My World Is Crashing Around Me

jonny21 said:
humor me and read on there is a point.

after the fire a still small voice, and that was where God was.

Seek that still small voice my friend.

Learn to be silent with yourself and I guarantee you will find it again.

Peace
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:box:
 
Just a quick note here. I'm pretty busy at work and I'll try to explain in more detail later. I spoke to my wife last night and basically it's over. She told me she has no intention of coming back or desire to work things out. She said it's beyond trying. She told me she loves me and what a "wonderful person" I am, and she wants to remain close. She wants to put our house on the market ASAP because she said she does not like paying half the bills while she is not living there. ****, she's only been gone a little over a week. She then talked about the dividing of property. She got a little nasty a couple of times, but I kept cool. I'm getting over this, but it will still be a long road ahead. I never thought this marriage would come to this. I thought I had done the right thing by waiting so long to make sure this was going to last. She now tells me she has had these issues for over 2 1/2 years. She's going out and living the single life with her coworker friends who have left their husbands and/or boyfriends, and getting advice from them.

Anyways, I'll post up a bit more later on. Again, thanks for everybody's support here. I'm proud to be associated with such a fine community and peeps.
 
Cuffs said:
Just a quick note here. I'm pretty busy at work and I'll try to explain in more detail later. I spoke to my wife last night and basically it's over. She told me she has no intention of coming back or desire to work things out. She said it's beyond trying. She told me she loves me and what a "wonderful person" I am, and she wants to remain close. She wants to put our house on the market ASAP because she said she does not like paying half the bills while she is not living there. ****, she's only been gone a little over a week. She then talked about the dividing of property. She got a little nasty a couple of times, but I kept cool. I'm getting over this, but it will still be a long road ahead. I never thought this marriage would come to this. I thought I had done the right thing by waiting so long to make sure this was going to last. She now tells me she has had these issues for over 2 1/2 years. She's going out and living the single life with her coworker friends who have left their husbands and/or boyfriends, and getting advice from them.

Anyways, I'll post up a bit more later on. Again, thanks for everybody's support here. I'm proud to be associated with such a fine community and peeps.
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There it is. File as quickly as you can.

Also, I would still get a investigator on here. Doesn't sound like her "word" is all that trustworthy.
 
jonny21 said:
Such is the life of the truly unconscious. Living a dream that they believe to be reality. I know I really don't know you, just my perception gained through reading some of your posts. I was going to read thru this whole thread but it appears it must be one of the largest in the forum. From early postings I gained the sense that you had some belief in the Divine, God I believe was the term you used. Hopefully you don't think I am too nuts, humor me and read on there is a point.

There is a story in this book I read on occasion about this guy Elijah. Man, he was been hunted and was running for his life. A whole kingdom was after him. He was seeking shelter and came upon this cave. He was praying for God to speak to him. He was hoping to find God. A strong wind passed, but He was not in the wind. Then an earthquake, not in the earthquake either. Then a fire storm, not there either. Ahhhh! after the fire a still small voice, and that was where God was.

Seek that still small voice my friend. It won't be at any parties, not in any woman's panties, not in any bottles or pills. Can't buy it for $19.99 with free s/h on some late nite infomercial. It's been in the same place for your whole life, you heard it when you were a child but the din of the world around you has obscured it. Learn to be silent with yourself and I guarantee you will find it again. I know it is uncomfortable when someone or something that you have labeled or believe is part of your life leaves ot threatens to leave. Most people's suffering is caused by trying to hold on to something when it is its time to go or trying to pull something in before it its time to be there. I might not know how you feel, but I know how I have felt in similar situations. Trying to solve a problem with the mind that created it is virtually impossible.

Okay, enough of the unsolicited advice. Have a happy Sunday evening. Peace
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Such fine words. I am doing just this. I'm working on letting go. Even though this is the hardest thing for me to ever have to do. I know it's for the best, and I will be a better person in the long run.
 
Sorry to hear it came down to that Cuffs. I know a buddy told me that I was okay before I met my ex and I'll be okay without her. He was damm right.
 
Sorry brotha man. As bad as it sounds what you're going through makes me thankful for what I have. Me and my wife are so in love and truthfully, we hardly ever argue or fight. She's a good woman and I really don't know what I would do without her. Good luck with everything.
 
Damn, Cuffs, I'm sorry to hear that it is ending, but I definitely hear a tone of strength and vitality. No matter what happens, you are going to be fine!
 
CUFFS----you better make 100% sure that she wasnt cheating on you before you start giving her half of your ****. It really sucks that this **** happened to you bro...you seem to be a good man, but we are the ones who get hurt....(alot of) women are fucked up individuals....that bit about her staying 2 hrs after work is a dead-on sign that she was talking to some dude about what they had done. sorry if that hurts to hear,,,and it may not be true but i am a paranoid fucker and i dont trust women for anything....go with you gut instinct, even if it hurts.

sorry i know this post was a lil bit late.
 
OH yeah, and you should definately take out the young chick, and try to take her somewhere your wife will see you...(if she wont cause a scene)
 
Cuffs bro, I said it before but I'll say it again -- you are a class act. You tried everything, you stuck by your moral code -- no-one can take away your personal dignity. Fidelity is an empty promise unless it's tempted -- and you passed bro.

Now, you are onto the next phase. Because it seems you are a good guy, let me suggest some things to you:

#1 - right here and now, start thinking of her as your ex-wife. Someone whose happiness you are NOT reponsible for, same as a friend you meet on the street. Be good, be fair (especially with property division) -- but it's not up to you to make her happy.

You are reponsible for YOU and for your kids, especially where happiness comes into it.

This may sound stupid -- but make sure your HEART gets that message. You're a decent guy who cares and you're vulnerable. She may try to manipulate you. Tough. Not your problem any more.

#2 - Protect yourself. Get your paycheque, etc. into a personal account, close down the joint credit cards, apply for your own personal ones.

#3 - Get ready for (more) irrationality. If necessary, communicate via emails or other means and not in person if she starts to try to push your buttons. She may very well.

#4 - the idea of a P.I. could be very useful if she becomes ridiculous with dividing things up. You may not think that's the case but it could well be. I suspect she could quickly go right back to being reasonable if you point out that your investigation entitles her to ZERO from a divorce but you'd like to divide it up fairly.
 
Boss_K said:
CUFFS----you better make 100% sure that she wasnt cheating on you before you start giving her half of your ****. It really sucks that this **** happened to you bro...you seem to be a good man, but we are the ones who get hurt....(alot of) women are fucked up individuals....that bit about her staying 2 hrs after work is a dead-on sign that she was talking to some dude about what they had done. sorry if that hurts to hear,,,and it may not be true but i am a paranoid fucker and i dont trust women for anything....go with you gut instinct, even if it hurts.

sorry i know this post was a lil bit late.
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I'm sure she wasn't. It doesn't matter anyways. California is a community property state and it gets split up 50/50 no matter what.
 
I'm going out with the young lady tonite, just to see how it is. I haven't been home in a few days because I can't stand an empty house. So, I'll be either at a friends or hotel tonite. I have some lady friends who are trying to set me up with a couple of nurses already. I'm not looking into jumping into anything. I just want to keep busy. Don't worry, I'll be responsible.

I have a girlfriend who is going through an incident kind of like mine. But, she was cheating on her husband. I'm dealing with her issues, and it seems to be helping me with mine. We've been having some very good talks. I've been spending a lot of time with her and we are planning a trip out of town together, just to hang out and chill. Don't worry again dudes, I'm not jumping into bed with this one. I'd hate to lose her as a friend. She's too good a person, too good a friend.
 
Cuffs bro, I said it before but I'll say it again -- you are a class act. You tried everything, you stuck by your moral code -- no-one can take away your personal dignity. Fidelity is an empty promise unless it's tempted -- and you passed bro.
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word. I hope this a lsesson learned here and I hope everything will turn out fine because you deserve better.
 
I had a few reasons for posting up my personal life problems and sharing them with this community. One was to vent, learn to open up my feelings, and begin to heal. Another was to seek advice and understanding so these could be done. The other was to be a possible tool to help any dudes here who may be going through problems in their relationships. I never expected this thread to get so large, and I never expected the level of support I have experienced. Just goes to show people can be considered friends without even formally meeting.

If this thread can help just one person in their relationship, then I will be satisfied. Just remember dudes, it is easy to get caught up in the moment with life being so busy these days. Remember to take a step back once in a while to enjoy life. Not only with yourself, but with those you care for. Don't take the little things that make a relationship special for granted. Remember to share your feelings outloud to the one you love, instead of just keeping it to yourself. What I'm saying is, don't think you're weak just because you express yourself to the one you love.

I can't thank the members here enough for the support I have received. It really helped me during a difficult time. I know it's not over yet, but it has made it easier to cope with.

I'm still kinda fucked up as far as my appetite and sleep. I think I have lost well over 10 pounds. I haven't weighed myself in a few days. My clothes are looser and my abs are looking better. ;) My face has really thinned out. People actually say I'm looking very good.

Anyhoo, I'll update on how things are going, and how my 'dates' went. I'm sure there will be **** to vent about when the property split happens.
 
Sorry to hear, bud. :(

Just tell her, it was probably the best thing, she was a bit too immature and this was bound to happen because she'll probably never grow up.

And PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't buy into that "I want' to be close friends, etc" BS. PLEASE DONT. She will always "care" for you, but, that's different. She is going to want you out of her life, so don't be 'the nice guy' in this situation. 'Cuz, it ain't over....I'm sure you're gonna hear from her and things will get nasty. She's too immature for it NOT to end up like this.

Again, it was all for the better.
 
I'm really sorry to hear this. You sound like you are handling it well, but this is also a message board. I hope you are alright at home and keeping busy all the time. Just keep your mind at other places, it should help. I just want to say, I am really sorry it came to this for you, no one should have to endure the kind of pain someone goes through in these situations. Good luck man, be strong.
 
I'm going to stop posting in this thread for a while. I will update it as my impending/looming divorce is here. I am going to start a new thread...Cuffs' Road To Recovery, Let the Healing Begin. I'm going to need your dudes advice on dating and ****. I just can not read women for the life of me. I haven't really dated in over 20 years. ****, time goes by.
 
Hey Cuffs. Sorry to hear about all this bro. You WILL be better off in the end, trust me. If you ever need some first hand advice feel free to email me [email protected]. I've been exactly where you are now. It's hard....very hard but it can and will be overcome. I will say one thing and it is very important. DO NOT believe that she can be your friend (been there tried that). If you do it will come back to haunt you, trust me on that. Someone warned me and I didnt listen and it's been a thorn in my side ever since.

Best of luck bro. Take care of yourself.
 
wheystation said:
Her head games with you are sickening. She is manipulating this situation because the old adage applies here - "negative attention is still better than no attention". If she was truly wrestling with her emotions for you, she would not continue to stir the pot. She is a little girl who has probably spent her entire life manipulating the feelings of others and does not know any other way to achieve contentment!
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I've always said it, and will say it again: you want good love advice, ask a woman in her 40s. They've been there, they see **** dudes don't, and they ain't afraid to talk about it.

And, I hope things are better by now for Brother Cuffs. Been there.

Kudos,

-phaeton
 
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