I'm back. Why I left for those who may care.

TheVenom

TheVenom

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Over the past year, I've had a great experience on AM. I've learned a lot (some info kept me from making REALLY bad choices). I've been steered in the right direction that has benefited my overall health and helped me resolve some pestering health issues. I've had some good laughs and talked to some overall great guys. Why leave?

Headspace. I have long been sober after years of substance abuse. With the surge of work that's come up, I started skipping off-days. Then I started skipping lunches. I'd justify it with my productivity and by working out. I knew better, but believed my own lies. Next came neglecting to make time for my family. Then self care. Over the course of a few short weeks, I'd dug a hole deeper than I care to elaborate upon. I became a mental, emotional, and physical wreck.

It all got put into a much deeper perspective with a very near-tragic experience. One of my best workers, one I could always depend on, the one I'd gladly hand my office keys to if I ever decided to leave, was in an accident. He's fine- just a little bruised. The big problem is why he was in the accident to begin with. He fell asleep while driving a work truck after being up for days on methamphetamine. My old poison, something that almost put me in my grave. When I first went to see him and he explained himself, it boiled down To him just trying to keep up with me. He hadn't used until two weeks ago when a lot of the team decided to take off.

I know I'm not responsible for his actions. I didn't buy his pipe or hold it to his mouth. He's grown and did that to himself. But I realized quickly how neglecting ones self might influence and impact others. He's the age I was when I started. God only knows if this was enough for him to turn away from that shit. Its early enough where it's probable.

I'm getting ready to wrap up an extended stay-cation after closing my doors for a while. I'm in a much better place, but I've only just begun to be the husband and father I should have always been.

Take care of yourselves, men. I'll be back on some, but won't sacrifice anymore time to the idea of what my body should look like for a while.
 
thebigt

thebigt

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congrats on getting clean...go to some meetings and talk this shyt out, i bet there will be at least one person there who can relate, there always is from my experience.
 
HIT4ME

HIT4ME

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Glad you are getting a new perspective. Sometimes we work too hard for things that aren't really going to matter all that much in the end. I know a lot of people who are busy, often busier than I am and harder working, and they are not even getting anything accomplished other than saying they are busy.
 
TheVenom

TheVenom

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congrats on getting clean...go to some meetings and talk this shyt out, i bet there will be at least one person there who can relate, there always is from my experience.
I've reached out to a couple of NA buddies and they've shared some great wisdom with me. It may sound selfish, but I was more fearful for myself than I was for him because I didn't know it was that close to me. I stopped looking for the signs and allowed it back into my life. They told me that it will always try to sneak back in where you don't expect it, and to leave room in my life to back up to gain enough distance from it to avoid it, or enough torque to push it out.

Glad you are getting a new perspective. Sometimes we work too hard for things that aren't really going to matter all that much in the end. I know a lot of people who are busy, often busier than I am and harder working, and they are not even getting anything accomplished other than saying they are busy.
I would often pride myself on my work ethic, though now I'm questioning if "ethic" was the word for it at all. Now I'm just trying to figure out the balance.
 
Rocket3015

Rocket3015

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Hold your family close!!
 
thebigt

thebigt

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you still here?
 
Rocket3015

Rocket3015

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Where's @stacy1212
 
Rocket3015

Rocket3015

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Being a turd ... actually went on night shift for a month - almost two. Back on the up side of things this week.
We miss you when your gone !!
 
SFreed

SFreed

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Glad you are getting a new perspective. Sometimes we work too hard for things that aren't really going to matter all that much in the end. I know a lot of people who are busy, often busier than I am and harder working, and they are not even getting anything accomplished other than saying they are busy.
Possibly the shortest reply I've ever seen from you.
 
SFreed

SFreed

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Being a turd ... actually went on night shift for a month - almost two. Back on the up side of things this week.
Holy shyt!! I missed the return of Stacy?? How's your BM's been?
 

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