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Mean spirited jokes - have some? Share them!!!!

wheystation

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Now, I don't normally like these jokes, but I am looking for a good laugh tonight and I will get us started - okay?



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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

2 litres of low fat milk
a carton of eggs
2 litres of orange juice
a head of lettuce
half a dozen tomatoes
a 500g jar of coffee
a 250g pack of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,

"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said,

"Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied,

"Cause you're ugly." :jaw:







DON'T FORGET TO BUY YOUR STUFF AT Invalid Link Removed and use the code laura05 - a girls' gotta' make a living, you know.
 
The heat has not broken here yet.......unbelievable!!! I really hate being stuck inside, though it was pretty cool today because my boy is now in Ithaca and he found a web cam at Cornell University and I got to see him!!!!!

But please don't think that I don't need the biz, though.

JOKES>>>>>>>>>>>>>>JOKES?????????????????
 
The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
 
As this guy walks into a supermarket he sees a beautiful young woman look at him and waves. As he walks past her he says:

"Do you know me?"

"Yes", she replies, "You're the father of one of my kids."

So he's thinking back to the ONE TIME he was unfaithful to his wife, and says: "Yeah...I remember you, you were that stripper at my bachelor party. I was doing you on the pool table, my buddies all cheering me on, and your assistant was whipping my back side with wet celery and shoving a carrot up my ass".

She replies: "....... uh, no....... I'm your son's English teacher"
 
sandinsciuz said:
As this guy walks into a supermarket he sees a beautiful young woman look at him and waves. As he walks past her he says:

"Do you know me?"

"Yes", she replies, "You're the father of one of my kids."

So he's thinking back to the ONE TIME he was unfaithful to his wife, and says: "Yeah...I remember you, you were that stripper at my bachelor party. I was doing you on the pool table, my buddies all cheering me on, and your assistant was whipping my back side with wet celery and shoving a carrot up my ass".

She replies: "....... uh, no....... I'm your son's English teacher"
Click to expand...
lol...good one
 
A Beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the
woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told
her to get undressed.


After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While Doing so he
asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"


"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological
abnormalities."


"That's right," said the doctor.


He then began to fondle her Breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he
asked.


"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast
cancer."


"Correct," replied the shady doctor.


Finally, he mounted his Patient and started having sexual intercourse with
her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"


"Yes," she said, "You're getting syphilis . . . . which is why I came here
In the first place
 
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