jmh80
Well-known member
Not sure if this was this year's or not. Saw it on another board.
It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. These
awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the
most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
5th RUNNER-UP Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he
hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down
the slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced
dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about
3a.m.,the Mono County Sheriff's department said. Hubal and his
friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and
undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt.Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used
to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used
the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower.
It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was
the one with its pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call
the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and
walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of
the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat
where it had choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a
stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed
instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia
party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas
who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an
explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer,
24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party
late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
"Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was
trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll
show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and
it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said.
Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive
facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area
Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like
that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon
man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive
and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost
his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting
club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain
Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a
beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye.
Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a
major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died
instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University
Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of
brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow
managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had
Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends
had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb
about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County
district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under
investigation.
Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of
the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica
concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets
(but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be
easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They
pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr.
Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins to hop the
fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late)
Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the
fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through
a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his
arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from
the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below
him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed
his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly
bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without
the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum.
To make matters worse, on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his
thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and
agony, threw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to
the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken
haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the
fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find
the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck,
and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving
the truck, they found John under it, half-naked, scratches on his
body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his
shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
