My World Is Crashing Around Me

Cuffs said:
This whole seperation thing is very tough to deal with, and it's only been a couple of days. I know things will run its course with emotions and all. I hate waking up to touch my foot to my wife's, or to run my fingers through her hair and find she is not there. She calls me frequently and we are on good speaking terms. I saw her last night for a while and it was hard seeing her leave. So, I went to the gym to try and work out some frustration. Mornings and nights are the hardest by far.

I'm already getting ladies I know trying to set me up with friends of theirs, but I have told them to keep them on the back burner. I don't want to start going out and ruin any chance of working this all out. I want the peace of mind knowing that I did all I could do before everything comes to an end. My wife seems optimistic that things may work out for us. She is just very confused and doesn't know what is wrong with her. She has talked with some other ladies who have gone through similar issues, but none of them have the answers for her.
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It's probably been said already (this is a huge thread, so I haven't read it all), but she really should see a doctor. On face value, it sounds a lot like that ol' bugaboo "a chemical imbalance," but without a physical exam, who knows?
 
I have to agree with Cardinal, I believe I may have offered that opinion earlier. It really does sound like depression and I mean this in the chemical transmitter sense.
 
I totaly agree with you dudes. I even brought this to my wifes attention, but she refuses to beleive it is such. She is going to my counseling session next Wed., and she is setting up her own. At least that's a step in the right direction.

On another note, she has stopped wearing her wedding ring, but told me she will wear it if I wanted her to. I told her I did, because it was an advertisement that she was single. She is still not open to ground rules about dating, with the exepction of one. She said we both can not have sex with the other person, and if the desire for sex hits one of us, then we can have it together. I don't know, dudes???

I've been an emotional wreck this week. Once again I haven't slept for the past 2 nights and I'm losing weight rapidly. At least I'm cutting right now.

I had a 24-25 year old hottie give me her phone number today. She said she wants to go out with me, have some fun and all. She's not looking for a relationship, and she does have a reputation...if you know what I mean. She's a cool chick and has a lot of hot friends. I may begin hanging out with her to pass time on my nights off, so I'm not sitting home alone wondering and sulking. I just need to make sure I don't take further it than I should. That's a pretty good confidence booster, when a hottie who is 13-14 years younger wants to go out with you. :cool:
 
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Cuffs said:
I totaly agree with you dudes. I even brought this to my wifes attention, but she refuses to beleive it is such. She is going to my counseling session next Wed., and she is setting up her own. At least that's a step in the right direction.

On another note, she has stopped wearing her wedding ring, but told me she will wear it if I wanted her to. I told her I did, because it was an advertisement that she was single. She is still not open to ground rules about dating, with the exepction of one. She said we both can not have sex with the other person, and if the desire for sex hits one of us, then we can have it together. I don't know, dudes???

I've been an emotional wreck this week. Once again I haven't slept for the past 2 nights and I'm losing weight rapidly. At least I'm cutting right now.

I had a 24-25 year old hottie give me her phone number today. She said she wants to go out with me, have some fun and all. She's not looking for a relationship, and she does have a reputation...if you know what I mean. She's a cool chick and has a lot of hot friends. I may begin hanging out with her to pass time on my nights off, so I'm not sitting home alone wondering and sulking. I just need to make sure I don't take further it than I should. That's a pretty good confidence booster, when a hottie who is 13-14 years younger wants to go out with you. :cool:
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everytime i read your post i want to hug you...i feel so badly for your situation.....its a no win one!!! Just remember, we are not given what we can not handle........................hang in there,...(((HUGZ))))
 
I'm gonna start posting my struggles so I can get a cyber-hug from wrangle! ;) But I love you too, cuffs!
 
hey cuffs, you probably don't know me from a brick in the wall, but thought i would chime in here. I went through an eerily simiiar situation with my wife about 2 and a half years ago. i had ended up kind of taking our life together for granted, even though there was nothing in the world i wanted to do more than spend my life with her and our kids. Then she got a new job, and things kind of started to change. she wanted to go out quite a bit with her firends from work, and not being the jealous husband type, I told her to go out and have fun. Next thing I know, she tells me she wants to separate and that she slept with another guy. Needless to say I was devastated. Through a lot of changes to my own outlook on things, and through soe counseling, things eventually got better. It would take me about three days to post all the things I learned from that experience, but if you want to talk at all, feel free to pm me, and I will gladly get in touch with you to share my experiences with you. i could probably talk to my wife too, and have her tell you what is going on from a woman's perspective if you want.
 
Cuffs said:
I totaly agree with you dudes. I even brought this to my wifes attention, but she refuses to beleive it is such. She is going to my counseling session next Wed., and she is setting up her own. At least that's a step in the right direction.

On another note, she has stopped wearing her wedding ring, but told me she will wear it if I wanted her to. I told her I did, because it was an advertisement that she was single. She is still not open to ground rules about dating, with the exepction of one. She said we both can not have sex with the other person, and if the desire for sex hits one of us, then we can have it together. I don't know, dudes???
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Ultimately, it's what one does as opposed to what one says that a wise person will focus on. The fact that she unilaterally decided to stop wearing her wedding ring - which even a child knows is the most universally recognized symbol of togetherness in our culture - says it all. Based on that new piece of info, I'm revising my earlier comments about the possible chemical imbalance - I think her vacillating is more likely a result of her guilt at having already betrayed your marriage. I also think that the gratuitous comment that she will wear it if you want her to is B.S. - she already KNEW THIS BEFOREHAND! Honestly, I think: 1) she probably has already betrayed your marriage, feels somewhat guilty, but not necessarily regretful; 2) hopes that you don't find out because she wants you there as backup in case the other thing doesn't work out; and 3) she verbally IMPOSED the "no sex with others" edict because despite the fact she has probably already cheated, she doesn't want you to do so because you might not be there for backup if her plans with the new Mr. Wonderful implode.

You're right if you're thinking I have no factual basis for any of this speculation, but consider this - I'm more than twice as old as you are, and I've experienced and observed so much B.S. with regard to "relationships" over the years that most folks would dismiss me as a bald-faced liar if I told them just a fraction. Personally, I think you should allow her to do "whatever," you do the same, and if there is something to be salvaged, it'll eventually happen - but not until you've both been freed to be on your own for awhile, sans any restrictions, to really try to experience life and joy for a change. You're both too damn young to be this miserable, and to be going through this type of drama, after only two years of marriage! 'nuff said...
 
Cuffs said:
This whole seperation thing is very tough to deal with, and it's only been a couple of days. I know things will run its course with emotions and all. I hate waking up to touch my foot to my wife's, or to run my fingers through her hair and find she is not there.
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Cuffs said:
She is going to my counseling session next Wed., and she is setting up her own. At least that's a step in the right direction.
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On another note, she has stopped wearing her wedding ring, but told me she will wear it if I wanted her to. I told her I did, because it was an advertisement that she was single. She is still not open to ground rules about dating, with the exepction of one. She said we both can not have sex with the other person, and if the desire for sex hits one of us, then we can have it together. I don't know, dudes???
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I had a 24-25 year old hottie give me her phone number today. She said she wants to go out with me, have some fun and all. She's not looking for a relationship, and she does have a reputation...if you know what I mean. She's a cool chick and has a lot of hot friends. I may begin hanging out with her to pass time on my nights off, so I'm not sitting home alone wondering and sulking. I just need to make sure I don't take further it than I should. That's a pretty good confidence booster, when a hottie who is 13-14 years younger wants to go out with you. :cool:
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I'm gonna be pretty frank with you for a moment.

The first two quotes are contradicted by the second two.

Plan your work and work your plan.

If indeed you are seperating to work on the issues that are tearing at your relationship focus on the matters at hand. Seperation hurts and can be an emotional rollercoaster. FEEL IT.

This business of rings and dating and spending time with hotties is pain wanting and getting its way with you. Distractions and comforts will discourage you both from looking at and working on the true matters in and of your relationship.

If you are married to her and want to salvage your marriage then act like you are married to her. Regardless of her actions, behave as you should, as a married man. Unless dating was a option in your functional marraige, it should not be introduced as an option in your failing and salvageable marraige.

Being dignified and practicing integrity when times are tough, when no one is watching or it doesn't really matter, are the true measure of character and will be the backbone and foundation or the demise of your relationship.

Be strong, be commited, be at peace with your choices, but be wise with your decisions. Your future is in your hands.

-B5150 :)
 
B...your posts always seem find their way to slap me upside the head and get me thinking in the right direction. Thanks dude. You are very right. I'm glad there are members such as you on this board.

On a second note, I talked to my wife last night. One thing that really bothers me is that she didn't leave work until almost 2 hours after she worked a 16 hour shift. She said she was "talking with her friends in the parking lot." Whatever. Anyways, she told me she was actually happy yesterday, happy she is on her own. She said she thinks she's going to like being on her own, and she does not see things working out for us. That she has no desire at this time to work on our marriage. Oh yeah, she "forgot" her ring again too. She told me she doesn't think counselling will do anything for her. That the damage she has experienced in our relationship is unrepairable.

I'm bracing myself for the worst now. I'm not seeing things as positive as I have been. We'll see where this all takes me. Thanks for all your support here.
 
Cuffs said:
B...your posts always seem find their way to slap me upside the head and get me thinking in the right direction. Thanks dude. You are very right. I'm glad there are members such as you on this board.

On a second note, I talked to my wife last night. One thing that really bothers me is that she didn't leave work until almost 2 hours after she worked a 16 hour shift. She said she was "talking with her friends in the parking lot." Whatever. Anyways, she told me she was actually happy yesterday, happy she is on her own. She said she thinks she's going to like being on her own, and she does not see things working out for us. That she has no desire at this time to work on our marriage. Oh yeah, she "forgot" her ring again too. She told me she doesn't think counselling will do anything for her. That the damage she has experienced in our relationship is unrepairable.

I'm bracing myself for the worst now. I'm not seeing things as positive as I have been. We'll see where this all takes me. Thanks for all your support here.
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What a fucking head case rotten cunt.

I say the gloves come off man. File the papers now and frankly, I'd consider hiring an invesigator to see if she's fucking around. If so, there goes the 50/50 splities deal in the Divorse. Make her beg for every fucking nickle!

Sorry to hear about this Cuffs. Seemed like you really were trying everything to keep it together. Know this, this comment She told me she doesn't think counselling will do anything for her. That the damage she has experienced in our relationship is unrepairable. is complete and utter bullshit. Did you hpysically abuse her? Did you verbally abuse her? If not, then what's the fucking damage? She is playing games. She needs to grow up and realize there's no such thing as a "fairy tale marriage". We live in the real world... time to leave her in nevernever land.

My apologies if this is harsh. I don't really care. I hate seeing good people obviously being fucked over.
 
Wow, it's been a while since I checked into this thread and what a turn things have taken. I feel for you, bro. When my wife and I went through our rough patch, we went around and around about separating, but never really went through with it totally, although we were not in a marriage anymore, but a roommate situation. I am sorry to hear that you two are doing the trial separation, but honestly I wish my wife and I had now that I can look back on it. I was a miserable mess. Waking up everyday wondering if this is the day she loves me or if I have to face more rejection was a terrible thing for my health. Spending every moment trying to turn things around didnt help much either. I was supposed to be working on my own issues, not hers.

I think the dating idea is a bad one. It is nothing but filling the void left by the absence of the other person. In my opinion, it is a negative thing. My wife and I both learned a lot from the last go round and I do believe that things will be much different this time with deployments coming up in a matter of weeks. I am not affraid of our time apart this time. I only hope that things work out for you. I havent heard anything of divorce, which is a very good thing. A friend gave me the advice to squash divorce as an option completely with myself and to tell my wife and counselor the same. I do think it helped me to believe more and to show that I was serious about salvaging my marriage.

I don't mean to dwell on my experience, but I just want to show you that some of us understand your situation and that there is hope. Things will work out in time as much as it is hard to believe right now and you both will be better for it. My last bit of advice for now is that when the time comes, and it will come, is to not hold a grudge and accept her apology. For the longest time my wife refused to apologize for her role in what happened with us because she didn't think she did anything wrong, she couldn't help how she felt. I think there is some relevance in that, but I still needed that apology. When she finally did say she was sorry, I took it, forgave her and left it at that.

Stay possitive, bro.
 
Cuffs said:
B...your posts always seem find their way to slap me upside the head and get me thinking in the right direction. Thanks dude. You are very right. I'm glad there are members such as you on this board.

On a second note, I talked to my wife last night. One thing that really bothers me is that she didn't leave work until almost 2 hours after she worked a 16 hour shift. She said she was "talking with her friends in the parking lot." Whatever. Anyways, she told me she was actually happy yesterday, happy she is on her own. She said she thinks she's going to like being on her own, and she does not see things working out for us. That she has no desire at this time to work on our marriage. Oh yeah, she "forgot" her ring again too. She told me she doesn't think counselling will do anything for her. That the damage she has experienced in our relationship is unrepairable.

I'm bracing myself for the worst now. I'm not seeing things as positive as I have been. We'll see where this all takes me. Thanks for all your support here.
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This really sucks, dude. I was replying while you posted this and feel like a complete ass right now.
 
My wife apologizes to me daily. I have accepted her apologies, and we get along very well. There are no grudges...as of now. She and I want to remain friends if this goes to divorce. She told me she does not want to divorce, that it is not an option in her mind at this time. She is fearful she is making a mistake, and if I move on, I will not take her back. That's the chance you take when you play though.
 
May not be what you want to hear but I'll say it anyway:

CUT HER LOOSE

You deserve so much better and life has it to offer to you. Take advantage of it.
 
BingeAndPurge said:
This really sucks, dude. I was replying while you posted this and feel like a complete ass right now.
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Don't bro, your words are always valued with me.
 
Cuffs -- ask yourself a question. How happy are you with how hard she's working on your relationship and how happy will you be with her and in general in a year from now?

Time to determine what it is YOU NEED from the relationship to be happy and make it worth your while, and a timeline for it. There seems to have been a heck of a lot of demands the other way -- time to see what YOU NEED. YOU MATTER TOO.

Figure out what you want her to do -- then tell her it's time for your needs to be met. Don't get mad if she balks/ refuses or says you're being unfair or irrational, etc. just walk out the door. End it. Follow it up with an investigator and the papers.

If the things you need ARE considered by her and she DOES try to do them, then you can gauge a lot by whether the relationship actually matters. If she doesn't then there's nothing there to lose -- at that point you know cardinal's right and all you're doing is delaying it.

I'm truly, truly sorry bro to hear all this rottenness in your life -- you seem like a damned good guy.
Love is NOT enough. You want to remain friends -- so time to end it or for her to ALSO try to fix it RIGHT NOW. You deserve to be happy, not strung along, not kept as a backup option. If she's "fearful" and that's what's "holding her back" --> damn man that's NOT THE SAME as being in love and wanting to be together!!

Sounds to me that you are the only one trying to keep the marriage and I am sad to say that it's extremely probable that there is another person in the picture. But whether there is or not doesn't matter unless it somehow gives you closure without anger/hostility/resentment. All that matters is if you both want each other and want to be together because you make each other happy, all other reasons are BS.
 
It hurts less if you end it, so do it before she does and don't listen when she flips and wants you back.

She's a basket case and there are a bunch of other women who are anxious to know you better who probably aren't as nuts.

This seriously sounds like an immature high school girl, and if she's this immature at her age, there is no fixing the problem.

And, don't make excuses for her. Even IF you were a jerk at times it was her responsibility as your wife to bring it to your attention and discuss it and fix the problem. She did nothing of the sort. This is practically 100% on her and her alone.
 
kwyckemynd00 said:
It hurts less if you end it, so do it before she does and don't listen when she flips and wants you back.

She's a basket case and there are a bunch of other women who are anxious to know you better who probably aren't as nuts.

This seriously sounds like an immature high school girl, and if she's this immature at her age, there is no fixing the problem.

And, don't make excuses for her. Even IF you were a jerk at times it was her responsibility as your wife to bring it to your attention and discuss it and fix the problem. She did nothing of the sort. This is practically 100% on her and her alone.
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i would agree...she is playing a game.....end it now.....although you will be hurting......once you make the step....you can start to move on and heal!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from a girl's point of view........:) as always good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
This whole thing sucks big donkey d#*$. She called me a couple of times today. I told her it would be much easier if the calls stopped for a while. I'm going to give it some time still. She is going to see my counselor on Wed., and she was making the calls today to set up her own. I'm going to see where the counseling takes us. Also, I will be drawing the line regarding the dating issue. If, or when it gets to that point, I'll be the one filing for the divorce papers.
 
wranglergirl said:
i would agree...she is playing a game.....end it now.....although you will be hurting......once you make the step....you can start to move on and heal!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from a girl's point of view........:) as always good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Cuffs man first let me say I am truly sorry that this is happening . I have been reading the entire thread yet I have hesitated to post because I feel that my opinion is worth just what you paid for it .Absolutely nothing. But after reading your post about her saying that she likes being seperated I think it is time you realize something.A marraige takes two ,two people being committed to one another .It doesnt work if one person doesnt want it to work .Unfortunately I think your wife does not want it to work.I think the best thing for you to do is end it now because you are only hurting yourself by dragging this out .If your wife truly cared about the two of you she wouldnot put you through this misery. However I dont think she really cares about you just herself especially since she said she didnt want you to see other people because you might not take her back.I am not going speculate what might be going on because that is not important .The important thing is time for you to heal and began to rebuild Cuff as a person. I know as the song goes loving eyes are the last to see but I think it is time to move on .Who knows maybe she will decide that you are the best thing going and comeback maybe she wont but it is time for you to move on my friend.Ill keep you in my prayers and may God smile upon you my friend .


:cheers:
 
K, but be on your toes. She's screwing with you (whether its intentional or not--probably not).

I have a feeling your counselor is going to think she's on crack.

Just prepare yourself for having to do the dirty work.
 
Here's another thing I got out of her as she was on her way to work a short time ago. She keeps telling me there's no one person specific who she is interested in. I asked what she meant by specific, because if there was no one at all, then she would have said that. She told me there have been a few men who have displayed interest in her, and she likes the attention she has been receiving from them, that it makes her feel good. She told me she doesn't have any one lined up to date, nor is she thinking along those lines right now, but the time may come. She told me she does not want things to work out with us at this time, and she does not see herself changing her mind anytime soon.

**** me with a razor blade. I'm such a fucking wreck right now. My counselor was right when she said dealing with a death is much easier than dealing with something like this because of the rollercoaster of emotions you experience. I know this all needs to end. I know what advice I would dish out to someone else going through this. I just don't want to 'move on' and start a new life...again. This is going to be a long weekend for me dudes.

On another note, I got invited to a double birthday party with most of the people I went rafting with and others. I think I'll go to that, instead of going out with that 24 year old chick. That will be a better choice in the long run for me.
 
Dude, reading at your posts...I have to chime in and tell you something.

8 months ago, almost the same thing happened to me and the good thing, she's only my gf to start with (compared to your situation). I was also a total wreck when she just totally changed her mind about me. For 3 days, she held me in the dark telling me she's confused on what she want out of our relationship. It started out of an argument that we had...then she just blew up and told me in our phone conversation what I did wrong, this and that. For 3 days, I could barely eat and I was in bed like a mess; even wrote a 3-paged letter out of desperation.

To make the story short, I soon found out that she has a depression problem and based on her past bad relationships, she was confused on whether she'd be willing to put on with another relationship. My advice is since she's not willing to cooperate and work things out right now, is to just give her the space that she needs. I'd call her here and there just to check on her but never overdo it. Send her lovely things such as flowers, text messages and stuff that will make her remember the good times you had together.

I said it once but I'm saying it again...never force anything. Like I said, give her the space that she needs because the more you force something, the more you'll push her away. Honestly, I had the same assumption about my gf (in your case your wife) about her cheating...but you know what, its not always correct. Never assume anything.

If she's still talking to you, that's a good sign that the battle isn't over yet. Be persistent in pursuing her but don't be too pushy to make her make decision that she's not willing to take. Swallow your pride and accept mistakes, and make sure that she knows. I did all that and my gf and I were back together after 3 months of breakup...it was Christmas to be exact; and it was the best ever.

The ball is in her court; but don't give up until the battle has totally lost which I'm pretty sure its not. Dating another chick wouldn't be a good idea either IMO and would just ruin your image for her. Good luck man..and don't worry cause I was in the same position as you were 8 months ago to be exact.
 
Cuffs said:
Here's another thing I got out of her as she was on her way to work a short time ago. She keeps telling me there's no one person specific who she is interested in. I asked what she meant by specific, because if there was no one at all, then she would have said that. She told me there have been a few men who have displayed interest in her, and she likes the attention she has been receiving from them, that it makes her feel good. She told me she doesn't have any one lined up to date, nor is she thinking along those lines right now, but the time may come. She told me she does not want things to work out with us at this time, and she does not see herself changing her mind anytime soon.

**** me with a razor blade. I'm such a fucking wreck right now. My counselor was right when she said dealing with a death is much easier than dealing with something like this because of the rollercoaster of emotions you experience. I know this all needs to end. I know what advice I would dish out to someone else going through this. I just don't want to 'move on' and start a new life...again. This is going to be a long weekend for me dudes.

On another note, I got invited to a double birthday party with most of the people I went rafting with and others. I think I'll go to that, instead of going out with that 24 year old chick. That will be a better choice in the long run for me.
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You're a much nicer man that I am.

Right about now I'd be saying some not so nice things, good-bye and good riddance.

I can't believe the way she messes with your emotions. She's got to know it, too. Right now its practically malicious what she is doing.

I'm gonna suggest you call her, tell her you tried your best to make it work, she was immature and selfish and will probably never be happy with herself or any relationship, and you're getting out while you've still got your sanity. Seriously...I'd do it. Don't plan on being friends, that's an ignorant notion.
 
I'm totally with kwyckemynd00 on this one. Hit the road while you still have your sanity and your dignity intact. I've been where you are now my friend and let me tell you that sticking around through it will be hell for quite some time. If you decide once and for all to get out it will hurt terribly for a while but friends (and yes training) will get you through it and you'll be A-OK! Trust me man, from a guy who finally figured it out for himself. Peace brother, I'm pulling for ya.
 
Cuffs man, I am really sorry to hear it. Let me say just one thing -- I happened to meet the real love of my life only months after splitting with a woman I thought was the one and I'd been with for 10 years! The day before I met the woman I am now married to I thought I would be single forever.

That time of meeting her to now has been the BEST PART OF MY WHOLE LIFE and I had no idea right up until the day before!!

It might be that way for you too! Hang on bro!
 
Gethuge said:
I'm totally with kwyckemynd00 on this one. Hit the road while you still have your sanity and your dignity intact. I've been where you are now my friend and let me tell you that sticking around through it will be hell for quite some time. If you decide once and for all to get out it will hurt terribly for a while but friends (and yes training) will get you through it and you'll be A-OK! Trust me man, from a guy who finally figured it out for himself. Peace brother, I'm pulling for ya.
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Dignity....exactly. Honestly, if you pussy foot around and let her walk all over you, it will affect you badly! You will feel like a puss. you just can't let her walk on you like this and you need to end it.

Maybe you'll end up in a situation like Malek256 :)
 
cuffs this time i took the time to read alot of the post in this thread so i dont "jump to conclusions"

first of all, sad to say, your wife knows KNOWS that you wont leave her no matter what kind of bull she pulls. she knows that you will be around for as long as she whines and beggs. when i was younger and much meaner...i would test my waters and run rampid when i figured out what a guy will or will not handle. I KNOW with kwych, as many of you have seen thus far.... if i pulled anything crazy and stupid, he would NOT be friendly towards me.

Secondly, she seems hmm...to put it kindly, the kind of woman that irrates the crap out of me. TO ME all her games and the way she hurts you all the time illustrates to me taht she doesnt care enough about you to consider even alittle of your feelings. the part in your thread that u told of how she doesnt wera her ring anymore killed me. i would be hysterical if my boyfrined did that let alone my husband.

True love, doesnt need to be compared. like someone else mentioned before, you both are already married, she should have donte htis contemplating before. she shoudlnt need to see others or watch you flirt to know for a fact that you are the one she wants. there is nothing wrong with likeing attention from the other sex even when ur marreid, but to have that be a part of the reason she is contemplating is wrong. my boyfriend knows im quite the attention fiend, but i would nver test the waters. i know that no one else can even compare, even if i never saw another man on earth to know.

lastly, it bothers me to see you try to be good and pull your hair out over her. i know that i am not married and its probably hard to just leave like so many of us have told you, but truly you deserve so much better. i really wouldnt want you to pass up someone so perfect for you for someone who doesnt really appreciate you. some one better always comes along. really. personally to me, its not worth it. the pain she is putting you trhough is really selfish and inconsiderate of her.
 
seriously dude you gotta end this bullshit. its even making me crazy reading it. i can imagine how it feels for you. you have got to end it. its bullshit dude you know its bullshit. stop lying to yourself. please dude... take a fucking stand. you deserve to be respected right? she is disrespecting the **** out of you. dont just sit there and take it. END THE PAIN. ****! She's killing you and your letting her. take a stand. end it now. and get your ass out of the fucking house and go party.... DONT SIT AROUND SULKING.
 
Sounds like a teenage child relationship. I give 'em the boot when they come up with the i luv not in love bs. it's old and tiresome. Best thing to do is, Say Adios, Whatever Sweetheart. That burns em cold. It's sad youve got a son with her and that she's acting highly immature. True women stay with the man when theyve had a kid and especially if the mans not beating them or doing any type of verbal abuse. So very childish in a suburban desperate housewives world.
These women need to understand the important and true valued things in life.
 
My wife apologizes to me daily. I have accepted her apologies, and we get along very well. There are no grudges...as of now. She and I want to remain friends if this goes to divorce. She told me she does not want to divorce, that it is not an option in her mind at this time. She is fearful she is making a mistake, and if I move on, I will not take her back. That's the chance you take when you play though.





Okay - I am going to finally get my voice in here after following this thread for weeks........ I truly believe that the only way to give sage advice is to NOT WORRY ABOUT HURTING YOUR FEELINGS AND JUST BE PAINFULLY HONEST!!!!!! So here goes -


You are married to a CHILD! You are married to a CHILD! You are married to a CHILD!

People who truly love, deeply love, profoundly love - DO NOT BEHAVE THIS WAY! AND I am talking about BOTH of YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her head games with you are sickening. She is manipulating this situation because the old adage applies here - "negative attention is still better than no attention". If she was truly wrestling with her emotions for you, she would not continue to stir the pot. She is a little girl who has probably spent her entire life manipulating the feelings of others and does not know any other way to achieve contentment!

NOW - you and your getting numbers from hotties!!!!!!!! Dude, I can tell you this because I am a 43 year old woman who has been out there and back. This may not be what you want to hear but you need go deeper in your own heart!!!!!! Good looks, great bodies, jealous buddies - just how long does this last? At the age of 70, when you need help getting to the bathroom, will it really matter if she had a great set of cans? When you meet your first grandchild, will it really have mattered that your coworkers ogled her ass? I can tell you what will matter - to have loved and been loved with UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE!!!!!!

STOP LOOKING FOR COMPANIONSHIP!!!!!!! Look for some personal satisfaction - I think that bodybuilding is an excellent start, but keep going!!!!! Look for personal emotional strength, look for ways to make a difference in the lives of those around you, stop analyzing the actions and words of others and START LISTENING TO YOUR OWN HIGHER POWER! (whether it be a God or Buddha or whatever)

GET OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD - It is a dangerous place to be!

Wake up each morning and say the following to yourself>

1. I am a decent human being.
2. I am a loving, caring and committed parent
3. I make a difference in the lives of others.
4. I will take care of my son, my body, my job, my house, my yard. I will keep my little section of the sidewalk clear TODAY.

This sounds pretty simple - IT IS AND YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!! I am not suggesting that you volunteer in a soup kitchen, but try it just for today - Read those 4 statements and start there. You are a bright young man, I can tell from your missives, and there is SOMEONE out there for you, but in the meantime, GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! Just get out of your own way and take care of business.

Okay, I am actually dizzy up here on my soapbox. I must step down. Has anyone seen my high horse? I parked it somewhere around this board!!
 
|Cuffs said:
She told me there have been a few men who have displayed interest in her, and she likes the attention she has been receiving from them, that it makes her feel good.
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Oh give me a frickin' break! This is the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? One who bends like grass in the wind and prefers being an attention whore for other men to her own loving husband? This chick has some serious waking up to do and it's too bad we don't all live next door to you, because I know I'd tell her myself. Yeah, you might end up back together but do you really want the kind of baggage she's bringing? A good PI would be a good idea for your own protection. I'll say it again: Get a PI on her for your own protection. Something shady's going on with the wedding ring-hiding lady.

And on the subject of dating, I know it gets lonely when you are rejected, but all these problems began with a woman you thought you could love and trust. Is having another woman right now really going to be a solution?

You want your wife's attention, don't pay so much of it to her. Be "busy" and act content and confident. Women walk all over doting men, especially the ones who "need" attention like she does. Don't always answer her calls. Have plans when she wans to "hang out." Be slightly vague, like she is. Can she really complain about you doing what she does? It's not playing games if you're doing it to protect yourself.
 
Brooklyn said:
....Get a PI on her for your own protection. Something shady's going on with the wedding ring-hiding lady.....
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Great idea...its sick, but really it may save you half of your assets!!!!! And, if she were actually cheating, I doubt you would feel bad keeping all the things you worked for, eh?
 
wheystation said:
I know - the mean queen of protein......I may have to go into hiding now.
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Great advice that you provided!

The Truth is the Truth. Mean/harsh only if it hits home, which is a good thing. Sometimes you just need to :hammer: into other peoples heads. Old ideas are usually the most difficult to see and discard.
 
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I saw that she was a child because I'm used to dating the younger ones.
you know 18-20. That's a sick joke if you've already got a son with her. I think I'd have killed her by now
 
Brooklyn said:
prefers being an attention whore for other men to her own loving husband?
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i dont think that is a bad thing neccesarily. i enjoy recieving attention form other men.... am i completly faithful? YES! do i not recieve enough attention from my boyfriend? no. its nice to feel attractive even if there is no want to hook the guy.
 
Mrs. Gimpy said:
i dont think that is a bad thing neccesarily. i enjoy recieving attention form other men.... am i completly faithful? YES! do i not recieve enough attention from my boyfriend? no. its nice to feel attractive even if there is no want to hook the guy.
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Yeah....its okay if guys think you're hot :) So long as they don't stare when I'm "right next to you". That pisses me off and I wanna ring some 140lb necks....grrrrrr.

I especially like it when the hot chicks give you attention :D
 
I had a boyfriend a LONG TIME ago - and he used to love to go to the Nudy Bars!! When I was talking to my Dad about it once, he replied 'It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat dinner at home'.

I always remember that long after the boyfriend was gone.
 
Well dudes, went to the party last night and it was fun, up until the end. Let me say this for those who may have misunderstood. I am not looking to date or 'hook-up' with anyone. I'm waiting my time before I go and do something like that.

Now, the party. I ended up getting pretty drunk. I was doing beer bongs and they threw in shots or whiskey without me knowing. They hired a stripper for the birthday dudes, and two additional showed up. Got a little freaky.

After the strippers left, some of us ended up in the pool, then spa. The ratio was 2 dudes and 3 chicks. The girls began kissing and the bottoms came off. One chick began flirting with me and playing around, but I still had enough brain cells, and will power, to telll her it wasn't cool and I kept my hands to myself. This chicks fiance was at the party, and off on his own. I thought it was weird that he didn't mind his woman being in the spa with another dude. And...with her bottoms off!

Well, **** began to hit the fan when the chick throwing the party got caught with love messages on her phone by her husband. The messages were from her coworker who was also at the party with his wife. He was one of the dudes in the spa, and she was one of the chicks. There was a blow up, but I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was I was now in the spa with the chick who was flirting with me, and everyone was gone. I kept my distance and just laid my head back. Next thing I know, her fiance comes over and tells her it's time to go. She tells him she doesn't want to, that he can leave, but she is staying. He then begins to pull her from the spa, pretty much manhandling her, while she's telling him to stop. All I told him was to becareful with what he was doing.

Next, we are all in the backyard and that's when hell begins to break loose with the married couple. I tried to talk to the wife, but she was a mess. She told me not to leave so she could speak with me. ****, I was going nowhere. I was drunk and I had them hide my keys when I got there. I look over and the chick who was flirting with me is sitting at a table refusing to leave with her fiance. Her friend is yelling at him to leave. He leaves and then comes back. She had gotten up and walked over where I was standing. I told her it was probably a good idea for her to leave or call for a ride. He then walks up with a baseball bat like it was for protection against me or something. He asked if I could give them some privacy. I told him not a problem and walked off. He then grabs her by her arm and begins to pulls her, almost dragging her across the yard to the front. I didn't intervene, but others did. They ended up leaving a short time later.

Now the married couple. The chick and dude who are coworkers end up taking off in his truck after confessing their love for each other in front of his wife. I never saw that one coming.

Here I am, stuck at this house, hardly know the husband who just found out his wife is cheating on him and left wih her lover, I'm drunk, my keys are hidden, and I'm an hour away from home, and it's about 4:00 am.

I made it home around noon and if this is what the single life is like, you can have it...LOL.
 
My wife took off with a couple of her friends to the beach today. I tried to play it like I didn't mind, which I don't. It just kills me not knowing who she is with, and when I asked, she got mad saying she doesn't like me keeping tabs on her. So, I just told her to have a good time and call me when she's back so I know she got in okay.

Yesterday, she was jealous that I was going to this party. She asked who was going to be there, if I had a date, or was meeting anyone. I told her I had no date, and she was welcome to come along, however she was working. She told me to have a good time, but not to have sex with anyone...whatever. I had purposely locked my phone in my car and had them hide the keys so I wouldn't check my messages. She text me a few times after work, but probably got mad for no response.
 
Cuffs said:
if this is what the single life is like, you can have it...LOL.
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Such is the life of the truly unconscious. Living a dream that they believe to be reality. I know I really don't know you, just my perception gained through reading some of your posts. I was going to read thru this whole thread but it appears it must be one of the largest in the forum. From early postings I gained the sense that you had some belief in the Divine, God I believe was the term you used. Hopefully you don't think I am too nuts, humor me and read on there is a point.

There is a story in this book I read on occasion about this guy Elijah. Man, he was been hunted and was running for his life. A whole kingdom was after him. He was seeking shelter and came upon this cave. He was praying for God to speak to him. He was hoping to find God. A strong wind passed, but He was not in the wind. Then an earthquake, not in the earthquake either. Then a fire storm, not there either. Ahhhh! after the fire a still small voice, and that was where God was.

Seek that still small voice my friend. It won't be at any parties, not in any woman's panties, not in any bottles or pills. Can't buy it for $19.99 with free s/h on some late nite infomercial. It's been in the same place for your whole life, you heard it when you were a child but the din of the world around you has obscured it. Learn to be silent with yourself and I guarantee you will find it again. I know it is uncomfortable when someone or something that you have labeled or believe is part of your life leaves ot threatens to leave. Most people's suffering is caused by trying to hold on to something when it is its time to go or trying to pull something in before it its time to be there. I might not know how you feel, but I know how I have felt in similar situations. Trying to solve a problem with the mind that created it is virtually impossible.

Okay, enough of the unsolicited advice. Have a happy Sunday evening. Peace
 
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Cuffs said:
My wife took off with a couple of her friends to the beach today. I tried to play it like I didn't mind, which I don't. It just kills me not knowing who she is with, and when I asked, she got mad saying she doesn't like me keeping tabs on her. So, I just told her to have a good time and call me when she's back so I know she got in okay.
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Bah! She gets mad when you ask who she's going with...yes what does she do????

(see below)

Yesterday, she was jealous that I was going to this party. She asked who was going to be there, if I had a date, or was meeting anyone. I told her I had no date, and she was welcome to come along, however she was working. She told me to have a good time, but not to have sex with anyone...whatever. I had purposely locked my phone in my car and had them hide the keys so I wouldn't check my messages. She text me a few times after work, but probably got mad for no response.
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*sigh*

The party sure sounded interesting, bro....LOL.

I though people grew out of that kind of thing, but I guess not, eh? The good part is that's a story you'll get to tell for the rest of your life...haahhaaha
 
wheystation said:
I had a boyfriend a LONG TIME ago - and he used to love to go to the Nudy Bars!!
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im a REALLY laidback girlfriend...but i really dont know if even i'd be comfortable with my bf doing that
 
Mrs. Gimpy said:
im a REALLY laidback girlfriend...but i really dont know if even i'd be comfortable with my bf doing that
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That's why I'd just bring you with me, woman :) I'll give you bills, and you shove 'em in the panties....hehehe :thumbsup:

Woman...arne't u supposed to be packing so I can come and pick u up? Hmm! :rant:
 
i dont think that is a bad thing neccesarily. i enjoy recieving attention form other men.... am i completly faithful? YES! do i not recieve enough attention from my boyfriend? no. its nice to feel attractive even if there is no want to hook the guy.
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This isn't the issue. Women in general enjoy attention. It's one of the ways in which they quell their insecurities. However, when the desire for attention overwhelms good sense and loyalty to those you love, that is when there is a problem. This appears to be the case with Cuffs' woman. It's wrong and it's childish. He should not put up with it.
 
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