I've been holding back in replying to this because I don't really know what to say. About 18 months ago I list a friend who I've known since I was 4 years old and who always had my back. He was truly a brother to me and taught me so much about who I want to be in life. And then he took his own life out of the blue and no one saw it coming and he couldn't have had any idea of the emptiness he left behind.
At the same time I had another close friend who turned into a frenemy and was constantly fighting with me and the stress was unbelievable.
Nothing I did to self medicate made it any better, at least not for more than a day at a time. Maybe 2 days. Just constant feelings of loss, anxiety, emptiness, anger. I would wake up in the middle of the night and just start thinking if these things.
Ashwagandha, Niacin, Phenibut. ALCAR, Agmatine, etc all help just a little...and at the time I thought it was good and I would eventually find something that worked. I never did and I am actually a little upset with myself for being so weak and avoiding the unavoidable for so long. I just needed to let it in and then let it go.
Your mom doesn't want you to be down or sad. And if you feel her that much, then she isn't really gone. There is so much life in front of you - life that she prepared you for. Probably her greatest joy in life was knowing she gave you a life.
Spend a month or whatever time you need to cope with this. Take the pain standing up. Then get back at it. Don't waste any of the time she gave you. Live the life she taught you to live. If you live out her teachings, she becomes immortal in a way.
And talk to people. If you can't find anyone, shoot me a PM. I will listen. But I bet you I'll find a way to talk to a friend if you try and when you are ready.
Just keep going.