My World Is Crashing Around Me

Thought I'd give an update here.

Things are still going well at this point. My wife and I had a nice evening last night. When I arrived home, I found a card she left for me. The card had a very positive note from her on the inside. She told me how much I mean to her, how much she cares for me, that she is impressed with how I've handled things and continue to handle things, and that she wants to make this work.

I then had a nice surprise waiting for her when she arrived home, that impressed her. I had a bath ready for her when she came home from work, with candles and flowers surrounding it, some Enya playing in the background, and her favorite tea. I had also got into the baking mood and made some homemade chocolate chip cookies...I know, I know...I'm cutting right now.

I received a book from Dmitry today in the mail, which I will begin to read this evening. Thanks D, looks like something right down my alley for this period of time in my life.
 
Man bro, your posts bring up a lot of old stuff. Almost everything I've read was exactly where my wife and I were a year and a half ago. She went to Iraq, which was supposed to be a strengthening time for us. About two weeks out of her return things did a 180 south. She came back a different person. I thought I was going to lose my mind and everything else in my life. I went through a lot of the same things as you. She wasnt in love with me, I had to pull teeth to get counseling going, she changed from wanting a baby right when she got back to going on birth control without my knowledge, the whole leaving and staying ordeal. . . The fact that she hid under the blanket and ignored you thing is a scary replica of many nights we had. It took us a year before I could say things were finally getting better. Whenever I started to see changes, they took a step backwards.

I could go on and on about how our stories compare, but I don't know if that helps any. Everyone is different. All I know is I tried my best to listen to what she really had to say and not the things she said out of anger. I tried my best to go by the advice of my counselors and worked at keeping my family together. Nothing is worse for a man who has put everything into his family only to get a glimpse of it falling apart. I know it can be hard sometimes, but stay possitive and I'm glad to hear that things are looking better for ya.
 
geez cuffs I just saw this thread, I hope you are doing better. Seriously. We are simply names on message board - but let me tell you: people care. people give a ****. Stay strong my man.

Seems you guys are back on the same page. I hope you guys stay there - sometimes you just need to change of pace (or scenery) to spice things up. Break the rountine, break the cycle. It refreshes everything
 
jweave23 said:
I agree with this 100%. It seems my girlfriend and her family/culture, who are from Armenia, understand this some also.
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:drunk: Woohoo!! Shout out to all the Armenians! Sorry to go off-topic but I'm Armenian too, and there's only like 50 of us left out there (ok exaggerating), so we keep it tight!

Cuffs - I lost track of what was going on as I was on vacation for a bit, but it's good to hear that everything seems to be looking up for you. Sounds like your wife has started to realize what she did was probably wrong and a little too quick on the draw. I'll keep praying for you bro.

BP
 
I still don't know where things stand at this time. I know things aren't going to change at the snap of a finger, and it's going to be a long road to travel. My wife told me how appreciative of me she is, how she doesn't deserve the attention and I what I do for her. She says she loves me, and wants to be with me, but she still has a 'lost' feeling, or a feeling of 'void'. She says she doesn't know what it is she wants in life, that she just never seems satisfied with what she has. Although, it is 'that' time of month for her right now, and she's worked 20 hours of overtime this week alone.

The couseling group I am entering dropped the ball last week and never set up my appointments. So, now I have to wait util next week to hear when they will start. At least my wife is willing to do this as well.

'Slow is smooth, smooth is steady, steady is fast.' ( I think I got that phrase right???) This is a SWAT rule they used to teach while doing entries and other details. I guess one could employ this in life relationships as well.
 
I've been following this thread off and on without commenting...

I think it's really admirable that you're so willing to work on your marriage. It's not often you see commitment exhibited like that anymore. It shows me and everyone else that no matter how this particular issue ends for you that you'll end up just fine down the line.
 
Hey Cuffs. So uh if things don't you know work out and all uh I'll give you my address we have an extra room I could sure use a nice bath drawn after some hard workouts and did I mention Chocolate Chip cookies are my fav. I need a good work out partner too. Free Rent. lol

All BS asside. Sounds like things are getting better. I have been praying for you. Keep your head high and screwed on strait. Peace
 
I'm trying to keep my head screwed on straight. However, I think I'm at the beginning phase to experience a bout of depression. I'm sure it's a normal pattern to follow during situations like I'm going through. Anyone know off-hand what type of herbal supplement I can look into for this?

Our talks are good, and our time together is well spent. However, she is still telling me she still feels a void, and doesn't know what she needs to fill it. She told me she appreciates all I have been doing for her, and it reminds her of how things were with us, and she hopes we can work this whole thing out.

I don't know if I'm trying too hard, not hard enough, or expecting too much too soon. Probably the latter of the three. I'm planning a getaway for next week to the beach where I proposed. I proposed on one knee while telling her how much she meant to me, and how I wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. This took place during sunset, in an alcove, while people walked the beach. I was fucking nervous as hell, even knowing she would say yes. I even took a picture of the sunset, framed it, and i was our screensaver for a long time. The getaway will include a kickass room, dinner, spa treatments and massages. I'm not expecting her to fall over and forget everything, just trying to get that spark back.
 
St. John's Wort for depression - give it a shot its cheap. Might help restore confidence and you'll get the ball rolling again (so to speak).

A change of scenery is exactly what you need. Break the routine, break the cycle. The same old, same old - wasn't working so it's on you to fix it. Forget about home, forget about daily life, forget about us! I'm should it will make things 150x better. Come back refreshed.

It's like when you see a really inspiring movie, the next 2 weeks you try and live your live differently - everything seems so clear - you can get away and come back smiling

We'll be thinking of you man, get married all over again to the same woman ;)
 
How about you take 2 weeks off, from work, us, her, everything. Pick a place to go and have a blast. It might make her see what she is throwing away, at the very least it will be good for you.
 
Sir Foxx said:
How about you take 2 weeks off, from work, us, her, everything. Pick a place to go and have a blast. It might make her see what she is throwing away, at the very least it will be good for you.
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That may be what I need to do. I brought up about the two of us going out of town next week. I didn't tell her what I had planned, or where, but just to make sure we had the time off from work. She told me she still did not want to get my hopes up, and didn't want to make it a horrible trip. So, the trip is no longer now.

She still tells me that a large part of her wants to be with me and at home, but there is still that small part of her that is confused. Last night I asked her what she had planned for the next day. Just general conversation since she had the day off from work, and I didn't. She basically told me this is what she doesn't want. She doesn't want to have to tell me where she is going, or when she will be back, even though one should in a marriage. She told me she doesn't want to look at her watch and fear when she is getting home from work, or having to explain why she is so late. I told her the only reason I like to know when she leaves from work is because she has a 45 minute drive, late at night, on back roads where fatal crashes happen, that it gives me peace of mind so I'm not wondering if she is okay or not. It has nothing to do with 'checking up on her.'

Another thing I want to vent about here. Within the last 10 months, we just bought a new house, a pool, and car. Just in the last two months, she ahs spent around $4,000 in clothes for herself. Now she wants to buy a Mini Cooper after seeing one on T.V. ****, she gets bent when I buy $50.00 worth of supps every other month, or when I go to Starbucks a few times a week.
 
Cuffs said:
That may be what I need to do. I brought up about the two of us going out of town next week. I didn't tell her what I had planned, or where, but just to make sure we had the time off from work. She told me she still did not want to get my hopes up, and didn't want to make it a horrible trip. So, the trip is no longer now.

She still tells me that a large part of her wants to be with me and at home, but there is still that small part of her that is confused. Last night I asked her what she had planned for the next day. Just general conversation since she had the day off from work, and I didn't. She basically told me this is what she doesn't want. She doesn't want to have to tell me where she is going, or when she will be back, even though one should in a marriage. She told me she doesn't want to look at her watch and fear when she is getting home from work, or having to explain why she is so late. I told her the only reason I like to know when she leaves from work is because she has a 45 minute drive, late at night, on back roads where fatal crashes happen, that it gives me peace of mind so I'm not wondering if she is okay or not. It has nothing to do with 'checking up on her.'

Another thing I want to vent about here. Within the last 10 months, we just bought a new house, a pool, and car. Just in the last two months, she ahs spent around $4,000 in clothes for herself. Now she wants to buy a Mini Cooper after seeing one on T.V. ****, she gets bent when I buy $50.00 worth of supps every other month, or when I go to Starbucks a few times a week.
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the last part of this bothers me...as I am sure it bothers you...4000......wow!!! on clothes..I mean is it a early mid life crisis....or what???!!! I cant imagine spending that much on clothes..although i am not your typical girl, i hate shopping........I still cant see that........be careful...sounds to me like your investing ( heart wise) into this more than she is right now...maybe step back, work on you and let her come to you.......if it is meant to be, it will be...I hate that saying and I know it sucks...But honestly, it's the truth......

((((HUGZ))))) your in my thoughts cuffs and I really hope things work out the way you want them to...heartbreak sucks, we have all been there.......But in the end your going to be ok
 
wranglergirl said:
the last part of this bothers me...as I am sure it bothers you...4000......wow!!! on clothes..I mean is it a early mid life crisis....or what???!!! I cant imagine spending that much on clothes..although i am not your typical girl, i hate shopping........I still cant see that........be careful...sounds to me like your investing ( heart wise) into this more than she is right now...maybe step back, work on you and let her come to you.......if it is meant to be, it will be...I hate that saying and I know it sucks...But honestly, it's the truth......

((((HUGZ))))) your in my thoughts cuffs and I really hope things work out the way you want them to...heartbreak sucks, we have all been there.......But in the end your going to be ok
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Thanks WG. Even she has said she feels like she's going through an eary mid-life crisis. She also told me she feels bad because of how hard I'm working on everything, and she is not. Your advice, like the others, is probably the best thing to do. I guess I need to step back and let her come to me. If she doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be.

About the money she has been recently spending. I'm not angry about it. It is just apparent that she has a problem shopping for herself, and I believe it's what she does to try to make herself feel better, or to cover her emotions.
 
She still tells me that a large part of her wants to be with me and at home, but there is still that small part of her that is confused. Last night I asked her what she had planned for the next day. Just general conversation since she had the day off from work, and I didn't. She basically told me this is what she doesn't want. She doesn't want to have to tell me where she is going, or when she will be back, even though one should in a marriage. She told me she doesn't want to look at her watch and fear when she is getting home from work, or having to explain why she is so late.
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I am sorry that's what happens in a marriage. My g/f asks me were I am going all the time and I tell her it's not that big of a deal. There is something wrong with that type of thinking. When I have to work and she has the day off I ask her what she is going to do that day. If I asked her and she said to me I not telling you and don't want answer to anyone, I would think something's going on that shouldn't be. How hard is it to say I am going shopping or going over to a friends house?

Another thing I want to vent about here. Within the last 10 months, we just bought a new house, a pool, and car. Just in the last two months, she ahs spent around $4,000 in clothes for herself. Now she wants to buy a Mini Cooper after seeing one on T.V. ****, she gets bent when I buy $50.00 worth of supps every other month, or when I go to Starbucks a few times a week.
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Sounds like she has some poor impulse control which is part of the problem. If she has poor impulse control and needs instant gratification there is your whole problem. It sounds like the problem is with her but she won't or can't realize this, so she projects on to you her feelings of depression or unhappiness. She thinks if X happens then she will be happy. I knew someone with that kind of problem before. She thought if I get out of my marriage or if I move to a different place then I'll be happy. It's also sounds like she is still playing mind games and wants to have her cake and eat it too. She tells you that she wants to make it work then turns around and says she is still confused and feels a void. She also wants to go out and do whatever she wants and not have to answer to you. It's one thing to saying she going over her friends house and she's not sure what time she'll be home. It's another to say that she doesn't even want to tell you that she is over her friends house. That's just weird. I know you don't like conflict and you want this to work out. However, I would point these things out at some point and the other problems you have. This wasn't all your fault.
 
Bump for VG and WG.

Cuffs, I wish you the utmost best, bro...but your wife is acting ridiculous. Its insane NOT to care where your loved on is at all times. If my g/f didn't ask me where I'm going or where I'll be, I'd assume she just didn't care. That's just not right...so, for her to expect you to just let her run around and do as she wishes while you sit at home losing hair over all the worries is very inconsiderate and just plain selfish and almost mean...you shouldn't be someones puppet in a relationship. Its not about one person in a relationship...she doesn't seem to understand that.
 
Cuffs said:
She still tells me that a large part of her wants to be with me and at home, but there is still that small part of her that is confused. Last night I asked her what she had planned for the next day. Just general conversation since she had the day off from work, and I didn't. She basically told me this is what she doesn't want. She doesn't want to have to tell me where she is going, or when she will be back, even though one should in a marriage. She told me she doesn't want to look at her watch and fear when she is getting home from work, or having to explain why she is so late. I told her the only reason I like to know when she leaves from work is because she has a 45 minute drive, late at night, on back roads where fatal crashes happen, that it gives me peace of mind so I'm not wondering if she is okay or not. It has nothing to do with 'checking up on her.'
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Big red flags should be flying up man. Take note of this for later reference so that it doesn't shock the hell out of you when she hurts you again. I am sorry for being so harsh, but you seem like an extremely nice person and I have heard the same lines from girlfriends before and I wish I would of had someone there to smack me and say hey dumbass get it into your head that this is not normal nor is it what takes place in a trusting and loving relationship. I call my wife when I stop to get gas on the way home not because she wants me to but because I want to. I want her to know where I am at and I enjoy calling her just to talk and fill her in on my day. Something is either up or she is setting the playing field for something to be up or I am completely wrong and you are married to a selfish little girl who needs to see how good you are to her and realize what life is like without you.
 
VanillaGorilla said:
She tells you that she wants to make it work then turns around and says she is still confused and feels a void. She also wants to go out and do whatever she wants and not have to answer to you. It's one thing to saying she going over her friends house and she's not sure what time she'll be home. It's another to say that she doesn't even want to tell you that she is over her friends house. That's just weird. I know you don't like conflict and you want this to work out. However, I would point these things out at some point and the other problems you have. This wasn't all your fault.
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Props to this advice. Confront her and possibly if you make her angry you will see the real her. Damn it makes me angry thinking about this. Hey if you need to all of us here at AM will come over have some BBQ and a swim and tell your wife how lucky and ungrateful she is.
 
I know how this all sounds, and believe me, I thought the same thing as well. However, I do not believe there is someone else at this time. That's not to say people have been paying attention to her and saying things she likes to hear. Then again, I may find out later on that I had been played a fool.

Even though she tells me she doesn't want to report where she is, she is constantly calling me to tell me. She actually doesn't go many places alone.

During my first marriage, after I caught my wife having an affair, we separated for a few months. At that time, I felt anger instead of hurt like I do now. I went out and wanted to hurt women. Not physically, but emotionally. So, I began whoring around. As soon as a woman began to show more interest other than a ****, I'd dump her without any explaination. After doing this a few times, I took a look at what I was doing, and did not like the person I was becoming and stopped.

I could easily turn what I'm feeling now into anger again, but I am trying my hardest not to. That's not the person I want to be. That's not the person I am.

My wife has recently been giving me compliments on my apprearance. She has told me my legs look bigger, that my traps are 'huge', how good I look tanned, that I look leaner, etc. I don't know if she is saying these things because she's feeling guilty, or what.

Last night she would frequently roll over to hold or touch me. At one point I think she wanted to get freaky by signs she was sending out and where she would touch. But, I did not respond for fear of rejection or getting her angry, and to show her I do have some restraint.
 
I should have put this in my last post as well. My wife is working a trade with a coworker so she can have Saturday off with me. She said she wants to go somewhere for the weekend. She then said we could go on the getaway I was planning. I told her that what I had planned would have to wait until we can find out where we both stand in this relationship. She kept asking what type of getaway it was, but I would not say. We are now planning to either go to the coast, or to a cabin for a couple of days.
 
Looks like things are slowly coming around Cuffs. In my opinion the key now is to remain just a little distant. Never let her think that you are ready to get things "back to where they were". You in essence want to make her want it all back without you trying. Best of luck bro.
 
I know how this all sounds, and believe me, I thought the same thing as well. However, I do not believe there is someone else at this time. That's not to say people have been paying attention to her and saying things she likes to hear. Then again, I may find out later on that I had been played a fool.
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I am not saying she is having an affair at all. From what your posting she seems to be sending you mixed messages. One minute she doesn't want to tell you where she is going or what time she is coming home and the next she calls you to tell you what she is doing. One minute she wants to stay together and make it work and the next she is confused and feels a void. That kind of behavior is simply not fair to you and shows some signs of mental problems. Think about what could happen if it's not addressed............... you have a child with her in a few years , she does the same thing again saying she wasn't ready for kids, marriage, she made a mistake and is confused.
 
You are absolutely right VG. ****, I brought up the signals I was getting while in bed last night with her. She said she didn't remember doing any of that, and she must have done it subcounsciously.

I am surely getting mixed messages/signals from her. One minute she pats me on the ass, and even bends down to playfully kiss my ass, then another she isn't sure about things still. ****, she purposely touched my crotch a couple of times last night, saying it was a mistake, but checking to see if I had some wood going as we were watching some television in bed. She then made the comment "you want to bone me don't you?" I told her of course, but left it at that. I mean, I could have 'broken off a piece' so to say, but what good would it have done?
 
I may be 20 and a n00b when it comes to love but ah, what the hell.

I personally don't think she had an affair. It was something she saw or heard of made her think about her future. Maybe her friend was going through a divorce and her friend told her how awesome it was. Something that happened that made her think that maybe there really was greener grass on the other side. However, she thought it out and realized that she was better off being with you. Which in my opinion, is a good thing since it seemed your marriage was hanging on by a thread.

However from reading your posts, I get the feeling that she isn't putting in the work to improve the marriage. It definitely seems like you are but not so much for her. I mean, complimenting your looks is good and all but its the mental aspects. When she was more excited about material goods than you, that means that she has fucked priorities. She needs to (either by herself or a push from you) seek some type of help (no matter where its from) to start rebuilding her marriage and unfuck her priorities (to be brutally blunt). Something like this is definitely a problem because there may be kids later on and there'll be a lot more to lose.

Even with her mixed messages, it seems like she has no idea what she actually wants outside of instant gratification (nice reaction from compliments or buying material goods).

Well, best of luck.
 
houseman said:
I like how this guy thinks. :D
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So do I. So...I thought about it and when my wife got home from work last night, we went skinny dipping until midnite, then took it to the bedroom. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. ;)
 
Cuffs said:
So do I. So...I thought about it and when my wife got home from work last night, we went skinny dipping until midnite, then took it to the bedroom. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. ;)
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I have no imagination. That's why I look at porn.

Details please. lol
 
houseman said:
I have no imagination. That's why I look at porn.

Details please. lol
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A gentleman never tells. ;) But, I will say it was some great sex! And...what started in the pool, was finished in the house. I didn't want to water to look like egg flower soup...if you know what I mean...LOL. :D
 
Beelzebub said:
you eat chinese food in the pool????

:)
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LOL...nope, but I was eating something else. And I don't think people who come over to use the pool would appreciate floaties all around them. :D
 
bigpetefox said:
So, what happened? :p








That's for the pink boa jokes!! :D :rasp: :thumbsup:
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Pink Boa comment? Did I miss it?

Oh, well, here is another good one...I wonder where I got this :D

"I'm into bodybuilding.. I train 4-5 days a week, eat every 2hrs, stay away from simple sugars just to remain in good health.. I like to dress abit wild for a straight guy; leather pants with a fishnet button-up shirt, abs flashing with a thin sheen of baby oil.. The fact that I'm 30 and in shape, women think I'm gay.. Why? So what I exfoliate twice a week.. Not all women find this un-macho, many do like the fact they're not rubbin' up against a funk plunker.. Ok, ok I don't primp and go all that goofy Metrosexual stuff, but I do like to shower and smell nice (aka The AXE Effect).."

My god you keep me entertained...BPF...I wish you lived in my area :D I'd never have to visit an amusement park or movie theatres again :D You da freggin' man! :thumbsup:
 
kwyckemynd00 said:
Pink Boa comment? Did I miss it?

Oh, well, here is another good one...I wonder where I got this :D

"I'm into bodybuilding.. I train 4-5 days a week, eat every 2hrs, stay away from simple sugars just to remain in good health.. I like to dress abit wild for a straight guy; leather pants with a fishnet button-up shirt, abs flashing with a thin sheen of baby oil.. The fact that I'm 30 and in shape, women think I'm gay.. Why? So what I exfoliate twice a week.. Not all women find this un-macho, many do like the fact they're not rubbin' up against a funk plunker.. Ok, ok I don't primp and go all that goofy Metrosexual stuff, but I do like to shower and smell nice (aka The AXE Effect).."

My god you keep me entertained...BPF...I wish you lived in my area :D I'd never have to visit an amusement park or movie theatres again :D You da freggin' man! :thumbsup:
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We'd have to pick up Cuffs on the way, next stop Montreal!! ;)
 
Well, things seem to be going good for the most part. My wife told me she doesn't want to leave, she loves me very much, and she's very happy with how we have been with each other recently. However, she still says she can't make a decision because a small part of her still does not feel right.

We are planning to go out of town Sunday and Monday. Hopefully things keep turning for the better.
 
Cuffs said:
Well, things seem to be going good for the most part. My wife told me she doesn't want to leave, she loves me very much, and she's very happy with how we have been with each other recently. However, she still says she can't make a decision because a small part of her still does not feel right.

We are planning to go out of town Sunday and Monday. Hopefully things keep turning for the better.
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Great to hear! I hope things continue to improve!
 
Thanks for the words WheyGood.

Things are still going well. My wife is being more affectionate each day. Calls me and text messages me all the time, tells me how much she loves me, and so on. She through me for a loop the other day. She is wanting a Mini Cooper, which I do not, but am going along with it. Anyways, I joklingly mentioned how the Cooper was going to cost more than the Harley I have always wanted. She later told me she is all for getting the Harley instead of the Cooper. :blink: Hmmmm...Harley-Mini Cooper-Harely-Mini Cooper... :think: ****, HD shop here I come! :run: LOL...we'll see.
 
Hey man sorry to hear things screwed up for you. Seems things are starting to look up agin. I haven't been around because I'm going through my fare share of stuff....marrige problems, a baby, school, studying/testing, work day/night shift. I'm all f#cked up, lol! All I can tell you is keep on moving, stay positive and try your best. Things get worse b4 they get better, but they always do get better. You can sit around and cry and complain. Or you can take the bull by the horns and drive it into the ground. I only know one direction in life....thats forward...Hope all turns out well. I'll try and come round if I can, but doubt if I'll have time. I'll start a thread if time permits. Tell all the bros I said hey, doing well here.
 
Cuffs, I was out for a while myself, so I stumbled on this thread late as well. All I can say is hang in there, and props to you for turning to the board for love and support. This dialogue is pretty clear evidence of how much people care and will rally together to support each other. It is a testament to the quality of the forum and its members. As well, you are a kind and respected brother, and we all wish you the very best. Keep the faith, friend.
 
Cuffs, I lasted about 3 1/2 years with an ex gf which I thought I was going to marry. In a way I really understand what you're going through. I was so hurt for a very long time, mood swings, depression, everything! I got over her totally after like a month or 2.... I started meeting beautiful girls, my ex was ugly i dont know what got into me! LOL anyways, it'll all take time.... The only advice I give you and I hope you take it, is to always have a game plan for women. Even though you're deeply in love... you can say it, do romantic things but always hold your feelings back, you have to ignore your feelings, play games with their heads. Not in the sense that you're going to play stupid mind games, but say you love her when ur not in the mood or even if u dont mean it, be fresh with them, tell your wife or whoever it might be how u find them attractive, then call them ugly... Kind of like if she were a dog and u had the meat, u can just tease her back and forth! This type of thing is what girls find so interesting, and in a way women are masocist(is that how u spell it?) they like to be dominated and many also like to be heartbroken once in a while as long as they see hope with that same person that breaks their heart :P I dont know if i explained it well... im not trying to say to act like an asshole but there should always be a tease going on. :P Hope you use this advice man, it wont let you down..... Keep your head up bro.
 
Stay strong Cuffs; with will and determination you can get through anything in life. In the end everything will be fine.
 
Just a quick update here. Things are still about the same. We share some good quality time together with good conversation. Then she throws out the "what are you going to do if I leave" thing. Seems to ruin the mood at the time. She tells me she does not want to leave, but she believes she needs to so we can both heal and kind of start over. I told her that if that is what she wants, then I will not hold her back. She told me if I want her to stay, then she will stay. I told her that I don't want her to go, but I also don't want her to stay if she is not happy. She tells me she's having a hard time making the decision because she likes how things have been recently. I think she's affraid things will revert back to how they were...which they may a little, who knows. Only time will tell.

My wife was looking at me the other night as I got out of the shower. She told me how good I look, and how I look better now then I did when we first met over 7 years ago. She kept on-and-on saying how 'sexy' I am and how she is really turned on by me.

I begin my portion of counseling tomorrow evening. My wife is unsure if she wants to go herself, but is keeping open to it. I'm still on an emotional rollercoaster, and basically cry at the drop of a hat. I need to get over this ****. It's like I'm on a permanent dose of clomid. I try to keep my head up and stay positive, especially when around my wife. It's just very hard at times.

Again, thanks to all who have taken the time to provide advice and show their support during my time of hell.
 
Cuffs said:
Just a quick update here. Things are still about the same. We share some good quality time together with good conversation. Then she throws out the "what are you going to do if I leave" thing. Seems to ruin the mood at the time. She tells me she does not want to leave, but she believes she needs to so we can both heal and kind of start over. I told her that if that is what she wants, then I will not hold her back. She told me if I want her to stay, then she will stay. I told her that I don't want her to go, but I also don't want her to stay if she is not happy. She tells me she's having a hard time making the decision because she likes how things have been recently. I think she's affraid things will revert back to how they were...which they may a little, who knows. Only time will tell.
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I don't know how you can continue on this rollercoaster.

Emotional wouldn't be the word I'd be using. PISSED is the word I'd be using.

This is going to sound harsh.... she is being a completly insensitive BITCH!

I think a straw needs to break here and I think you need to break it. I think you need to put HER in a position to show what her real intent is. You are going to counsiling. Great. She needs to go to. She's not sure she wants to but is open to the idea. If she was serious about the marriage, she WOULD be going as well.

She is not serious. She feels she has done nothing wrong and it's all your fault. Door swings both ways. Frankly, I would give her the ultimatium. Go to counsiling or get out.

Life is too short to be playing the games she is playing with you. And, make no mistake, she is playing fucking games here.

I think you need to confront the issue head on. No more pussy footing around. If you want to stay... we're going to cousiling... together... to try and save our marriage and work through the issues TOGETHER. If not, see ya... and let's get on with living life.

JUst my thoughts. Discount as you wish :)
 
Hi Cuffs. About the emotional rollercoaster thing, the only way to stop that is to stabilize your emotions. You cannot let the actions, words, or decision of others affect you anymore.

You might be on an emotional rollercoaster because you are unsure wether you are gonna lose her or not, or you might be on an emotional rollercoaster because you start to think back at all that both of you have been through together, all the things that you have done for her, and all the love and support that you have given her. Then you think that if the relationship ends, then all of that would have been for nothing, a waste. But this is not the case, because you both shared that time together and gave each other all of those things, and while all those things were going on you were both happy. So you shouldn't think about it as if you did all of those things and now it will all be a waste, because you didn't do all of those things for the future, you did them in that moment. So if they end, you shouldn't feel bad about it, but kind of try to be at peace with it. Think of it as a time in your life where you did those things for that moment. During that time you were able to truly love someone deeply, and you should be happy and proud about that, and be grateful that she gave you the opportunity in life to be able to experience all of those beautiful things.

Now if the case is that you are emotional because you don't know if the relationship will end or not, then you need to detach yourself from the outcome. If you stay together then good; if you separate then that's what needed to happen and you might find another love in your life who might make you a thousand times happier then good. Both outcomes are good. If you are working on the relationship as hard as you can on your part and she is not, then there is nothing you can do about it. There's nothing more you can do and you should feel at peace because you did everything possible and if it didn't work out then it just wasn't meant to be because you did everything you could. If you are a good, loving person who treats their partners with love and respect, then it will be her loss to give you up.
 
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