Men I need some advice!!!

dirtysouthmuscl

Banned
Ok so check this out . First Ive been with my girl for 4 yrs. Now she started going to these prayer groups with her Mom ( Woman HATES Me ) and she feels guilty about having pre maritial sex. So now after 4 yrs Im supposed to go without sex, and if I cant then It looks all I want is sex. This would normally be no problem Dump the Girl !!!! But she is Super Fine , great morals , and had only been with one other guy before me. Thats hard to find. What To do.:wtf:
 
Hey thats what feels like she was brainwashed. Sh^% is freakin me out. I understand wanting to do the right thing But hell over 4 yrs. Thats not a Booty Call.
 
So you 2 have had sex before she started these groups right and now your supposed to give it up.....sounds like the mom wants to F U in the A.....i'll have to go with ziricote on this one ...round up the sharks ...:food:
 
Damn, that's a toughy. She seems like a really good girl & good catch so you wouldn't want to let her go, specially not with all the trash that's out there & specially not with the time you 2 have had together. It's not a simple break up & it's water under the bridge deal.

I would honestly just sit down with her & try explaining to her that it's not about the physical aspect of sex, but more the expression of love & care you guys have for each other. In other words, this isn't a "fcuk" & you are not interested in the physical (this is what makes pre-marital sex wrong). Make it clear to her that you do love her & you do care about her, more than anything else in the world, & that you guys aren't just having sex, but making love. Explain to her that you are so overwhelmed with feelings for her that this is your way of expressing your love for her to her, much like a kiss, simply more affectionate. Sex is the ultimate act of affection & there is nothing more. Make sure throughout all this to simply say, "If waiting is what you truly want, then I respect your decision & I will support you."

Some priests, at least younger ones that I know, support this train of thought. Maybe take her to see a priest with you to counter what she is being told by the extremist prayer group. NEVER say anything about her mom, or how her mom is doing this because she doesn't like you, etc.

Maybe, if you see this happening, tell her you do see yourself marrying her in the future if things continue the way they are. That being said, it isn't wrong or immoral for you guys to have sex. The point of not having pre-marital sex is to wait for that one person that you really love & care about. Truth is, you will run into more than one of those throughout your lifetime, therefore, pre-marital sex is outdated.

You could always use her extreme religious views against her. The church is also against contraceptives & other things of that nature, not just sexual. Find something she loves to indulge in, find how the Bible/church don't approve of it, & bring it up to her. Fight fire with fire :twisted:. Oh yea, make sure what you choose to pick on her for, you don't do :).
 
xxtruxx1 said:
Damn, that's a toughy. She seems like a really good girl & good catch so you wouldn't want to let her go, specially not with all the trash that's out there & specially not with the time you 2 have had together. It's not a simple break up & it's water under the bridge deal.

I would honestly just sit down with her & try explaining to her that it's not about the physical aspect of sex, but more the expression of love & care you guys have for each other. In other words, this isn't a "fcuk" & you are not interested in the physical (this is what makes pre-marital sex wrong). Make it clear to her that you do love her & you do care about her, more than anything else in the world, & that you guys aren't just having sex, but making love. Explain to her that you are so overwhelmed with feelings for her that this is your way of expressing your love for her to her, much like a kiss, simply more affectionate. Sex is the ultimate act of affection & there is nothing more. Make sure throughout all this to simply say, "If waiting is what you truly want, then I respect your decision & I will support you."

Some priests, at least younger ones that I know, support this train of thought. Maybe take her to see a priest with you to counter what she is being told by the extremist prayer group. NEVER say anything about her mom, or how her mom is doing this because she doesn't like you, etc.

Maybe, if you see this happening, tell her you do see yourself marrying her in the future if things continue the way they are. That being said, it isn't wrong or immoral for you guys to have sex. The point of not having pre-marital sex is to wait for that one person that you really love & care about. Truth is, you will run into more than one of those throughout your lifetime, therefore, pre-marital sex is outdated.

You could always use her extreme religious views against her. The church is also against contraceptives & other things of that nature, not just sexual. Find something she loves to indulge in, find how the Bible/church don't approve of it, & bring it up to her. Fight fire with fire :twisted:. Oh yea, make sure what you choose to pick on her for, you don't do :).
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Man did Dr. Phil get on your computer for a moment. Thats great advice I thank you and i will give it a try.
 
dirtysouthmuscl said:
Man did Dr. Phil get on your computer for a moment. Thats great advice I thank you and i will give it a try.
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LOL. When I'm not emotionally involved (like with my ex of 2.5 years that i started a thread about), I'm pretty mature/level-headed when it comes to relationships & decision making in relationships. Being emotionally involved totally skews that though.

Dr. Phil would've ended with some stupid analogy that has nothing to do with the situation at hand, something like, "A lone tree in the forest does not catch fire." He's such a tool, that guy lol.

Hope the advice helps you out though. Let us know how it goes, bro.
 
Well dirtysouth without getting into the whole moralistic side let me say this.First if you truly care for this woman you will respect her wishes and if you can do that you will see what your relationship really consists of.

This will allow you to see exactly what your motivation is because a real relationship will stand if you care more for her feelings than to try to guilt her into sex(Ive made this very same mistake myself)

I wish you the best and her also because a girl with TRUE morals is very very hard to find.Treasure her for who she is because if you end up together that is the glue that will keep things from falling apart when life gets rough.
 
mmowry said:
Well dirtysouth without getting into the whole moralistic side let me say this.First if you truly care for this woman you will respect her wishes and if you can do that you will see what your relationship really consists of.

This will allow you to see exactly what your motivation is because a real relationship will stand if you care more for her feelings than to try to guilt her into sex(Ive made this very same mistake myself)

I wish you the best and her also because a girl with TRUE morals is very very hard to find.Treasure her for who she is because if you end up together that is the glue that will keep things from falling apart when life gets rough.
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This is all very true, but after 4 years of being with her, I doubt it was just because of the sex, hence why I ruled that out. Also, her mother is guilting her out of having sex, something she conciously wanted before.

I think sex is healthy & part of a loving & caring relationship. Even with it, I believe he can still treasure her for who she is & still have a real & meaningful relationship. I think we, as men, know & can differentiate when a relationship is based solely on sex & when it is a truly meaningful one. By the looks of things, dirty's is just that. Sex alone doesn't push 4 years, IMO. It just gets old after a while.
 
Geez bro, that's a crappy situation but one alarming thing I see is that your girl can be easily brainwashed and that could lead to big trouble in the future. You've had 4 years to prove that you love her and if that's not enough then what is ?

If you were with her for 4 years then she MUST KNOW you're not with her just for the sex, if all we needed was sex we'd all be banging cheap hookers every day in order to avoid meaningful relationships with women.
 
You walk up to her and you be like,"Girl, you wouldn't buy a shoe before trying it on first. So why no sex before marriage, man!" And then remind her that she's already broken the commandment (or whatever those rules are).
 
It isn't necessarily being "brainwashed", maybe this is just what she believes is the right thing to do...
 
Unless you have had a life changing spiritual experience it is very ignorant to be calling the change in her brainwashing!
 
Dirty,
I believe you know my opinion on this. Alot of people here are saying its hard to find a good woman, with good morals. Bull****. They like ANY other type of woman is a dime a dozen. Now, don't taking that as Im saying dump her, cause that is not the intention. More or less Im just trying to say... there's the same thing just around the corner.

Adams
 
DAdams91982 said:
Dirty,
I believe you know my opinion on this. Alot of people here are saying its hard to find a good woman, with good morals. Bull****. They like ANY other type of woman is a dime a dozen. Now, don't taking that as Im saying dump her, cause that is not the intention. More or less Im just trying to say... there's the same thing just around the corner.

Adams
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I wish I came across such quality girls as you do as often as you do. From my personal experience, this is not what I have seen.
 
Once the religion kicks in it's hard to go back to where it started.

So ask yourself ...why haven't we married? Would she have started this line in her life if you had been married?

If she would still have sex would that change your perspective on her religious change?

Is she perhaps hoping that by moving into a traditional religious lifestyle that you will also and or act on the marriage issue?

Sex is one one card that can mess up any relationship. I personally can have one without the other. Have tried the great friends/companionship without sex thing a couple of times and it sucks!!

My opinion would be the heart to heart talk about needs and the definition of a relationship (emotional and physical). When that crashes...and it will...you will at least have tried to salvage it.

Then you need to move on.

She will not be happy if she is running up against the church guilt trip and the relationship will eventually dissolve anyway...probably more painfully and nasty.

So hard as it may seem you need to just accept her lifestyle change and move on with your life.

Sorry....
 
The one important question is 'Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?' If so do whatever it takes if not there's alot of fish in the sea, go fishin.
 
xxtruxx1 said:
I wish I came across such quality girls as you do as often as you do. From my personal experience, this is not what I have seen.
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I've seen all the states.... All of Europe, and most of Asia. And there is not one place that is lacking in good women. In my travels I have learned that extra sensitive guys don't open their eyes to what is really around them, instead they have their blinders on. Focusing on ONE girl, doing the whole courting BS. Alpha males arent like that.

Adams
 
glg said:
Sex is one one card that can mess up any relationship. I personally can have one without the other. Have tried the great friends/companionship without sex thing a couple of times and it sucks!!

My opinion would be the heart to heart talk about needs and the definition of a relationship (emotional and physical). When that crashes...and it will...you will at least have tried to salvage it.

Then you need to move on.

She will not be happy if she is running up against the church guilt trip and the relationship will eventually dissolve anyway...probably more painfully and nasty.

So hard as it may seem you need to just accept her lifestyle change and move on with your life.

Sorry....
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Wise man.

Adams
 
Dump her if you can't remedy the situation. It sounds like her mother is a big influence on her decisions. Try explaining to her that shes not moma's little girl anymore and she is all grown up and can make her own decisions about what she does with her body. Also that she shouldn't feel that because her mother wants her to join this prayer group that she should.

If you can't fix this definately end it because once you're married you'll be screwed even more. Her mother will always be around. If possible move to a location that her mother will not be able to influence her like that.

Another simple solution I just thought of, propose. If this really is the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with go for it. You've already spent four years with her.
 
blahblah192 said:
If you can't fix this definately end it because once you're married you'll be screwed even more. Her mother will always be around. If possible move to a location that her mother will not be able to influence her like that.
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I did that with one of my wives (on #4 and hopefully the final) she still called her mom or vice versus every day (yes literally) and wrote each other a couple of times a week and we were only 100 miles away. This mom was like the mother on the TV show Raymond. Lived close by and had a key. would just walk in and start doing thing in the house, throw stuff away, re-arrange the furniture etc.

You most definitely do not want that kind of power in your relationship.
 
The first thing I thought of after reading your post is that her mother and the other women in that prayer group seriously ****ed her way of thinking up and questioned her relationship with you.

They probably threw in stuff like "he's with your for 4 years and your not talking abour marriage,kids, etc... Then they probably quoted something about Jesus or God after that (pretaining to sex, relationships, etc... I know this goes on because my mom was hardcore into this stuff when I was younger. It is not as bad these days but she still goes to those prayer meetings all the time and has given my dad hell through the years because she listens to those stupid old hens cackling at the meetings.

The second thing I thought is she is trying to give you a non-verbal ultimatum. Marry me or no more sex. Women do things like this all the time to see what kinda response they'll get out of you. The best thing is to play it cool. DO NOT insult the religion, church, or prayer group becuase the $hit will hit the fan if you do.

Take the advice the other guys gave you and tell her how it more than just a booty call when ya'll have sex and why its not a bad thing to have premarital sex.
 
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