toughchick401
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So today I lost another friend and not by death I don't mean by death I mean that she told me she was tired of me talking about my illness and she was tired of me canceling plans because I was ill. Now this is a person I haven't known that long I didn't cancel plans on purpose but I didn't feel well and when I don't feel well it's best that I stay home because normally I get very ill that's what Gastro paresis does to you if you eat anything And you're not close to a bathroom you're in big trouble so I've learned this, and I thought that she understood when I first explained what I had I'm very open about it because I just feel that people have a right to know that if I do have to cancel last minute it's not that I'm a flake and it's not that I don't want to get together it's that my body is not cooperating.
It's so annoying because I remember when I was a power lifter, I remember being healthy I remember doing shows I mean that was what I did that's how I got into the whole health and fitness I was a Power lifter. I was strong and now I am literally a shell of what I used to be, I have palliative care in my home I've actually sent them away because I just don't want to deal with that right now but I'm sure they'll be back in I have a G.I. appointment with my doctor in two weeks and she's not gonna be happy to know that I've lost like 25 pounds and I'm back down to being really underweight again again not my fault but this is kind of the roller coaster ride .......so it's just really upsetting to know that I went above and beyond to explain to her you know what it is like being my friend and she was like no it doesn't matter you know we're friends like I accept everything I'll be there for you and then out of the blue today she emails me not even a phone call not even a text message emails me and says you know what I can't do this you canceled last minute to many times I think you like this illness I was so taken aback I'm like you know you are someone I do not want in my life so I simply wrote back than you know what Lets part ways I'm like and I think you're an asshole to do this to somebody that has a medical issue that will never get better but you know what you can't fix asshole so you go be an asshole with your family and your friends and I'll stay over here by myself and we'll call it a day she responded but I never even opened it I just deleted it I didn't need to read there is nothing else that had to be said.....
I mean honestly I'm lucky to get up and go to work in the morning I work full-time I support myself there's nobody else to help me, and there are days that it's a struggle to get out of bed and I go to work sick but you know what it is what it is at least at work it's a diversion and I know I have to do it and then I really have no energy so again thinking she should understand because we met when I worked at the hospital and I was there for for 12 years........
So tonight I'm just really sad just something else this goddamn disease is taken from me......
It's so annoying because I remember when I was a power lifter, I remember being healthy I remember doing shows I mean that was what I did that's how I got into the whole health and fitness I was a Power lifter. I was strong and now I am literally a shell of what I used to be, I have palliative care in my home I've actually sent them away because I just don't want to deal with that right now but I'm sure they'll be back in I have a G.I. appointment with my doctor in two weeks and she's not gonna be happy to know that I've lost like 25 pounds and I'm back down to being really underweight again again not my fault but this is kind of the roller coaster ride .......so it's just really upsetting to know that I went above and beyond to explain to her you know what it is like being my friend and she was like no it doesn't matter you know we're friends like I accept everything I'll be there for you and then out of the blue today she emails me not even a phone call not even a text message emails me and says you know what I can't do this you canceled last minute to many times I think you like this illness I was so taken aback I'm like you know you are someone I do not want in my life so I simply wrote back than you know what Lets part ways I'm like and I think you're an asshole to do this to somebody that has a medical issue that will never get better but you know what you can't fix asshole so you go be an asshole with your family and your friends and I'll stay over here by myself and we'll call it a day she responded but I never even opened it I just deleted it I didn't need to read there is nothing else that had to be said.....
I mean honestly I'm lucky to get up and go to work in the morning I work full-time I support myself there's nobody else to help me, and there are days that it's a struggle to get out of bed and I go to work sick but you know what it is what it is at least at work it's a diversion and I know I have to do it and then I really have no energy so again thinking she should understand because we met when I worked at the hospital and I was there for for 12 years........
So tonight I'm just really sad just something else this goddamn disease is taken from me......
