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Which one do we follow? LolI have no idea why it posted 5 times or why I cannot delete these. Suffice it to say I want to punch a hole in my wall right now and throw a potted plant through my living room window.
You already found the reason for your life. Nothing stays but your offspring. He deserves the best start he can get.I hope to have healed my body enough that I can begin training again, and most-importantly to try to see life as a gift instead of an affliction. Presently, the only time I’m not abjectly miserable is the short period each week I get with my son. It would be nice to be able to see at least some of the joy and wonder and amazement of this world like my son does, instead of seething with sadness, anger, resentment, and regret. I can only barely remember what it felt like to see my life as anything but a tremendous burden. Except for when I’m with my son? all of my hope, optimism, inspiration, humor, joy, gratitude, compassion, empathy, and warmth are just gone and no matter how deeply I dig, I just can’t find them. I’m constantly filled with emptiness so profound that I have stopped loving everyone but my son and have basically abandoned all of my friendships. I used to want to change the world for the better — now I find myself hoping for a nuclear war or Yellowstone eruption. I don’t want this any more.
Man, love and hope sent. I agree with HGP, as much as you may want to close yourself off to friends and family, this may be one of the more important times to try to reach out and/or listen to them. And as far as being "normal", the normies wish they were special and the speshies wish they were normal. Who cares whats normal, we should all just strive for the best sustainable quality of life.Day 2 (3/2)
Dinner: 16 oz bone-in ribeye steak, 2 small potatoes fried in pan drippings and bacon grease, small Greek yogurt
Met some friends at their house for a small get-together and pulled no punches, refused to put on a happy face, and generally made everyone uncomfortable. It felt good. Spent the entire time with my son and trying to ignore everyone else. Hopefully no more invitations are forthcoming.
Disowned (and then blocked) my brother and one of my few remaining close friends last night via text on a whim. What's the point of maintaining relationships with people who will never understand you? It's completely one-sided and their normalcy does nothing but make me feel even worse about who I am.
My son is here and he's mostly felt like a burden, even though he's been nothing but sweet and funny and clever. I'm trying very hard to salvage this visit and enjoy the little time we get to spend together. Every time he's told me "I love you, Dada" it has cut through me like a knife. I'm utterly exhausted from this mono and don't even have the strength to play with him. I'm constantly on the verge of snapping at him for minor things and am trying my best to bite my tongue -- I'm not an angry parent and I never yell or hit, but his energy and enthusiasm are annoying me. He really truly deserves much better than me.
Get better soon!Day 3: (3/3)
Dinner: 1 lb bone-in ribeye, small Greek yogurt
Mono is absolutely destroying me right now and I had to take my son to hospital last night for non-asthmatic difficulty breathing — he’s fine but it was a tense several hours. Argued a bit with the ED doc about potential causes until he realized I probably know about as much as he does and he agreed on some unconventional possibilities and noted them, none probably serious. Follow-up with his pediatrician this week. Another flat tire in the parking garage — patch didn’t hold. Finally just towed it to tire shop this morning and bought a new tire. Anyone else who owns a high performance car knows that this wasn’t cheap...
Spent all night last night alternating between the most deliciously vivid erotic dreams I’ve ever had and dreams where I was crying so hard in them I woke up sobbing. Something broke in my psyche last night and today I feel lighter and actually hopeful. Here’s to self-healing... ��
I’m too weak to write any more, and will reply when I can, but suffice it to say I’m not one to ignore sound advice and will be staying on and doubling-up the prednisone until this mono is wiped out even though my weight is now moving upwards thanks to massive water retention. That said, my muscles look like I’m on dbol, Var, and deca, so it’s not completely awful.
Thank you all for your support and advice. Spurfy’s brain is seriously broken and badly needs to be fixed or Spurfy isn’t going to make it and the only person who matters to him (his son) will ultimately be the one most hurt.
Repeating your misanthropic thoughts over -and over again can't be good for healing. Its like mental masturbation. I sometime hope that an alien race is coming to harvest us for their protein macros, that way humanity at least has a purpose. Looking really forward to it. But in the meanwhile, lets focus in multiplying said protein, by caring for the offspring, shall we?I have this recurring thought about all of the evil, awful people who inevitably will use my book to enrich their evil, awful lives, and live even longer evil, awful lives, and it makes me want to smash my laptop and destroy all backup copies of my manuscript.
I won’t.
But I want to...
Selflessness is a most honorable trait a man can struggle to develop. My kids are also my source of motivation. Gotta have something bigger than yourself. I commend you for this perspectiveDay 5: (3/5)
Dinner: 1 lb bone in ribeye, three eggs
Mono symptoms are much improved, other than some lingering fatigue. I think going low-cal and low-carb have frozen EBV replication, and I didn’t take any prednisone today. Disc pain is also significantly reduced. I’ll probably have to take a replacement dose (5 mg) of prednisone tomorrow since I’m almost certainly adrenal suppressed.
Mood is still garbage. Dreams are still haunting me. Outlook is still hopeless. Contempt and disdain for humanity is still ever-present. But at least that f*cking awful, evil little virus is seemingly getting crushed.
Tonight I’m taking 25 mg of promethazine before bed, hopefully this spares me from nocturnal psychic torture. If nothing else, tomorrow the lingering anticholinergic effects should make me too stupid to be abjectly morose.
I did get a voicemail today from my son saying “Dada, I love you. Bye bye Dada.” It was a good reminder why I’m doing this. I have given up on myself for my own sake, this is the honest truth, but for whatever reason that little boy adores me and that’s reason enough to keep pushing forward. Hating myself is hating his very favorite person and ultimately hurting him.
Obviously you know what you’re doing, but at which point do you taper the external inputs and work to obtain homeostasis? Or is that what you’re using these tools to minimize pains on the path to homeostasis?(3/5)
Developed acute akasthesia (oops) from the promethazine — recognized symptoms immediately. Akasthesia is *extremely unpleasant* and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It’s hard to describe, but if I had to I’d describe it at the complete opposite of an orgasm.
Treated the akasthesia with a 21 mg nicotine patch, 10 mg of selegiline, 2 mg clonazepam and 200 mg of l-dopa, which worked very well (and pretty quickly) but as would be expected, this combination absolutely wrecked my sleep.
On the plus side, light sleep meant that my dreams were nonsense and unremarkable.
Woke up today with an improved mood in spite of feeling like I’d been hit by a bus.
I’ve been very cold and unable to adequately maintain body temp in spite of the warmer weather so I’ve started 100 mcg/day T4, which I will terminate a week before my water fasting begins.
Man, that looks like way too many meds to get, well, off the meds. Hopefully you can pull that off. For now it looks, for a bystander, like putting out fire with gasoline(3/5)
Developed acute akasthesia (oops) from the promethazine — recognized symptoms immediately. Akasthesia is *extremely unpleasant* and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It’s hard to describe, but if I had to I’d describe it at the complete opposite of an orgasm.
Treated the akasthesia with a 21 mg nicotine patch, 10 mg of selegiline, 2 mg clonazepam and 200 mg of l-dopa, which worked very well (and pretty quickly) but as would be expected, this combination absolutely wrecked my sleep.
On the plus side, light sleep meant that my dreams were nonsense and unremarkable.
Woke up today with an improved mood in spite of feeling like I’d been hit by a bus.
I’ve been very cold and unable to adequately maintain body temp in spite of the warmer weather so I’ve started 100 mcg/day T4, which I will terminate a week before my water fasting begins.
Do what you have to do -but get better. Go-go-go!Treating the akasthesia was the right choice. If I had let it run it very well probably would have induced a psychotic state. Akasthesia in someone already experiencing a mental health crisis is a psychiatric emergency.
And I get what you’re saying, but not substituting drugs for more drugs. I’m completely off opioids at this point (thank you tianeptine) and on a minimal dose of prednisone, which will be completely withdrawn by weeks’ end.
The promethazine was to try and sleep without dream torture, but in retrospect suppressing my dreams is suppressing emotion that needs to be addressed and as unpleasant as the dreams are, they need to happen. Lesson learned.
The T4 is somewhat of a necessity at this point — my basal temp has been around 96°. Without adequate thyroid hormone levels and with a current EBV infection, my immune system will be taking a massive hit.
I’m trying to make the transition to water fasting as gentle as possible, and if this involves judicious use of other drugs to ease that transition then that’s what I’ll do. The end result is all that matters to me.
Yiu are quitting opiods...your mental.health state is definitively greatly effected by lack of dopamine. Your body needs to learn how to produce it again. Is there any way you can get someone like a mental health "spotter" to keep you safe through your withdrawals? Cuz this is a very heavy "lift" you are doing right now. Don't do this alone if you have options.The fact that I developed akasthesia from promethazine, which is a somewhat rare side effect, coupled with the fact that taking multiple dopaminergics not only stopped the akasthesia but actually put me in a pretty good mood today, leads me to believe that my present mental health state may be largely due to inadequate dopamine signaling.
Today I am literally not depressed. At all. Just tired and stiff and sore.
The “chemical imbalance” theory of depression is mostly true but very much misunderstood. Psychological stress creates the imbalance which further reduces coping ability and a downward spiral where reduced coping causes more stress which creates more imbalance. In other words, the chemical imbalance is not the initial cause of the depression, it’s a function of it, but which if left unchecked, becomes a co-contributer.
Welp. 10+ day fast then it is haha.In my opinion:
1. The steroid injection probably increased autophagy
2. Your fast was too short. 10 days is the sweet spot for inflammation and widespread healing and should be considered a minimum when trying to overcome serious physical ailments.
I think you’re a bit too hard on yourself. I have to do a lot of the same **** for my job and it’s exhausting honestly trying to care. You just need time, and a few true friends that don’t care if you make them feel like you don’t care all the time.I don’t get what you get from people. People don’t support or inspire me, instead they try and fix me, not the psychological problems, but *me*, at my core, because the fact that they cannot relate to me with both an absurdly high intellect and Asperger’s is somehow *my* malfunction. I really have no use for friends any more at this stage in my life. I’ve never really relied on anyone but myself anyway, so this isn’t a new path I’m blazing.
I don’t understand your (ie, the general, non-Aspie) kind, I’m just really really really good at making you think I do so that things aren’t constantly awkward. And when I ask how things have been for you and what you’ve been up to rest assured I’m daydreaming or pondering research the entire time you think I’m listening, with perfectly timed “Mmm hmm” and “Oh! Really!”, and perfect eye contact and body language, all the while making sure a small part of me is keying in on specific words so that later I can ask follow-up questions that will make you feel listened to and validated, even though I really did not pay attention at all to the incredibly boring and tedious drivel that you thought I would actually want to hear, and really could not care less about your problems with your daughter’s boyfriend and that your boss talks about you behind your back, problems that literally everyone has. Try being an alien on this planet where you can never be yourself, then we can talk about what real, overwhelming, insurmountable problems are like...
I have to literally get into human character to have a conversation.
I carefully read this and have taken a number of your points to heart. Fact is, I’ve been numbing myself in one way or another since my separation/divorce — alcohol, drugs, lifting, tons of risky sex, cycling — because I miss my son constantly and feel like if I don’t keep this suppressed most of the time I will simply not be able to function.
I’ll give the breathing a shot.
You ever considered breath work whilst out walking? Supposed to do wonders for ones mental state and peace of mind.... someone mentioned wim hof earlier in this thread and breath work plus exposure to cold had a radical effect on his life (plus the cold exposure is supposedly extremely beneficial to the body).(3/6)
Dinner: 18 oz ribeye, mixed baby greens, 1 orange, 1 banana
Dry fasted most of the day. Considering fasting until Friday after sundown and dry fasting during daylight hours.
Took a walk today in the rain, felt nice to get out but calf muscle began cramping badly on the hills, hence the high potassium fruits at dinner.
Nice work bro! Your reflection tonight is more positive that previous posts. Day 1/10 fasting done for me.(3/7)
Dinner: 18 oz bone-in ribeye and an orange.
Weight loss is apparent. Everything is loose. I’ll weigh in on the 21st on my first day of water fasting. Decided to fast until I’m absolutely shredded and true hunger returns. Go big, right?
I find I get a lot of inspiration when I don’t eat. I’m developing a topical fat loss compound that should be very potent, much better even than my previous iteration, but that I’ll never try to bring to market — just use on clients.
Walked about 5 miles today, enjoyed none of it — cold, windy and damp — but getting fresh air is important. I much prefer the rain, actually I’ll never complain about it, but piles more snow on the way. Luckily it melts fast here.
Walking around downtown and the college I am loathe to run into anyone I know. I’d prefer a vicious stray dog — at least I have an ASP for that.
Academia sucks and I’m glad to be out of it. Walking around the college reminds me how much I hate the beauracracy of it all and how good research is constantly stymied by bean counters and risk management nerds. If I had gotten my way, I’d be running a large scale cancer study using fasting right now on end-stage metastatic patients.
Awesome suggestions. If I don’t keep magnesium up I noticed my legs get achy and uncomfortable after sauna. I used to use magnesium oil and got away from it when it ran out. Great call on this, I’ll have to get some more and try that.Thanks. Mood is slowly improving. I would say I’ve replaced depression with apathy, which is fine by me.
It’s superb as long as you...
...and don’t overhydrate. Only small sips when you’re thirsty.
I like to apply “magnesium oil” all over my body several times during a long dry sauna. Definitely improves stamina and really pushes the relaxation to the next level.
Clinically proven? Not really...
Dry fasting, light (below lactate threshold) exercise, sunbathing or UV-B tanning beds. Corticosteroids, obviously. Anything that increases free radicals won’t increase autophagy but will increase apoptosis to a net positive effect. Mild stressors.
Sauna should cause a massive acute spike in autophagy due to sharp increase in metabolic rate.
My disc pain is nearly gone, btw.
I got a sister who is not always very easy to deal with. We are so different we can barely communicate. She drives me nuts and i piss her off...and i love her to death! Thats what siblings are. Im sure you and your brother have had plenty of arguments, but he still loves you even if he'll never understand you.Thought about this a lot and apologized to my good friend who I “broke up with” — he was completely cool about it and said he’s 100% behind me.
You’re right. This would be more manageable with the support of a friend and it was a mistake to slash and burn. I only somewhat regret cutting off my brother, but honestly I think it’s been a relief for him.
Been thinking about this a lot too. It’s not a new idea to me, but it’s one that I frequently disregard in favor of blaming circumstances. But the biggest barrier for me is that I miss my son constantly — I have no idea how to think my way around that. All I do is merely survive until the next time I get to see him and feel alive once again. This is not a problem that’s going away any time soon, and I literally have no idea how to solve it.
Awesome and motivating. How are you feeling?Yes, this is my theory and I've seen this chart before.
The 7 day mark is when things really start to take off, but as I've said, 10 days seems to be where the peak magic is and where autophagy and apoptosis really begin to shine. This is also where the fat burning, especially stubborn fat, really seems to accelerate and hot flushes become common.
This is why fasting paradoxically gets easier the longer you go, until the point where bodyfat reserves are exhausted. A fasted body at, for example, day 14 is very efficiently destroying everything that is excess -- bodyfat, scar tissue, tumors, damaged cells, etc. All of these things are converted into fuel or amino acids/collagen for tissue repair.
So therapeutic! I have a theory about drugs, primarily alcohol. The community, mood boosting effects, insane amount of laughter, are hard to measure in a study. these obviously have a ton of benefits. Just can’t make it your crutch to be able to experience these thingsVery full, still, and mood is great. I had forgotten what it was like to be kind to myself. A good friend, a few bowls of a nice stony indica, a buffet of delicious junk food, and laughing at cartoons, was just what I needed.
Is it recommended that you don’t exercise during one of these long fasts? I’ve only ever done intermittent fasting but I’m starting to get curious about extending it to a day, and then maybe working my way up from there.Yes, this is my theory and I've seen this chart before.
The 7 day mark is when things really start to take off, but as I've said, 10 days seems to be where the peak magic is and where autophagy and apoptosis really begin to shine. This is also where the fat burning, especially stubborn fat, really seems to accelerate and hot flushes become common.
This is why fasting paradoxically gets easier the longer you go, until the point where bodyfat reserves are exhausted. A fasted body at, for example, day 14 is very efficiently destroying everything that is excess -- bodyfat, scar tissue, tumors, damaged cells, etc. All of these things are converted into fuel or amino acids/collagen for tissue repair.
Is it recommended that you don’t exercise during one of these long fasts? I’ve only ever done intermittent fasting but I’m starting to get curious about extending it to a day, and then maybe working my way up from there.
His response to exerciseClinically proven? Not really...
Dry fasting, light (below lactate threshold) exercise, sunbathing or UV-B tanning beds. Corticosteroids, obviously. Anything that increases free radicals won’t increase autophagy but will increase apoptosis to a net positive effect. Mild stressors.
Sauna should cause a massive acute spike in autophagy due to sharp increase in metabolic rate.
My disc pain is nearly gone, btw.
I appreciate the “thoughts” and have a steroid on rx if I want it per my physician. Thanks man.Alcohol is the only way I can completely hide the fact that I have Asperger's in social situations. I can talk with friends, talk with strangers, pick up girls, and do everything else that "normal" people can do socially. Which makes sense, because we Aspie's are hyperanalytical and prone to overstimulation. Dumbing down our brains with alcohol is an easy way to overcome these and present a facade of normalcy *IF* we've already trained ourselves and practiced how to appropriately interact socially -- otherwise we just make fools of ourselves. Basically, alcohol turns down the noise in our brains that distracts us from how we should be speaking, maintaining appropriate eye contact, providing feedback, how our body language should look, and that we should do more listening than speaking.
Yes. The ideal fast is one where you fast until the return of true hunger, which is unmistakable.
10 days should be considered a minimum to reap *all* of the benefits of fasting.
I cannot give you any medical advise on this, I can only tell you that if it was me, I would continue fasting, if for no other reason than to speed healing.
Honestly, around day 10 you'll probably find that your pain and inflammation are (or are nearly) non-existent. How can you hunt if you're constantly hurting?
As to your stem cell treatment? NSAIDs are net destructive (aspirin is an exception) -- if you can get by without using them then I think that would be a very good thing. Honestly, I would ask to be put on a low dose of prednisone (5-10 mg/day) during this time and drop the NSAID, if it were me. But this is just what *I* would do based on the information you've given me. I'm not your doctor and I don't know your complete medical history so nothing I've stated in this post should be construed as medical advise. Obviously, talk with your doctor about all of these things.
Here is my successful weight loss approach and understanding of how to exercise. I did this for four months straight and lost 60 lbs preserving 96% of my lean muscle mass.Is it recommended that you don’t exercise during one of these long fasts? I’ve only ever done intermittent fasting but I’m starting to get curious about extending it to a day, and then maybe working my way up from there.
Spurfy, can you recommend anything for appetite suppression during IF?
I'd like to get to a 4 hour eating window, but I get ravenously hungry during the day..
Be aware its all in your head.Been pounding black coffee and I get jittery, but remain pretty hungry...
The answer to your question is literally in his first post of this thread. Please read thoroughly to not dilute the valuable information in this threadSpurfy, can you recommend anything for appetite suppression during IF?
I'd like to get to a 4 hour eating window, but I get ravenously hungry during the day..
I'm eager to see what improvements you'll get out of fasting! The theoretical part is sorted out, now comes the practical approach.Started fasting today. My disc pain has been horrible and all-over inflammation is very high.
Not much else to say, except that I probably will not have another meal until sometime in April.
I took a bunch of before pics and pulled no punches. Bright lights and fullly in frame. I really look like sh*t right now. It’s *amazing* how quickly fat piles on when you’re injured, sedentary, comfort eating, taking opioids for pain, and taking corticosteroids for inflammation.
I’ll try to keep a daily log going.
Hang in there. What is your longest fast?Started fasting today. My disc pain has been horrible and all-over inflammation is very high.
Not much else to say, except that I probably will not have another meal until sometime in April.
I took a bunch of before pics and pulled no punches. Bright lights and fullly in frame. I really look like sh*t right now. It’s *amazing* how quickly fat piles on when you’re injured, sedentary, comfort eating, taking opioids for pain, and taking corticosteroids for inflammation.
I’ll try to keep a daily log going.
Yeah I’m fat too. Always struggled with weight. Was 275 in college as a thrower, got down to 219 and could see abs post collegiate. I was 268 prior to my first 5 day fast a few weeks ago. Now on day 6 which is a a record for me and down in the low 240’s.10 days, but those were always cut short due to pressure from the (now-ex) wife. In no way did I feel the need to eat when I broke those fasts, but...
Sometimes it’s just better not to fight, especially when your wife is crazy.
I’m serious when I say that I am *fat* right now. This is the fattest I’ve ever been. Looking back, I was probably eating about 5000 calories a day while being sedentary and this was immediately following (actually very tail end of) my TE/NPP/Mast bulk, where I was already putting on fat without worry in anticipation of fasting when it warms up, and I can tell that the corticosteroids have wrecked my insulin sensitivity. A few weeks ago I had a fasting BG of 119, where I’m normally 75.
Great info as always. I think I will give this a shot. I did a turpentine detox and I think I created a cytokines storm and my liver wasn’t able to process. Would diatomaceous earth be smart am and PM to try and pull any toxins?Keep going. This is quality weight loss and as I've said before, any muscle you lose during fasting comes back very very quickly once you start eating and lifting again.
My understanding is that during prolonged fasting, ghrelin is essentially completely suppressed. Once bodyfat levels reach whatever your genes say is "critically low", ghrelin massively surges and does not reduce.
The "critically low" bodyfat levels for most people will be in the 5-10% range, but unless you're an Inuit I see no reason why any man can't get and hold sub-10% bodyfat through fasting and then specific eating patterns. This "critically low" level is the signal that you no longer have enough bodyfat to meet your caloric needs and that organ and lean tissue destruction is imminent. The body will burn through skeletal muscle and then cardiac muscle when skeletal muscle is exhausted, at which point you die.
It should be pretty easy, actually. The fatter you are the more your body "wants" you to fast, metabolically speaking.
If you're not walking around thirsty then you're properly hydrated. You can cheat your way to quicker fat loss by overhydrating followed by recharging electrolytes (since you're flushing ketones that will not be used as fuel), but I don't recommend this at all since the risks far outweigh the benefits.
You might want to try a short overhydration *WITH* electrolytes, because you do have signs of what I would call "toxic overload"
The majority of very nasty environmental toxins (mercury, PCBs, pthalates, etc) are easily stored in adipocytes. When you fast these toxins are released and can cause low-grade chemical poisoning. You also may be experiencing a Jarisch–Herxheimer reaction, which is caused by toxins produced from the lysis of harmful bacteria. Probably both.
Try drinking a bit more water.
Good to know. I’ve been taking 60mcg selenium BIDYou'd be in the hospital if you had a cytokine storm -- this is a life-threatening condition and you'd feel the worst you've ever felt, like the worst alcohol hangover (which is mostly caused by pro-inflammatory cytokines, not dehydration as most people think) x 1000.
There's not really much I think you can do that your body isn't already going to be doing to rid yourself of these toxins. Stay hydrated, keep up your electrolytes, get enough sleep, and get fresh air/sunlight.
You may want to take a selenium supplement to assist in protecting against the detoxification of mercury (this is actually the mechanism of mercury toxicity -- selenium depletion).
I take high dose melatonin when I fast (20-30 mg/night) to help protect against the neurotoxic effects of all of these chemical nasties. You could give that a shot.
Spurfy poppin Clen, T3, and bath salts behind the scenes! ?Update
Starting weight (3/2): 222.8 lbs
Today's weight (3/13): 205.6 lbs
I may or may not have utilized various tools in my arsenal of knowledge to facilitate this rapid weight loss.
Muscles are still very full.
You lost 17 pounds in 11 days?Update
Starting weight (3/2): 222.8 lbs
Today's weight (3/13): 205.6 lbs
I may or may not have utilized various tools in my arsenal of knowledge to facilitate this rapid weight loss.
Muscles are still very full.
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