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I'm trying.

toughchick401

toughchick401

Well-known member
I feel like I'm trying to do the best I can and my best is not good enough!!!

I lost my dad a year ago suddenly and unexpectedly and it hurts more than I can explain.

Then three months after my dad my mom died from broken heart they were married for 56 years!!!

Now I have the broken heart and I don't how to do it, my head tells me one thing because I am a psych nurse but my heart is not understanding.

My parents left the house to my sister and myself and it's been very difficult with all the decisions that we had to make because we seem to Butthead's on every single decision!!

I don't say this to make people sad and I don't want people to Pity me. I just feel very lost, like I'm trying and I keep getting slapped in the face with crap!!

I try to cope and my coping skill is the gym. I work out WAY TO MUCH. I admit that but during that time I can forget and focus on the pain and the exercise. Not a great coping skill but it's what I have.

I vent here because it's safe and usually get some good advice/ ideas but really I was just looking to get it off my chest I think.

This whole thing combined with creepy guy and the holidays. Oh boy!!!!

I miss my parents so much some days it's hard to breathe.
 
I'm sorry that you're going through so much. You can message me if you need someone to talk to. Sometimes it's more comforting to talk to a stranger.

The gym is a good thing but if it's your only method of coping then you're just running away from your problems. I use to think that as long as I had the gym, my life could fall apart and I wouldn't care. My life fell apart and I didn't know wth to do with myself.

You don't always have to be the super hero, the strong one, or the independent chick. Sometimes what you need the most is to fall apart and let someone hold your hand. It's ok to be weak, it's ok to not be ok sometimes. It's a part of growing and learning.

The more I told myself I was strong, the weaker I was. I held so much anger in my heart that I didn't understand why people would turn their backs on me. Breathe, let it go, fall apart, pick up the pieces you need and leave the rest on the ground. Live...
 
puccah8808 said:
I'm sorry that you're going through so much. You can message me if you need someone to talk to. Sometimes it's more comforting to talk to a stranger.

The gym is a good thing but if it's your only method of coping then you're just running away from your problems. I use to think that as long as I had the gym, my life could fall apart and I wouldn't care. My life fell apart and I didn't know wth to do with myself.

You don't always have to be the super hero, the strong one, or the independent chick. Sometimes what you need the most is to fall apart and let someone hold your hand. It's ok to be weak, it's ok to not be ok sometimes. It's a part of growing and learning.

The more I told myself I was strong, the weaker I was. I held so much anger in my heart that I didn't understand why people would turn their backs on me. Breathe, let it go, fall apart, pick up the pieces you need and leave the rest on the ground. Live...
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Great advice here. I am a man of few words, but the tried and true applies here...WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU WILL ONLY MAKE YOU STRONGER!
 
Thank you puccah I will message you today but now I'm dealing with someone scumbag who got my bank info and took $$ from my account. When it rain it pours.
 
As a father and grandfather who just turned 50 I think far too much about my mortality and the pain my passing will be on my children. I am very sorry for your pain and the broken hearted feeling you are experiencing right now.

I've been studying James and wanted to share something I've been drawing on for strength:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
 
I lost my dad when I was 16. That's the day I grew out of my introvert self and became a man.

Your parents aren't gone. They're watching over you from Heaven. God bless.
 
In time that feeling of emptiness will fill in, TC. Puccah is very apt at giving advice on feelings around self worth and healing yourself, you would do far worse than to heed what she says, for one that has travelled such a path has much wisdom to share.

While the sense of loss is great, and I feel your grief, your parents were here to help you, care for & Love you for that time only. They fulfilled their roles & saw you grow to be a wonderful person & undoubtedly much Loved daughter. Their time has passed & you need not forget them, but they have equipped you with all the tools they could in order for you to not only survive, but succeed in this life. It is joy they would now want to see you in, a state of happiness & understanding of your worth based on the values & teachings they provided for you.

There is no sadness in passing TC, not for those who leave us. They get to see what their life produced, what they accomplished & perhaps even what they missed out on. Don't let your grief hold you down. Find a place somewhere in nature & sit with your feelings, acknowledge them and release them. Let it out. Thank your parents for doing the best they could in raising you, for that is all that a parent can do armed with what they know. Thank them for being here then and thank them for guiding you now. They will hear you, trust me on this.
 
Easier said than done. And I know puccah and I talk and I admire her greatly.

But with the holiday season I'm sorry I just don't feel it and I can't embrace it.

Your right my parents would be upset knowing I was so sad but I can't help it, they taught me so much but I don't know how to go on with out them.

I can't explain it.
 
You will find in yourself the rock that your parents were for you. The strength is in there, in time it will rise.
You have great fortitude TC, you must to work in the industry that you do.

The xmas season - I say bah humbug. I see nought but selfishness & greed so I choose not to partake in it, save spending time with whomever family members are living nearby. This year it's my sister & her young family.
Put your head down & just get past it if need be. I do. I've never felt comfortable at xmas & put a bit of a Grinch act to get through it. It'll be over in a few weeks & the damn jingles will cease playing :rant2:

Will your parents be upset in the knowledge you're sad? I don't think so, for that emotion will serve them no purpose where they are. Concerned for you undoubtedly, but not with negativity, only Love & desire to see you rise again.
 
Great advice cheeky. But I'm done. I give so much of me mentally to others that I don't have Anything left.

Time to pack a bag and move far away the remaining family can kiss off as far as I am concerned.
 
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I miss my parents so much. I need to find strength but I don't know how. But I keep trying. I'm just so sad. I'm at the gym crying, driving I cry, ugghhhhh I hate crying
 
toughchick401 said:
I miss my parents so much. I need to find strength but I don't know how. But I keep trying. I'm just so sad. I'm at the gym crying, driving I cry, ugghhhhh I hate crying
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Cry it all out. There's no rush when you're healing...
 
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