobody sees you have nothing to offer...That is how I see her! Maybe I'm wrong as its only one side of a story! But with limited info this is my take.

I do not believe that you are lacking, however you do need to look at yourself and see why you are so desperate to make it work with her when you clearly see the big picture that she is wrong for you. You can fix you but you can't fix her! Only she can when she is ready.
 
You deserve better than that, love is hard to find and it takes so much work to keep it in your life. Do you want to have to work that hard for someone not worthy of you.

Like it or not people carry that emotional baggage on to the next person who enters your life for a relationship. They don't deserve to pay for your hurt and mistakes, but inevitabley they do. Go find someone and give her the best you, your reward for being patient will be great happiness.
 
toughchick401 said:
Going on a limb here and I know most will say it's a chick flick but i dont care...The movie, He's just not that into you...ONE valid point....A guy /girl IF interested will make every attempt to call, track you down, get in touch with you...IF not interested, well we have all been there............I still go with the point of rather be alone, than with some idiot who dosent really like me...........:)

Stay strong, move on and enjoy life......................
TC
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That movie should be banned lol. All it does is re-affirm women's insecurities. Not actual fact.

Most of the best men on this planet WILL NOT track you down, make every attempt to contact you etc...

Good men have been taught to be respectful and give you space. Its very individual. Kinda like that other BS from that book "if he likes you, he will ask you out". Heck that's untrue, in fact its inverse. The more you like a girl, the more excuses you make to ask her out and the more the nerves you have. So you end up asking out a woman you think "you have a chance with".

That movie/book and its rules are a good way of setting yourself up to attract jerks, stalkers and perverts, while keeping good men away.

If you like a guy, take some action. Its the 21st century. You call him. Only if you've done your share of the work and he hasn't reciprocicated, then he's not into you.

FACT: If a man does everything perfectly, without hesitancy and says the right things at the right times - he IS A PLAYER, and he got that skill by going through a bunch of women, effing them and then dumping them. The movie tells you that unless a man acts perfectly and without hesitancy and superior boldness, he's not into you. ITS THE OPPOSITE. What a great way to set yourself up for players lol. An actual book that tells women how to get played by even more womanizers. How beatiful, lol. NOT.



As for the OP... he seems hopeless. Sorry dude, but you do. Everyone told you unanimously what you NEED to hear, and you still don't wanna accept it and are going "yeah, but... and". Just WALK AWAY. FOREVER. Like you never met here. Game over. Complete. Done. Erase. Delete.
 
Alek said:
That movie should be banned lol. All it does is re-affirm women's insecurities. Not actual fact.

Most of the best men on this planet WILL NOT track you down, make every attempt to contact you etc...

Good men have been taught to be respectful and give you space. Its very individual. Kinda like that other BS from that book "if he likes you, he will ask you out". Heck that's untrue, in fact its inverse. The more you like a girl, the more excuses you make to ask her out and the more the nerves you have. So you end up asking out a woman you think "you have a chance with".

That movie/book and its rules are a good way of setting yourself up to attract jerks, stalkers and perverts, while keeping good men away.

If you like a guy, take some action. Its the 21st century. You call him. Only if you've done your share of the work and he hasn't reciprocicated, then he's not into you.



As for the OP... he seems hopeless. Sorry dude, but you do. Everyone told you unanimously what you NEED to hear, and you still don't wanna accept it and are going "yeah, but... and". Just WALK AWAY. FOREVER. Like you never met here. Game over. Complete. Done. Erase. Delete.
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All very true.
 
BigJack87 said:
Thanks for all the replies guys. You all make some very valid points.

And I'm definitly not waiting around on her or "in love" with her. But I'm not running away either. When she comes around, she comes around, not gonna worry about it. Although I'm tempted to pull what you did brk :lmao:.

And w.e we are from this point, is not JUST friends. Way to much sexual tension. I mean this girl was into me from day one, she wanted to date me way more than I wanted to date her for the first month or so of knowing one another. Which is why I opted for just talking, at the time I didn't know if she was like one these super obsessive crazy chicks or something lol. But she turned out to be this really awesome girl that I clicked with, plus she's super hot! but I got to comfortable with things, and she wasnt gonna wait around forever, I mean now that she pulled this sh*t I want to date her right this instance (funny how that works), but if things would have just kept going the way they were I probably wouldn't of asked her out for another 6 months (crazy, I know). its not impossible that sex would of become a part of things during that 6 months... But usually I like to be in an official, commited relationship before sailing that ship.

I honestly think what caused her to push away is that she got tired of waiting... and then I pursued, only making matters worse. bc as somebody said " she just wants to F*ck other guys"... hey, she wanted to f*ck me too, I'm sure she still does, she just didn't see it happening cus of me. damn.

As for a relationship, I'll be talking to other girls. But this one will come around eventually. I mean like you guys said leave her be, she'll be back. So thats what I'm gonna do.
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Yo bro, it was me that said "she wants to fugg other guys". But I do agree, seems she wanted to fugg you too, but other guys as well. Like I said I was in the exact same position, and although I dont know you, I sure wouldn't want you getting played the way I did. Tore me up fiercly!!! I just hope that you're getting that we're all pretty much saying..DON'T JUST GET AWAY, BUT STAY AWAY!!!

When she does come back down the road, which she very well may do, DO NOT give in. Be smart. Don't "get together", "catch up", anything like that at all. Honestly just ignore her. Alek said above, forget you ever knew her. Sometimes that really is the best thing you can do although it really may not seem like it.
 
EasyEJL said:
Ugh, I can tell you whats up, you are retarded :D j/k. the fact that this girl looses interest in you is a "fault" in HER. She's not interested or looking for a long term monogamous relationship. She's looking to have a good time. Exactly.....


but she's not a quality woman, she's a little ho-bag WORD!!!



you are lacking in judgement, as you should be able to tell she's a floozy.
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Sometimes judgement can be clouded, as long as you come to your senses eventually, before it's too late aka you're totally mind f*cked
 
neoborn said:
1. She wants to bang you but not commit

2. She wants to do what she wants while having you wrapped around her little finger.
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Yup and yup. The only way to come out on top is.

1) sex no strings, dont get attached.:poke:
2) ignore her or be her friend nothing more.:grouphug:
 
Alek said:
That movie should be banned lol. All it does is re-affirm women's insecurities. Not actual fact.

Most of the best men on this planet WILL NOT track you down, make every attempt to contact you etc...

Good men have been taught to be respectful and give you space. Its very individual. Kinda like that other BS from that book "if he likes you, he will ask you out". Heck that's untrue, in fact its inverse. The more you like a girl, the more excuses you make to ask her out and the more the nerves you have. So you end up asking out a woman you think "you have a chance with".

That movie/book and its rules are a good way of setting yourself up to attract jerks, stalkers and perverts, while keeping good men away.

If you like a guy, take some action. Its the 21st century. You call him. Only if you've done your share of the work and he hasn't reciprocicated, then he's not into you.

FACT: If a man does everything perfectly, without hesitancy and says the right things at the right times - he IS A PLAYER, and he got that skill by going through a bunch of women, effing them and then dumping them. The movie tells you that unless a man acts perfectly and without hesitancy and superior boldness, he's not into you. ITS THE OPPOSITE. What a great way to set yourself up for players lol. An actual book that tells women how to get played by even more womanizers. How beatiful, lol. NOT.



As for the OP... he seems hopeless. Sorry dude, but you do. Everyone told you unanimously what you NEED to hear, and you still don't wanna accept it and are going "yeah, but... and". Just WALK AWAY. FOREVER. Like you never met here. Game over. Complete. Done. Erase. Delete.
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The movie was funny as hell but so true, perhaps I was the only one who got this out of it....

"you cant make someone like you, have enough respect of yourself to walk away, if its meant to be, it will be"......

Now with that said, I have gone up to guys and asked them out, called them first, and given a compliment when it's deserved, I also know when to walk away..............

Oh well, I liked the movie it made me laugh and being in nursing school, working 2 jobs, i needed it :)


TC
 
toughchick401 said:
The movie was funny as hell but so true, perhaps I was the only one who got this out of it....

"you cant make someone like you, have enough respect of yourself to walk away, if its meant to be, it will be"......

Now with that said, I have gone up to guys and asked them out, called them first, and given a compliment when it's deserved, I also know when to walk away..............

Oh well, I liked the movie it made me laugh and being in nursing school, working 2 jobs, i needed it :)


TC
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Yeah, but they don't tell you to walk-away if you're with a jerk (which is so common sense, do you need a rich hollywood playa to tell you that)?

You didn't know that already? The book is either common sense (if he's beating you up or cheating on you, walk away)-----> I feel sorry for women who need a book to understand this.

Or its "walk away if he's not perfectly charismatic like George Clooney". Its "dump the loser" every 2 seconds. With their definition of loser fitting 99.9999% of the male population. Its the insecure person's way of handling things. If anything is even 0.1% less than perfect, break up first, to save your gentle heart.

The book keeps telling you to walk away unless a man is PERFECTLY synchronized in every single way. Says the right things at the right time, and always calls at the exact same second, and jumps through hoops and mountains to reach you. Scours phone-books to find your name, even if you didn't give it to him, and then follows you around until you give him a date (hello, stalker-alert). The entire book is on how to date nothing but womanizers and players (or stalkers) and dump men who aren't 100% on-game (like men with intelligence, who haven't spent years in bars perfecting their game/smoothness).
 
you seem like a very very sweet guy. a tad insecure maybe?

no matter how perfect a person is (and no one is!), not everyone is going to fall head over heals in love with that "perfect person" because what is perfect to someone else is not in another person's eyes. its the beauty of life!

i feel that life is about balance. its not about finding the "perfect person" and walking away from all the ones that were 0.1% less than perfect but knowing when something is too good to pass up. but at the same time know when something is simply not worth it. some people get understand this and get it right the first time and others spend a lifetime trying to get it right.
 
Mrs. Gimpy! said:
you seem like a very very sweet guy. a tad insecure maybe?

no matter how perfect a person is (and no one is!), not everyone is going to fall head over heals in love with that "perfect person" because what is perfect to someone else is not in another person's eyes. its the beauty of life!

i feel that life is about balance. its not about finding the "perfect person" and walking away from all the ones that were 0.1% less than perfect but knowing when something is too good to pass up. but at the same time know when something is simply not worth it. some people get understand this and get it right the first time and others spend a lifetime trying to get it right.
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Lol, what does this post have anything to do with what we were talking about? I agree with everything you said (balance and perfection is subjective), but we were discussing the book, which is something else. In fact, its the opposite of balance.

Have you actually read the book we're discussing? The book is black&white and exactly opposite of what you say. Its a best-seller and millions of women are swearing on it. The book says in no uncertain terms "if a man is anything different from (even a single variation different ---> and then defines certain rules, dump him and never ever be pro-active, be a passive victim to men and let men dictate your life". The problem is that it defines for women exact rules of how a "perfect man" looks, not allowing for individual differences in women or men. The way this book defines "perfect man" is akin to a stalker (mostly), with some elements of a player (never hesitates one single second, and always says everything like in a movie, no i'm not kidding, the book literally says that stuff).

I've seen way too many insecure female friends ruined by that book.
 
You have two options here, one is more fun but a little more dangerous while the other is safe and drama free.

OPTION # 1: Ignore her until she gets back at you ( these types eventually do ;) ) Play her for some booty and cut her off as if you never knew who she was.

OPTION # 2: Just stay away forever and look for someone that's good for you. You have to have the confidence that you can find someone who will treat you with respect. This chick practically thinks she can walk over you because you're too available for her. She's even letting you know that she'll give the booty to other guys too !

The rest is up to you :)
 
Nah guys yall are right, I just need to leave her alone. period. I think pretty much everything yall have said about this girl hit the nail on the head!

and I thought about it, and I would be disrespecting myself in the worse way if I was really ok with her doing other guys then comming back to me. I'd just be her backup toy. well f*ck that! thats complete BS! I saw her last night, said my peace, and thats it.

She'll come back, but I won't be there for her.
 
BigJack87 said:
Nah guys yall are right, I just need to leave her alone. period. I think pretty much everything yall have said about this girl hit the nail on the head!

and I thought about it, and I would be disrespecting myself in the worse way if I was really ok with her doing other guys then comming back to me. I'd just be her backup toy. well f*ck that! thats complete BS! I saw her last night, said my peace, and thats it.

She'll come back, but I won't be there for her.[/QUOT

Sounds like you made up your mind, it is hard, but everyday gets easier.....Infact you actually helped me with this whole thread, thank you :)


TC
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Hopefully you stick with your decision. Life is just to short to waste time with someone that is not right for you, or that sleeps around and may give you something.
 
this is the point in her life where she finds out if she can get away with these games. Sounds to me like she was trying to get away with having you but screwing other guys at the same time with the whole "i want to be with you but i want to party too" their is nothing wrong with partying but that just sounds like "i want **** other guys" girls who play games like that dont deserve a guy who will treat them good. thats my opinion
 
Iron Lungz said:
For the love of GOD - Walk away NOW!
If she hooked up with someone when you went out of town, she already has whorish tendencies. Get trapped now, hurt more later... and you can only look yourself in the mirror.

Let her go.
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Couldnt have said it any better myself. Life's too short to **** around with someone like that. Put what little feelings you have for her aside and move along.
 
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