Can you go back?

[toughchick401]

Ok, question, can you go back to an ex and make it "right" per say!!!???

I have been pondering this question for awhile now......Cliff note version of the story:

Dated someone for 2 years, thought he might have been the one,towards the last year of the relationship he changed alot, would make dates and blow me off, borrowed money never got it back, after a little while of this I got tired and I ended it with him.....and I focused on me, in school for nursing, leaned out agian, started running everyday, entered some road races, and found me again....fast forward present day..... He has seen me, says I look good, paid me back some of the money he owed me, is always txting me, calling me, and when I dont respond, he gets mad, he whines that we should go on a "date"..wants me take me away for my birthday which is coming up, and I don't feel it.....I dont know if i ever will, or if it's a time thing, in time can I feel the love agian or did his hurtful ways just kill it all together, the one thing I have going for me now is I am 100% honest with him telling him it's about me this time, he would come a distant last place , everything else is first, where before it was family, him,work, friends.....and that he would be in the last place for a long time until I thought he was sincere................

My thoughts and feelings are it's to late, that the pain is to deep and i would never trust him again.............but i also know that right now, my walls are so high that i dont think ANYONE can get over them, not just him, anyone...............

 

[Omen]

Ok, question, can you go back to an ex and make it "right" per say!!!???

I have been pondering this question for awhile now......Cliff note version of the story:

Dated someone for 2 years, thought he might have been the one,towards the last year of the relationship he changed alot, would make dates and blow me off, borrowed money never got it back, after a little while of this I got tired and I ended it with him.....and I focused on me, in school for nursing, leaned out agian, started running everyday, entered some road races, and found me again....fast forward present day..... He has seen me, says I look good, paid me back some of the money he owed me, is always txting me, calling me, and when I dont respond, he gets mad, he whines that we should go on a "date"..wants me take me away for my birthday which is coming up, and I don't feel it.....I dont know if i ever will, or if it's a time thing, in time can I feel the love agian or did his hurtful ways just kill it all together, the one thing I have going for me now is I am 100% honest with him telling him it's about me this time, he would come a distant last place , everything else is first, where before it was family, him,work, friends.....and that he would be in the last place for a long time until I thought he was sincere................

My thoughts and feelings are it's to late, that the pain is to deep and i would never trust him again.............but i also know that right now, my walls are so high that i dont think ANYONE can get over them, not just him, anyone...............

Obviously, you haven't met me...or Chuck Norris.

As Joe Navarro once said "The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior"

Use your judgment but here's a simple method that I like to use to make judgments:

-By being atogether again, even as you describe, there's a possibility that things might work out fine, but there's also a possibility that happened before, him hurting you. Is that risk, worth being together again?

-By refusing refusing to get back together, you completely remove the option of being hurt, but he might have changed and you miss out on a great relationship. Is that risk, worth not being together?

Only you can pick one!

Also how was the sex throughout the whole relationship?

Couples that f*** alot, have better odds of being together, weather they fight a lot or disagree on a lot of things.

Couples that don't f*** alot, have less odds of being together, weather they fight a lot or don't.

 

[toughchick401]

Obviously, you haven't met me...or Chuck Norris.

As Joe Navarro once said "The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior"

Use your judgment but here's a simple method that I like to use to make judgments:

-By being atogether again, even as you describe, there's a possibility that things might work out fine, but there's also a possibility that happened before, him hurting you. Is that risk, worth being together again?

-By refusing refusing to get back together, you completely remove the option of being hurt, but he might have changed and you miss out on a great relationship. Is that risk, worth not being together?

Only you can pick one!

Also how was the sex throughout the whole relationship?

Couples that f*** alot, have better odds of being together, weather they fight a lot or disagree on a lot of things.

Couples that don't f*** alot, have less odds of being together, weather they fight a lot or don't.

I hear you on this, in my honest opinion, the hurt isent worth it, but thats for anyone right now, I think I have come to a point where even if prince charming came and knocked on my door, i would need my time, space,and in the end turn him and anyone down........I feel I can make it alone, and honestly the thought of putting effort into something like i did before, isen't worth it to me............

 

[nemo]

Sounds like you have your mind made up at this point in time. That being said , your ex sounds like someone who once he knows he has you, he lets up on the little things that matter. I could be wrong, as I don't know him.
Things you have to consider;are you still in school?, if you let him back in, will you drop everything else(even though you say you won't)?.... you have to really know what you're made of and what you can and can't handle at this point in your life.
To give and recieve love is the best feelin' in the world,... I wish you the best!

 

[Rodja]

What prompted the end of the relationship?

My current relationship just ended, but it was not based on anything that happened between us. The timing of the relationship just was not right. She has a huge wall, like yourself, because she is so focued on going to grad school and her mom (who she grew up with) has been through several divorces. I can understand the apprehension that some people have to enter relationships because of the high divorce rates, but the greatest mistake we can make is to let the fear of the unknown dictate our lives. Every relationship is based upon 1 thing: comfortable vulnerability. There is a chance that you could get hurt, but without pain there can be no pleasure. Acceptance of the dichotomy of life is the first step to becoming mentally and emotionally ready.

 

[Omen]

I hear you on this, in my honest opinion, the hurt isent worth it, but thats for anyone right now, I think I have come to a point where even if prince charming came and knocked on my door, i would need my time, space,and in the end turn him and anyone down........I feel I can make it alone, and honestly the thought of putting effort into something like i did before, isen't worth it to me............

You don't need relationships to be happy, monogamy is not for everyone, definitely not me.

Don't get in one because you think you need it to be happy.

 

[Tyler1]

I hear you on this, in my honest opinion, the hurt isent worth it, but thats for anyone right now, I think I have come to a point where even if prince charming came and knocked on my door, i would need my time, space,and in the end turn him and anyone down........I feel I can make it alone, and honestly the thought of putting effort into something like i did before, isen't worth it to me............

This afternoon I was talking to my little brother, he said at about 27 he just concluded he was meant to be single, he's happily married a year later. In my opinion when it's right they don't require work, at first, we know what's required after a while though.

 

[b unit]

tell the guy to leave you alone, move on and keep doing what it is you're doing

you will know if or when you meet mr right, this guy is not mr right

cheers

 

[futurepilot]

tell the guy to leave you alone, move on and keep doing what it is you're doing

you will know if or when you meet mr right, this guy is not mr right

cheers

:goodpost:

 

[suncloud]

Dated someone for 2 years, thought he might have been the one,towards the last year of the relationship he changed alot, would make dates and blow me off, borrowed money never got it back, after a little while of this I got tired and I ended it with him.....and I focused on me, in school for nursing, leaned out agian, started running everyday, entered some road races, and found me again....fast forward present day..... He has seen me, says I look good, paid me back some of the money he owed me, is always txting me, calling me, and when I dont respond, he gets mad, he whines that we should go on a "date"..wants me take me away for my birthday which is coming up, and I don't feel it.....I dont know if i ever will, or if it's a time thing, in time can I feel the love agian or did his hurtful ways just kill it all together, the one thing I have going for me now is I am 100% honest with him telling him it's about me this time, he would come a distant last place , everything else is first, where before it was family, him,work, friends.....and that he would be in the last place for a long time until I thought he was sincere................

My thoughts and feelings are it's to late, that the pain is to deep and i would never trust him again.............but i also know that right now, my walls are so high that i dont think ANYONE can get over them, not just him, anyone...............

thats a classic sign he was not being faithful. i'd like to say people can change, but it takes more than saying it. it takes willpower, determination, and the desire to change in order for it to happen. personally, i'd never trust someone again, and it looks like you're moving forward, getting your life and career in order.

its my opinion that he was not Mr. Right, he was Mr. Right Now. meaning he was good for you at one point in your life, but not what you will need in the future.

stay friends with him until he repays you all the money he "borrowed" then ditch him. when you're ready for a relationship the right guy will show up.

 

[b unit]

wise words suncloud

i'd also like to add that not paying back the money in full is a sign of a douche, having to borrow money in the first place is a sign of a douche

first thing he should have done was give you all the money back in full and apologised, if he can't afford to give you all that money back in full means he's still a loser, a total broke ass

 

[Trauma1]

tell the guy to leave you alone, move on and keep doing what it is you're doing

you will know if or when you meet mr right, this guy is not mr right

cheers

Excellent posting! I couldn't have said it better. It's so true as well, when i met my current wife i just knew. There was never a doubt in my mind. Mr. right will be the one right from the get-go. Good luck toughchick!

How's school going btw?

 

[toughchick401]

What prompted the end of the relationship?

My current relationship just ended, but it was not based on anything that happened between us. The timing of the relationship just was not right. She has a huge wall, like yourself, because she is so focued on going to grad school and her mom (who she grew up with) has been through several divorces. I can understand the apprehension that some people have to enter relationships because of the high divorce rates, but the greatest mistake we can make is to let the fear of the unknown dictate our lives. Every relationship is based upon 1 thing: comfortable vulnerability. There is a chance that you could get hurt, but without pain there can be no pleasure. Acceptance of the dichotomy of life is the first step to becoming mentally and emotionally ready.

The end of the relationship was slow over time, only becuase I tolerated more than I should have, the calls of yes let's get together, that night would come and he would suddenly not answer his phone, or "fall asleep".... the end for mr finally came when he stood me up on our 2 yr anniversary, I had enough and told him to go to hell and never call me again, I was sure he was cheating, and now I think and the more I think on it, the more i am convinced he cheated on me and who ever the girl was dumped him, and he "saw" me again, I had lost weight, toned up alot and thats when the calls/txts started.......
I have gotten some of the money back, but not enough, but he has nothing, for someone who works 2 jobs he never has money, no kids to support or ex wives to support, so my other issue is where the hell is all your money going, my sister seems to think, up his nose or he is drinking it away, gambling maybe...But another fishy thing......
It sounds easy, but reality is I hate being mean, I hate being or rejecting someone, but the more i think on it, and the more pressure he puts on me for trying to spend time with me, the more i am hating him and the pressure he thinks is ok to put on me...He told me to skip class this week and dosent know "why you want to be a stupid nurse anyway"..... funny thing is I tell him straight out that i dont have the time or the energy for him right now, and he insists on calling, txting, I ignore it, than he gets nasty...............
Trauma, school is HARD!!!! cant concentrate, and I have gotten C's on my 2 tests so far, I need far better than that.......thinking of dropping, regrouping and taking something next semester, to many doubles this semester with work, this crap, medical issues (lupus flare ups)... and family crap!!!!

Thanks for all the input, i know what needs to be done, my next thought is, ......Mr right, does he exist.... ???

TC

 

[holyintellect]

Ive never known anyone in my personal life that was able to make it work the second time around, although I have supported several who tried...

I'll tell you this....if it was me, and I truly loved that person, I would certainly give it a chance to succeed. Obviously love doesnt conquer all, but if both people want it to work, then you should give it a chance. KEY WORDS BEING BOTH PEOPLE.

holy

 

[nemo]

Mr. Right does exist, and as b-unit stated,... You will know!!!