toughchick401
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So I decided it's time to go radio silent, nothing can change in a day I know that, but people treat me differently, my friends treat me differently. I've lost friends, my family is especially tough on me which doesn't make things easier. I get called nasty names, like skeleton, anorexic, girl, and it's fine they know everything about me they have gone to appointments with me, they've seen bloodwork. They've talked to doctors who's been in the hospital with me when I've been inpatient because of this but I still get called those things I can't get the G-tube for a while, which doesn't help because the TPN doesn't put weight on you. it keeps you stable so enough is enough. I'm not giving up but I'm also done fighting so I'm coming to a point where whatever happens happens I'm gonna push for the G-tube.I will find someone that will place it and maybe she will be right and if I go on the table I won't get off, but I'm tired of not sleeping, I'm tired of my whole body hurting, I'm tired of getting poked with my bones, I'm just tired of everything, so I think that's my next thing is get my picc line taken out because it's bugging me I can feel it and it doesn't hurt it's just a weird feeling I know it's not supposed to feel that way and I'm not supposed to feel a picc line and I feel mine so that's bothersome to me I can't get comfortable I can't sleep so I don't know I'm just at the point where I'll find a doctor that will do the G-tube and if I make it off the table, I do if I don't make it off the table. I have a will and I am a DNR like I'm ready that's when you throw up your hands in the air and call Hail Mary and say you know or whatever happens happens I don't really care anymore.
