Embarrassing Doctor Stories

lifted67

lifted67

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We've all been to em, now what's the funniest thing(s) that's ever happened to you at the doc's.

I'll go first :p

So I have this hypochondriac tendency to check myself for any weird lumps, bumps, mole colors etc etc all the time. Well one time a found a small bump "down below." Of course I was super freaked out so I went to the doctor and what I had thought was a nurse took me back into the exam room and asked me why I was there. Of course this girl is super hot and I'm trying to be cool so when she asks me what I'm there for I say, "well, I found a lump on...myself." She's looking at her chart and answers, "OK, where at." So I repeat, "um...on myself." She finally looks up so I smoothly point to my man parts area. She says, "oooohh...gotcha, I'll have to bring in a parent then while I exam you."

Soooo...did I mention I was in high school, YEP this was in high school. So the 'Hot Nurse' turns out to be the PA and to examine a minor of the opposite sex's fun zone they have to bring in a parent. So there's my mom standing there next to Hot PA in a broom closet of an exam room and I'm getting my boys poked, prodded, and squeezed. At one point she looks me right in the eyes and says, "does this hurt," and squeezes the holy hell out of my balls. I was like, "pineapple, pineapple, the safe word is pineapple!!!"

Well everything turned out fine, it was just a benign little cyst, but I'll never forget the look in her eyes and she stood up, looked at me and my mother and said, "I think your testicles will be fine, but I'd like to have them examined further."

:p
:D
;)
 
UncleSarm

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Does getting stitches put in without any anesthesia count? Not really embarrassing, but that was a dumb idea.

I was about 14 years old. Walking home, I trip and fall on a broken bottle, and gouge out the side of my knee. My parents call the doc and take me to his office. He has no anesthesia so recommends taking me to the emergency room, about an hour away. I just want the glass out of my knee, so I told him I didn't need anesthesia. Am I sure? 100%. So the doc puts me on a gurney and straps my leg in, so I cannot yank it away and injure myself while he has his scalpel inside the wound. He give me a foam thing to bite down on and if I want him to stop just say stop. I slip my hand through straps on the side of the gurney and the doc goes to work on the would. I regret my decision within the first 5 milliseconds. The pain is blindingly excruciating, but being young and dumb, I'm not going to punk out. The doc keeps looking over at me as I'm sweating like a yak and screaming through the foam thing I'm biting down. He picks out the glass pieces, picks out the dirt, cleans it with alcohol, and puts a couple stitches in. My mom is mopping the sweat off my forehead looking worried, but I'm not punking out. After about 5-10 minutes he's done and bandages up the wound. He takes the foam thing out of my mouth and just goes "Huh ... never saw anyone leave teeth marks on one of these before." I'm exhausted but feeling pretty good about myself. I just made it through torture and didn't punk out. I'm a real badass. Then he looks me square in the eyes and goes "And I was very, very careful, or it really could have hurt." I'm just too exhausted to tell him to go f**k himself.
Probably one of the dumbest ideas I have ever had in my life, just to prove how badass I was.
 
lifted67

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lol all I can picture is you sitting on that gurney with Dr Nick Riviera yanking out glass, dirt, and bone, "whoopsie, that goes back in der!"
 

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lifted67

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Hi every body!
 

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xraygirl

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I had a patient ask me if I was going to X-ray his genitalia.
 
lifted67

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What was he in for?
 
xraygirl

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He was totally throwing it out there, just in case!
 
lifted67

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Maybe he didn't want the lead vest on it at all and was trying to get a cheap vasectomy of sorts?
 
jakz

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Ok.. I will never live this down but here goes. Last year I came down with a stomach bug, but a nasty one that just did not want to go away. I decided **** it, better go too the Dr. Now I was at home all day and was lying under my very whooly blanket shirtless. So I get there and she does the standard examination. As she feels around my stomach are she just casually takes a massive piece of whool out of my belly button. I immedietly turned red and she just smiled, gave me my prescriptions etc. Never went back there again. (typing on phone so please excuse any spelling errors).
 
lifted67

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I was thinking this was going to be way more graphic when you started with "stomach bug" lol

I swear every year before Thanksgiving I get some horrible stomach bug and last time I went to the hospital I felt so sick.
The nurse had to put in a fluid IV and she's having a helluva time and she looks at me, in front of my wife, and says "your guns are so big I can't get this needle into the vein," if looks could kill lol
 
jakz

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Dude I can go on about the bug, but I will spare you yhe detail.
 
UncleSarm

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I was thinking this was going to be way more graphic when you started with "stomach bug" lol

I swear every year before Thanksgiving I get some horrible stomach bug and last time I went to the hospital I felt so sick.
The nurse had to put in a fluid IV and she's having a helluva time and she looks at me, in front of my wife, and says "your guns are so big I can't get this needle into the vein," if looks could kill lol
You should have just replied "And this is just the infantry. Wait till you see the Marines." with a deadpan look on your face.

Of course I bet your wife stayed the whole night to make sure Hotty McNurse didn't try to carry out a full frontal assault on your position. I can just see that ... "your guns are so big ... my a**, b***c!"

:AR15firing:
 
lifted67

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You should have just replied "And this is just the infantry. Wait till you see the Marines." with a deadpan look on your face.

Of course I bet your wife stayed the whole night to make sure Hotty McNurse didn't try to carry out a full frontal assault on your position. I can just see that ... "your guns are so big ... my a**, b***c!"

:AR15firing:
Even funnier, she looked over at my wife and said "and you're his...sister? Mother? Um..."
and Wifey goes "WIFE, I'm HIS WIFE!
 
UncleSarm

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Even funnier, she looked over at my wife and said "and you're his...sister? Mother? Um..."
and Wifey goes "WIFE, I'm HIS WIFE!
Frosty! Did you reach for a blanket to stay warm?

:rofl:

xena-warrior-princess-reboot-lucy-lawless1.jpg
 
lifted67

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Hahaha oh man funniest part is the I was so dehydrated and the saline so cold I was shivering so uncontrollably hard my teeth were chattering!
 
RugbyBaller91

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When I was 16 I realized I couldn't sit or walk normal cause of my tailbone so my mom took me to the doctor and found out I had a extremely infected pylonidal cyst so my doctor who was maybe 5 foot tall Chinese guy took me back for emergency surgery so he tells me lay on my stomach he then pulls down pants grabs cheeks spreads and says "oh very nice very very nice" pretty embarrassing for me lol
 
UncleSarm

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When I was 16 I realized I couldn't sit or walk normal cause of my tailbone so my mom took me to the doctor and found out I had a extremely infected pylonidal cyst so my doctor who was maybe 5 foot tall Chinese guy took me back for emergency surgery so he tells me lay on my stomach he then pulls down pants grabs cheeks spreads and says "oh very nice very very nice" pretty embarrassing for me lol
Definitely not what you want to hear when you're lying on your stomach with your butt cheeks spread!

:toofunny:
 
lifted67

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Hahhahaha that is exactly why this thread was started! Great share!
 
RugbyBaller91

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Definitely not what you want to hear when you're lying on your stomach with your butt cheeks spread!

:toofunny:
Haha nope pops didn't leave me alone about that for the longest time
 
nicksox15

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I woke up in the middle of a knee surgery, looked over and my leg was at some angle I knew I wasn't capable of, lol. I remember them saying " I think he's awake" and then nothing too waking up in recovery
 
RugbyBaller91

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I woke up in the middle of a knee surgery, looked over and my leg was at some angle I knew I wasn't capable of, lol. I remember them saying " I think he's awake" and then nothing too waking up in recovery
What!!!!!!!! Holy chit lol that is crazy man should've said boo or something lol
 
nicksox15

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I was so out of it I couldn't even think of anything to say, thankfully I had had a spinal so didn't feel anything
 
RugbyBaller91

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I was so out of it I couldn't even think of anything to say, thankfully I had had a spinal so didn't feel anything
Man that is crazy I can't stand the sight of needles so I would've passed out hahah
 
lifted67

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I came to during wisdom teeth surgery and started yapping at the doc with blood shooting everywhere which for some reason was even more funny a few gas mask huffs later and I was back in Neverland lol
 
rascal14

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It's a good thing I read these after my surgery last week lol I would have been even more scared.

I have this little cyst type thing that I get off and on for the past few years and it's right under my balls on my butt cheek.. It's always really awkward having to go get it drained or looked at. Lol
 
UncleSarm

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It's a good thing I read these after my surgery last week lol I would have been even more scared.

I have this little cyst type thing that I get off and on for the past few years and it's right under my balls on my butt cheek.. It's always really awkward having to go get it drained or looked at. Lol
I can imagine the conversation! "Hey doc, take a look at my ass." :laughing:
 
rascal14

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I can imagine the conversation! "Hey doc, take a look at my ass." :laughing:
And the fact that I have to hold my junk up out of the way while I'm laying in my back with my legs up like I'm giving birth.. There's a reason I haven't been back for the problem in a couple of years lol
 
RugbyBaller91

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And the fact that I have to hold my junk up out of the way while I'm laying in my back with my legs up like I'm giving birth.. There's a reason I haven't been back for the problem in a couple of years lol
Hopefully you had a hot nurse lol
 
RugbyBaller91

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Once at the urgent care and once at the actual doctors office.. Both times it was a man lol
S
Hahahah when I had my open chest surgery I hate a at least 60 yr old male nurse sponge bathing my sack always night so uncomfortable it was funny lol
 
rascal14

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Hahahah when I had my open chest surgery I hate a at least 60 yr old male nurse sponge bathing my sack always night so uncomfortable it was funny lol
That sounds like a terrible nightmare lol
 
oldave

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Had a torsion of the testicle repaired back in the 80's, woke up during & could see the reflection of bloody gloves & some poor guys 'nads outside his sack, I remember reaching for a remote cause I wanted to change that channel! lol
Throughout all my follow up visits (which were all pretty awkward) I wondered why the doc never wore gloves & why no women worked there...told my boss the story when I got back to work & he says oh yeah that doc is gay...
 
UncleSarm

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Had a torsion of the testicle repaired back in the 80's, woke up during & could see the reflection of bloody gloves & some poor guys 'nads outside his sack, I remember reaching for a remote cause I wanted to change that channel! lol
Throughout all my follow up visits (which were all pretty awkward) I wondered why the doc never wore gloves & why no women worked there...told my boss the story when I got back to work & he says oh yeah that doc is gay...
Did you ever go back and ask him to take you out to dinner, as the only decent thing to do?
 
oldave

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Haha no that might've led to a whole new lifestyle!
 

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I ended up having to go to the hospital last night because I got so dehydrated that I couldn't keep water or food down and ended up passing out. Woke up to them trying to get an IV in my arm after they tried at least 10 times. Got it in and went right through a nerve bundle so my arm tingled for roughly 9 hours straight and they wondered why I couldn't hold the cup of water. Couldn't feel anything. Had a really cute nurse tho, kept refilling the cup for me every time I dropped it.
 
RugbyBaller91

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I ended up having to go to the hospital last night because I got so dehydrated that I couldn't keep water or food down and ended up passing out. Woke up to them trying to get an IV in my arm after they tried at least 10 times. Got it in and went right through a nerve bundle so my arm tingled for roughly 9 hours straight and they wondered why I couldn't hold the cup of water. Couldn't feel anything. Had a really cute nurse tho, kept refilling the cup for me every time I dropped it.
Damn bruh glad your alright
 
RugbyBaller91

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Thanks man, learned my lesson real quick lol.
Haha word I hear happened to my father in law too couldn't find his veins or anything had heat stroke and on the way home from getting him from the hospital he picked up a 12 pack haha
 
UncleSarm

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I ended up having to go to the hospital last night because I got so dehydrated that I couldn't keep water or food down and ended up passing out. Woke up to them trying to get an IV in my arm after they tried at least 10 times. Got it in and went right through a nerve bundle so my arm tingled for roughly 9 hours straight and they wondered why I couldn't hold the cup of water. Couldn't feel anything. Had a really cute nurse tho, kept refilling the cup for me every time I dropped it.
Not all bad things are bad. Did you at least ask her for her number? You could have told her that your hand was numb and you needed a followup to make sure it had gotten back to normal.
 

AllTheGainz

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Not all bad things are bad. Did you at least ask her for her number? You could have told her that your hand was numb and you needed a followup to make sure it had gotten back to normal.
Nah I didn't get her number, was so out of it I didn't think about it. Hand and arm is still numb but not tingly so I think I got messed up lol
 

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