Just out of curiosity - does cardiac arrest run in your family? Obviously you were running a ton of gear, but how much blame do you lay on the gear vs. your family history and personal habits/eating?
Also, I'm glad you mentioned drive and focus and motivation. To the OP - a lot of guys don't make any significant natural gains after cycling. But sometimes it's not even a physical component, it's simply mental. A lot of people will convince themselves, after having the superhuman feel that brundel speaks about, that they can never accomplish that again without gear. It's not always true, but you can't always help the way your mind works.
Heart disease is rampant in my family on my mothers side, however, it is driven by extremely high cholesterol levels, clogged arteries and heart attacks. NOT cardiac arrest which is totally different.
My arteries are 100% clear.
I have eaten like a bodybuilder for a long time. Baked chicken, oatmeal, egg whites, brown rice, ezekiel bread...thats pretty much it.
My cholesterol levels are under the range for human normals.
HDL -26
LDL-51
So far nobody in my family except me has had a cardiac arrest and I dont share the genetic pre disposition for heart disease they do.
Hormonal abnormalities can cause arrhythmia.
This can lead to cardiac arrest....
So when your tinkering with your hormones understand that there IS a very real risk.
Im all for using steroids. Im not trying to tell you not too.
But know that there is the potential for fatal consequences.
Last year I personally know 3 people who died of cardiac arrest who were on AAS.
I also had a cardiac arrest. In my 30's
Last year Luke wood and Art atwood (pro bodybuilders) both died of cardiac arrest in their 30's.
You only live once. Live large and prosper. But know it may cut your life short.