Needless to say it has not been a good month for me emotionally. 3 weeks ago my wife told me it was over (I'm stuck in Texas, she's back in South Carolina). Ever since I've been on a god damn roller coaster of emotions ranging from depression to anxiety. It wouldn't be so bad, but we have 2 children together and it just seemed so...sudden. I can't stop thinking about it and everytime I do I get a sudden rush of anxiety (i.e. my heart rate begins to increase, I get jittery and on edge, my mind races, etc). I guess I'm just asking for a little guidance from someone who knows what I am going through (or not). The feelings I feel suck ass and I'm stuck here for one more month before I can go back to California and start over. The gym helps, writing has helped a little, talking to friends helps, but I guess only time can heal the pain. I'm open to all suggestions/advice and I know you all are good for it. Thanks everyone and I'll be around a lot more once I get back to Cali. Nate.
There's been a few of us right where you are now. I was there more than once with my ex wife...and its absolute hell. I'd wake up cursing the morning mostly because I lived through the night. Waking up with physical pain that felt like a blender let loose on the inside of my body was unbearable at times. I lived, and I dealt with the best I knew how, just one ****ing day at a time.
You are dead on that time will heal it, and thats about it. Rather than go on about this or that it might be easier to give some small advice that really helped me out, and was more like a PRT (post relationship therapy) than being cut loose from my moorings and left to drift aimlessly at sea until I happened to find my bearings.....
1. Have some friends you can just be around. You don't need to talk about it exactly. You're already thinking about it. Just have some people you can be around. Watch a movie, bs about something else just to give yourself and possibly your mind a break for a minute.
2. Don't go out and get hammered. Save the drinking for when you're on your feet and in a good mood. All that will do right now is amplify your feelings. You do'nt need that right now really. You need to see things for what they are, not what alcohol will make you see them for.
3. Don't go out and hook up with a bunch of bar sluts. It sounds like an awesome idea...but right now isn't the time.
Allow yourself to hurt, allow yourself to think. Don't blame you and don't blame her. It is what it is. Deal with what is NOW not what was then. Don't set a time limit on when you are going to 'start over'. It will happen when it happens. If you force it, you'll be right back here in record time, except you'll be recovering from 2 instead of 1.
Remain civil for the children. You'll be in your ex's life forever. You don't have to like her, but she is related to your children. Kids perceive alot more than anyone ever realizes.
Long story short:
If you have a set of gears, that have unmatching tooth pitches, the gears won't mesh. Which gear is to blame? Neither. It just aint gonna work that way.
Find a new gear.
toughchick, I remember a lot of the problems you had mentioned in the past and I was always was amazed at how you were able to stay so positive. Awesome attitude. Hopefully I'll see some more of you old timers pop up. I plan on frequenting the board more often now. Take care. Nate.
