Destroyed: My recent breakup
- Thread starter handzilla
- Start date
handzilla
Active member
Much thanks again, TC. Mesmerized by those eyes btw.
'Toad, good posting. I'm wondering if it's better for her to see me out having a a blast or not to see me at all. I'm thinking that's why she called Friday, b/c I wasn't at that infamous bar. She wonders where I am. I think I'd rather not end up in the same place as her for now.
I've heard too many stories about "it" happening down the road to people I know. Not 100% sure what the "yellowed" means but, I definitely don't wanna be that.
Very tempting to get in contact with her and do that thing we used to do, but ummm... yeah I know.
'Toad, good posting. I'm wondering if it's better for her to see me out having a a blast or not to see me at all. I'm thinking that's why she called Friday, b/c I wasn't at that infamous bar. She wonders where I am. I think I'd rather not end up in the same place as her for now.
I've heard too many stories about "it" happening down the road to people I know. Not 100% sure what the "yellowed" means but, I definitely don't wanna be that.
Very tempting to get in contact with her and do that thing we used to do, but ummm... yeah I know.
Achilles13
:::6'4 240lbs EndoMorph:::
handzilla said:
:thumbsup: Atta boy JT.
toughchick401
Well-known member
handzilla said:
Checking in in you before i head to school....uggghhhhh so tired this week......
(((HUGZ)))) keep your chin up
somewhatgifted
Registered User
It only gets easier from here on out. Know that she WILL be but a memory, not a regret. Every thing we chose and endure shape us like an ever changing sculpture. She was making you ugly, now you want more, now your ready to move on. You probably will pity her for her actions but dont let apathy blind your ever strong vision of relationship success. Know that she is not your wife, not worthy of such and you now can move on and find her. Shes led you down a dark road but your are still behind the wheel. When you turn this thing around the possibilities are endless, and you will in time find another woman, a friend, a lover, an equal.
toughchick401
Well-known member
handzilla said:
good
theshocker21
Member
I have been through a break up like this. I have been through the violence and rage etc. The worst part is when the girl changes her mind for that moment and shows a slight bit of interest. I know why us "men" more times than not are willing to take back the hoe that cheated on us. anyways, thats my $.02. Hang in there bro. Have you had significant weight loss from the break up? Happens to everyone, get in a state of apathy > stop eating/sleeping > lose 10-15 pounds out of nowhere.
handzilla
Active member
theshocker21 said:
Yeah it messed me up pretty good. It happened on the 3rd day of PCT. That, combined with very low test levels makes one into an emotional train wreck, which is probably why I acted the way I did at first (like a lil' b!tch). I find that to be one of the tougher things to get over.
Gokmog
Member
I've finally read through this whole thread. looks like tough times, handzilla. and you know that your PCT has been deeply effected. i'm curious, what have you been on for PCT? how much drinking have you been doing during your PCT? it sounds like your neurophysiology is set up against what your higher, cerebral self knows is required for making the right decisions and emotional stability.
it looks like you are good at sabotaging yourself. have you looked into this? no doubt being with a noncommunicative, emotionally immature PA type with power issues is *not* conducive to your own self-caring.
i don't mean to be preachy but i think it would behoove you to see the movie "what the bleep do we know?" it is more accessible than many books on the subject of reality, as it can be viewed within less than two hours. basic reality is something i often see disregarded in favor of reductionistic and inferior pseudo-science. please try to come to grips with the new age of physics, the understanding of what our brains, hearts and nervous systems are as they function on the non-local level. we are complex beings, and grow and develop very complex relationships with our world. we continuously radiate EMFs into the world and create a dynamic relationship with everything around us.
trust me, i've been there. i had to weather through psi relationships with schizotypal orthodox jews (major mysticism with the power behind it to make it a huge influence on me over a long stretch of time) and irresponsible, bi-polar, c-nts. (for some reason on a forum like this i have to censor the swear words?) i've had to negotiate a life for myself with the rage and degradation of mystics who dedicate their lives to honing their craft (i.e. witchcraft) and i can tell you even the average, non-schizotypal women with major emotional energy can strongly effect your own brain and heart and soul.
we can't stop living, we have to live our own lives 24/7, and we sleep. in our unconscious state we are probably more vulnerable, psionically. the vacillation and uncertainty, the ebb and flow of your longing for her and your disgust and anger are all entirely naturall, both within you and from her. by maintaining a clear and honest understanding of how this world works you will be doing more to protect and modulate your own brain, heart, body and mind.
here we are, a group of caring, fairly mature individuals who have health and strength as a common goal. as a cyber-community we can offer what even our own families seem to be reluctant or incapable of offering: help, love, guidance and real caring. i've read some interesting stuff here, and it looks like you are better off now than before. i'm concerned by the lack of penetrating straight talk about what is really going on in these kinds of relationships, however.
i've read "the dancing wu li masters", which is about the new age of physics; "miracles of mind" which is about psi studies and the once classified psi studies carried out by the U.S. and Russian intelligence agencies, i've read numerous books on psi and the occult and indigenous cultures and shamanism. i've read a lot, and a person can get lost in the concepts and lose perspective but i assure you that i can see when a good steak is more important than some fruity mantra in another language.
my grandmother was a doctor, a psychiatrist, and though she wasn't a good mother and probably not the best doc, she has schizotypal personality "disorder", which means her corpus callosum has more dendritic connections than most other people, with enhanced activity of the pre-frontal lobes. the basic understanding of genetics about this is that it is the single recessive gene for schizophrenia. it seems having one gene for schizophrenia doesn't produce schizophrenia, but results in a different kind of brain which apparently can result in different strengths. people with this gene are more vulnerable on the psychic level, but can perceive and experience more of the "energies" of others. complex thought processes occur easily, when natural human development is allowed in the person with one of these recessive genes.
this is the very brief background to let you know where i'm coming from. i most likely have this gene, as my grandparents from my mother's side produced one child with full-blown schizophrenia and by my experience of my mother she definently has it and my world is too different from the typical dull, mundane American. trust me when i say that the advice you have received from this forum is very sound and wise and good. you may also want to consider getting yourself a very hungry dog who doesn't mind eating humans, it will definently come in handy if worse comes to worse! :twisted:
this girl is ****ing other men, you don't know how many, is emotionally dysfunctional and enjoys controlling through what probably is passive-aggressive in nature and asserts her dominance of you, when she is with other men, by kissing you, while she is with them! you had better get your conflicted head in gear and get yourself tested for STDs ASAP and kick yourself in the butt for letting this go as far as it has. anger can be your virtue if what you have written about her is true. uncontrolled anger can give her power over you, i've seen this many times. anger and repulsion of her for the right reasons, from a sense of respect for yourself and self-love, is a virtue and a strength that no c-nt can dissolve.
she may not physically abuse you or usurp you outright, but the PA information is very good for understanding a vast realm of human behavior that constitutes abuse in relationships. learn the art of war and the art of peace. morihei ueshiba is "the art of peace" and i think it was lao tzu (or was it sun tzu?) who wrote "the art of war", those teachings apply just as much to the complexities of our human experience of this Universe as it does to more conventional adversaries and politics. i've found much wisdom and philosophy in the generals and martial artists of the East that gets right to the point, penetrates deeply into Life. It's better than the average American machismo, that's fo sho!
you may not be consciously perceiving it down to the core as some may, but trust me when i say that your heart (60-75% neurons by weight) and brain and enteric nervous system, and all the organs that are connected and effected by them, are NOT entirely your own as we have often been conditioned by conventional culture to believe. this c-nt deserves to be under you, she is below you. to gloat and enjoy that too much is still allowing her power over you. look deeply into what ways your emotinal investment in her allows her to remain a valid leech (your word?) in your psyche.
this crap has gone on long enough. you're 24, your frontal lobes, including your pre-frontal lobes, the seat of much psionoic activity, is almost fully developed. time to start LEARNING and assimilating and integrating the Truth and applying it with a higher mind than you are most likely surrounded by. training with those weights is a great brain boost, stop wasting it on crap culture and seize the Universe! attain your own dignity as your own King, and let those c-nts salivate at your newfound true Manhood. watch them get a taste of what a human should be, but don't be blinded by their energy, don't be persuaded to give up your right to self-love. don't be enthralled by the flesh, they use the wiles of the whore to establish and maintain power over you. women will get off your psionic energy, that alone is enough to keep them satisfied. many of them are like psychic leeches, and they have no scruples or restraint in these intimacies of the mind. looking through even the major religions: judaism, buddhism.. i have seen the wisdom teachings touch upon on the different evils of the common people. these creatures are to be found everywhere, especially at those night clubs. look at how people charge up on the liquor, look what they are up to. how hedonistic are you? do you allow yourself to be used if you can console yourself that you are also using them? is this what you want to do with your body, your mind, your soul? are you okay with sharing these kinds of values? look at the media, the magazines, the commercials, the billboards. just look at this pop culture. if they aren't living the lifestyle of the Whore, many of them are most definently walking around with the mentality of the Whore. these are not good times, culturally speaking.
Be wary, Handzilla.
i don't know what weak or week you are in. let's get to strong 1, strong 2 and so on. America is a seething cauldron of evils. the religious people also reflect the evils of this land, in their own way. granted, people, religious or non-religious, can also be fairly decent, but the truth is this is not a place to take casually. your development is at stake, we are effected deeply by our sexual relationships. sometimes these b-tches gots to pay, and if they don't back off you've got to make them. you know she's no good. looking deeply, it is possible to see the evils of allowing someone to treat you to a very good meal and a back rub. do not backtrack. it is okay to feel yearning, to want her back. it could very well be her energy, however you are experiencing it. there has been plenty of poetry and wisdom teachings and visions of G-d that can account for this, plenty of modern studies that show our hormonal profiles profoundly effected by our relationships to others. seize the truth and rise above these enemies! the truth shall set you free, if you want it enough.
it looks like you are good at sabotaging yourself. have you looked into this? no doubt being with a noncommunicative, emotionally immature PA type with power issues is *not* conducive to your own self-caring.
i don't mean to be preachy but i think it would behoove you to see the movie "what the bleep do we know?" it is more accessible than many books on the subject of reality, as it can be viewed within less than two hours. basic reality is something i often see disregarded in favor of reductionistic and inferior pseudo-science. please try to come to grips with the new age of physics, the understanding of what our brains, hearts and nervous systems are as they function on the non-local level. we are complex beings, and grow and develop very complex relationships with our world. we continuously radiate EMFs into the world and create a dynamic relationship with everything around us.
trust me, i've been there. i had to weather through psi relationships with schizotypal orthodox jews (major mysticism with the power behind it to make it a huge influence on me over a long stretch of time) and irresponsible, bi-polar, c-nts. (for some reason on a forum like this i have to censor the swear words?) i've had to negotiate a life for myself with the rage and degradation of mystics who dedicate their lives to honing their craft (i.e. witchcraft) and i can tell you even the average, non-schizotypal women with major emotional energy can strongly effect your own brain and heart and soul.
we can't stop living, we have to live our own lives 24/7, and we sleep. in our unconscious state we are probably more vulnerable, psionically. the vacillation and uncertainty, the ebb and flow of your longing for her and your disgust and anger are all entirely naturall, both within you and from her. by maintaining a clear and honest understanding of how this world works you will be doing more to protect and modulate your own brain, heart, body and mind.
here we are, a group of caring, fairly mature individuals who have health and strength as a common goal. as a cyber-community we can offer what even our own families seem to be reluctant or incapable of offering: help, love, guidance and real caring. i've read some interesting stuff here, and it looks like you are better off now than before. i'm concerned by the lack of penetrating straight talk about what is really going on in these kinds of relationships, however.
i've read "the dancing wu li masters", which is about the new age of physics; "miracles of mind" which is about psi studies and the once classified psi studies carried out by the U.S. and Russian intelligence agencies, i've read numerous books on psi and the occult and indigenous cultures and shamanism. i've read a lot, and a person can get lost in the concepts and lose perspective but i assure you that i can see when a good steak is more important than some fruity mantra in another language.
my grandmother was a doctor, a psychiatrist, and though she wasn't a good mother and probably not the best doc, she has schizotypal personality "disorder", which means her corpus callosum has more dendritic connections than most other people, with enhanced activity of the pre-frontal lobes. the basic understanding of genetics about this is that it is the single recessive gene for schizophrenia. it seems having one gene for schizophrenia doesn't produce schizophrenia, but results in a different kind of brain which apparently can result in different strengths. people with this gene are more vulnerable on the psychic level, but can perceive and experience more of the "energies" of others. complex thought processes occur easily, when natural human development is allowed in the person with one of these recessive genes.
this is the very brief background to let you know where i'm coming from. i most likely have this gene, as my grandparents from my mother's side produced one child with full-blown schizophrenia and by my experience of my mother she definently has it and my world is too different from the typical dull, mundane American. trust me when i say that the advice you have received from this forum is very sound and wise and good. you may also want to consider getting yourself a very hungry dog who doesn't mind eating humans, it will definently come in handy if worse comes to worse! :twisted:
this girl is ****ing other men, you don't know how many, is emotionally dysfunctional and enjoys controlling through what probably is passive-aggressive in nature and asserts her dominance of you, when she is with other men, by kissing you, while she is with them! you had better get your conflicted head in gear and get yourself tested for STDs ASAP and kick yourself in the butt for letting this go as far as it has. anger can be your virtue if what you have written about her is true. uncontrolled anger can give her power over you, i've seen this many times. anger and repulsion of her for the right reasons, from a sense of respect for yourself and self-love, is a virtue and a strength that no c-nt can dissolve.
she may not physically abuse you or usurp you outright, but the PA information is very good for understanding a vast realm of human behavior that constitutes abuse in relationships. learn the art of war and the art of peace. morihei ueshiba is "the art of peace" and i think it was lao tzu (or was it sun tzu?) who wrote "the art of war", those teachings apply just as much to the complexities of our human experience of this Universe as it does to more conventional adversaries and politics. i've found much wisdom and philosophy in the generals and martial artists of the East that gets right to the point, penetrates deeply into Life. It's better than the average American machismo, that's fo sho!
you may not be consciously perceiving it down to the core as some may, but trust me when i say that your heart (60-75% neurons by weight) and brain and enteric nervous system, and all the organs that are connected and effected by them, are NOT entirely your own as we have often been conditioned by conventional culture to believe. this c-nt deserves to be under you, she is below you. to gloat and enjoy that too much is still allowing her power over you. look deeply into what ways your emotinal investment in her allows her to remain a valid leech (your word?) in your psyche.
this crap has gone on long enough. you're 24, your frontal lobes, including your pre-frontal lobes, the seat of much psionoic activity, is almost fully developed. time to start LEARNING and assimilating and integrating the Truth and applying it with a higher mind than you are most likely surrounded by. training with those weights is a great brain boost, stop wasting it on crap culture and seize the Universe! attain your own dignity as your own King, and let those c-nts salivate at your newfound true Manhood. watch them get a taste of what a human should be, but don't be blinded by their energy, don't be persuaded to give up your right to self-love. don't be enthralled by the flesh, they use the wiles of the whore to establish and maintain power over you. women will get off your psionic energy, that alone is enough to keep them satisfied. many of them are like psychic leeches, and they have no scruples or restraint in these intimacies of the mind. looking through even the major religions: judaism, buddhism.. i have seen the wisdom teachings touch upon on the different evils of the common people. these creatures are to be found everywhere, especially at those night clubs. look at how people charge up on the liquor, look what they are up to. how hedonistic are you? do you allow yourself to be used if you can console yourself that you are also using them? is this what you want to do with your body, your mind, your soul? are you okay with sharing these kinds of values? look at the media, the magazines, the commercials, the billboards. just look at this pop culture. if they aren't living the lifestyle of the Whore, many of them are most definently walking around with the mentality of the Whore. these are not good times, culturally speaking.
Be wary, Handzilla.
i don't know what weak or week you are in. let's get to strong 1, strong 2 and so on. America is a seething cauldron of evils. the religious people also reflect the evils of this land, in their own way. granted, people, religious or non-religious, can also be fairly decent, but the truth is this is not a place to take casually. your development is at stake, we are effected deeply by our sexual relationships. sometimes these b-tches gots to pay, and if they don't back off you've got to make them. you know she's no good. looking deeply, it is possible to see the evils of allowing someone to treat you to a very good meal and a back rub. do not backtrack. it is okay to feel yearning, to want her back. it could very well be her energy, however you are experiencing it. there has been plenty of poetry and wisdom teachings and visions of G-d that can account for this, plenty of modern studies that show our hormonal profiles profoundly effected by our relationships to others. seize the truth and rise above these enemies! the truth shall set you free, if you want it enough.
handzilla
Active member
Week 7 Update
I was out Friday night with a new lady friend drinking and dancing with her. The night was coming to a close and she went to the bathroom for a second.
While I was waiting guess who pops up outta nowhere. I resume talking to another frind of mine and try to ignore her with my back to her. Then I felt a pulling on my hand, and she managed to turn me around. She began saying how I haven't been answering her calls and how she's confused. I'm avoiding eye contact this whole time thinking that this other girl is gonna walk back in the room at any second. So my Ex grabs my face with both hands trying to turn my head saying "look at me," "I miss you."
I look over her shoulder and see the other girl coming and begin to pull away, telling her to hold on and I'll be right back. At this point the other girl is watching. I finally get away and go up to my other friend to grab him and tell him the situation. He's looking over my shoulder as I tell him to let me know when my ex leaves. She did promptly. At this point the chic I was out with is asking me questions about what happened. I told her it was no big deal. We left I went back to her place and we hung out and had a glass of wine.
I was on my way home at about 4:30am. Didn't think I would make it b/c I was so tired behind the wheel and this girl lived 30 minutes away. So I called my ex (I know there goes the no contact thing) she didn't answer though so I made it home and went to sleep.
The next morning she called me around noon. I answered (yep, stupid) and talked to her for about 5 unattentive minutes with my music playing loud. I told her I was almost at my destination and to get at me later. She asked me to call her. I said I would and didn't.
Week 8
I was on my way home from the athletic club and she calls 'round 10pm. I answered. As she was talking I noticed her voice sounded weird. She asked me if I wanted to come over. I responded "Why does your voice sound all ****ed up?" She replied "Oh I've been drinking wine all day." I'm said "Yeah you sound fyucked up." Then she goes into this explanation of how she knows she's been acting ****ty and how she wants me to see me and wants to talk to me and stuff. I manage to get off the phone, telling her that I need to shower and that I'll call her back.
Instead I decided to log on and read some of my old posts to remember how she made me feel. I know I shouldn't be in contact with her. I'm starting to pity this person. My gut sais "Don't even think about going over there to see her drunk ass. Nothing but trouble will follow."
I know I shouldn't but part of me wants to listen to her and be there for what ever the fyuck is wrong with her.:yawn:
I was out Friday night with a new lady friend drinking and dancing with her. The night was coming to a close and she went to the bathroom for a second.
While I was waiting guess who pops up outta nowhere. I resume talking to another frind of mine and try to ignore her with my back to her. Then I felt a pulling on my hand, and she managed to turn me around. She began saying how I haven't been answering her calls and how she's confused. I'm avoiding eye contact this whole time thinking that this other girl is gonna walk back in the room at any second. So my Ex grabs my face with both hands trying to turn my head saying "look at me," "I miss you."
I look over her shoulder and see the other girl coming and begin to pull away, telling her to hold on and I'll be right back. At this point the other girl is watching. I finally get away and go up to my other friend to grab him and tell him the situation. He's looking over my shoulder as I tell him to let me know when my ex leaves. She did promptly. At this point the chic I was out with is asking me questions about what happened. I told her it was no big deal. We left I went back to her place and we hung out and had a glass of wine.
I was on my way home at about 4:30am. Didn't think I would make it b/c I was so tired behind the wheel and this girl lived 30 minutes away. So I called my ex (I know there goes the no contact thing) she didn't answer though so I made it home and went to sleep.
The next morning she called me around noon. I answered (yep, stupid) and talked to her for about 5 unattentive minutes with my music playing loud. I told her I was almost at my destination and to get at me later. She asked me to call her. I said I would and didn't.
Week 8
I was on my way home from the athletic club and she calls 'round 10pm. I answered. As she was talking I noticed her voice sounded weird. She asked me if I wanted to come over. I responded "Why does your voice sound all ****ed up?" She replied "Oh I've been drinking wine all day." I'm said "Yeah you sound fyucked up." Then she goes into this explanation of how she knows she's been acting ****ty and how she wants me to see me and wants to talk to me and stuff. I manage to get off the phone, telling her that I need to shower and that I'll call her back.
Instead I decided to log on and read some of my old posts to remember how she made me feel. I know I shouldn't be in contact with her. I'm starting to pity this person. My gut sais "Don't even think about going over there to see her drunk ass. Nothing but trouble will follow."
I know I shouldn't but part of me wants to listen to her and be there for what ever the fyuck is wrong with her.:yawn:
BMW
Member
you know what you need to go see her. you need to learn exactly why people tell you to stop contacting her and leave her alone. pain is the greatest teacher but no one ever wants to go to his class-old chinese proverb. just when you were finally meeting other women you still belive you should be with your ex, go ahead and try but youll be pissed off again for the same shyt when you turn into her emotional tampon.
handzilla
Active member
BMW said:
Whoa, I didn't say all that. I DO NOT believe that I should still be with this girl, after all this bullsh!t she's pulled off in the last month and a half. Between the dentist and her "friend" at the club, and sh!ttin on me, she fvcked up. The emotional tampon thing is something that I defintely won't become. On the other hand, I want that fvckin river.
Now had this happened a month ago, I probably would have taken my tampax ass over there lastnight. Things have changed since then. I took my ass straight to bed. Woke up this morning to see that she left me a voicemail and even referred to me as "baby" on it. This is driving her crazy. Right now I'm feeling quite alright.
Btw, beamer I've been reading through a lot of those articles on sosuave. Good reads, definitely have learned lots in the last week.
toughchick401
Well-known member
handzilla said:
See, now you have some power back...keep it..best thing is seeing you do see her out sometimes, change your number, move on..I mean you will see her out she will approach you..it;s a given...........
(((HUGZ)))) be strong and ignore her......no one is worth what you have had to be put through.
mmowry
Board Sponsor
Buddy heres my 2 cents.Been married,divorced,lost my job,home,my money and so on.My ex had a restraining order on me ,would come to see me, manipulate me(with sex
) and still wouldnt drop the restraining order.Did I mention she spent 10 months destroying my character behind my back and then had me arrested and many more vile things that arent necessary to mention.Point being I was left with the choice to use these things as a tool to better myself or to turn into the man she made me out to be.So I opted to be forgiving and after 8 months of seperation said the game is over I forgive but Im moving on.It was very painful to say the least but even though I made many mistakes (mostly by letting her back in so she could make me feel like it was all my fault) I learned that love isnt an emotion its a choice to honor and respect the one your with. So my advice to you would be to get better not bitter,let go of the weight that is bringing you down and deal with the emotions,because when the right relationship comes along(AND IT WILL) you need to be at peace with yourself and your past so that you can start out in a healthy emotional state. As for me prayer and time in the bible helped to find my way out of my own shortcomings and helped me deal with the demons of my past and put them to rest.Dont get me wrong,its tough but its just like building muscle.You know that if you dont push your self to the point of pain and discomfort there will be no chance for physical change and to better yourself by making yourself into the image you want to become:so is the way of this journey we call life.So be encouraged its tough but it will make you better and will lead to making better choices in all that you do. On a side note Im now married to an amazing woman I have a better life than I could have imagined while I was going through my divorce we have a beautiful son and with proper communication we have almost no conflict or hurt feelings in our home(this takes effort but nothing in life worth fighting for comes effortlessly) Youll be alright in time,just remember the only person you can fix is you and dont spend too much time partying it will just lead to more woes and stress(but thats a story for another time) You have alot of life ahead of you see this as an opportunity to learn valueable lessons that will help lead you on the path to your greatest potential in all that comes before you,because without trials which test a persons character no growth occurs. By the way I dont think its wrong to cry(too many macho guys(of whom I used to be one)would do alot better for themselves if they dealt with the emotion and didnt let it turn into anger)Trust me your future wife will thank you for it.So keep on keepin on.Youll make it.
) and still wouldnt drop the restraining order.Did I mention she spent 10 months destroying my character behind my back and then had me arrested and many more vile things that arent necessary to mention.Point being I was left with the choice to use these things as a tool to better myself or to turn into the man she made me out to be.So I opted to be forgiving and after 8 months of seperation said the game is over I forgive but Im moving on.It was very painful to say the least but even though I made many mistakes (mostly by letting her back in so she could make me feel like it was all my fault) I learned that love isnt an emotion its a choice to honor and respect the one your with. So my advice to you would be to get better not bitter,let go of the weight that is bringing you down and deal with the emotions,because when the right relationship comes along(AND IT WILL) you need to be at peace with yourself and your past so that you can start out in a healthy emotional state. As for me prayer and time in the bible helped to find my way out of my own shortcomings and helped me deal with the demons of my past and put them to rest.Dont get me wrong,its tough but its just like building muscle.You know that if you dont push your self to the point of pain and discomfort there will be no chance for physical change and to better yourself by making yourself into the image you want to become:so is the way of this journey we call life.So be encouraged its tough but it will make you better and will lead to making better choices in all that you do. On a side note Im now married to an amazing woman I have a better life than I could have imagined while I was going through my divorce we have a beautiful son and with proper communication we have almost no conflict or hurt feelings in our home(this takes effort but nothing in life worth fighting for comes effortlessly) Youll be alright in time,just remember the only person you can fix is you and dont spend too much time partying it will just lead to more woes and stress(but thats a story for another time) You have alot of life ahead of you see this as an opportunity to learn valueable lessons that will help lead you on the path to your greatest potential in all that comes before you,because without trials which test a persons character no growth occurs. By the way I dont think its wrong to cry(too many macho guys(of whom I used to be one)would do alot better for themselves if they dealt with the emotion and didnt let it turn into anger)Trust me your future wife will thank you for it.So keep on keepin on.Youll make it.handzilla
Active member
toughchick401 said:
I know I took a gamble contacting her, and I thought you were gonna tear into me arse for that. I'm defintely moving on. But changing my number just b/c of her is kind of extreme. That would be a pain in the ass and a waste of money. I think it's easier to just ignore her calls when I want to. Less work for me, more work for her.
handzilla
Active member
mmowry said:Buddy heres my 2 cents.Been married,divorced,lost my job,home,my money and so on.My ex had a restraining order on me ,would come to see me, manipulate me(with sex
Yeah you're damn right about how it compares to building muscle. It's good to hear that you're in a good relationship now.
Thanks for the advice and welcome to AM, man.
toughchick401
Well-known member
handzilla said:
I would never tear into....ending things is hard as hell,and we all go backwards and forwards numerous times...Life is a lesson my friend as long as we learn from it...it's all good
Achilles13
:::6'4 240lbs EndoMorph:::
handzilla said:
Not that extreme at all. Depending on what company you are with, the first 2 times of changing are free, next is when they charge you(at least that's how cingular does it.)
toughchick401
Well-known member
Achilles13 said:
And verizon is free the first time..All I had to do was say why( and in my case it was a matter similar to yours, I was done, beyond wanting to talk to the person I was dating, and I changed the number because he was harrassing me calling all the time, txt messages out the ass....and so on)..
Try it..can't hurt and your point to her will be clear....
Happy easter everyone
handzilla
Active member
Week 8 Update
Me and some friends ended up at the lounge downtown Friday night. We're hanging out in the back room and I decide to go up to the front to close out my tab. Someone taps my shoulder and I pretty much had a feeling who it was. Looking out of the corner of my eye, I turn my head real slowly to look over my shoulder. As soon as I caught a slight peripheral glimpse of her I said "ay". Then turned back around as she got interrupted to say hi to someone else. As she was going through her normal flirting routine with this guy, I'm getting antsy hoping this bartender hurries up and so I can sign my tab out and go back into the next room before she starts talking to me again. Got it, signed it walked out that room like a bat outta hell.
Before I knew it it was time to go. I was pondering doing this all week so I did it. I called her when I got to my car and took her up on last Sunday's invite. There wasn't any of that "come over if you want to" bs either. She didn't hesitate for once.
She moved to a new place so I stayed on the phone as she navigated me over there. In a slightly whiny voice she said "You ignored me earlier." I replied "You went to go talk to someone else." Either way, I stayed over and had some of the best mind-blowing sEX that night and the next morning. Funny how she was dropping little clues that she hasn't done anything with anyone else. But who the fvck really knows and why the fvck should I really care, right?
That morning we talked a small talked a little bit on a basic level. I made sure that I didn't bring anything up, I've done enough of that. Before I left that morning I said I'd call her if I had trouble finding my way back to the highway. No trouble; no call. Went out Saturday night and had a ball meeting new womens.
Week 9
She sent me a Happy Easter text yesterday. I responded in thanks.
Thoughts: I gotta be careful and make sure I don't treat her like anything special when I she runs into me. I certainly gotta guard my heart and be cautious not to expect much of anything regardless of my sporadically irrational, wishful thinking pattern. We'll see what happens...
Me and some friends ended up at the lounge downtown Friday night. We're hanging out in the back room and I decide to go up to the front to close out my tab. Someone taps my shoulder and I pretty much had a feeling who it was. Looking out of the corner of my eye, I turn my head real slowly to look over my shoulder. As soon as I caught a slight peripheral glimpse of her I said "ay". Then turned back around as she got interrupted to say hi to someone else. As she was going through her normal flirting routine with this guy, I'm getting antsy hoping this bartender hurries up and so I can sign my tab out and go back into the next room before she starts talking to me again. Got it, signed it walked out that room like a bat outta hell.
Before I knew it it was time to go. I was pondering doing this all week so I did it. I called her when I got to my car and took her up on last Sunday's invite. There wasn't any of that "come over if you want to" bs either. She didn't hesitate for once.
She moved to a new place so I stayed on the phone as she navigated me over there. In a slightly whiny voice she said "You ignored me earlier." I replied "You went to go talk to someone else." Either way, I stayed over and had some of the best mind-blowing sEX that night and the next morning. Funny how she was dropping little clues that she hasn't done anything with anyone else. But who the fvck really knows and why the fvck should I really care, right?
That morning we talked a small talked a little bit on a basic level. I made sure that I didn't bring anything up, I've done enough of that. Before I left that morning I said I'd call her if I had trouble finding my way back to the highway. No trouble; no call. Went out Saturday night and had a ball meeting new womens.
Week 9
She sent me a Happy Easter text yesterday. I responded in thanks.
Thoughts: I gotta be careful and make sure I don't treat her like anything special when I she runs into me. I certainly gotta guard my heart and be cautious not to expect much of anything regardless of my sporadically irrational, wishful thinking pattern. We'll see what happens...
Achilles13
:::6'4 240lbs EndoMorph:::
DmitryWI said:
LOL ::just shakes head:: I was thinking the same thing.
handzilla
Active member
ryano said:
How did I give it up if she's still trying to get ahold of me? I'm not chasing. I simply made a booty call. Watch me give her a high five like she's one of my buddies next time I run into her. The way I see it now, is she'll be wanting me even more. Not to mention the chic from last weekend called me lastnight. So I might be getting at her this coming weekend. All focus is not on my Ex.
toughchick401
Well-known member
handzilla said:
Shaking head!!!! as i tell my kids at school, 2 wrongs don't make a right..your acting like her now...........
somewhatgifted
Registered User
Life is a journey where the decisions you make shape the person you become. Its not about what you accumulate or have its about the person you become along the way. You have become a non commital, two timing, duplication of her.
You are lying to yourself and with a new perspective repeating the same behaviour. You cannot have sex and actually be seriously considering setting her up for the big finale. If everything in life revolved around your current values id be a cold ugly cowardly place. You need to have some self respect and realise you ARE better than this behaviour that she has initiated. Your just buying into a system she controls, and that is what it is about from the beggining. You are doing everything wrong, IMO, and should be more concerned with preparing yourself for a real, functional relationship. While dumping the baggage you have accumulated, your trying to beat her at her own game and its a childish, hurtfull game with the only prize being resentment, and a lack of trust for women.
You are lying to yourself and with a new perspective repeating the same behaviour. You cannot have sex and actually be seriously considering setting her up for the big finale. If everything in life revolved around your current values id be a cold ugly cowardly place. You need to have some self respect and realise you ARE better than this behaviour that she has initiated. Your just buying into a system she controls, and that is what it is about from the beggining. You are doing everything wrong, IMO, and should be more concerned with preparing yourself for a real, functional relationship. While dumping the baggage you have accumulated, your trying to beat her at her own game and its a childish, hurtfull game with the only prize being resentment, and a lack of trust for women.
Achilles13
:::6'4 240lbs EndoMorph:::
:goodpost:
Cuffs
Well-known member
You're playing with fire my man. Take it from me. Stay away from her.
A little update with my deal. My ex is STILL calling me when she "just wants to talk". She can't stand that I'm with someone else and happy, while she is alone and pregnant. She sent me a text message to my work phone (the only way she can get a hold of me) on Easter asking some personal questions. Then she was butt-hurt when I never responded, and told her a few days later that my personal life is no longer any of her business. She made the comment that "we are still married, so I do have a right." Whatever...hell, she is the one who left, filed for divorce, sold the house, had her married boyfriend, who left her to go back to his wife, and left her (my ex) pregnant.
Today, she calls and makes small talk, but I was in a crappy mood with only 3 hours of sleep. So, I was in no mood to talk. She got pissed because I wanted to end the call quickly, and didn't want to talk about anything personal. She ended the call with being the true biatch she is, along with making comments that "I must have been cheating on her if I'm able to move on as I have", and "I need to think about what I'm doing with my life because I'm the one screwing up", and so on. She knows I went to Vegas for a few days last week and thinks I'm now a swinger and living this "fantasy" life. Her calls usually end up with her making some sort of jealous comment if things don't go her way. Hell, I haven't even laid eyes on my ex in over 6 months. So, I don't know where she is coming from. Anyone want her phone number...lol.
A little update with my deal. My ex is STILL calling me when she "just wants to talk". She can't stand that I'm with someone else and happy, while she is alone and pregnant. She sent me a text message to my work phone (the only way she can get a hold of me) on Easter asking some personal questions. Then she was butt-hurt when I never responded, and told her a few days later that my personal life is no longer any of her business. She made the comment that "we are still married, so I do have a right." Whatever...hell, she is the one who left, filed for divorce, sold the house, had her married boyfriend, who left her to go back to his wife, and left her (my ex) pregnant.
Today, she calls and makes small talk, but I was in a crappy mood with only 3 hours of sleep. So, I was in no mood to talk. She got pissed because I wanted to end the call quickly, and didn't want to talk about anything personal. She ended the call with being the true biatch she is, along with making comments that "I must have been cheating on her if I'm able to move on as I have", and "I need to think about what I'm doing with my life because I'm the one screwing up", and so on. She knows I went to Vegas for a few days last week and thinks I'm now a swinger and living this "fantasy" life. Her calls usually end up with her making some sort of jealous comment if things don't go her way. Hell, I haven't even laid eyes on my ex in over 6 months. So, I don't know where she is coming from. Anyone want her phone number...lol.
somewhatgifted
Registered User
handzilla said:
Know this, you sound like a good man at heart but you are confused. realising the problem is the only way to fix it, know that you realise the problem bite your tongue and do what needs to be done to ensure you leave this situation a good man. be strong bro quit her like a bad job.
handzilla
Active member
Week 9 Update
I'm was out lastnight when I received a text from her: "Come see me tonight"
I thought for a minute hmmm maybe that text went to me and some other people as well. I figured she was trying to get people to go up to her bar she was working at. So I sent a text back saying "Is this another one of those annoying group messages?!" She called me like 3 seconds later, and I answered thinking she wanted me to come through since she called so fast. She started small talking and I asked her if that text was just to me, she said it was to a couple other people too. She was on her way home since the bar was dead. Apparently she wasn't calling me for any good reason. So I ended the conversation telling her to get at me later.
Well tonight it seems like everyone is flaking out. Maybe I could use a night in. Especially away from those places where I know she will be at. I know she's off tonight so there's like a 200% chance that she'll run into me if I head down there. Not only that. But I have a gut feeling that she knows this and has plans...plans on being seen with another guy. So I'll go ahead and throw a wrench in there and chill out tonight. I know I really shouldn't be studying her like this but I gotta stay on top and make sure that I don't get my heart ripped up anymore than it is, bottom line.
I'm was out lastnight when I received a text from her: "Come see me tonight
"I thought for a minute hmmm maybe that text went to me and some other people as well. I figured she was trying to get people to go up to her bar she was working at. So I sent a text back saying "Is this another one of those annoying group messages?!" She called me like 3 seconds later, and I answered thinking she wanted me to come through since she called so fast. She started small talking and I asked her if that text was just to me, she said it was to a couple other people too. She was on her way home since the bar was dead. Apparently she wasn't calling me for any good reason. So I ended the conversation telling her to get at me later.
Well tonight it seems like everyone is flaking out. Maybe I could use a night in. Especially away from those places where I know she will be at. I know she's off tonight so there's like a 200% chance that she'll run into me if I head down there. Not only that. But I have a gut feeling that she knows this and has plans...plans on being seen with another guy. So I'll go ahead and throw a wrench in there and chill out tonight. I know I really shouldn't be studying her like this but I gotta stay on top and make sure that I don't get my heart ripped up anymore than it is, bottom line.
TheCrownedOne
Registered User
You can't get over being an alcoholic by going to bars and drinking.
Forget she exists, and in time she will.
Forget she exists, and in time she will.
handzilla
Active member
ryano said:
Yeah I am obsessing a lil bit again. She still on my mind. It wasn't really any different before the sex last weekend anyway. That's why I need more women on the roster.
Either way like I said, I threw that monkey wrench in there lastnight. Sure enough she texted me around 1:30 or so asking me if I had any cute friends for her friend. Then she called about 15 minutes later. Then again about 2 hours later leaving a voicemail asking where I was, saying that she thought she would have ran into me. My phone was on silent through all of this as I was sleeping like a baby. One step ahead.
toughchick401
Well-known member
handzilla said:
She isent that much behind you, your phone was on.....We have all been there, it hurts and is hard as hell....but one day I know i will read a post on a hottie you met and is sane
Keep strong
handzilla
Active member
toughchick401 said:She isent that much behind you, your phone was on.....We have all been there, it hurts and is hard as hell....but one day I know i will read a post on a hottie you met and is sane
Keep strong
Haha for real though, hopefully soon. Yeah I didn't even think letting go would be this tough. Whole lotta mixed feelings that constantly shift course and affect my actions.
toughchick401
Well-known member
handzilla said:
love is tough, stay strong