Storytime:
Alright, fellas, here we go again . .
- my bud calls me following my workout last night and wanted me to drop by to try out the new dank-a$$ schwag. Yes, I did say schwag, but this one is more of a hybrid . . could be sold as dro had it not been for it being a bit too compact.
Anyway, I brought my dog, for whatever reason . . and we were a little group of buds there, lighting the bong. Every time, they want me to hit it first, because I keep impressing them . . I've got the Nordic lung capacity, the kind Norwegians are born with in order to make it up in the mountains and bare through long winter nights . . And I don't smoke cigarettes, so they never took the 'real' beating. I can rip the living $hit out of this 2.5 foot long bong w/an icechamber. Literally, I'll tear up a 1-1.5 gram bowl. I went for it, and they told me the smoke that filled the chamber was so (what's the word) that it was yellow before I removed the bowl and took it all in. THey were sitting there with the WTF-look on their faces, waiting for me to caugh. . but no, I held it in, some more, some more .. .ahhhh, exhale slooowly. No caugh. Real HIIIGH! hahah . . this has become a part of every 'party' lately, as it seems to impress anyone I run into, lol. My bud's told me some girls were coming over in a bit, and told me I oughtta do that again then .. 'Cool,' I said.
Twenty minutes later, four girls come in, two hot, two not, one of the hot ones I knew, and she's a cool girl. These new three *****es; don't know 'em, never will; **** them, but let me get to my point before I tear them a new one.
The other hot one walks up to me and without hesitation; 'are you on juice cus your a laaaa-ha-ha-ha-arge man' . . I'm thinking, 'you f*king *****, you didn't go there' . . No, I'm not on juice, natural actually, I just bust my a$$ at perfecting what I do' . . she looks up, walks off, while throwing out, 'you know, juice shrinks your nuts and balls, and, well . . [hint hint]' . . this C@nt says this as she's walking away from me, not even looking, and I'm just telling myself, stay calm, stay calm . . I was high enough to be like, '**** it', but I was enraged. No dumb c@nt will talk to me like that, end of story.
We all walk into the kitchen, about 8-9 of us .. I lean over the counter, and one of my buddies tell the girls I was Norwegian, and suggested I said something. I turn and stare down this dumb c@nt from before, and go; 'du, din dumme fitte ! Hvem faen tror du du er a ? Du maa faen passe kjeften din foer du har noe kommende'
Translated: 'YOU ! You stupid f*king c*nt ! Who the f*ck do you think you are ? Watch your f*king mouth or you got something coming to ya !'
The girls go, what, what did you say !? The girl I had just been staring down goes, 'something tells me, from the way you were staring me down, that I won't want to know..' . . I look at her, 'damn straight' . . End of battle 1, but I had so much resentment in me. And did I mention I was high ? They oughtta thank the MJ for me being in that condition . .
I picked the bong up, this time loaded with Orange Kush, and my friend allowed me to RIP IT! I did . . just like before . Holy mutha-f*kin'-$hit ! OOoeeeeeee !
[Remember I said i brought my dog? Well, I hadn't seen him in ten minutes; not since we got into the kitchen]
'Where's my dog at?!' I say out of nowhere as we're all sitting there . . 'I haven't seen him in ten minutes' . . they all look at eachother, 'uhhhmmmmmm... dont know !' .. I leave the kitchen and go looking for him, calling his name inside, no response, and run to the door leading out to the garage, because my dog had already snuck out there once earlier as someone openened it to go outside. Being Hiiiigh, I got paranoid, and thought, 'he went out when the girls came in!!!' . . I run outdoors, and scream his name, whistle.. no response ! After 3-4 minutes, I go back inside, convinced he's in one of the rooms. I go to the two rooms that are open, call his name, look around the corner of the beds, no beagle, no sound, no anything.. I'm freaking out !
I run into the kitchen, 'I can't find my dog!!' I said, obviously affected by it. I turn around and head for the garage door to go outdoors again, and I hear this one girl go, 'watch out, he's gonna hit something!' .. You've got to be f*king kidding me? Who the f*ck talks like this to anyone, nonetheless given the circumstances, you dumb f*king c*nts!? . . I stop as I'm on my way out, yell back, 'What the f*ck did you say? I'm gonna hit something ?! Labeling me here much, you dumb skank ? F*ck you !' I continue outdoors.
So, my bud lives right off of a busy street in CS; one of the MAIN streets, three lane traffic each direction, and my buds house is 20 yards off of this hw in a neighboorhood. I'm freaking out. I scream his name. . run to the street, little traffic, thank god, look up and down .. and ... what the f*ck is that in the road ? a little shadow . . laying motionless . . :jaw:
.. no hesitation, i sprint out in the middle of the road, run towards this lifeless thing, calling out, Benji. No response. I'm high, keep in mind, so I'm freakin the f*ck out ! I run over to this dog, my sized dog, brown, little face, everything, check, check, check. . I stand over him, heart in my chest, stood there for 30-40 seconds, cars passing by in both directions, f*ck if I care . .
.. it took me a minute to realize it wasn't my dog, as a result of being real paranoid, thinking 'worst-case-scenario' as usual . . looked at its tiny little head, and it's tongue was hanging out. It was a sore sight. Knowing it wasn't my dog, I still didn't want it laying here getting torn up, so I picked up the dead-stiff dog, and ran it across the road back to the curb, and my buddy saw me as I ran towards him, thinking 'he found his dead f*cking dog in the road!' . . I look at my bud, it's not my dog, it's not my f*cking dog !
I go towards the house, and I'm f*cked up by now . . too much going on . . and considering I had just picked up a dead dog the size of mine in the middle of the road . . I'm freaking out . . no dog in sight . . this ain't right . .
As i come up to the house, all 8 people are outdoors, and my bud goes, BRO, your dog's in the house ! He was hiding under the bed !!
. . . . The End !
- I won't be sleeping right for weeks after this scenario. Traffic vs my dog has freaked me out before, but this time it was too real, and too close for comfort. What a night.
