What would you do

Irish_Rogue

Member
My mate emailed me his new troubles in life and asked me for help. I am by no means the best at giving relationship advice.

Here goes his story,

He has been dating this bird for about a year, at the beginning of their start she metioned that she emails an Ex of hers about once a month. He said no biggie just thought it was odd to be in contact with an old flame. Months later he is with her at the computer and see that her inbox is plastered with this blokes emails, he breaks down and peeks at her account and see that they email several times a day, over 400 emails.
He asked her about the amount the email and she said ever 3-4 days, he let this go for a week and then said he knew she was lying and then she said it was daily. Big fight, right! She tells him the next day that if he does not trust her that nothing is going on between the two of them that he can look at the emails. So he said yes, all but one email was deleted. She said that she never keeps them more than a day. Another lie, yeah!

grab a beer almost done. She said she would never email this bloke again and she emailed her mate and accidentally put him in the CC telling her that she was going to talk to him on another account any way. So he confronted her again and now she swears she is telling the truth, he just noticed she has a hotmail account now.

I said if the emails you read were strictly friends only ****e, then just let her know that lying over petty ****e does a lot of damage. If not dump her arse now.


What whould you all say????? Once again I suck at the relationship advice.
 
Well we can look at it two ways.

1) There is something lacking in their relationship whether its emotional on one or both parts is unknown.They need to sit down and have the HARD HONEST talk about this relationship.Her saying it wont happen again without getting to the emotional root of the problem just delays the inevitable.Which goes from emotional cheating to physical.

They have to let each other know what they each need emotionally and if either is to uncomortable with that then they are in dire straits.Almost anything can be worked out if both parties are mature enough to look into themselves and fix the RECURRING problems that have been patterns throughout their lives.

or

2) Just move on and have to deal with the same problems later on and with different poeple.

Good luck.
 
mmowry said:
Well we can look at it two ways.

1) There is something lacking in their relationship whether its emotional on one or both parts is unknown.They need to sit down and have the HARD HONEST talk about this relationship.Her saying it wont happen again without getting to the emotional root of the problem just delays the inevitable.Which goes from emotional cheating to physical.

They have to let each other know what they each need emotionally and if either is to uncomortable with that then they are in dire straits.Almost anything can be worked out if both parties are mature enough to look into themselves and fix the RECURRING problems that have been patterns throughout their lives.

or

2) Just move on and have to deal with the same problems later on and with different poeple.

Good luck.
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Dayum mm, your like Dr. Phil on Ecdy.:D

I think that's a pretty good sum-up.
 
break up with her RIGHT AWAY

there are two types of liars

1) most people ... everyone lies once in a while for one reason or another .. after all we are all human

2) the type this chick falls into - those that lie as a daily practice to make their life less complicated and relieve themselves of accountability

these people disgust me there is nothing i disdain more than those who are unaccountable for their actions

she obviously cares far more about her personal enjoyment then sustaining a worthwhile relationship

if she's ok with lying like this there is NO REASON (in my mind) why she won't be ok with cheating on him, reconciling it in her mind, and lying about it .. and doing this over and over again

if you care about your buddy you'll have a heart to heart with him, explain you care about him and aren't trying to hurt or belittle him, and then tell him to kick that lying skank to the gutter
 
glenihan said:
break up with her RIGHT AWAY

there are two types of liars

1) most people ... everyone lies once in a while for one reason or another .. after all we are all human

2) the type this chick falls into - those that lie as a daily practice to make their life less complicated and relieve themselves of accountability

these people disgust me there is nothing i disdain more than those who are unaccountable for their actions

she obviously cares far more about her personal enjoyment then sustaining a worthwhile relationship

if she's ok with lying like this there is NO REASON (in my mind) why she won't be ok with cheating on him, reconciling it in her mind, and lying about it .. and doing this over and over again

if you care about your buddy you'll have a heart to heart with him, explain you care about him and aren't trying to hurt or belittle him, and then tell him to kick that lying skank to the gutter
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I definately agree with ya, Glen. Seems like this chick is out for herself. Lying and lying again will turn into a vicious cycle, something I know I would never let myself be a part of.

My girl talks with her ex from time to time. Its really no big deal. She tells me about it when I ask, with no hesitation. I'm more comfortable in this relationship then I ever have been in any other, including those in which "talking to an ex was bad." It boils down to honesty.
 
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prld2gr8ns said:
Dayum mm, your like Dr. Phil on Ecdy.:D

I think that's a pretty good sum-up.
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Thanks: much wisdom comes from learning from ones failures and then applying that knowledge to better oneself and hopefully others.After 35 years Ive ammassed a lot of experience in overcoming failures.LOL

Just ditching her is just being self centered and the easy way out.There is no concern in trying to help her better herself but too many people are so emotionally broken that they cant see past their own pain.(I know Ive had to overcome more than Im willing to talk about here)

Also there are 2 people in this relationship so the male in this instance HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for his actions because it takes 2 people to either break or fix this.

We dont know how he treats her, if he takes her emotions into consideration, if he listens because hes interested in her even though hes not interested in the conversation perse.So to get hostile with only knowing part of tha story is pretty immature.

Dont get me wrong the lies must be dealt with as this could verywell be the beginning signs of a downward spiral.But to just say dump her is irresponsible as a humanbeing and self seeking.

Without putting forth honest effort by both parties to resolve this issue and Im POSITIVE that there are many more that need to be addressed overtime.This relationship is doomed and many more to follow.If you just give up on everything that seems too difficult in life you are doomed to medeocrity and playing the blame game your whole miserable life.
 
Also on a side note if I would have just given up on the woman who has been my wonderful wife for 5 years now then I never would have got through the exterior actions to see the true inner beauty that was hidden underneath all that pain.Shes an amazing woman who I truly love.Love=action not feelings!
unfortunately few people people will ever show there true greatness because noone will take the time to help break down the barriers that lifes letdowns have caused us all.
 
PumpingIron said:
I'm not saying i agree with you, but you definately need a mid-day talk show.
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That would be great then maybe I could afford all the supps i want.:icon_lol:

Im not trying to chastise anyone.This relationship may just be a waste of time,I dont know.I just hate to see people give up on others seeing as we have no idea in the beginning what their potential is.
Many throughout history have ben looked down on by others but in the end they did very amazing things(who woulda thunk it)
I hope it works out but even if they try wisdom is needed to know when enough is enough.Youll never know what you might have just given up if you dont try.
 
I would dump her, thats low down to lie that way about several of the issues, it showed she still cared more about her ex than her current man.
 
glenihan said:
break up with her RIGHT AWAY
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My thoughts exactly.

I agree with mowry that dumping her is the easy way out... but in this case, you should take it, because otherwise you'll be forced to take a much harder way out down the line. If she's acting like this, I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

She's either cheating or she's a pathological liar. In either case, the easy way out is the best way.
 
Thats the truth a lie by any other name is still a lie.Truth and honesty are the only foundation that will stand the storms of life because there are no fairy tale relationships.

If someone says they have one then one or both parties are deceived or lieing.
 
Just sounds too eerily familiar to me. I had a girl who lied to me all the time. I thought I was the bad boyfriend for not trusting her...till later. Trust is never an issue with me nowadays since I have been in some healthy relationships.
 
trust is the most important aspect of a relationship. without it, there is nothing.

your bloke knows he cant trust her now, and will and should question other things he doubts she is being truthful about. this will just lead to further deterioration of the relationship. its a waste of time at this point.

ive learned this lesson twice. no trust, kick her to the curb, its not worth the worrying, the effort, the questioning, and the fights. tell him to find a girl that doesnt lie.
 
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