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Girlfriend doesnt support goals - Help!

heyhuggy

heyhuggy

New member
So I've been involved in fitness and nutrition for almost seven years now, and I'm decided to start training for contest prep. Bad news is, I'm in a serious relationship of nearly two years and my girlfriend (livimg together) doesn't exactly support the "lifestyle" change. I feel I need this progress to take my dedication to the next level, but after a heated discussion I can't seem to get anywhere with her. Advice?
 
Find someone else.

If she doesn't support your fitness goals you will always have a conflict.

Find a girl that will support you and continue to progress as a lifter and in your love life as well.

<---married, wife lifts with me everyday.
 
jimbuick said:
Find someone else.

If she doesn't support your fitness goals you will always have a conflict.

Find a girl that will support you and continue to progress as a lifter and in your love life as well.

<---married, wife lifts with me everyday.
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Do you think there is a chance to get her on board so to speak? This girl is in good shape, used to run track. She is nothing short of amazing. Yet I can't get her to see the principles behind my decision (progress over perfection, dedication to a lifestyle, standing as a point of inspiration for others). She feels my choice interferes too much in our relationship. What a bummer!
 
heyhuggy said:
Do you think there is a chance to get her on board so to speak? This girl is in good shape, used to run track. She is nothing short of amazing. Yet I can't get her to see the principles behind my decision (progress over perfection, dedication to a lifestyle, standing as a point of inspiration for others). She feels my choice interferes too much in our relationship. What a bummer!
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You could try getting her to go to the gym with you and whatnot.

It really depends on what her problem with it is. Diet, training, anabolics, etc.

You guys could talk about it and try getting her to try it with you it all depends on the girl.
 
Sorry to hear this man! My gf isn't a big fan of the gym but she knows that it's my ONE THING that I rally take serious and helps keep me sane lol. I do my vest to keep it from getting in the way of our relationship. I sometimes bring her with me but it ends up interfering w my workout bc she's always asking what to do.

I guess I don't have any real suggestions :( it's a tough situation.. Would need to know more about YOUR habits and HER expectations of you in order to give u some real advice/opinion
 
jimbuick said:
You could try getting her to go to the gym with you and whatnot.

It really depends on what her problem with it is. Diet, training, anabolics, etc.

You guys could talk about it and try getting her to try it with you it all depends on the girl.
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this- what's her issue w it all? Need to know before we can help lol
 
chedapalooza said:
this- what's her issue w it all? Need to know before we can help lol
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To be honest I have made some dramatic positive approaches to nutrition, changes that she has been on board with. The fact that we wont be able to "go out and grab a pizza and have a beer or two" every once in a while bothers her. She feels this will force her to change her habits.

Like I said, she was a track star in highschool (shes 23, I'm 25). She is blessed through genetics and doesn't go to the gym any longer. Another aspect of the conflict comes in her taste in appearance of men. She isn't exactly attracted to "aesthetic/fitness look". Since when do women not enjoy a fit, shredded dude?! *I blame the Twilight films/Justin Beibers out there today :think:*
 
jimbuick said:
Find someone else.

If she doesn't support your fitness goals you will always have a conflict.

Find a girl that will support you and continue to progress as a lifter and in your love life as well.

<---married, wife lifts with me everyday.
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this.
 
It will be a never ending battle for as long as you have both in your life bro sadly but it's she's not supportive you need to make a decision....I've had women not want to be with me bc I'm a cop and don't want the stress of a police officers wife and but mine is very supportive in that aspect along with me goals and fitness needs she understands the gym is not a hobby for me it's a job and a lifestyle and it makes life so much easier
 
howwedo107 said:
It will be a never ending battle for as long as you have both in your life bro sadly but it's she's not supportive you need to make a decision....I've had women not want to be with me bc I'm a cop and don't want the stress of a police officers wife and but mine is very supportive in that aspect along with me goals and fitness needs she understands the gym is not a hobby for me it's a job and a lifestyle and it makes life so much easier
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I completely understand this. Is your wife active? Does she have similar fitness goals? If not, how do you manage your personal goals while not letting it "interfere" with your relationship?
 
dude first off, dont believe her. women are fukin stupid and dont know what they want, especially at that age. i bet she said she hates your calluses at one point, and now plays with them when she holds your hand.

why do i get the feeling theres more to this story than youre trying to let on. did you bring up steroids to her and she flipped out? if so, thats common. id bet money that if you give it time, she'll come around once she figures her fears are just dillusions about her insecurities
 
heyhuggy said:
I completely understand this. Is your wife active? Does she have similar fitness goals? If not, how do you manage your personal goals while not letting it "interfere" with your relationship?
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She hates the gym and has no urge for any fitness goals except to eat healthy a few times a year lol but she is very support and will even cook a separate dinner for me when she knows she makes something I can't have and she respects my gym time....it's simple my friend you don't have to find the perfect woman or even a woman who has fitness goals and is a gym nut...all you have to find is a woman who will respect and support your goals and lifestyle because she sees how much they mean to you
 
OnionKnight said:
dude first off, dont believe her. women are fukin stupid and dont know what they want, especially at that age. i bet she said she hates your calluses at one point, and now plays with them when she holds your hand.

why do i get the feeling theres more to this story than youre trying to let on. did you bring up steroids to her and she flipped out? if so, thats common. id bet money that if you give it time, she'll come around once she figures her fears are just dillusions about her insecurities
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Honestly I feel I don't know my genetic limits yet for me to consider steroids. What it boils down to her her thinking she will inevitably further change her exercise/eating habits as mine change. She's supported me, and always will from what she says. She eats healthy for the most part and works out when its "bikini season." And yes, about giving it time, I think that's the key.
 
Fist off I have been married for 7 years, and my wife gave me some issue when I started taking the gym serious! This is what I think could be the problem, she is worried you are going to look so good that at some point you will wonder why you are with her and might leave her! This is no joke my man, my wife was so worried I was going to do this that she would get into some heated fights with me...about why do I want to push myself so hard in this direction! I finally figured out what was going on in her head, lately my wife has picked up my habit and is doing great in the gym! That took me years to make happen, but she is happier lately and finally realizes it's about YOU and how it make YOU feel, and not looking great for other woman ect.
 
Drop her. If she doesn't support your goals then how can she even be that great of a girl. She is just a girl not a goddess there's 3.5~ billion more out there. GL.
 
howwedo107 said:
She hates the gym and has no urge for any fitness goals except to eat healthy a few times a year lol but she is very support and will even cook a separate dinner for me when she knows she makes something I can't have and she respects my gym time....it's simple my friend you don't have to find the perfect woman or even a woman who has fitness goals and is a gym nut...all you have to find is a woman who will respect and support your goals and lifestyle because she sees how much they mean to you
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This...I had problems when i used to cut. BUT....Cook two separate meals, one for her, one for you. If you cook it, she wont care.
Pic restaurants that you can eat at too, where she can get a pizza if she wants. You drink diet coke...she drinks beer or what ever.... :)

If you do **** up and eat pizza....purge it after and dont tell.

You can work it into the relationship. But it helps if she is somewhat supportive and is happy for you to eat differently when you go out.
 
Docmattic said:
This...I had problems when i used to cut. BUT....Cook two separate meals, one for her, one for you. If you cook it, she wont care.
Pic restaurants that you can eat at too, where she can get a pizza if she wants. You drink diet coke...she drinks beer or what ever.... :)

If you do **** up and eat pizza....purge it after and dont tell.

You can work it into the relationship. But it helps if she is somewhat supportive and is happy for you to eat differently when you go out.
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The ultimate solution! ha

She's actually the type of girls--like a lot of girls out there--that now only head to the gym when they "have to" for beach season. I'm trying to get her on board for gym trips more often.
 
Have you tried talking to her about it?

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S™II using Tapatalk 2
 
heyhuggy said:
The ultimate solution! ha

She's actually the type of girls--like a lot of girls out there--that now only head to the gym when they "have to" for beach season. I'm trying to get her on board for gym trips more often.
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She feels threatened by your dedication.

In her mind she knows she should be in better shape, she wants to be in better shape and she is jealous of you getting in better shape. She also wants to please you and will feel inadequate if you are in better shape than her and is fearful you will start looking around once you train yourself out of her "league".

The best thing you can do is let her know you care about and are attracted to her just the way she is. This is tricky though, if she knows you are speaking to her insecurities she will probably get defensive and possibly combative. It's like kicking an ant hill.

Do what you want with your body, reassure your attraction to her in general and she will ease up when she realizes nothing between you two is going to change. She might even buck up and work out year round with you.
 
heyhuggy said:
So I've been involved in fitness and nutrition for almost seven years now, and I'm decided to start training for contest prep. Bad news is, I'm in a serious relationship of nearly two years and my girlfriend (livimg together) doesn't exactly support the "lifestyle" change. I feel I need this progress to take my dedication to the next level, but after a heated discussion I can't seem to get anywhere with her. Advice?
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You cant please a woman so do what you feel is necessary. They are all selfish and the only reason she hates your lifestyle change is because it makes her "old news" in your eyes. If she stick by you, she's the one. If she decides to leave, life goes on and you will find a girl who does support you. Every new girl is always bittersweet, you miss old qualities from your old girl and you wish you could mix and match certain attributes from both of their personalities. You'll get over it eventually, be a man bro!!!
 
My wife loves my fit body!!! Mater of fact as much as she hates contest prep, she bitches when I let 4% BF come on post competition.

Without my wife defending my lifestyle and helping me it would be rediculously hard for me to do it without her support.

Sit down with your girl, maybe at a nice dinner, and expain to her that this is important to you and without her support it will very hard. Relationships work bc you support one another. Like when my wife came home and said, honey I am quiting my job and opening a salon. I said if thats what you want to do, I will stand by you for good or bad. Kinda the same when i say i am hitting so and so show. She stands by me and lives my lifestyle durring prep. Long days, eating only certian foods, no eating out, no drinking at all, not going out with our friends, my grouchiness the week prior if I have to cut carbs. Its a give and take.
 
aluchez said:
You cant please a woman so do what you feel is necessary. They are all selfish and the only reason she hates your lifestyle change is because it makes her "old news" in your eyes. If she stick by you, she's the one. If she decides to leave, life goes on and you will find a girl who does support you. Every new girl is always bittersweet, you miss old qualities from your old girl and you wish you could mix and match certain attributes from both of their personalities. You'll get over it eventually, be a man bro!!!
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This is a double edge sword. If you love her it is not that easy, nor would you want to throw two years away. I have been with my wife for almost 10 years. Like I said above it is give and take, both side have to be mature enough to do that. If not then there is a serious problem. I could tell my wife tomorrow, I was going to do something stupid and she would tell me how stupid it is and tell me if I want to do it she will be there with me.
 
02sixxer said:
This is a double edge sword. If you love her it is not that easy, nor would you want to throw two years away. I have been with my wife for almost 10 years. Like I said above it is give and take, both side have to be mature enough to do that. If not then there is a serious problem. I could tell my wife tomorrow, I was going to do something stupid and she would tell me how stupid it is and tell me if I want to do it she will be there with me.
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This is great, thanks Sixxer. She always has supported me, and I know she will through the best and the worst. I'm definitely excited to gain some insight on the competition world and take it to the next step. It's the confidence that women love, you're right!
 
Most of you guys are extremely bitter towards women. Ask yourself this question: which one has more value to you?
 
there is billion of girls out there trust me, i remember in high school i was sure she was the only one for me and now i cant even remember her name
 
plus shes missing out when you dedicate yourself and up looking like a stallion youll be banging chicks left and right
 
Rodja said:
Most of you guys are extremely bitter towards women. Ask yourself this question: which one has more value to you?
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Woman are the s hittiest type of person there is man, most of the ones i know will leave you for a guy with more money, or better looking or more popular in a second.
 
Eh. I'll weigh in on this one, but take it for what it's worth- I'm not a competitive bodybuilder and I don't know what it takes. I am, however, an advanced, competitive Brazilian Jiu Jitsu purple belt. The dedication is probably similar in many ways; I train BJJ for 2 hours 4x a week, require strength and conditioning 3x weekly, and need a pretty formidable nutrition approach to keep up. Coupled with weight management (low bodyfat, more muscle is obviously a competitve advantage) and the time investment is considerable.

My fiance deals with me having a full time career, 8 hours of time investment in Jits alone (mostly evening classes that go as late as 10pm) and all the extras (including numerous injuries). Without someone who is supportive, I would have to settle for only training 2-3x weekly total. It just wouldn't work in most relationships- very few women like the idea of you spending this much time away. But she and I invest our time carefully- most couples' idea of quality time is watching ****ty weeknight reruns or shows they've never heard of on Netflix. When we spend time together, it's "active" and fulfilling; we talk, we make dinner together (esp. when im cutting weight) and get more out of the time we DO spend together. This might be an area for you guys to consider; if she's not an active gym goer herself, and if she's filling the spare time with mundane sedentary activities, how do you guys spend time? If it's quantity over quality, then that may partially explain why she's opposed.

I think there's more to look into than black and white, dump her or quit, etc. You said you're happy with her; will you two be able to figure out a common ground where you can be successful and competitve and she can be happy w/ the relationship? I think so. You're not asking her to stand next to you on stage, you're asking for support. Honestly, when all else fails, just do it and she'll get over it or used it.
 
Oh, and above all else, people who give machismo "U CUD HAV NE 1 BRO SO **** WOMEN THEY ARE LYING CHEATING WHORES U SHUD JUST SLING HELLA DICK BANGING HOES DAY'N'NITE" advice are dip****s who can't keep a womans attention or maintain a longterm relationship like a man. They're bitter because they're losers. Avoid relationship advice from the pudd who gets cheated on like a chump and blames his **** circumstances on women as a whole and not their selection of a particularly trailer-trashy bimbo. You fellas can't put a tuxedo on a pig and expect it not to roll in ****. Why would you fall in love with a 1-nighter and be surprised when you get cheated on?
 
cjszip said:
Oh, and above all else, people who give machismo "U CUD HAV NE 1 BRO SO **** WOMEN THEY ARE LYING CHEATING WHORES U SHUD JUST SLING HELLA DICK BANGING HOES DAY'N'NITE" advice are dip****s who can't keep a womans attention or maintain a longterm relationship like a man. They're bitter because they're losers. Avoid relationship advice from the pudd who gets cheated on like a chump and blames his **** circumstances on women as a whole and not their selection of a particularly trailer-trashy bimbo. You fellas can't put a tuxedo on a pig and expect it not to roll in ****. Why would you fall in love with a 1-nighter and be surprised when you get cheated on?
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I was always taught that it wasnt wise to plan your life according to a woman's desires since they dont know what they want anyway. If he chooses to listen to his girl and not dive into his new lifestyle, it will cause relationship problems in the future. Regret is one hell of a curveball. Imagine a few years down the line him not doing contest prep, regretting it and causing an argument that breaks them up. **** happens, and im sure she wouldnt compromise her life/future to please him. A truly supportive girlfriend wouldnt mind your energy going elsewhere. And if lifting is what makes you happy then do it, if you're not happy with your life you wont be 100% satisfied in your relationship either.
 
Seriously. Follow your dream, if she doesn't support it, then move on. You only get one chance to chase your goals, someone who loves you respects that and will support you through it.
 
I can agree with you, with the only caveat being not to plan your life by any uncertain means. Don't plan your life around a job you haven't gotten, a marriage you aren't in, or a business agreement with a best friend that hasn't been signed. Planning a life around certainty is always solid advise.
 
rochabp said:
Woman are the s hittiest type of person there is man, most of the ones i know will leave you for a guy with more money, or better looking or more popular in a second.
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Have you tried meeting women in places other than strip clubs?

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S™II using Tapatalk 2
 
Sounds to me like it might be a "time" issue. She might get the impression that you're more dedicated to yourself--in her eyes, what with the constant training and disciplined eating--that she might feel you don't dote on her or give her the attention and/or time she's seeking. She might feel you could easily forget her, since you might or could seem more eager with the training than anything she likes. (Similar reason why girls get so upset with guys watching sports. To some girls, sports are dumb, but the see guys emoting with energy and excitement and since guys hardly get like that around them, they feel shafted. Then, they turn off the TV and say, "We need to talk.")

Like the other good advice here, a good woman, nay, a GREAT woman, will support you and will understand. Sounds to me like she doesn't, but, just like what else was posted, I'm guessing there might be more to this than simply the training.

Really talk with her about this, be honest and let her know how you feel with a) your feelings about her and b) how your training is who you are--it's part and parcel of you.

Go from there and godspeed, sir!
 
cjszip said:
I can agree with you, with the only caveat being not to plan your life by any uncertain means. Don't plan your life around a job you haven't gotten, a marriage you aren't in, or a business agreement with a best friend that hasn't been signed. Planning a life around certainty is always solid advise.
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Maybe from a cyncical, glass half empty view.

Goals are to be achieved and to do so you must plan and put the plan in to action, which usually means structuring your life to get to what ever your goal is. If you hide from failure and settle you'll always be kind of in between. Having a certainty for a back up plan is solid advice, a back up plan that doesn't interfere with your actual goals and desires.
 
My input, as my situation was similar to yours and continues to be, all be it I chose option 2 and got married.
1. Easiest way is find a girl who's on board with your goals.
2. Stay with her and have arguments and disputes and slooooooowly she will begin to accept it more and more, or she will bail herself from the relationship.

My girlfriend now 5 year wife still gets a bit irritated when I "choose" to workout rather than spend that hour with her after a week apart, but she gets that it's what make me, me and I'll likely moan and groan so she get pissy for a bit and when I get back gets over it.
 
I don't think anyone should be saying leave her just yet.. I mean they live together and everything. Maybe drastic change will freak her out but she would warm up to it. She is just piling all the negative aspects up and not the positives(i know my gf for a year and a half does this). Bring her to the gym with you. Warning: your gf will interfere with the intensity of your workout. However the plus sign is that girls love getting told what to do, not ina negative way. Example: all those classes full of women. Show her the way and lift with her. Now my gf wants me to "train" her everyday
 
IrishSoldier said:
I don't think anyone should be saying leave her just yet.. I mean they live together and everything. Maybe drastic change will freak her out but she would warm up to it. She is just piling all the negative aspects up and not the positives(i know my gf for a year and a half does this). Bring her to the gym with you. Warning: your gf will interfere with the intensity of your workout. However the plus sign is that girls love getting told what to do, not ina negative way. Example: all those classes full of women. Show her the way and lift with her. Now my gf wants me to "train" her everyday
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I have found all of this to be true myself.
 
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