Family guy mafia funny confusions thread

[jakz]

Since you two like cars as well. The other day I'm driving to work when I come across an arrogant ass with a Mercedes Benz C63 AMG. Now what annoyed me was he would go full taps on the straights then go around corners like he was driving on egg shells. So I start pissing him off by sitting on his ass in the corners and passing him in the corner with a traffic light (two lanes, took the outside and when the lanes closed I was in front). So on the straight he overtakes again but every corner i'm on his ass, just because I can (Clearly he is afraid of oversteer and doesn't belong behind the wheel of the AMG). We enter a long bend, now this is important. It's basically a long straight with a bit of a bend then all of a sudden it turns into an almost 90 degree turn. So i'm on his ass and he keeps slowing down, so I decide to pass as soon as I pull out he puts his foot FLAT. Now I didn't think this guy was going to try and clock 300km/h on this straight. All of a sudden the corner sneaks up on him and it's dead brakes and a whole lot of understeer. It's almost like all the traction controls and all the gyro's just said "**** it, this is how we die" so he understeers over the curb and spins out on the (luckily empty) piece of land, basically writing off all the mags, tyres, front axle, gearbox etc etc. The whole car in general. He gets out and starts yelling. I just casually drive off like nothing happened. Douche move? yes. Will teach him what happens when you drive like an ass.

 

[Brandinooooo]

Since you two like cars as well. The other day I'm driving to work when I come across an arrogant ass with a Mercedes Benz C63 AMG. Now what annoyed me was he would go full taps on the straights then go around corners like he was driving on egg shells. So I start pissing him off by sitting on his ass in the corners and passing him in the corner with a traffic light (two lanes, took the outside and when the lanes closed I was in front). So on the straight he overtakes again but every corner i'm on his ass, just because I can (Clearly he is afraid of oversteer and doesn't belong behind the wheel of the AMG). We enter a long bend, now this is important. It's basically a long straight with a bit of a bend then all of a sudden it turns into an almost 90 degree turn. So i'm on his ass and he keeps slowing down, so I decide to pass as soon as I pull out he puts his foot FLAT. Now I didn't think this guy was going to try and clock 300km/h on this straight. All of a sudden the corner sneaks up on him and it's dead brakes and a whole lot of understeer. It's almost like all the traction controls and all the gyro's just said "**** it, this is how we die" so he understeers over the curb and spins out on the (luckily empty) piece of land, basically writing off all the mags, tyres, front axle, gearbox etc etc. The whole car in general. He gets out and starts yelling. I just casually drive off like nothing happened. Douche move? yes. Will teach him what happens when you drive like an ass.

HAHAHAHA that's hilarious. Definitely doesn't belong in that. Beautiful car though. I want the AMG Black edition.

 

[jakz]

The sound and performance is amazing. Me and a few friends were speculating that the AMG Gtr would be like 5 Seconds faster than the M4 GTS, clocks out a 7:10 or so (on the nurburgring) Mercedes have out done themselves this year. What car do you have man?

 

[rtmilburn]

HAHAHAHA that's hilarious. Definitely doesn't belong in that. Beautiful car though. I want the AMG Black edition.

As top gear said the amg black is a nuclear bomb desguised as a car

 

[jakz]

As top gear said the amg black is a nuclear bomb desguised as a car

ALL AMG's. I remember driving a 2004 C55 AMG a year ago. DAMN!! and people thought the MR2 was the king of lift of oversteer?!:lmao: Was awesome to drive though!

 

[thebigt]

Hey some trannys are hotter than most women are nowadays .

On a side note I really do wonder how many men would press go with a hot Tran if they knew nobody would find out

lesson that should be learned from john podesta's email's....don't say or do anything with anyone that you do not want people to find out about.

 

[smith_69]

i have had the sh1ts not stop for the past few days. as i finally able to get 5 steps away from the bowl without running back to it, i tricked my brother in law into going to the bathroom.

think you left your glasses in the bathroom?
really
yea go take a look

muuhhhaaaaaa

 

[Brandinooooo]

i have had the sh1ts not stop for the past few days. as i finally able to get 5 steps away from the bowl without running back to it, i tricked my brother in law into going to the bathroom.

think you left your glasses in the bathroom?
really
yea go take a look

muuhhhaaaaaa

HAHAHA there's the Smith I know.

As top gear said the amg black is a nuclear bomb desguised as a car

I was actually gonna reference Top Gear lol. That episode is what made me love that car.

The sound and performance is amazing. Me and a few friends were speculating that the AMG Gtr would be like 5 Seconds faster than the M4 GTS, clocks out a 7:10 or so (on the nurburgring) Mercedes have out done themselves this year. What car do you have man?

I just bought an 09 Dodge Avenger with the 2.7l V6. I like the fact that its not something a lot of people build. So far I've done:

Custom CAI
Full custom cat back exhaust

Waiting on:

DiabloSport Intune i2 Tuner
80mm Ported Throttle body

Next:

Ported lower intake
Valve train upgrade
Turbocharger

 

[mmorso]

Here's another embarrassing one: in college I was renting a room in a house and had this chick roommate who found me on the bathroom floor one morning, lying in a pool of piss with my d1ck out, and a gash on my head.

I drank a fifth of Beam than night and was swaying when I went to take a piss... I lost balance and hit the back of the toilet with my face and knocked myself out.

 

[rtmilburn]

Here's another embarrassing one: in college I was renting a room in a house and had this chick roommate who found me on the bathroom floor one morning, lying in a pool of piss with my d1ck out, and a gash on my head.

I drank a fifth of Beam than night and was swaying when I went to take a piss... I lost balance and hit the back of the toilet with my face and knocked myself out.

Epic

 

[ChocolateClen]

I still don't have anything funny. I guess I live a boring life lls.

 

[rtmilburn]

I still don't have anything funny. I guess I live a boring life lls.

My life is intensely boring 99.9% but the .1% is so epic that it gets me though the rest of my monotonous boring life

 

[Studhorse]

Here's another embarrassing one: in college I was renting a room in a house and had this chick roommate who found me on the bathroom floor one morning, lying in a pool of piss with my d1ck out, and a gash on my head.

I drank a fifth of Beam than night and was swaying when I went to take a piss... I lost balance and hit the back of the toilet with my face and knocked myself out.

That is funny sh it! Especially when it's not you!

 

[Brandinooooo]

I still don't have anything funny. I guess I live a boring life lls.

Stop eating so much rice and start partying. Your in college damnit. Put that beard to work already.

 

[UnicornDrpns]

I had to get a dress hemmed shorter. Took it to a tailor. The guy was a conservative, Old school 65yr old man. I try on the dress and walk out so he can measure how much off the bottom of my dress to cut off

Tailor : do you want it this short ?
Me:no a little shorter
Tailor: here?
Me: shorter ...
Tailor : <judging eyes now> u sure?
Me : yep

I go to pay and as I reach into my purse a pair of black Lacey undies rolls onto the counter . We make eye contact , look at the panties, then look at each other. I silently and slowly reach out and grab them and put them back in my purse. We both just said nothing about it.

 

[angcd3]

I had to get a dress hemmed shorter. Took it to a tailor. The guy was a conservative, Old school 65yr old man. I try on the dress and walk out so he can measure how much off the bottom of my dress to cut off

Tailor : do you want it this short ?
Me:no a little shorter
Tailor: here?
Me: shorter ...
Tailor : <judging eyes now> u sure?
Me : yep

I go to pay and as I reach into my purse a pair of black Lacey undies rolls onto the counter . We make eye contact , look at the panties, then look at each other. I silently and slowly reach out and grab them and put them back in my purse. We both just said nothing about it.

Yeah and after you left...
Tailor: "Lord I can die now, my life is complete"...

 

[UnicornDrpns]

Yeah and after you left...
Tailor: "Lord I can die now, my life is complete"...

Lmao no he looked at me the entire time like I was the biggest hiv infested , bible burning , Craigslist gangbang slut ever. Lol.

I'll never forget the look he gave me when we both looked at the panties that rolled onto his register counter. I don't think my dad even ever mastered that level of a "disgust , u hussy" type of glare. Haha

 

[justhere4comm]

I had to get a dress hemmed shorter. Took it to a tailor. The guy was a conservative, Old school 65yr old man. I try on the dress and walk out so he can measure how much off the bottom of my dress to cut off

Tailor : do you want it this short ?
Me:no a little shorter
Tailor: here?
Me: shorter ...
Tailor : <judging eyes now> u sure?
Me : yep

I go to pay and as I reach into my purse a pair of black Lacey undies rolls onto the counter . We make eye contact , look at the panties, then look at each other. I silently and slowly reach out and grab them and put them back in my purse. We both just said nothing about it.

You ARE one of us.

 

[angcd3]

You ARE one of us.

I remember Studhorse telling me a very similar story .. except it was a thong and red.. but other then that..

 

[Brandinooooo]

Lmao no he looked at me the entire time like I was the biggest hiv infested , bible burning , Craigslist gangbang slut ever. Lol.

I'll never forget the look he gave me when we both looked at the panties that rolled onto his register counter. I don't think my dad even ever mastered that level of a "disgust , u hussy" type of glare. Haha

That's hilarious lol.

 

[SFreed]

I had to get a dress hemmed shorter. Took it to a tailor. The guy was a conservative, Old school 65yr old man. I try on the dress and walk out so he can measure how much off the bottom of my dress to cut off

Tailor : do you want it this short ?
Me:no a little shorter
Tailor: here?
Me: shorter ...
Tailor : <judging eyes now> u sure?
Me : yep

I go to pay and as I reach into my purse a pair of black Lacey undies rolls onto the counter . We make eye contact , look at the panties, then look at each other. I silently and slowly reach out and grab them and put them back in my purse. We both just said nothing about it.

Were they clean?

 

[justhere4comm]

Were they clean?

Rude question. Of course. Those were backups. Duh.

 

[Studhorse]

I remember Studhorse telling me a very similar story .. except it was a thong and red.. but other then that..

Dam it I can't trust you with anything! You kiss and tell.

 

[Studhorse]

Were they clean?

I was going with I might need to put some on, so I always carry a pair.

 

[rtmilburn]

Lmao no he looked at me the entire time like I was the biggest hiv infested , bible burning , Craigslist gangbang slut ever. Lol.

I'll never forget the look he gave me when we both looked at the panties that rolled onto his register counter. I don't think my dad even ever mastered that level of a "disgust , u hussy" type of glare. Haha

Craigslist gang bang slut!!! Lmfao that just great!

So now where I can find these Craigslist gang bags???????

 

[angcd3]

Craigslist gang bang slut!!! Lmfao that just great!

So now where I can find these Craigslist gang bags???????

IDK.. id ask hairygrandpa if I where you.. lol

 

[angcd3]

Dam it I can't trust you with anything! You kiss and tell.

Wait a second!!.lmao

 

[FireTitan]

Here's another embarrassing one: in college I was renting a room in a house and had this chick roommate who found me on the bathroom floor one morning, lying in a pool of piss with my d1ck out, and a gash on my head.

I drank a fifth of Beam than night and was swaying when I went to take a piss... I lost balance and hit the back of the toilet with my face and knocked myself out.

Hahaha!!!! mmorso wants to know "Have you ever had an orgasm so powerful, so strong, that you fall down, hit your head on the sink and nobody finds you for hours?"

 

[Studhorse]

Hahaha!!!! mmorso wants to know "Have you ever had an orgasm so powerful, so strong, that you fall down, hit your head on the sink and nobody finds you for hours?"

Now that is what really happened. FireTitan this is Great!! I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!

 

[Studhorse]

Hahaha!!!! mmorso wants to know "Have you ever had an orgasm so powerful, so strong, that you fall down, hit your head on the sink and nobody finds you for hours?"

Left off: With your dick still in your hand!

 

[Studhorse]

Craigslist gang bang slut!!! Lmfao that just great!

So now where I can find these Craigslist gang bags???????

I knew that was coming!

 

[Studhorse]

FireTitan is Androcrine discontinued?

 

[Brandinooooo]

FireTitan is Androcrine discontinued?

All of their transdermal products are I believe.

 

[rtmilburn]

I knew that was coming!

Don't you mean cumming?

 

[UnicornDrpns]

Were they clean?

u would ask that question you classy bastard

 

[Studhorse]

u would ask that question you classy bastard

Don't think I have ever seen SFreed and classy used together.

 

[ChocolateClen]

Don't think I have ever seen SFreed and classy used together.

I second this statement

 

[Brandinooooo]

u would ask that question you classy bastard

I like her already lol

 

[SFreed]

I like her already lol

Yeah, me too.

 

[SFreed]

And I'll have you guys know, I'm classy as fck.

 

[angcd3]

And I'll have you guys know, I'm classy as fck.

Spoken like a true gentleman!!

 

[Brandinooooo]

And I'll have you guys know, I'm classy as fck.

 

[justhere4comm]

Damn. I must need a noot because I read that as "I'm a classy ass fukc"

 

[SFreed]

I don't know what this is.

 

[SFreed]

Damn. I must need a noot because I read that as "I'm a classy ass fukc"

That's on the other side of the shirt

 

[SFreed]

That's on the other side of the shirt

Which I think we should all get, to go along with our American as F*ck shirts

 

[justhere4comm]

Merka!

 

[ryane87]

http://youtu.be/Ps7xmW-9LXQ

 

[Brandinooooo]

'Merica

 

[smith_69]

happy news years spooner street